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Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself
In her debut book, popular therapist, Psychology Today blogger, and go-to relationship expert Tonya Lester offers a master class on how to be effectively assertive for anyone whose aversion to conflict has led to struggles at home, at work, or in relationships.
Tonya Lester has a bold directive for every conflict-averse woman in the It’s OK to be difficult. Not mean, not rigid, not a bully — but the kind of difficult that makes the people in your life see you and understand what you need.
Lester routinely witnesses clients and friends talking themselves out of justifiable anger, telling half-truths or backing off to avoid difficult conversations, absorbing disappointment to let others have their way, and doing more than their fair share of work to keep the peace. Why? Because most relationship guidance, both personal and professional, ignores the very real problems of uncooperative and avoidant partners, systemic sexism, and cultural pressures encouraging women to be nurturers, people pleasers, and peacemakers — and not to “rock the boat.” Through exercises, case studies, and real-life examples, Lester shows how to push back.
You’ll learn to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, express your needs, engage in productive conflict, and deal calmly with any resulting backlash from spouses, coworkers, bosses, in-laws, siblings, and children. Push Back gives you the tools to build a life that works better for everyone in it, starting with yourself.
Tonya Lester has a bold directive for every conflict-averse woman in the It’s OK to be difficult. Not mean, not rigid, not a bully — but the kind of difficult that makes the people in your life see you and understand what you need.
Lester routinely witnesses clients and friends talking themselves out of justifiable anger, telling half-truths or backing off to avoid difficult conversations, absorbing disappointment to let others have their way, and doing more than their fair share of work to keep the peace. Why? Because most relationship guidance, both personal and professional, ignores the very real problems of uncooperative and avoidant partners, systemic sexism, and cultural pressures encouraging women to be nurturers, people pleasers, and peacemakers — and not to “rock the boat.” Through exercises, case studies, and real-life examples, Lester shows how to push back.
You’ll learn to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, express your needs, engage in productive conflict, and deal calmly with any resulting backlash from spouses, coworkers, bosses, in-laws, siblings, and children. Push Back gives you the tools to build a life that works better for everyone in it, starting with yourself.
216 pages, Paperback
Published October 21, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
June 16, 2026
Of all the books about people pleasing, saying no, codependency, relationship communication, and figuring out what you want, this book outshines the rest so far. I got way more out of this book than I was expecting, and I will definitely be rereading at some point.
This book made me feel way more equipped on how to view conflict in a relationship, what healthy conflict/pushback looks like, overall solid communication approaches, and figuring out what's important to me personally while letting go of using other peoples wants and as a benchmark for evaluating/pursuing my personal wants and relationship wants.
It's not about making the relationship work at any cost which is refreshing, rather it's a comprehensive guide to understanding your own needs in a relationship and how to evaluate for yourself what you need to ask for, how to ask for it, and how to proceed when you're not getting the results you want. The exercises and approaches are fantastic and design to be tailed instead of treating relationships as one size fits all.
Something I found particularly helpful in this book was lots of clear examples of different relationship dynamics showing common and covert disfunction, and showing how people can own their own part of it while also determining what they need to address (or push back on). The book also includes examples of couples whose relationship ends and why it happened, including due to one partners self serving tendencies and one partner who never pushed back and decided to pursue divorce without ever having spoken up about the things bothering them in the relationship.
This book made me feel way more equipped on how to view conflict in a relationship, what healthy conflict/pushback looks like, overall solid communication approaches, and figuring out what's important to me personally while letting go of using other peoples wants and as a benchmark for evaluating/pursuing my personal wants and relationship wants.
It's not about making the relationship work at any cost which is refreshing, rather it's a comprehensive guide to understanding your own needs in a relationship and how to evaluate for yourself what you need to ask for, how to ask for it, and how to proceed when you're not getting the results you want. The exercises and approaches are fantastic and design to be tailed instead of treating relationships as one size fits all.
Something I found particularly helpful in this book was lots of clear examples of different relationship dynamics showing common and covert disfunction, and showing how people can own their own part of it while also determining what they need to address (or push back on). The book also includes examples of couples whose relationship ends and why it happened, including due to one partners self serving tendencies and one partner who never pushed back and decided to pursue divorce without ever having spoken up about the things bothering them in the relationship.
November 14, 2025
Push Back by Tonya Lester is a self help book about being a woman and being able to be angry, upset, or talk back to others in all facets of life. This was a good read about being a woman and engaging with relationships and still keeping boundaries. The fact that she has worked with many people who have problems speaking up in their lives, shows in the book. Also when you work on yourself and you can be authentic in a relationship that is a bonus;) The author knows what she is talking about in this book!
October 25, 2025
Great,actionable advice to improve your relationship by knowing your own boundaries. She has a lot of advice on how to stand up for yourself in a really authentic way. Loved it
October 25, 2025
Fantastic! If you want an equitable healthy marriage. This is the book for you!
December 18, 2025
A smart guide to speaking up and setting boundaries, without the guilt.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews