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Just One: The New Science, Secrets & Joy of Parenting an Only Child
Discover why having one child is not only a preferred family size, but also a most enriching path to creating a thriving, happy family.
Drawing from groundbreaking new research and interviews with over 100 families, renowned psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D. dismantles the outdated myths about only children while providing a roadmap for confident parenting decisions. Whether you're contemplating your family's size or already raising an only child, this authoritative guide addresses the most pressing
Is one child right for me? Am I being selfish? No Am I cheating my child? What are the benefits of being an only child? Why the "selfish, lonely only" stereotypes no longer hold up How to raise a well-adjusted, compassionate only child Is caring for aging or ill parents too much for one child?
More and more families are embracing the solo child with little to no pressure from family and friends to have another. The one-child family has become desired in the U.S. and worldwide in developed countries. China, England, Korea, France and Canada have already been labeled “one-child nations.”
Just One explores the striking changes in cultural norms and personal challenges driving the popularity of the one-child from women starting families older and the high cost of raising children to women wanting to work and climate change concerns.
Written by one of America's leading parenting experts who has been featured in Psychology Today, The New York Times, and NPR, Just One offers evidence-based strategies for nurturing competent, independent only children. This timely guide speaks to a new generation of parents who are redefining what makes a perfect family size.
Drawing from groundbreaking new research and interviews with over 100 families, renowned psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D. dismantles the outdated myths about only children while providing a roadmap for confident parenting decisions. Whether you're contemplating your family's size or already raising an only child, this authoritative guide addresses the most pressing
Is one child right for me? Am I being selfish? No Am I cheating my child? What are the benefits of being an only child? Why the "selfish, lonely only" stereotypes no longer hold up How to raise a well-adjusted, compassionate only child Is caring for aging or ill parents too much for one child?
More and more families are embracing the solo child with little to no pressure from family and friends to have another. The one-child family has become desired in the U.S. and worldwide in developed countries. China, England, Korea, France and Canada have already been labeled “one-child nations.”
Just One explores the striking changes in cultural norms and personal challenges driving the popularity of the one-child from women starting families older and the high cost of raising children to women wanting to work and climate change concerns.
Written by one of America's leading parenting experts who has been featured in Psychology Today, The New York Times, and NPR, Just One offers evidence-based strategies for nurturing competent, independent only children. This timely guide speaks to a new generation of parents who are redefining what makes a perfect family size.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
178 pages, Paperback
Published July 15, 2025
About the author
Susan Newman
39 books76 followersSusan Newman, Ph.D. is a social psychologist, and the author of fifteen relationship and parenting books, including
Parenting an Only Child
, Little Things Long Remembered, and Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily and The Book of NO: 365 Ways to Say It and Mean It--and Stop People-Pleasing Forever.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
June 21, 2025
Book Review: Just One: The New Science, Secrets & Joy of Parenting an Only Child by Susan Newman
As a sociologist and public health professional, I approached Newman’s work with keen interest in how cultural narratives around family size intersect with structural inequities and child wellbeing. While the book targets a general parenting audience, its evidence-based dismantling of only-child stereotypes offers valuable insights for scholars studying shifting family demographics and their societal implications.
Critical Engagement and Emotional Resonance
Newman’s rigorous synthesis of contemporary research—including interviews with 100 families—effectively challenges the pervasive myth of the “lonely, selfish” only child. Her data on only children’s academic achievement, emotional intelligence, and strong parent-child bonds resonated with my public health work on how quality of caregiving (rather than sibling presence) predicts developmental outcomes. The chapter debunking “cheating your child” narratives particularly moved me, as it aligned with feminist critiques of pronatalism—the social pressure on women to reproduce beyond their desires or capacities.
However, I questioned the book’s uneven attention to intersectionality. Newman’s focus on middle-class, predominantly Western families (e.g., U.S., Canada, Europe) risks universalizing experiences that may not reflect low-income or culturally diverse contexts. As a sociologist, I noted the absence of structural analysis: while she cites climate change and rising childcare costs as drivers of one-child families, she stops short of examining how race, class, or immigration status stratify access to this “choice.” The emotional toll on only children caring for aging parents—a pressing public health issue—also warranted deeper exploration of policy solutions (e.g., socialized elder care).
Constructive Criticism
-Intersectional Gaps: The analysis would benefit from integrating how economic precarity, racial marginalization, or disability influence family-size decisions (e.g., low-income parents facing welfare caps).
-Structural Determinants: While individual benefits of one-child families are well-argued, systemic barriers (e.g., lack of parental leave, unaffordable housing) deserve sharper critique as root causes of shrinking family sizes.
-Policy Connections: The public health implications of single-child families (e.g., social support networks for aging parents) could be strengthened by referencing existing literature on kinship structures and caregiving burdens.
Why This Book Matters
Just One provides a timely, research-driven counter-narrative to pronatalist pressures, offering sociologists a case study in how cultural scripts about family evolve. For public health professionals, it highlights the importance of distinguishing between evidence-based outcomes and moralistic judgments about family structure. Newman’s work ultimately empowers readers to make informed decisions while implicitly challenging institutions to support all family configurations better.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a complimentary review copy. This book is a compelling, if occasionally narrow, resource for rethinking the concept of an “ideal” family size in the 21st century.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Just One earns a strong 4/5 for its well-researched, myth-busting approach to parenting an only child, offering valuable insights for both general readers and scholars. The book excels in synthesizing contemporary research and providing practical guidance. Still, it loses a point for its limited intersectional and structural analysis, which could have deepened its relevance for sociologists and public health professionals.
Strengths:
✔ Evidence-based reframing of only-child stereotypes
✔ Accessible yet rigorous writing style
✔ Strong emphasis on parental well-being and child development
Limitations:
✘ Overemphasis on middle-class, Western experiences
✘ Missed opportunities to connect findings to policy or systemic inequities
✘ Light critique of pronatalist pressures beyond individual choice
A must-read for parents of only children, but with caveats for academic readers seeking broader societal implications.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with All Joy and No Fun (Senior) for parenting culture analysis or The End of Children (Hansen) for demographic trends. A valuable but demographically limited contribution to family studies.
As a sociologist and public health professional, I approached Newman’s work with keen interest in how cultural narratives around family size intersect with structural inequities and child wellbeing. While the book targets a general parenting audience, its evidence-based dismantling of only-child stereotypes offers valuable insights for scholars studying shifting family demographics and their societal implications.
Critical Engagement and Emotional Resonance
Newman’s rigorous synthesis of contemporary research—including interviews with 100 families—effectively challenges the pervasive myth of the “lonely, selfish” only child. Her data on only children’s academic achievement, emotional intelligence, and strong parent-child bonds resonated with my public health work on how quality of caregiving (rather than sibling presence) predicts developmental outcomes. The chapter debunking “cheating your child” narratives particularly moved me, as it aligned with feminist critiques of pronatalism—the social pressure on women to reproduce beyond their desires or capacities.
However, I questioned the book’s uneven attention to intersectionality. Newman’s focus on middle-class, predominantly Western families (e.g., U.S., Canada, Europe) risks universalizing experiences that may not reflect low-income or culturally diverse contexts. As a sociologist, I noted the absence of structural analysis: while she cites climate change and rising childcare costs as drivers of one-child families, she stops short of examining how race, class, or immigration status stratify access to this “choice.” The emotional toll on only children caring for aging parents—a pressing public health issue—also warranted deeper exploration of policy solutions (e.g., socialized elder care).
Constructive Criticism
-Intersectional Gaps: The analysis would benefit from integrating how economic precarity, racial marginalization, or disability influence family-size decisions (e.g., low-income parents facing welfare caps).
-Structural Determinants: While individual benefits of one-child families are well-argued, systemic barriers (e.g., lack of parental leave, unaffordable housing) deserve sharper critique as root causes of shrinking family sizes.
-Policy Connections: The public health implications of single-child families (e.g., social support networks for aging parents) could be strengthened by referencing existing literature on kinship structures and caregiving burdens.
Why This Book Matters
Just One provides a timely, research-driven counter-narrative to pronatalist pressures, offering sociologists a case study in how cultural scripts about family evolve. For public health professionals, it highlights the importance of distinguishing between evidence-based outcomes and moralistic judgments about family structure. Newman’s work ultimately empowers readers to make informed decisions while implicitly challenging institutions to support all family configurations better.
Thank you to the publisher and Edelweiss for providing a complimentary review copy. This book is a compelling, if occasionally narrow, resource for rethinking the concept of an “ideal” family size in the 21st century.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Just One earns a strong 4/5 for its well-researched, myth-busting approach to parenting an only child, offering valuable insights for both general readers and scholars. The book excels in synthesizing contemporary research and providing practical guidance. Still, it loses a point for its limited intersectional and structural analysis, which could have deepened its relevance for sociologists and public health professionals.
Strengths:
✔ Evidence-based reframing of only-child stereotypes
✔ Accessible yet rigorous writing style
✔ Strong emphasis on parental well-being and child development
Limitations:
✘ Overemphasis on middle-class, Western experiences
✘ Missed opportunities to connect findings to policy or systemic inequities
✘ Light critique of pronatalist pressures beyond individual choice
A must-read for parents of only children, but with caveats for academic readers seeking broader societal implications.
Reviewer’s Note: Pair with All Joy and No Fun (Senior) for parenting culture analysis or The End of Children (Hansen) for demographic trends. A valuable but demographically limited contribution to family studies.
February 16, 2026
Reads a bit confirmation bias-y, but if you're on the fence it raises some interesting points to chew on and has a very thorough bibliography
July 6, 2025
"Just One" by Susan Newman, PhD offers evidence-based strategies for nurturing competent, independent only children.
Also, it shows that the stereotypes about only children are not true.
As a mother of an only child, this book caught my attentions.
Just like many other parents, I was asked if I will have more children.
This book validated my choice of not having more children and gave me some ideas about situations that I will confrunt with in the past.
The studies discussed ion the book show that an only child doesn't have disadvantages, on the contrary, in many cases they have a better development.
There are also many personal examples from parents with only one child and some situations are relatable.
I think that this would be a good book for parents that are not decided if they want multiple children.
There are a lot more advantages in having only one child than I knew.
December 7, 2025
Newman deed decennialang onderzoek naar enig kinderen en hun ouders. Ze observeert de wereldwijde evolutie naar een kind als nieuwe normaal, met hele dynastieën van enig kinderen. Bovendien kan ze vergelijken: met biologisch één kind, en een hoop stiefkinderen die ze grootbracht kent ze het verschil tussen beide opvoedingssituaties goed. Hoera voor het werk van Newman, dat ze dat vooral nog lang mag verderzetten!
January 20, 2026
Completely validated my decision to be OAD.
February 1, 2026
This is a lot thinner than it pretends to be, and fairly fluffy and vague, but some useful bits and pieces are scattered throughout the pages.
May 12, 2025
Just One was an interesting read looking at the benefits of having only one child. The research discussed how only children are not disadvantaged by being an only child, and in certain circumstances are better off.
It is a well written book which I would recommend to someone struggling to decide between one child or multiple children. I wouldn’t recommend it for someone keen to have more than one child as it would not be relevant.
Publication date is due to be 15 July 2025.
Thank you #netgalley for the advanced reader copy.
It is a well written book which I would recommend to someone struggling to decide between one child or multiple children. I wouldn’t recommend it for someone keen to have more than one child as it would not be relevant.
Publication date is due to be 15 July 2025.
Thank you #netgalley for the advanced reader copy.
April 2, 2026
Quotes/notes while reading:
Effects on Parents
* Spain: more paternity leave (i.e., more involvement in childcare) --> fewer children, longer gap in between children (6 yrs).
* We tend to think of the one comparison that makes us feel bad. E.g., friend with many kids, a career, seems to manage all well (p. 41) but not the other examples of people drowning with that set-up. Reality is, we're all different. More children make some people happier, but not necessarily make YOU happier-- so many other factors: your career, your home life/support system, your lifestyle preferences.
* Twin research study: happiness peaks with one child for mothers; no effects from additional children on fathers.
* Per research, second child doubles time pressure (much more for moms); doesn't reduce with child's age. More difficult and demanding in adolescence... oof.
Effects on Children
* Children asking about siblings: many do, is a phase, usually stops by ages 7-9. Can be effective to remind them of realities of another kid.
* Lower levels of loneliness reported among only children, with effects lasting into adulthood (p. 55). Siblings can cause loneliness (e.g., not allowing younger sibling to play with friends).
* Annoying personality traits are due to the individual, not lack of siblings.
* Imaginary friends shouldn't be concerning. 65% of all young kids talk about them (regardless of sibling status.)
* 20-yr study: only children exhibited higher intelligence and levels of achievement than children with 1 sibling. Hmm... effects not just seen in families with lots of kids, as some other authors have argued. One study: Chinese only children had best mental health; US only children & those with one sibling had better MH than those with more siblings.
* Study: only children no different from children with siblings re: social skills.
* Study: only children have closer relationships with parents.
* "Often more common with female children, male only children also report closeness and consistent contact" (p. 122).
* Only children more common than ever, continuing to grow (p. 127).
* Per Newman, only children who disliked it were those who were older and thus grew up when the stigma was worse. Not sure how generalizable this sample is. I'm sure people disliked it for other reasons, too.
Parenting
* Parents can model alone time (read, meditate, exercise solo) and explain the benefits so child can get most out of it, too. Also, boredom is good for creativity.
* Temptation to put pressure on oneself to be perfect parent because you've "got it easy" or "shouldn't be stressed" with just one. Nope.
* Parenting: "'What would we do if there were a second child or third child around the house?'" Don't over-do things for your kid just because you can.
* Set boundaries (feels less needed in a chiller house, but still necessary.)
* Let kid be kid: be with other kids and not be subject to adult stuff too early. (Cringed at the quote about kid feeling part of marriage-- that seems like the parents are over-involving the kid in their relationship...)
* KIDS NEED CHORES (even per a 85-yr study!) Other study: participation in household tasks at ages 3-4 = more successful as young adults. Don't ask me how I know this to be true.
* Being social is important. Peers give your kid benefits of siblings: will knock them down a peg (if needed). Doesn't need to be a sibling to give those benefits; any peer will do.
* Model losing with grace. Don't always let your kid win games.
* Don't bail kid out of everything.
* Model community and sharing (involvement in church, etc.)
* Have your affairs in order for aging and death. The lack of that is what makes things especially hard/people resentful.
Life with Siblings
* Adults with good sibling relationships as kids: <50% report high satisfaction with relationships as adults (p. 96).
* Fights with siblings: 1 every 10 mins. (ages 2-4). 1 every 15 mins. (ages 4-6). Older kids': longer and louder.
Other
* Sometimes our beliefs about family size don't come from ourselves/our own experience, but from other people; example of person happy as an only child who chose to have three kids because her own mother wanted more kids (p. 19).
* Ultimately, parenting and family background > sibling status in development (p. 133).
* "'I feel more privileged than my friends who have more than one child.... I can spend extra time with my daughter and focus on her well-being."
Effects on Parents
* Spain: more paternity leave (i.e., more involvement in childcare) --> fewer children, longer gap in between children (6 yrs).
* We tend to think of the one comparison that makes us feel bad. E.g., friend with many kids, a career, seems to manage all well (p. 41) but not the other examples of people drowning with that set-up. Reality is, we're all different. More children make some people happier, but not necessarily make YOU happier-- so many other factors: your career, your home life/support system, your lifestyle preferences.
* Twin research study: happiness peaks with one child for mothers; no effects from additional children on fathers.
* Per research, second child doubles time pressure (much more for moms); doesn't reduce with child's age. More difficult and demanding in adolescence... oof.
Effects on Children
* Children asking about siblings: many do, is a phase, usually stops by ages 7-9. Can be effective to remind them of realities of another kid.
* Lower levels of loneliness reported among only children, with effects lasting into adulthood (p. 55). Siblings can cause loneliness (e.g., not allowing younger sibling to play with friends).
* Annoying personality traits are due to the individual, not lack of siblings.
* Imaginary friends shouldn't be concerning. 65% of all young kids talk about them (regardless of sibling status.)
* 20-yr study: only children exhibited higher intelligence and levels of achievement than children with 1 sibling. Hmm... effects not just seen in families with lots of kids, as some other authors have argued. One study: Chinese only children had best mental health; US only children & those with one sibling had better MH than those with more siblings.
* Study: only children no different from children with siblings re: social skills.
* Study: only children have closer relationships with parents.
* "Often more common with female children, male only children also report closeness and consistent contact" (p. 122).
* Only children more common than ever, continuing to grow (p. 127).
* Per Newman, only children who disliked it were those who were older and thus grew up when the stigma was worse. Not sure how generalizable this sample is. I'm sure people disliked it for other reasons, too.
Parenting
* Parents can model alone time (read, meditate, exercise solo) and explain the benefits so child can get most out of it, too. Also, boredom is good for creativity.
* Temptation to put pressure on oneself to be perfect parent because you've "got it easy" or "shouldn't be stressed" with just one. Nope.
* Parenting: "'What would we do if there were a second child or third child around the house?'" Don't over-do things for your kid just because you can.
* Set boundaries (feels less needed in a chiller house, but still necessary.)
* Let kid be kid: be with other kids and not be subject to adult stuff too early. (Cringed at the quote about kid feeling part of marriage-- that seems like the parents are over-involving the kid in their relationship...)
* KIDS NEED CHORES (even per a 85-yr study!) Other study: participation in household tasks at ages 3-4 = more successful as young adults. Don't ask me how I know this to be true.
* Being social is important. Peers give your kid benefits of siblings: will knock them down a peg (if needed). Doesn't need to be a sibling to give those benefits; any peer will do.
* Model losing with grace. Don't always let your kid win games.
* Don't bail kid out of everything.
* Model community and sharing (involvement in church, etc.)
* Have your affairs in order for aging and death. The lack of that is what makes things especially hard/people resentful.
Life with Siblings
* Adults with good sibling relationships as kids: <50% report high satisfaction with relationships as adults (p. 96).
* Fights with siblings: 1 every 10 mins. (ages 2-4). 1 every 15 mins. (ages 4-6). Older kids': longer and louder.
Other
* Sometimes our beliefs about family size don't come from ourselves/our own experience, but from other people; example of person happy as an only child who chose to have three kids because her own mother wanted more kids (p. 19).
* Ultimately, parenting and family background > sibling status in development (p. 133).
* "'I feel more privileged than my friends who have more than one child.... I can spend extra time with my daughter and focus on her well-being."
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 20, 2025
There are a lot of reasons why having only one child was the right choice for me, but I certainly questioned that choice at various points. Ultimately, I feel confident in my decision, but it's also nice to read this book and understand the wider evidence about what having an only child means for both the child and the parents. Newman debunks the stereotypes of the isolated, selfish or lonely child, and reminds readers that it's the quality of parenting that matters, not the number of siblings. I feel reassured that I didn't "cheat" my child out of a sibling experience, because for my family the outcomes have been so overwhelmingly positive, including a special closeness with my child that grew from my ability to devote so much nurturing time to him alone.
October 12, 2025
A well-researched and well-written book investigating the changing norms about raising only children.
The book has several foci including establishing that the norms have changed over the years, providing tips about how to make the decision about family size, advice on how to raise an only child, and documenting the experiences of only children.
The book is most useful from my perspective in allaying any anxiety that you might be doing your kid disservice by not giving them siblings.
The book has several foci including establishing that the norms have changed over the years, providing tips about how to make the decision about family size, advice on how to raise an only child, and documenting the experiences of only children.
The book is most useful from my perspective in allaying any anxiety that you might be doing your kid disservice by not giving them siblings.
October 17, 2025
This was an informative and fact based read. I found it really interesting. I love well thought out factual non-fiction books as well as a look into actual people's lives and that the author referenced studies but then linked those studies in the notes so the reader could dive deeper into the topics that interested them also.
I would recommend this to anyone considering having children, and deciding how many children they want to have.
I would recommend this to anyone considering having children, and deciding how many children they want to have.
April 22, 2026
I really enjoyed this one, as someone with an only and feeling the societal pressure to have more—-this book really quieted doubts about common concerns and stereotypes. I would definitely recommend this book for anyone who is considering being one and done but isn’t completely sure. Also overall a quick read for anyone curious into scientific specifics of only families/dynamics.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews