My Tank Is Fight!

by Zack Parsons

My Tank Is Fight! contains a humorous and exciting examination of 20 real inventions from World War II that never saw the light of day. Each entry includes full technical details, a complete development history, in-depth analysis, and a riveting fictionalized account of the invention's success or failure on the battlefield.
Dive under the Atlantic in the turreted U-Cruiser, or rule its surface from an aircraft carrier made out of ice. Shred bomber formations in a high-performance flying wing fighter and then rocket to your untimely end from the cockpit of your very own suicide missile.
We've got a pair of German armored land vehicles for you that are so large they had to be powered by naval engines! My Tank Is Fight! delivers the thrilling action of the Second World War - as it might have been - with a touch of humor and a lack of class.

Genres: History, Nonfiction, Humor, Military Fiction, War, World War II, Comedy

244 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2006

About the author

Zack Parsons is a Chicago area writer known for his acerbic commentary and bleakly humorous science fiction. He has authored two non-fiction books, MY TANK IS FIGHT! and YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR IS A DRAGON. His works, including That Insidious Beast and CONEX: Convict Connections, have appeared online and in various published anthologies including A COMMONPLACE BOOK OF THE WEIRD: THE UNTOLD STORIES OF H.P. LOVECRAFT and OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS: DOOMSDAY SCENARIOS.

His debut novel, LIMINAL STATES, will be released in April of 2012.

Reviews

[George Kaslov · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a friend based on my review of the Badass by Ben Thomson, so I started this book with the expectation of simplistic and basically vulgar dictionary with lot of hilarity. I was only slightly disappointed but I managed to quickly readjust my expectations and continue enjoying in the book. The hilarity mostly comes from the fact that these ideas were seriously considered and from the authors critiques of these frankly idiotic machines... I swear that his roasts of the flying tank or the ice ship were so amazing that they resurrected their inventors just to tear them a new one and die of embarrassment again.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

30 foot high super-tanks.
U-boats that crawl out of the water on treads.
Backpack helicopters.
Aircraft carriers made out of ice.
Spaceplane bombers
Flying tanks

They actually built 2 of those in at least prototype form.

Funny stuff, well-organized, and aimed at the fan of WWII as a pulp-adventure. I wish the author had kept going. Yes, I know the Germans had a real knack for the absurd weapons, but he couldn't find anything in the Pacific Theatre? Weren't the Japanese going to bomb the Panama Canal with submarine-launched bombers? Where are they?

I need a sequel.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could have done without the fiction sections

[Nathaniel Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Really. I expected a lot more funny and a lot less dry technical discussion and diagrams. If you're the sort who can read long lists of weaponry specs and A) understand them and B) care, then go for it. For me, it was a real snoozer.

[FetterKlovn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, despite 5 stars this book never made it to my bookshelf, because I think it is a 1-hit pony. Read it once, you will learn and have your fun, but you wont re-read it again.

Zack Parsons presents 20 (or rather 19) stupid would-be wonder weapons of WWII, and he does with fun and style. Alone his writing style was hell to read, and the info included was interesting, too.

A good present for any history buff with humor!

[Thomas Ernst · Rating 5 out of 5]

Somehow I think I have to apologize for those 5 stars. But I dont. That book was real fun. Astounding analysis of WWII wonder weapons, with some pulp fiction stories about these in real life use. I was entertained and also informed. And I must say - it grows on me. First I thought "nice bit of crap" and now, a year or so after reading it I want to read it again and give it to friends. Good infotainment, great fun!

[Joel Hacker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun exploration of failed technologies of World War 2, and name for a great Darkest of the Hillside Thickets song!

[Julian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great illustrations and funny as hell, I very much enjoyed this book. The history is generally accurate (I would know, but the fact that I can determine it's accuracy is something I am none too proud of) and so is a useful reference book. My main complaint is that My Tank is Fight is anticlimatic. He chose to follow the fictional story lines through to carry and organize the different tank, airplanes, etc. This made sense except it did not work dramatically. The book comes to a fizzley end on some of the less impressively crazy world war 2 weapons. I thought it should have a grand wham bam boozle of a final experimental gizmo, like that retardedly giant tank with the battleship turrets - AWESOME - I think what this means is that I was in to reading this book more for the weaponry and piffy smartassery, than I was for the fictional soldiers and their story lines. Which could (could) mean, that Mr. Parson overevaluated his writing skills or misread what his public wanted. Or he misread what I wanted. I could be alone on this one. Very very alone.

[Victoria(: · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny look at some of the inventions and wanna-be super-weapons with great illustrations from World War II. Since Germany lost, their embarrassing secrets get to be revealed to everyone, the Nazis dominate this book with some of the ridiculous things that all of us should be thankful that they spend their time and money on — since if they had concentrated on stuff that worked, it would have been very bad for the rest of us!
I have to sayI liked getting to know such inventions, especially in the way the writer does it; I very much enjoyed this book. It includes both sides of fiction and non-fiction. The fiction sections are entertaining, while the non-fiction sections are informative and seem well-researched. To be honest, this is not really a subject that I am normally interested in, but Parsons made it very funny and informative without going over my head. It is a really good read and i would recommend it to anyone interested in weaponry and military work:)

[Michael Elia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened upon this book in the history section of B&N, and didn't buy it immediately. The name alone is a little silly and I bet it puts some people off.

Being a war history buff in addition to an alternate history buff [yes hard SF is my genre of choice], it stuck in my mind. Ultimately I returned to the store asked them to find me a copy, and I definitely have not regretted it. The diagrams showing relative sizes of these weapons are really well researched, even if some of the written banter goes off topic. For each weapon or weapons system listed there is a short story showing how that item might have been deployed. Not to spoil things, but the final story of the "Unterscharfuhrer" is entertaining while being both thought-provoking and even touching.

Really good stuff and a hidden gem.

[Erik Graff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Produced by the website SomethingAwful.com, the oddly (as if a poor translation from the Japanese) titled My Tank is Fight is a cross between a book and a comic. Mediocre illustrations (but not so bad if judged by comic book standards) abound of each of the weapons considered for, but not used in, the second world war. Some, such as the iceberg aircraft carrier contemplated by the Allies, are truly strange. Others, such as the German supersub, appear to have been simple improvements of actually existing devices. Although some technical details are given, this is meant to be a satirical, not a serious, book. As it happens to be a very quick read, the low rating shouldn't dissuade someone from putting this on the tank of the toilet or on the bedside table.

[Stewart Tame · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off, I love the title. I would dispute the publisher's categorization of this book as "humor.". Yes, it's funny in places, but overall it seems more "history" or even "military history" if you prefer. Yes, there is a certain outlandishness to these inventions, some more than others, but that doesn't automatically make them funny. Some of the chapters go into more detail than interests me, but the book is generally engaging and well-researched. Parsons includes a section in each chapter in which he speculates on the possible impact on real events if the specific invention had worked and been put into production. I imagine some of these would make excellent plot points for writers of thrillers and/or science fiction.

[Robu-sensei · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining and fascinating look at some of Nazi Germany's futuristic and/or bizarre weapons projects that never quite made it to deployment. Written in a surprisingly scholarly and restrained hand for someone whose name is usually connected with [http://www.somethingawful.com/]. I'm extremely skeptical about the claim that any German researcher had completed and tested a nuclear weapon, much less a tritium-boosted implosion device. It took the USSR until 1949 to test such a device, despite having received detailed descriptions of the device courtesy of Klaus Fuchs and other Soviet spies. The "What Fight Have Been" story segments are amusing but rather farfetched on the whole.

[Alan Edwards · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny look at some of the inventions and wanna-be superweapons from World War II. Since they lost, and therefore their embarrassing secrets get to be revealed to everyone, the Nazis dominate this book with some of the ridiculous things that all of us should be thankful that they spend their time and money on - since if they'd concentrated on stuff that worked, it would have been very bad for the rest of us. The Allies don't get away scott-free - the giant aircraft carrier made of ice project was actually pursued by the US and Britain. The book is funny, often in surprising and startling ways. A very good read.

[Wally · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it, but its not entirely my topic. I liked getting to know such inventions I have to say, specially in the way the writer does it. I certainly laughed a lot reading it. But for me the hypotetical deployment and the hypotetical battle were almost the same and too much as well. But I can certainly see that someone that is really into such topics would enjoy it. I have to say I really liked the epilogue though. But for me I either read a novel on it, or I read the history, but both in the same book I didnt found as a good idea.

[J. Kent Messum · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book delves into some of the plausible and outlandish inventions and intentions from military scientists/developers of both axis and allied forces. It's pretty incredible the kind of prototypes they were imagining and testing throughout WWII while both sides were looking for decisive advances in technology and combat to turn the tide of battle. If you have any interest in military history, like I do, then I recommend digging into these pages.

[Friedrich Haas]

What is with the cover and title, I don't know, for they actually kept me from the book. There are details/descriptions about the proposed weapons, which you can get in better looking books, but also short stories of them in action, and that is the draw. I started skimming the tech talk to get to the What If's, and the last one really hit. I wanted more. Happy to add this book to my collection.

[Cloak88 · Rating 3 out of 5]

A "what might have been" collection of WWII wacky weapons.

This was a pretty fun read. Parsons collected a lot of weird might-have-been weapons, equipment and the strategies based on those weapons/ equipment. Among others expect giant stupendously large tanks, heli-troopers and giant ice-ships.

In other words: if you'd like to take a look at some of the weirdest war-projects of the WWII era than this is a book for you.

[Jessica J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book for my boyfriend, a history buff and frequent visitor to somethingawful.com (the website that Parsons helps run). He brought it to my house one night, where I picked it up out of boredom and was surprised to find that I enjoyed it. This is not really a subject that I am normally interested in, but Parsons made it very funny and informative without going over my head.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd heard about this book years ago, but just got around to finally reading it. I'm amazed at the amount of research done into each article. I'm also amazed at the stupidity of WW2 scientists in thinking that any of this stuff would work with the technology they had available. Much better than I expected.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was an interesting overview of extreme mega-weapons that were on the table during the Second World War. Most were from the Germans, though a few were from the British or the Americans. The book provides Information on supertanks, personal helicopter apparatus, submarines with tank treads, stealth fighters, space flight, and a German atomic weapon.

[Jonathan Gillespie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relentlessly funny mix of fiction and factual data covering the weirder weapons of World War II. Sheds some light on certain systems I'd never heard of, such as Vampir night vision (actually used by the Germans), and some of the more infamous projects I had heard of, such as the HMS Habakkuk.

[Bill Leach · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is about some of the more bizarre designs for weapons during WWII. While most are German designs, there are also entires such as MHS Habbakuk, a huge boat that was to built out of ice. Good illustrations, a bit on the history of each and basic specs, accompanied by fictional pieces relating to each.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kinda funny "what ifs" had the Nazis actually finished any one of their "wonder weapons".

One of the funniest things about this book and all the documentary books/tv shows on this subject to me is that they always seem to imply that Germans did all the engineering in WWII.

The United States and Britain actually did complete a few wonder weapons ourselves: primarily the atomic bomb.

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A guide to some of the weirder prototypes of World War II, written by an editor for the popular website Something Awful. Recommended for anyone with an interest in strange(But real!) weapons or even just general WW2 history.

[Jonathan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book promised to be very funny but turned out to be very boring. The bare facts are interesting, but the fictionalized treatments ("what if . . ." ) were tedious. I didn't make it past chapter 5.

[Christopher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informal review of some of the more outlandish (yet actual!) weapons and vehicles considered by both sides in World War II. The book includes fictional scenarios depicting the tech in use. These sections are entertaining, while the non-fiction sections are informative and seem well-researched.

[Andrew Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

A standard-setter for popular history. It contains a good mix of technical information and layman-friendly writing, so it should be accessible to anyone. The narrative element is odd, but it's interesting and perfectly skippable for anyone not interested.

[Ali · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing articles about off-beat military inventions from WWII, mostly from Germany. And mostly pretty bloody stupid and wasteful. The author described each, and then speculated on how it might have been used had it actually been put into production.

[Oriana]

My Tank Is Fight! by Zack Parsons (2006)