Dexta

Gloria VanDeen #1

by C.J. Ryan

In the vast galactic empire of the thirty-third century, bureaucracy rules—and brains and beauty are the keys to success. Now one governmental bombshell will have to use her every resource to stop a planetwide mutiny. . . . 

Inside the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs, Gloria VanDeen is a low-level bureaucrat. But she is no faceless cog. The stunning, cunning beauty happens to be the current Emperor’s ex-wife and sometime playmate—a distinct advantage when disorder erupts on one of the small planets she oversees. For Gloria’s personal life has catapulted her into the limelight, and an off-Earth assignment is just what she needs to get back to work. But the situation may be trickier than she imagines. . . .

For decades, the docile creatures of Mynjhino have been dominated by the humans of the corporate giant GalaxCo. Now a rebellious few have gotten hold of antique semiautomatic rifles—and are mowing down their Imperial overlords. Gloria has given her body and soul to Dexta, to great effect. But when trying to broker peace with the Myn, even that may not be enough. . . .

Genres: Science Fiction, Erotica

480 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, this book is something very special, what with it being alternately and simultaneously cringeworthy, bad, good, insane, imaginative, crazy, stupid, inconsiderate, lame, awkward, hysterical and hilarious to the point of it being touching. It has an insane lot of cliches which are gratuitosly placed around the galaxy to let the reader have fun at pretty much anything (or fume at the ears! At the reader's wish!)

This should be read as a fun light-hearted and extremely hair-brained read. I've no idea why I liked it as much as I did. Maybe it's because I read this story in my easily impressionable youth, while extremely depressed and, uh, it got me quite a lot of laughs.

The plot is very much unlike… anything else. Including a regular plot. Well, it is there and it… eh… is eh… irregular?

This society is placed very far in the future. Thank goodness. Even for all the space-sprawling cross-galactic glory (pun totally intended!) that they all seem to be enjoying!
This society has either evolved or devolved, depending on how you understand their take on sexuality. And there is plenty of that take! Every little thing is hinged on sex but not exactly sex. Read and see what I mean.

And there is a lot of bureacratic stuff. Heaps of it! Which once again lets us see that humans will stay humans even when they start galaxy-sized bureacracies. The office-style novel combined with the main character (said Gloria) running around with a pubic patch's worth of clothing makes a rather unique treat of a sci-fi. Of course, it's all highly inconsiderate and I can see how an ethical reader could easily begin to get disgusted at how a gal is supposed to do her job via her... uh... 'assets'. And she even gets it all done and even more.

There are a lot of things in here that can be taken by many readers as offensive or 'laughing my head off' funny, at the choice of the reader. I don't think these were made this way on purpose, though. For example, Gloria uses colored adjectives (though, with her being of varied races herself, I wouldn't make an issue of that!); that society can be taken alternately as sexist and discriminative and liberated and unpredjudiced and free (even from something to cover one's bum!)…. and… ; corporations in there have no respect of their employees private life (while being the parody of bureaucracy); ageism + lookism + careerism abound… I don't think a comprehensive list would do it any good. Or bad.

Our protagonist-in-chief, Gloria, is the Mary Suest of all Mary Sues. And she holds a flame to a a couple of Marty Stus. And they are spatially entitled people:

Militarious, Hitleresque teddy bears bearciding gentle, dreamy, mediumesque teddy bears (some whom just happen to be terrorist bears!), Gloria running around in her 'naked glory', cunning protagonists, Dexta in all her wily ways and traditions, jigli and alien culture vignettes... - all this and more makes for some serious fun.

Q: “It’s one of my planets,” Gloria said, liking the way that sounded.
“They’re all my planets,” Charles pointed out, deflating Gloria a bit.
“Yes,” Gloria conceded. “Twenty-six hundred and forty-three of them. The responsibility must be crushing at times. I only have five, and sometimes I think even that’s more than I can handle.” (c)
Readers, to whom these are triggers, shouldn't touch this series with a seven-foot pole. What with me, I love my Sues, they are so special that reading about them's a balm!


Gloria herself:
Q:
She kicked her shoes off, turned on some loud music, and relaxed for the first time all day.
Dexta slowly drained out of her and she began to feel marginally human again. She wiggled her toes, scratched her butt, and stretched like a cat. © I'm not sure how she survives the 12 hrs at an office without scratching her butt even once. Hmmm…
Q:
Even in this august assemblage, Gloria was by all odds the most spectacularly beautiful woman present, and she attracted more than her share of stares, despite her modest attire. …
By the time Charles spotted her a year later, at fifteen, she had already broken a thousand young hearts. (c) Of course, this is how our blazingly amazing Mary Sue got herself the imperial Marty Stu. Isn't it a good thing I love them both, huh?

And Charles, being the Marty Stu(d) he is:
Q:
He regarded her coolly, crossing his arms and staring at her as if he were inspecting an Imperial Marine. “How long since you’ve had a man, Glory?” (c) This is probably the most off-kilter meet with an ex. And it doesn't stop at that: it gets even worse:
Q:
“Don’t lie to me, Glory. I can tell just by looking at you. You haven’t been well and truly fucked for a very long time, have you?”
“Don’t be absurd,” Gloria protested. “Just look at me! I’m every man’s dream. I walk around half-naked at Dexta and they all—”
“You haven’t, have you?” (c) This could have been nominated for the worst ever dialogue.
Q:
I can fuck every woman in the Empire if I want, but I can never truly let myself go. We’re exceptional people, Glory. We can’t be like everyone else, and we shouldn’t try. It only makes us unhappy in the end.”
…
Tomorrow you can go back to being the good little bureaucrat and I can go back to being master of all I survey. (c) So, this is how Mary and Marty get it up. 'You are cool and I'm cool and together we could be exceptionally cool!' I really wanted to be angry about it but I couldn't: was busy laughing out loud. What a pair of dumbasses!


They have some social issues about breasts. Particularly, Gloria's:
Boobs #1:
Q:
“Why so conservative, dear?” her mother asked her with a disapproving frown when they had a moment alone. “There are so many luscious young men here! Don’t you want to be noticed?” Her mother tugged at the fabric of Gloria’s bodice and liberated her perfect nipples. (c)
Boobs #2:
Q:
You should let everyone see those wonderful tits of yours, Gloria. It’s such a disappointment.
“Well, I’ll come to the Coordinating Supervisors meeting tomorrow topless, just for you, Althea.” (c)
Boobs #3:
Q:
“Lovely dress, too, but why so conservative?” He reached for her breasts, fondled them gently, and pulled the fabric away from them. (c)
Seriously, people!

Ageism:
Q:
Poor Althea must be pushing thirty-five, Gloria reckoned. If she had devoted as much time to her job as she did to bedding royals, she’d already be at least an Eleven.
Althea was wearing nothing but a confusion of white and black pearl strands that randomly covered her here and there but did nothing to hide her small, pointy breasts and very little to conceal her crotch. (c)


We have got some corporate parody going here (actually, sounds like some companies I happen to know):
Q:
Dexta provided housing for nearly all of its Manhattan staff at the Residence in Brooklyn.
The housing was, of course, segregated by Level, ensuring that like socialized with like. (c)
Q:
Dexta actively discouraged marriage, at least by the lower-level personnel, and was nearly adamant on the subject of children. Dexta people were supposed to be married to their jobs, and if they attempted to be doting spouses or dutiful parents as well, then they were clearly not giving their all to Dexta. And Dexta demanded nothing less. (c) And they have a dress code to match it NOT (this is my personal fav!):
Q:
Wow! If I had a body like that, I’d come to work stark naked, too. ...
With all your money, you’d think you could afford some underwear,” (c)

The glittering court:
Q:
High Imperial culture had always emphasized elegance and beauty, and, depending on the Emperor, nudity was considered either fashionable or nearly mandatory. (c)

A space religion (I actually liked this one):
Q:
Of course, these days nearly everyone was a Spiritist, so nudity was no longer considered to be shameful or particularly shocking. The Spirit herself had been nude during each of her Seven Visitations, and Spiritist pastors were expected to address their congregations in the altogether on Visitation Days. Gloria didn’t know whether she really believed in the Spirit or not, but as religions went, Spiritism had much to recommend it. …
Forty feet tall, beautiful, ethereal, and nude, she had appeared suddenly before a soccer match here in Rio, followed by other Visitations at the Rose Bowl in California, a youth rally in Beijing, a pilgrimage on the banks of the Ganges, a slum in Cairo, a carnival in France, and finally—and most memorably—in the midst of a battlefield in Central Africa. Before stunned but adoring crowds, she spoke lovingly, glowingly, of the Seven Seeds of Wisdom—Love, Compassion, Tolerance, Generosity, Knowledge, Joy, and Peace. And then she was gone, leaving behind a new religion that swept the world and helped usher in an age of global unity and peace. …
If the Cynics were right, the whole thing had been a sham concocted by a group of scientists who were weary of war and believed the world needed an emphatic shove in the direction of peace. If people insisted on believing in the supernatural, the scientists decided, then they would give them a supernatural being who was at least worthy of being followed. So they invented the Spirit as an alternative to all the vengeful, bloody-minded deities inexplicably worshiped by so many for so long. The Spirit, the Cynics claimed, was nothing more than a sophisticated holographic projection, and her Gospel a collection of catchphrases devised by advertising copywriters in league with the scientists. All of that might well be true, Gloria thought, although no evidence had ever turned up to prove it. But even if it was a sham, it was a beautiful sham, and it worked. (c)
Q:
More than 70 percent of the Empire’s human population now called themselves Spiritists.
Spiritism’s appeal was universal, and it made few unreasonable demands upon the faithful.
Unlike other religions, Spiritism was even in favor of sex (“Do not deny yourself Joy, for it is a gift unto humankind, and the wellspring of happiness”) and discouraged fanatical devotion (“Believe if you will, or doubt if you must, but hear my words and think of me, for I am with you always”). Even those who still celebrated Christmas and Ramadan did so with a loving nod to the Spirit, and major sects of Hinduism and Buddhism incorporated the Spirit into their dogma. In consequence, no one had fought a religious war on Earth for more than a thousand years. What more could anyone ask of a religion? (c) (Feels as if this could have been inspired by Voltaire).

The glorious VanDeen family:
Q:
The VanDeen elders were having a family reunion, and Gloria hugged her grandparents and great-grandparents. They made quite a collection, and Gloria thought she could see bits of herself in each of them. Her grandmother was Southeast Asian—French Polynesian—and Gloria’s eyes were set at the same exotic angle as hers. The blue of her eyes and the golden honey color of her hair were the contribution of her great-grandfather VanDeen, a smiling Dutchman, and her skin color was closest to that of Great-grandmother Umbeki, a tall, lithe Ethiopian. Of course, she also shared some traits with her mother’s family, none of whom were here tonight. On that side of her family tree, there were Japanese, Cherokees, Zulus, Brazilians, Swedes, and Australian aborigines. And if her natural combination of African, Asian, and European features were not enough, at various times over the centuries, some genetic tinkering had occurred, bringing out the best features of each racial group.
However it happened, all that disparate DNA had combined to produce Gloria. Her mother always claimed that Gloria had popped out of the womb perfect and beautiful, and had gotten more perfect and more beautiful each day. Her mother, for once, was hardly exaggerating. (c)

Miscellaneous other things to love, fume, lol, gag, ... at:
Q:
They were two warm, loving, happy, attractive, fabulously wealthy, and thoroughly useless people. ©
Q:
Of course, you must know that Charles was intimate with Lady Dunsmore at one time.”
“For ten minutes, I’d guess,” Gloria replied. “Fifteen, if she was lucky.”
“Ah, but Gloria, some women can live a lifetime in fifteen minutes!”
“How sad for them,” said Gloria. (c)
Q:
But I suppose you must have gotten a million letters.”
“More like a billion,” (c)
Q:
I always counted on you to point out all my flaws and shortcomings.”
“I’ll make up a list and send you another letter.” (c)
Q:
She had lived in dread of his interference ever since he became Emperor, so perhaps it was good that she’d had this chance to tell him to keep his distance. At the moment, though, the distance between them was less than six inches, and steadily diminishing. (c)

[Kayla]

I could not finish this. I couldn’t even get a quarter of the way through. Every woman was described like a piece of meat and all of the male characters were pigs. The protagonist was perfect in every way, especially her body. This read like a teenage boy’s fantasy, and maybe that’s the demographic this mess would appeal to.

[Deren Kellogg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sex obsessed (Boy, is it ever!) novel of 33rd century bureaucracy. Gloria VanDeen, is a beautiful, sexy (we're reminded again, and again, and again)Level XIII bureaucrat in the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs of a vast, Earth-based empire. She also happens to be the Emperor's ex-wife. When the heretofore docile Myn of the planet Mynjhino start to attack human colonists with antique AK-47 assault rifles, its Gloria's job to find out why this is happening and where the aliens, whose native technology is approximately equivalent to early 19th century Europe, got their automatic weapons. With her loyal assistant, Petra, in tow she grabs a ship for Mynjhino and eventually uncovers a plot that goes far deeper than a few diminutive aliens with guns.

That's the basic plot, and the ways it plays out is fairly interesting. But you can't talk about this book without mentioning its prurient-mindedness. It's constantly pounded into the reader's head how gorgeous and sexually voracious Gloria is. In addition to that, every outfit she dons in the novel is carefully described and she dresses in a way that would make a porn star blush. Much is made of this in the novel. Basically, most of the outfits she wears cover only her pubic regions, and not even always that. She is frequently naked, since the aliens, who are fur-bearing, apparently see clothes as a sign that the wearer is something less than completely honest. If I seem obsessed with Gloria's body in writing this review, this only reflects the novel with accuracy.

One of the strange things in the novel is the effect on men that Gloria's near-constant state of undress is portrayed as having. Gloria is fantastically effective in her job and is portrayed as very smart and hard-working. But the author leaves no doubt that a large part of Gloria's effectiveness is because of her sexuality. In the novel's world, men are more docile and cooperative with Gloria because of her sexiness. The bad ones cooperate because they hope to get her in bed and the good ones because they appreciate her for baring her wonderful body. In fact, as a whole, the imperial bureaucracy (called Dexta for no apparent reason)pretty much runs on sex. Low level bureaucrats (including Gloria) rise in the hierarchy by forming sexual liaisons with superiors and, in an extremely unsavory revelation, sexual exploitation turns out to be part of the officially-approved hazing ritual for new hires. Dextra is portrayed as being fairly effective at running the Empire. This view of sex is just loopy and really damages the book. Somehow, I doubt that the answer to inequality in the workplace is for women to dress more revealingly and I am sure that any organization which tried to run on sex and sexual attraction between employees would not last long.

There are many good science fiction novels with strong and sexy heroines ("Startide Rising" comes to mind), but the level of sex in "Dexta" really only works when it is central to the plot (as in Norman Spinrad's "The Void Captain's Tale") or is used for the purposes of satire (as in "Venus on the Half Shell"). In this novel, it just seems like a distraction from the real plot.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok this was a total gamble - I am not sure where or how i came across this book but I did - i picked up and (and the others in the series) and have finally got round to reading it.
Where to start - the book itself is rather slow to start with - I appreciate that you need time to explain the setting of the book - and this does need ALOT of explaining. The book is set far in to the future - ok so you have the first explanation, the development of the empire, then you have the key characters being part of DEXTA a huge government type organisation that manages and controls the planets of the empire - another explanation, and then you have the society and here i struggle. you see i understand how societies change and what we would be prudish over other societies would laugh at or even find offensive in their own rite- well this book does present a different view on this. OK i will admit i am not an expert of peoples attitudes and opinions and i accept that over time they will change - just think how someone from the turn of the century would view the fashions of today but i felt at times it was used more as plot device - a convenient tool to get the story moving along than an interesting view of where our future culture may go. Ok that made sense in my head not sure how well it came across. Basically there was a lot of scene setting.
That aside the story does pick up and the final 1/3 or so the peace goes from being little more that a tour guide to a thrilling story where it seems every turn there is no solution. In fact the method of how the problems are solved are so elegantly solved that i am eager to read the next in the series a comment i would have hardly said if you asked me as i read the first 1/3 of the book.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I read the 2nd one first and then circled back to it. I read my review of the 2nd before I did so though and stuff that bothered me then (or at least seemed out of place) seemed much more normal. Still weird, but not as bothersome I guess.

Anywho...liked it enough that I'll try to get books 3, 4 & 5 at some point I guess.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting and original portrayal of a society run along corporate lines. The main strong female character is very entertaining and not irritatingly moral; willing to use her body as a means to an end, but on her own terms. Refreshing and very underrated as a novel.
I suspect women will give it a higher rating than men...

[Tim · Rating 3 out of 5]

bit cheesy - I'll see if I can get through it

[Scythan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book. I wish there were more books by this author.

[Stanley · Rating 4 out of 5]

a pleasant fast reed a bit light on science but fun

[Graham Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good introduction to the worlds of the Empire, Charles and Gloria. The way they are played off each other makes interesting reading! Really looking forward to reading more books about them!

[Kerry]

I didn't finish this. In fact, I gave up before I'd read 100 pages. I have a friend who loved it, so I started willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, despite having heard bad things about it. For the first couple of chapters I was okay, but really, it is badly written and somewhat puerile and I'm not interested in wasting my time. There is too much infodumping, and clumsy infodumping at that. There are too many long and boring job titles that may be meant to point out the cleverness of writing a book about bureaucracy but just made my eyes glaze over. The sexual politics have nothing clever or new about them and seem to me to be nothing more than the juvenile imaginings of a sad little man. So no, I wasn't the least surprised that C. J. is a man. I wonder if he got off on imagining his super-beautiful and perfect heroine in 40% transparent clothing with her one artistically showing pubic hair? Once the mores of Dexta were explained to me in nasty detail, including why Gloria had needed to sleep with 40-odd different people in her first six months, I was rapidly cooling. When a sneak peek at the end, to see if it got any better, showed some bigwig in the corporation arranged "the most extreme forms of abuse Dexta has to offer - physical, sexual, psychological and emotional" in order to get rid of her in the beginning, I realised I didn't need to read any more of this author's sick fantasies. In the hands of a good author, Gloria, Dexta and the mystery (which I didn't even get to reading about beyond the initial introduction) might have been fresh and clever. It wasn't and I most certainly don't consider C. J. Ryan (who the Internet tells me "is the pseudonym of an author who lives and works in Philadelphia. This is his first science fiction novel." - didn't want to be called up on his sick fantasies huh?) to be a good author. This is dreck. Give it a miss. Whoo, I really didn't like this, did I? I'm giving it 2 because Gloria had the potential to have been a good character. And in fact she may be, but I can't take another paragraph of the author.

[Copied across from Library Thing; 17 October 2012]

[Normalene · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are 4 of them in the series, about a female government employee who handles off world crises and has lots of adventure. Way more fun than I thought it would be when I read the blurb on the back. Lots of partial nudity and wild sex may offend some people. I skip over those parts and get back to the plot.

[Craig · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a decent start to a science fiction series. The main character is interesting, though at times a little over the top. The story setup was pretty interesting. The universe is complex and believable and the story in this book was pretty good. At least worth moving on to the second book in the series.

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

The most disappointing slightly risque read ever.

[Lesley]

There should be a button for 'Given Up On'. This was not worth going on with.

[Danny · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing great, nothing that bad. Well, a bit bad on the gotta explain the entire bureaucratic structure stuff rather than letting it unfold.