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Free to Be: How I Went From Unhappily Married Conservative Bible Believer to Happily Divorced Atheistic Humanist in One Year and Several Complicated Steps
This is not a book about how to get out of religion or how to prove there is no God or how to become a humanist. This book is a collection of one woman’s thoughts over the course of one year as her life changed and her freedom evolved, as she worked her way out of religious bondage, as she decided there probably is no God and considered why mankind wants one (or two or three), as she explored her freedoms, her past, her future, her culture and her universe. Her religion permeated every aspect of her life and therefore the removal of it also deeply affected every aspect.
From her small home in rural Missouri Kaleesha invites you into the innermost areas of her life with warm, personal style. Bits of wit, sadness, beauty and sarcasm abound as she examines the nuances of creating a new life for herself free from the expectations of God. Surrounded by children, goats, chickens, friends and family she sorts through her relationships and perceptions of herself, her fellow creatures and the cosmos. This book is an engaging exploration of life, teeming with thoughtful and honest questions about what it means to be human.
From her small home in rural Missouri Kaleesha invites you into the innermost areas of her life with warm, personal style. Bits of wit, sadness, beauty and sarcasm abound as she examines the nuances of creating a new life for herself free from the expectations of God. Surrounded by children, goats, chickens, friends and family she sorts through her relationships and perceptions of herself, her fellow creatures and the cosmos. This book is an engaging exploration of life, teeming with thoughtful and honest questions about what it means to be human.
269 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 13, 2014
6 people are currently reading
58 people want to read
About the author
Kaleesha Williams
3 books8 followersKaleesha Williams accomplishes her musing, writing, and goat-wrangling in rural southeastern Missouri—that is, when she has time between homeschooling and adoring her seven children, gardening, repairing small engines, planning projects, and trying to get her sourdough English muffins to cook up properly.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
January 1, 2015
Kaleesha Williams, author of “Free to Be”, reveals her indomitable spirit when caring for her seven children, whom she homeschools. On her farm in Missouri, she maintains goats and chickens, grows her own vegetables, makes cheese, sews, and makes patchwork quilts. She shows self-discipline managing the small amount of monthly money for her and the children’s survival.
Although the book exposed her 13 year unhappy marriage, most of the book contained her views and emancipation from Christianity and her marriage.
Her personal change and development was journalized the latter part of 2012 and into 2013.
The author has hidden under the cloak of her departure from religion a great non-fiction account of her life. She should have wrote about that.
Her decision to denounce Christianity is part of her own journey. I cannot judge her decisions, but I was interested in her life.
From her own account, she described herself as a promiscuous teen. She married at 19 because of pregnancy. First she ran away to a man she had met online that lived in Australia. When she returned, she urged, Bobby, the American father of their first child to marry her.
Her religious fervor began right after they married. Bobby appeared to be interested, but not as absorbed as her. It appears the church had strict rules. They adhered to some of the Old Testament laws concerning the Sabbath. The author followed the strict codes of their religion to the letter.
She talks about the disaster of their marriage, Bobby’s adultery, inability to keep a job and find work, his disinterest in her, and their children, and her years of putting up with the emotional abuse.
When reading about Bobby, I thought of the quote by Germaine de Stael, “Self-love, so sensitive in its own cause, has rarely any sympathy to spare for others.”
In Williams’s book, Bobby appeared insensitive. But further on in the book, she informs you of his unhappy childhood with a mother addicted to love, with many suitors. His mother died during his boyhood. I am not making excuses for Bobby, but it is a fact that most of us bring our angst from childhood into the marriage. Their marriage needed professional help before it reached the point of irretrievable differences.
However, one cannot blame one without blaming the other. Both were probably emotionally immature and too young to marry. Seven children were born in 14 years.
Before the marriage ended, the author met a man that seems to love her and her children.
Look inside yourself, and find out who you are and where you want your life to go. The children will be on their own before you know it.
She appears to have inadequacies, but don’t we all. Loving, accepting and respecting yourself should be foremost.
Complete your high school education. If interested, apply to an online university. Find a school that will provide extra credits for life experience.
And then of course, she has the life reality television is made for. The author, her children, her ideology, and the farm would be an interesting subject. She would no longer have to homeschool her children, an instructor would be hired, and she would have the money for their college education.
In conclusion, I did look at her as the dutiful Stepford wife, adhering to the rules of the bible, the Head of the Church and her husband.
I believe she felt disappointment and lack of fulfillment, therefore, she divorced Christianity and her husband.
Although the book exposed her 13 year unhappy marriage, most of the book contained her views and emancipation from Christianity and her marriage.
Her personal change and development was journalized the latter part of 2012 and into 2013.
The author has hidden under the cloak of her departure from religion a great non-fiction account of her life. She should have wrote about that.
Her decision to denounce Christianity is part of her own journey. I cannot judge her decisions, but I was interested in her life.
From her own account, she described herself as a promiscuous teen. She married at 19 because of pregnancy. First she ran away to a man she had met online that lived in Australia. When she returned, she urged, Bobby, the American father of their first child to marry her.
Her religious fervor began right after they married. Bobby appeared to be interested, but not as absorbed as her. It appears the church had strict rules. They adhered to some of the Old Testament laws concerning the Sabbath. The author followed the strict codes of their religion to the letter.
She talks about the disaster of their marriage, Bobby’s adultery, inability to keep a job and find work, his disinterest in her, and their children, and her years of putting up with the emotional abuse.
When reading about Bobby, I thought of the quote by Germaine de Stael, “Self-love, so sensitive in its own cause, has rarely any sympathy to spare for others.”
In Williams’s book, Bobby appeared insensitive. But further on in the book, she informs you of his unhappy childhood with a mother addicted to love, with many suitors. His mother died during his boyhood. I am not making excuses for Bobby, but it is a fact that most of us bring our angst from childhood into the marriage. Their marriage needed professional help before it reached the point of irretrievable differences.
However, one cannot blame one without blaming the other. Both were probably emotionally immature and too young to marry. Seven children were born in 14 years.
Before the marriage ended, the author met a man that seems to love her and her children.
Look inside yourself, and find out who you are and where you want your life to go. The children will be on their own before you know it.
She appears to have inadequacies, but don’t we all. Loving, accepting and respecting yourself should be foremost.
Complete your high school education. If interested, apply to an online university. Find a school that will provide extra credits for life experience.
And then of course, she has the life reality television is made for. The author, her children, her ideology, and the farm would be an interesting subject. She would no longer have to homeschool her children, an instructor would be hired, and she would have the money for their college education.
In conclusion, I did look at her as the dutiful Stepford wife, adhering to the rules of the bible, the Head of the Church and her husband.
I believe she felt disappointment and lack of fulfillment, therefore, she divorced Christianity and her husband.
June 24, 2014
A painfully honest personal journey that tells a wider story
Kaleesha Williams’s self-portrait of a wife, mother and questioning individual is as personal as it is more widely illustrative. It could so easily have been one person’s view of the death of a marriage, a blame-riddled take on events from a single perspective, but Williams manages to use her own experiences as a lens, her thought processes laid bare in often painful detail. Covering a year, the story is seen through journal entries, a period in which the author fights a war on two fronts, struggling to hold together a large young family while she come to terms with an unfolding rejection of religious dogma, an orthodoxy that had done much to drive this fiercely intelligent woman into the shallows.
Thoughtful, analytical and endlessly questioning, Williams is determined to take nothing for granted. There is nothing here that has not been rigorously tested and appraised before it can be trusted or embraced, whether it is from her traditional religious upbringing or from the newer reasoning platform that emerges as the story unfolds. If only more of us did that.
This analysis is very well handled, never drifting into hyperbole, waffle and obsession – quite an art in itself. Williams never portrays herself as a tragic heroine, commendably, and there is no spin in her favour. She is as touchingly forgiving to her protagonists as she is suspicious of the natural temptation to sail under new flags.
I think she could write first-class fiction given that her emotional scenarios are portrayed with such a lean and flowing clarity. Her descriptions of the day-to-day minutiae on the farm are also both charming and informative.
Being such a personal journey you are left hoping for the best for the author, not to mention all the other personalities involved. Good things come from the worst of times – hopefully in this case it will be more writing from a highly accomplished scribe.
Kaleesha Williams’s self-portrait of a wife, mother and questioning individual is as personal as it is more widely illustrative. It could so easily have been one person’s view of the death of a marriage, a blame-riddled take on events from a single perspective, but Williams manages to use her own experiences as a lens, her thought processes laid bare in often painful detail. Covering a year, the story is seen through journal entries, a period in which the author fights a war on two fronts, struggling to hold together a large young family while she come to terms with an unfolding rejection of religious dogma, an orthodoxy that had done much to drive this fiercely intelligent woman into the shallows.
Thoughtful, analytical and endlessly questioning, Williams is determined to take nothing for granted. There is nothing here that has not been rigorously tested and appraised before it can be trusted or embraced, whether it is from her traditional religious upbringing or from the newer reasoning platform that emerges as the story unfolds. If only more of us did that.
This analysis is very well handled, never drifting into hyperbole, waffle and obsession – quite an art in itself. Williams never portrays herself as a tragic heroine, commendably, and there is no spin in her favour. She is as touchingly forgiving to her protagonists as she is suspicious of the natural temptation to sail under new flags.
I think she could write first-class fiction given that her emotional scenarios are portrayed with such a lean and flowing clarity. Her descriptions of the day-to-day minutiae on the farm are also both charming and informative.
Being such a personal journey you are left hoping for the best for the author, not to mention all the other personalities involved. Good things come from the worst of times – hopefully in this case it will be more writing from a highly accomplished scribe.
May 17, 2014
Excellent first effort. I certainly recommend this book. It's hard not to like the author, and that kept me interested in how it would all turn out. She knows how to tell a story, and it's a great story to tell... She clearly loves learning, has a inquisitive mind, and the reader is caught up in her journey for truth because of this.
But the book was quite different from what I had expected. I had hoped to read more about how she lost her faith. I had assumed that was the crux of the book. And while it's obviously a part, it's never really examined in great detail, it's just one of a few topics touched on throughout. And that's a shame, because I think the details of how she became an atheist would be fascinating to understand, and perhaps even offer inspiration to others in a similar situation. She does go into the details a bit towards the end of the book, but by then it reads more like an afterthought. For most of the book, I was in the dark as to how this all happened. And I still wasn't completely sure after finishing the book...
The breakup of her marriage wasn't really tied to her loss of faith, which actually surprised me. But we don't learn that until the very end. We also learn next to nothing about how her seven kids (!) reacted to all of these changes, which seems like a fairly big omission, as well. Did they rebel? Are they confused? Was it a non-event? They are homeschooled, so I assume religion was a big part of their curriculum. How has that changed?
I think if the author had limited herself to one, major topic, it would have given her more time and space to really flesh it out in a way that would be more beneficial to the reader. Instead, we have journal entries as her life changes, oftentimes radically. That approach certainly has value, as I didn't want to put this book down until I knew how it would end. But overall, I would have preferred a more focused effort. Still, it's an inspirational story, and I'm glad I read it.
But the book was quite different from what I had expected. I had hoped to read more about how she lost her faith. I had assumed that was the crux of the book. And while it's obviously a part, it's never really examined in great detail, it's just one of a few topics touched on throughout. And that's a shame, because I think the details of how she became an atheist would be fascinating to understand, and perhaps even offer inspiration to others in a similar situation. She does go into the details a bit towards the end of the book, but by then it reads more like an afterthought. For most of the book, I was in the dark as to how this all happened. And I still wasn't completely sure after finishing the book...
The breakup of her marriage wasn't really tied to her loss of faith, which actually surprised me. But we don't learn that until the very end. We also learn next to nothing about how her seven kids (!) reacted to all of these changes, which seems like a fairly big omission, as well. Did they rebel? Are they confused? Was it a non-event? They are homeschooled, so I assume religion was a big part of their curriculum. How has that changed?
I think if the author had limited herself to one, major topic, it would have given her more time and space to really flesh it out in a way that would be more beneficial to the reader. Instead, we have journal entries as her life changes, oftentimes radically. That approach certainly has value, as I didn't want to put this book down until I knew how it would end. But overall, I would have preferred a more focused effort. Still, it's an inspirational story, and I'm glad I read it.
July 20, 2014
rating: 4/5
I was provided a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
I wasn't sure what to initially expect from this read but it proved a fascinating peek into one person's journey from religiousness to atheism.
Its not about bashing religion, nor is it about pointing out its flaws (although it does do that to an extent), and its definitely not a how-to. It is merely the experiences and thoughts of one person on their own spiritual journey.
It is honest and intimate.
As Williams progressed through her odyssey, she wrote it all down not knowing that in essence she was chronicling her path from religiousness to atheism. It is reflected in her genuineness of describing what she calls her steps and missteps.
It also has a very different feel than memoirs I've read from people who record their journeys afterwards. It doesn't have that hindsight knowledge that skews original raw emotions (although she does include notes from such a perspective, the text in general has the rawness of it happening right now). That emotional integrity is what drew me in and wouldn't let go until the last page.
I was provided a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
I wasn't sure what to initially expect from this read but it proved a fascinating peek into one person's journey from religiousness to atheism.
Its not about bashing religion, nor is it about pointing out its flaws (although it does do that to an extent), and its definitely not a how-to. It is merely the experiences and thoughts of one person on their own spiritual journey.
It is honest and intimate.
As Williams progressed through her odyssey, she wrote it all down not knowing that in essence she was chronicling her path from religiousness to atheism. It is reflected in her genuineness of describing what she calls her steps and missteps.
It also has a very different feel than memoirs I've read from people who record their journeys afterwards. It doesn't have that hindsight knowledge that skews original raw emotions (although she does include notes from such a perspective, the text in general has the rawness of it happening right now). That emotional integrity is what drew me in and wouldn't let go until the last page.
July 24, 2025
2015, download
July 15, 2014
This is probably a valuable memoir for born-again Christians, or those in other strictly religious lifestyles who are questioning their faith. However, coming from the opposite viewpoint, I found much of her musing and questioning irrelevant to me. The author is very brave and clearly passionate in her quest for finding and sharing her truth. She has a likeable and very natural voice in which she shares all the inner turmoil of freeing herself from religious strictures. I felt the constant description of her passing thoughts and feelings could have used some editing. The description of her marriage breakdown conveys all the pain of the situation, but there was nothing in it specific to the situation of awakening from her religious beliefs. The author's developing love of astronomy throughout the memoir is an interesting symbol of her disengagement from her physical life at a time when it was very difficult, and of course the acceptance of science as an opposing view to the religion she had grown out of. However, I would have liked to have heard more about her life as an "Unhappily Married Conservative Bible Believer"! And I would love to know how it is to 'raise seven children and make goat milk soap', which is mentioned in the 'about the author' section.
December 28, 2014
Disappointing, that's the word I would use. Or dishonest. I wouldn't say that the author lies, but she does not come off as honest about her experiences, which is the whole reason to read a book like this. If you are contemplating leaving your religion, or if you wonder what the consequences of that would be--the trials, the hardships, the costs, the effects on friends and family, especially with seven children--then this book delivers none of that. It is a look at one person's journey, but only through the high points. Okay, not completely fair, she does talk about some low points but not with any depth, not with real emotion. It is a view of a terrifying journey being made by someone else seen from such a great distance that the land looks flat. The book reads flat.
Also, she could seriously use a good editor. There are many grammatical and typographical errors.
Also, she could seriously use a good editor. There are many grammatical and typographical errors.
January 15, 2015
Kaleesha Williams has delivered a painfully honest, remarkably self-aware portrait of the her conversion from committed Christian to atheist. She does this mostly by sharing experts of journal entries. The result is less a road-map to anyone else's journey than an incredibly open exploration of her own.
If you are looking for a highly organized refutation of current religion, this is probably not the book for you, but then there are many such books already in print. If, instead, you want to share the emotional lows and highs, the impact on family and friends, that really happened to one deeply believing Christian as she learned more and more about the contradictions and failings of the Bible and Tenakh, then I highly recommend her book.
If you are looking for a highly organized refutation of current religion, this is probably not the book for you, but then there are many such books already in print. If, instead, you want to share the emotional lows and highs, the impact on family and friends, that really happened to one deeply believing Christian as she learned more and more about the contradictions and failings of the Bible and Tenakh, then I highly recommend her book.
August 15, 2014
There are some great bits of insight here. I especially liked the references to Ann Druyan (Carl Sagan's widow) and the brief discussion on the willingness to engage with Jehovah's Witnesses. As a whole, the book could be organized with more structure to guide readers through the journey. Since it's mostly a bunch of blog postings, I would have liked to see the author stay with the format of providing a metaphorical postmortem on her past thoughts. We see this early, but it's lost somewhere in the middle. Overall, it's a good first effort that I wouldn't be surprised to see do well with some touch-up.
May 18, 2014
As the description says, this is not a book about whether or not God exists. It is a year out of the author's life while she comes into her own. It is inspiring, touching, amusing, and thought provoking. Kaleesha Williams is an amazing woman, and I'm glad she chose to share her story with us.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews