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Happy Relationships: 25 Buddhist Practices to Transform Your Connections with Your Partner, Family, and Friends
Happy Relationships is a transformative guide for anyone seeking to create joyful, lasting bonds with the people who matter most. Whether it’s long-term partners, parents and children, or dear friendships, this book offers practical wisdom for cultivating appreciation, setting healthy expectations, and nurturing meaningful, intimate attachments.
Designed for readers from all walks of life, Happy Relationships speaks to those who have been married for decades and feel the weight of routine, to people with challenging family dynamics, and to friends struggling with jealousy or distance. With relatable stories and easy-to-follow exercises, the book offers readers a way to rekindle connections and rediscover the beauty of supportive, loving relationships.
Drawing from traditional Buddhist teachings, each concise chapter highlights common life experiences—such as overcoming old resentments, celebrating mindfully, or cherishing moments like a child’s bedtime routine— and is paired with a short meditation, exercise, or contemplation designed to help readers develop their innate qualities of compassion, patience, and clarity.
Designed for readers from all walks of life, Happy Relationships speaks to those who have been married for decades and feel the weight of routine, to people with challenging family dynamics, and to friends struggling with jealousy or distance. With relatable stories and easy-to-follow exercises, the book offers readers a way to rekindle connections and rediscover the beauty of supportive, loving relationships.
Drawing from traditional Buddhist teachings, each concise chapter highlights common life experiences—such as overcoming old resentments, celebrating mindfully, or cherishing moments like a child’s bedtime routine— and is paired with a short meditation, exercise, or contemplation designed to help readers develop their innate qualities of compassion, patience, and clarity.
- GenresSelf Help
208 pages, Paperback
Published February 4, 2025
18 people are currently reading
120 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
February 16, 2025
Enjoyed this book. The stories helped the ideas resonate for me, and the practices are super helpful. It was nice to have a book that included all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones! I'm keeping this beside my table and going to keep referring back to it!
June 15, 2025
This is a decent application of Buddhist principles to relationship issues. However, I didn't find the practices helpful. Brown has a strong identification with friendships, even over family ties. Having recently tried applying the Let Them theory to my relationships, I found this approach a refreshing return to Buddhist ethics.
quotes:
What makes relationships happy is not an absence of conflict or difficult feelings, it's our ability to skillfully navigate them with openness, mindfulness, gentleness, and honest and appropriate communication. Xiv
Mindfulness will improve your ability to pay attention, without judgment, to what is happening in and around you in the present moment. It's through mindfulness that you'll start to notice that the people in your life aren't who do you think they are--they're much more than that. Our partners, children, and friends are just like us--good, bad, and everything in between. With mindfulness meditation, we can see who they really are, instead of idealizing their best qualities or only focusing on their negative behaviors. Loving kindness, from the early Buddhist word metta, Is the quality of wishing yourself and others happiness. It's sometimes translated as love, goodwill, or friendship, and it's a state of mind that doesn't require anything in return. All happy relationships depend on your capacity to generate loving kindness--it's what enables you to love well and wisely. Xv-xvi
“You might be tempted to avoid the messiness of daily living for the tranquility of stillness and peacefulness. This of course would be an attachment to stillness, and like any other attachment, it leads to delusion. It arrests development and short circuits the cultivation of wisdom.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn 3
… But we've learned that our happiness isn't based on circumstances, outside ourselves. Rather, it's based on our intention to be truly loving, patient, and kind--through thick and thin, with each inhale and exhale. 5
Loving kindness is only one of the four kinds of love described in the Buddhist tradition. They're called the Brahmaviharas or the four and measurables and include loving kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. 7
And finally, the 4th expression of love isupekha or equanimity, The balance and steady mindedness you experience when you know you can't stop someone you care about from suffering or making bad decisions but you choose to stay patient and kind without trying to control them or fix their circumstances. 8
But this is a lie--nothing has to change for us to feel satisfied with our life; we just need to pay attention to what we already have. 12
That’s because the Buddha understood that all humans have the ability and potential to develop our hearts and minds, but we require a place of safety and support from which to do it. Honey hey
When you notice that you're believing that you have a justified reason to be angry, it's a sign to stop and take care of yourself. 28
In the Buddhist tradition, 2 wisdom means that you don't cause harm, and you don't let anyone cause harm to you. 29
If you feel disturbed by changes in your partner or their reaction to changes in your life together, it might be because their reaction challenges your idea of who they are or should be. 37
The Buddha explains that there are two types of anger: constructive and the destructive. Constructive anger arises when you notice that you or someone else has been harmed, and this leads you to want to rectify or alleviate the cause through thoughtful and skillful action. Destructive anger also rises when you notice that you or someone else has been harmed, but instead of leading to sensible ways to resolve it, it leads to violent, unkind, or even cruel words and actions. While constructive anger is driven by wisdom, destructive anger is driven by malice and hostility. That's why destructive anger is called the Three Poisons (the other two are greed and delusion.). The Three Poisons are mind-states
That cause pain and confusion and result in stupid and harmful words and actions. The Buddhist teachings insist that you take responsibility when the poisons arise in your minds and stop them from escalating so you don't suffer, cause injury, or so division in your family. 89
Once the Buddha was visiting a town where a man named Akkosaka lived. Akkosaka Didn't like the Buddha because his nephew was one of the Buddhist students, And he and his family felt that his nephew should pursue a different path in life. So when he saw the Buddha walking on the Main St. in his village, Akkosaka heckled him from across the road. He shouted, “You’re a fake! You're just in it for the money! You're a bad influence!” The Buddha stopped and calmly walked to Akkosaka and incongruously asked him if he ever had guests to his home for dinner. Akkosaka, confused, said yes. Then the Buddha said, “If your guests don't take the food and drinks you serve them, then who do the food and drinks belong to?” Akkosaka, Even more bewildered replied, “Well, I guess they still belong to me.” The Buddha nodded, smiled, and said kindly, “Exactly. And in the same way, you offered me your anger, but I won't take what you're giving me. Your anger remains with you.” He Politely bowed to Akkosaka and continue on this way. 90
When you recognize the pain in response to pain as a universal thing, it helped explain so many things about others, just as it explains so much about yourself. It teaches you forbearance. It teaches you a moderation in your responses to other people's behavior. It teaches you a sort of understanding. It essentially tells you what everybody needs. You know what everybody needs? You want to put it in a single word? Everybody needs to be understood. And out of that comes every form of love.” ~Dr. Sherwin Nuland 99
Remember, when you give love and kindness to this person, it doesn't mean you agree with their behavior or want them to continue it. It only means that giving up your disgust, animosity, and aversion will make you feel better. 102
…you need friendships every bit as much as you need family. That's because friendship holds a valuable and unique role in our lives. 126
And You'll also learn when to use your wisdom and discernment to recognize that it's time to step back or make a change in your involvement, without ill will or anger at your friend or yourself. 127
Trying to change their minds or prove them wrong, you can use your kindness and good sense to accept that it's not up to you to make them see what they can't see or aren't ready to accept right now. 134
The beautiful truth is that I discovered…. That sharing heartache and anguish not only and friendships, instead of destroying them. 139
In Buddhism, bravery and strength result from compassion, not invulnerability or self-sufficiency. 140
…equanimity means understanding your limitations and knowing that what other people do is not up to you. Being equanimous with a difficult friend doesn’t mean you have no concern for them—you do—but you don’t have to insist that they do what you say or resist accepting who they. Instead, you can remember that you have no control over their decisions, beliefs, and choices, and that’s okay. You can still wish them well and keep your heart open and your mind steady with patience and love instead of aggression or frustration. … It also helps me to remember that my friend isn’t trying to be annoying or behave badly. In fact, the people we find difficult are usually suffering; they’re fearful, lonely, anxious, or depressed. They don’t know how to comfort themselves or relieve their feelings, and your criticism, and you, too. It’s smarter and kinder to remember that they’re stressed and upset and approach them with love and easiness. This doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to take care of them, or allow them to treat you badly, but rather to set aside your frustrations and expectations of them and meet them as they are without trying to fix or change them. 153
Gossip might seem like a harmless way to discharge irritation about someone you know, but it reinforces negative or cruel opinions and fuels feeling of annoyance or ill will toward the person you’re talking about. 154
“Your work is to find out what your work should be and not to neglect it for another’s. Clearly discover your talent and attend to it with all your heart.” ~The Buddha 157
If you pay attention to your talents, resources, and intentions, use them skillfully and avoid comparing yourself to others, you’ll create not the life you think you should have, but the authentically beautiful life that is waiting for you to see it and share it with the world. 160
quotes:
What makes relationships happy is not an absence of conflict or difficult feelings, it's our ability to skillfully navigate them with openness, mindfulness, gentleness, and honest and appropriate communication. Xiv
Mindfulness will improve your ability to pay attention, without judgment, to what is happening in and around you in the present moment. It's through mindfulness that you'll start to notice that the people in your life aren't who do you think they are--they're much more than that. Our partners, children, and friends are just like us--good, bad, and everything in between. With mindfulness meditation, we can see who they really are, instead of idealizing their best qualities or only focusing on their negative behaviors. Loving kindness, from the early Buddhist word metta, Is the quality of wishing yourself and others happiness. It's sometimes translated as love, goodwill, or friendship, and it's a state of mind that doesn't require anything in return. All happy relationships depend on your capacity to generate loving kindness--it's what enables you to love well and wisely. Xv-xvi
“You might be tempted to avoid the messiness of daily living for the tranquility of stillness and peacefulness. This of course would be an attachment to stillness, and like any other attachment, it leads to delusion. It arrests development and short circuits the cultivation of wisdom.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn 3
… But we've learned that our happiness isn't based on circumstances, outside ourselves. Rather, it's based on our intention to be truly loving, patient, and kind--through thick and thin, with each inhale and exhale. 5
Loving kindness is only one of the four kinds of love described in the Buddhist tradition. They're called the Brahmaviharas or the four and measurables and include loving kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. 7
And finally, the 4th expression of love isupekha or equanimity, The balance and steady mindedness you experience when you know you can't stop someone you care about from suffering or making bad decisions but you choose to stay patient and kind without trying to control them or fix their circumstances. 8
But this is a lie--nothing has to change for us to feel satisfied with our life; we just need to pay attention to what we already have. 12
That’s because the Buddha understood that all humans have the ability and potential to develop our hearts and minds, but we require a place of safety and support from which to do it. Honey hey
When you notice that you're believing that you have a justified reason to be angry, it's a sign to stop and take care of yourself. 28
In the Buddhist tradition, 2 wisdom means that you don't cause harm, and you don't let anyone cause harm to you. 29
If you feel disturbed by changes in your partner or their reaction to changes in your life together, it might be because their reaction challenges your idea of who they are or should be. 37
The Buddha explains that there are two types of anger: constructive and the destructive. Constructive anger arises when you notice that you or someone else has been harmed, and this leads you to want to rectify or alleviate the cause through thoughtful and skillful action. Destructive anger also rises when you notice that you or someone else has been harmed, but instead of leading to sensible ways to resolve it, it leads to violent, unkind, or even cruel words and actions. While constructive anger is driven by wisdom, destructive anger is driven by malice and hostility. That's why destructive anger is called the Three Poisons (the other two are greed and delusion.). The Three Poisons are mind-states
That cause pain and confusion and result in stupid and harmful words and actions. The Buddhist teachings insist that you take responsibility when the poisons arise in your minds and stop them from escalating so you don't suffer, cause injury, or so division in your family. 89
Once the Buddha was visiting a town where a man named Akkosaka lived. Akkosaka Didn't like the Buddha because his nephew was one of the Buddhist students, And he and his family felt that his nephew should pursue a different path in life. So when he saw the Buddha walking on the Main St. in his village, Akkosaka heckled him from across the road. He shouted, “You’re a fake! You're just in it for the money! You're a bad influence!” The Buddha stopped and calmly walked to Akkosaka and incongruously asked him if he ever had guests to his home for dinner. Akkosaka, confused, said yes. Then the Buddha said, “If your guests don't take the food and drinks you serve them, then who do the food and drinks belong to?” Akkosaka, Even more bewildered replied, “Well, I guess they still belong to me.” The Buddha nodded, smiled, and said kindly, “Exactly. And in the same way, you offered me your anger, but I won't take what you're giving me. Your anger remains with you.” He Politely bowed to Akkosaka and continue on this way. 90
When you recognize the pain in response to pain as a universal thing, it helped explain so many things about others, just as it explains so much about yourself. It teaches you forbearance. It teaches you a moderation in your responses to other people's behavior. It teaches you a sort of understanding. It essentially tells you what everybody needs. You know what everybody needs? You want to put it in a single word? Everybody needs to be understood. And out of that comes every form of love.” ~Dr. Sherwin Nuland 99
Remember, when you give love and kindness to this person, it doesn't mean you agree with their behavior or want them to continue it. It only means that giving up your disgust, animosity, and aversion will make you feel better. 102
…you need friendships every bit as much as you need family. That's because friendship holds a valuable and unique role in our lives. 126
And You'll also learn when to use your wisdom and discernment to recognize that it's time to step back or make a change in your involvement, without ill will or anger at your friend or yourself. 127
Trying to change their minds or prove them wrong, you can use your kindness and good sense to accept that it's not up to you to make them see what they can't see or aren't ready to accept right now. 134
The beautiful truth is that I discovered…. That sharing heartache and anguish not only and friendships, instead of destroying them. 139
In Buddhism, bravery and strength result from compassion, not invulnerability or self-sufficiency. 140
…equanimity means understanding your limitations and knowing that what other people do is not up to you. Being equanimous with a difficult friend doesn’t mean you have no concern for them—you do—but you don’t have to insist that they do what you say or resist accepting who they. Instead, you can remember that you have no control over their decisions, beliefs, and choices, and that’s okay. You can still wish them well and keep your heart open and your mind steady with patience and love instead of aggression or frustration. … It also helps me to remember that my friend isn’t trying to be annoying or behave badly. In fact, the people we find difficult are usually suffering; they’re fearful, lonely, anxious, or depressed. They don’t know how to comfort themselves or relieve their feelings, and your criticism, and you, too. It’s smarter and kinder to remember that they’re stressed and upset and approach them with love and easiness. This doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to take care of them, or allow them to treat you badly, but rather to set aside your frustrations and expectations of them and meet them as they are without trying to fix or change them. 153
Gossip might seem like a harmless way to discharge irritation about someone you know, but it reinforces negative or cruel opinions and fuels feeling of annoyance or ill will toward the person you’re talking about. 154
“Your work is to find out what your work should be and not to neglect it for another’s. Clearly discover your talent and attend to it with all your heart.” ~The Buddha 157
If you pay attention to your talents, resources, and intentions, use them skillfully and avoid comparing yourself to others, you’ll create not the life you think you should have, but the authentically beautiful life that is waiting for you to see it and share it with the world. 160
February 22, 2025
I bought this book because I know Ms. Brown’s previous books and they have all been extremely helpful to me over the years. “Happy Relationships…” may be my favorite of Ms. Brown’s meditation practice guides. These are hard times and sometimes the stress takes a big toll on relationships between family members, between friends and between couples. This book has taught me a way to pause and let go of resentment. It’s helped me to see more clearly that resentment lies inside of us. It’s not in the the other pserson. I’ve really begun to learn to forgive myself and rest takes care of itself. I highly recommend this book!
June 22, 2025
Rec from a Buddhist friend. Lovely book that could have had a better title - for taking one chapter at a time
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews