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Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself
In her debut book, popular therapist, Psychology Today blogger, and go-to relationship expert Tonya Lester offers a master class on how to be effectively assertive for anyone whose aversion to conflict has led to struggles at home, at work, or in relationships
Tonya Lester has a bold piece of advice for every conflict-averse person in the It’s OK to be difficult. Not mean, not rigid, not a bully — but the kind of difficult that makes the people in your life see you and understand what you need. Too often, women are encouraged to be nurturers and peacemakers, which carries the implied message that they should also not rock the boat. But rocking the boat — or being assertive — is often exactly what women must do to have the life they want.
In Push Back, the Psychology Today blogger and Modern Love contributor explains how to rock the boat, or “be difficult,” in a good way — to do it clearly and productively. All too often, Lester has seen her clients talk themselves out of being angry when anger was justified; tell half-lies or back off to avoid difficult conversations; absorb disappointment and resentment to let someone else have their way; and take on more than their fair share of work in a relationship to keep the peace. And they do so because most relationship advice ignores the very real problems of uncooperative and avoidant partners, systemic sexism, and pressures to compromise, be conciliatory, and aim for harmony. To push back on these pressures, Lester offers guidance that can help create a world that works better for everyone, starting with the women themselves.
In this accessible and uplifting guide, through exercises, case studies, and real-life examples from public figures, people pleasers learn to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, express their needs and engage in productive conflict, and deal calmly with any backlash that might come from spouses, coworkers, bosses, in-laws, siblings, and children — in other words, to “be difficult” in the best possible way. Designed to challenge the sea of advice telling women they should “smooth out” interpersonal struggles, Push Back boldly advocates for the more (healthy) conflict, more clear limits, more rocking the boat.
Tonya Lester has a bold piece of advice for every conflict-averse person in the It’s OK to be difficult. Not mean, not rigid, not a bully — but the kind of difficult that makes the people in your life see you and understand what you need. Too often, women are encouraged to be nurturers and peacemakers, which carries the implied message that they should also not rock the boat. But rocking the boat — or being assertive — is often exactly what women must do to have the life they want.
In Push Back, the Psychology Today blogger and Modern Love contributor explains how to rock the boat, or “be difficult,” in a good way — to do it clearly and productively. All too often, Lester has seen her clients talk themselves out of being angry when anger was justified; tell half-lies or back off to avoid difficult conversations; absorb disappointment and resentment to let someone else have their way; and take on more than their fair share of work in a relationship to keep the peace. And they do so because most relationship advice ignores the very real problems of uncooperative and avoidant partners, systemic sexism, and pressures to compromise, be conciliatory, and aim for harmony. To push back on these pressures, Lester offers guidance that can help create a world that works better for everyone, starting with the women themselves.
In this accessible and uplifting guide, through exercises, case studies, and real-life examples from public figures, people pleasers learn to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, express their needs and engage in productive conflict, and deal calmly with any backlash that might come from spouses, coworkers, bosses, in-laws, siblings, and children — in other words, to “be difficult” in the best possible way. Designed to challenge the sea of advice telling women they should “smooth out” interpersonal struggles, Push Back boldly advocates for the more (healthy) conflict, more clear limits, more rocking the boat.
216 pages, Paperback
Published October 21, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 14, 2025
Push Back by Tonya Lester is a self help book about being a woman and being able to be angry, upset, or talk back to others in all facets of life. This was a good read about being a woman and engaging with relationships and still keeping boundaries. The fact that she has worked with many people who have problems speaking up in their lives, shows in the book. Also when you work on yourself and you can be authentic in a relationship that is a bonus;) The author knows what she is talking about in this book!
October 25, 2025
Great,actionable advice to improve your relationship by knowing your own boundaries. She has a lot of advice on how to stand up for yourself in a really authentic way. Loved it
October 25, 2025
Fantastic! If you want an equitable healthy marriage. This is the book for you!
December 18, 2025
A smart guide to speaking up and setting boundaries, without the guilt.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews