Say It Out Loud: Revealing and Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse

by Roberta Dolan

Breaking the silence about sexual abuse is vital―but it’s only the first step. What happens next? For most survivors, the wounds left by such abuse are often left to fester, slowly destroying their lives. Say It Out Loud―a unique blend of memoir and how-to―exposes the emotional scars of sexual abuse and explains the process of healing. In straightforward prose, step by step, Roberta Dolan provides readers with tangible healing strategies, including journaling, visualization, and more, that she employed during her own years in therapy for a childhood of sexual abuse. Inspiring and accessible, Say It Out Loud offers guidance and support for any kind of healing journey, equipping readers with the skills and courage to transform a life of darkness into one of joy.

214 pages, Paperback

First published October 7, 2014

About the author

Roberta Dolan is a former special education teacher with a master’s degree in counseling. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, Roberta has made it her mission to end the silence of sexual abuse, lend support to survivors, and educate others on preventing child sexual abuse through seminars, her blog Write to Survive, and her open discussions with anyone who will listen. Say It Out Loud: Revealing and Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse is Roberta’s first book. Her personal story of hope for all victims has been published in RAINN’s online journal, End the Silence. In an effort to support other new writers, Roberta founded the Writers’ Network of Central Connecticut.

Reviews

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Say it Out Loud is a book that resonates the true meaning of healing. To have endured such trauma and to have emerged whole, speaks to audiences everywhere. This book not only helps victims, it is beneficial to teachers, parents, families, and everyone to understand the victim’s perspective and give them the knowledge that they too can heal. What Roberta lived through and put forth in this book gives hope to all that they can not only survive, but thrive. This message needs to get out there and Roberta Dolan has done so with determination and grace. There are people from all walks of life who need to hear this message and know that they can heal and move forward, one step at a time.

[Cindy Eastman · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I glanced at some of the other reviews, I couldn’t help but think that there is little I could add to the commendations for Dolan’s bravery and honesty in sharing her story. If childhood sexual abuse is not something one has experienced, I suspect there is very little for someone outside the experience to relate to. On the other hand, as I read the book, I realized that Dolan is a skilled writer and wrote with such raw honesty, that, as a reader, I was moved by her story and can see many reasons to share it.

First of all, much of her book includes strategies and skills to face and work through this inconceivable notion: a parent abusing their own child. Dolan describes her journey in such a way as to make it possible to transfer these strategies for other victim’s similar experiences. Particularly, self-care. It’s true that Dolan had an incredible support team in place to help with such important tending and there are some who might question the reality of having such ready support for this essential part of healing. In a way, this book is that team. Dolan, benefiting from the love of those that helped her, doesn’t abandon her goal for one minute in providing that same support and encouragement for others.

I am not a therapist, but I work with a population in which sometimes childhood sexual abuse is an issue. I’ve seen people try to deal with the waves of pain, emotion and fear that go along with such an insidious burden, often times to no avail. I will most assuredly recommend this book to those who are struggling with their own journey or their loved ones. Every once in awhile, out of great pain, a voice emerges to help others along the way. Roberta Dolan is such a voice.

[Lily · Rating 2 out of 5]

I admire the author's courage in sharing her story, and appreciate the intention behind the book. However, repeated statements of phrases like "you must," "you should," and "you cannot," felt preachy and grated on me. Also, nearly every single strategy outlined in the book assumes that the reader has an amazing support system like the author has. She is very lucky to have found a support system like that. Many survivors do not have this, and in fact, many struggle with isolation specifically because of the effects of the abuse, so the idea that we aren't able to heal successfully without a support system is quite discouraging. To those who are trying to heal and feel like they're in a "chicken or egg" situation (can't heal without a support system, can't create a successful and healthy support system before healing), please know that it really is possible to start with just a trusted therapist. It wasn't until I had been on this journey for nearly a year that I was able to develop a friendship close enough to even tell her when I was struggling, and maybe my progress would have been faster if that wasn't the case, but I did make progress.

Also, please do not read this book if you have ever struggled with self-harm. There are some judgmental comments about it near the end that may dig into some of our deepest insecurities.

[Shauna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick, flowy (but emotionally challenging) read. It created hope AND I agree with some of the other reviews I've read, it left me in a state of comparison, feeling like I'm falling a bit short, or missing something that could have been, when I read of a counselor who was there "anytime" (even in the middle of the night) and spouse that intuitively supported and said all the right things. I would still read it again, I appreciated reading journal snippets that were filled with emotion, I've had a hard time Journaling like that and it gave me an example to follow.

[Lo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a sensitive and insightful memoir of healing from abuse. The author is very blessed to have such a loving, caring, and supportive husband. It is a big gift to have support from trusted loved ones who are committed to your healing.
The content is both realistic and hopeful. I am grateful the author chose to be vulnerable in sharing her experiences. This book is a valuable contribution to the conversation of sexual abuse.
I highly recommended it to anyone healing from abuse of any kind.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a therapist for sexually abused women and this book can be very helpful to patients going through the therapy process and what to expect. Def recommend for patients.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an inspirational and heartfelt recounting of overcoming horrible abuse.

[Catherine Cheney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly brave and inspiring book. Although it is specifically written to address her recovery from being sexually abused as a child, the strategies she lays out are helpful and applicable to anyone healing from severe trauma, and for those who love someone who is on this journey. My trauma came in adulthood, and was very different, but at a certain level, I could feel her pain and understood first hand how many of the methods she describes for coping are absolutely essential for healing one's soul. Dolan not only describes techniques she used but offers practical suggestions for the reader to use and adapt these same methods as part of his or her own recovery. I highly recommend this to anyone seeking to thrive after experiencing severe trauma, as well as to professionals who work with these victims. This is one of the most 'real' and effective self-help books I have ever read.

[Gwendolyn Plano · Rating 5 out of 5]

Roberta Dolan has written about a topic that is too often buried under layers of shame--childhood sexual abuse. She knows her subject matter well, because she was victimized when just a child. Say It Out Loud: Revealing and Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse chronicles Dolan's journey of recovery and with her, we travel. As she struggles to understand, we face our own hidden pain--and our secrets.

This is a courageous book, a timely book. The silence must end, and when we read this book, we understand why.

[Penny Goetjen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Say It Out Loud is an incredible and very personal journey that Roberta Dolan shares with us. Throughout the book I was so impressed with her courage to survive and thrive, her dedication to the work required to heal and her willingness to share with others so they may also heal. She's an amazing lady. Say It Out Loud is very well written and contains journal entries that document her thoughts and processes along the way. It is a must read, not only for survivors and anyone who cares deeply for a survivor, but really anyone who enjoys an uplifting and inspirational true story of survival and triumph. Loved it!

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Say It Out Loud: Revealing and Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse" offers hope to it's readers. It is well organized and offers concrete strategies, such as journaling and visualization, to use for coping with trauma and overcoming it. While sharing some very real and personal situations, the author shares techniques that helped her go through the difficult phases and reach a place of healing and peace. I highly recommend this book, as it can offer it's readers strength and optimism to know that they can also be a true survivor.

[Rhonda Lane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know the author, so reading the specifics about her pain was difficult, yet I admire and appreciate her trust and courage. Despite the baggage I brought to the pages as a reader, this is a book about healing and how to heal from what appears to be insurmountable pain. She offers her suggestions and shares what easily implemented techniques work for her.