Forgive for Love: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship

by Fred Luskin

Finding the love of your life and holding onto that relationship is more difficult than ever. The problem hasn't gone unnoticed. From relationship therapists to speed-dating, self-help books to online matchmaking, an entire industry has developed to help us navigate the bumpy road of relationships. Yet in spite of the availability of all these resources, many of us still struggle to discover and keep the love of our lives. That is, until now. This groundbreaking book from the frontiers of psychology offers startling new research about the one missing factor that is vital to relationships—forgiveness. A national bestselling author and leading expert on forgiveness, Dr. Fred Luskin shows that no matter how much two people may love each other, their relationship will not succeed unless they practice forgiveness—an approach that most relationship experts continue to ignore. Why is forgiveness an essential tool for relationships? Studies reveal that 70 percent for what we argue about at the beginning of our relationships will never be fully resolved. In other words, our basic needs and behaviors don't change over time. The issues are the socks that always end up on the floor, how often to have sex, the ESPN obsession, working hours, and, of course, friends and family. Without forgiveness, these issues, however big or small, too easily turn into relationship-eroding grudges. Forgive for Love is the solution for your relationship woes, providing the tools you need to find and hold onto the love of your life. Dr. Luskin delivers a proven seven-step program for creating and maintaining loving and lasting relationships, teaching easy-to-learn forgiveness skills that will not only resolve immediate conflicts but improve the overall happiness and longevity of your relationships. Simply people in healthy relationships figure out how to forgive their partners for being themselves. They do so because it is nearly impossible to change other people and because none of us are perfect. Forgiveness is the key, and Forgive for Love has the answers.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Love, Marriage

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

In the Forgive for Good workshop and class series Dr. Frederic Luskin presents the forgiveness training methodology that has been validated through six successful research studies conducted through the Stanford Forgiveness Projects.

Prior to the current surge in research interest the importance of practicing forgiveness was extolled in both religious and psychological traditions. Recently, Dr. Luskin’s and other’s research has confirmed its virtues in the promotion of psychological, relationship and physical health. Forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt, depression and stress and lead to greater feelings of optimism, hope, compassion and self confidence.

Dr. Luskin’s work combines lecture with a hands-on approach to the ancient tradition of forgiveness. Participants explore forgiveness with the goal of reducing hurt and helplessness, letting go of anger and increasing confidence and hope as they learn how to release unwanted hurts and grudges. His presentations explore the HEAL process of forgiveness that, when learned, can lead to enhanced well-being through self-care. In class practice may include guided imagery, journal writing and discussion all presented in a safe and nurturing environment. Dr. Luskin holds a Ph.D. in Counseling and Health Psychology from Stanford University.

Dr. Luskin continues to serve as Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, an ongoing series of workshops and research projects that investigate the effectiveness of his forgiveness methods on a variety of populations. The forgiveness project has successfully explored forgiveness therapy with people who suffered from the violence in Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone as well as the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11. In addition his work has been successfully applied and researched in corporate, medical, legal and religious settings. He currently serves as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford University and is a Professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He presents lectures, workshops, seminars and trainings on the importance, health benefits and training of forgiveness, stress management and emotional competence throughout the United States. He offers presentations and classes that range from one hour to ongoing weekly trainings.

Reviews

[Amina Elidrissy · Rating 2 out of 5]

the idea of the book is a terrific one, forgiveness is a blessing quality human can have, it changes you from inside so that you can be able to give & love your partner, however i didn't like the repetitive ideas in the book and the countless cases in that therapy, it was too much to read about each single case with so many details i had to skip parts of the book, those tiny details and the style of writing them killed that interest to learn more about forgiveness.

[Sally · Rating 1 out of 5]

While some of the ideas aren't bad, the presentation is very authoritative and normative; for me, not a helpful book.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm taking notes for things to remember from this very good book on keeping a relationship alive.

[Cicy Suciani · Rating 5 out of 5]

If anyone were to recommend a skills to learn to develop deeper, stronger and meaningful connections among human be it intimate partnership, friendships or even business ventures these can be a good book to read as learning the tools you need to digest the process of good thoughts; reframe your intentions, set expectations, setting goals and objective, affirmations and executions and reframe challenges. This book is also teaching us how to manifest that good thoughts. The steps by steps are very detail share in this books. All you need just a ready student mind, the teachers ready to teach you.

His approach are scientific, measurable and has spiritual effect. This shall be a good book to go to again. I am very happy to take my time to digest this.

[Kelli · Rating 3 out of 5]

Five stars for the overall idea, but the book itself is tedious to read, with approximately 870 separate examples and names of people that do nothing but confuse. It could use a complete editing overhaul, because the messages are important lessons.

[Julie Simons · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not nearly as good as Forgive For Good. Much of the advice was elementary, but some of the concepts were valuable like informed consent, realistic expectations, generous assumptions & emotional responsibility.

[Raymond Parish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extension of excellent first book on forgiveness, this is for couples healing hurts. This book is much better suited to day-to-day hurts/ongoing differences than for serious relationship issues.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard Luskin interviewed on NPR about his Stanford "Forgiveness Project", which enticed me to read the book. It contains some wonderful information: what forgiveness is (finding a peaceful place within) and isn't (i.e. forgetting; or saying the offense was okay), and the steps one takes to get from here to there. I was not fond of the use of anacronyms (PERT, HEAL) to remind us of mental exercises. However, the exercises were helpful for me. This book guided me through an important process in my life.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure I am going to read this word for word, but it has interesting definitions of forgiveness, stages of forgiveness, and steps to forgiveness. Includes a chapter on self-forgiveness. Many anecdotes and written by someone who has studied forgiveness for about 25 years. So few relationship books address the topic.

[Amal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forgive!!! not a given process, takes a transformative journey to reach it. I agree with the author: you can't love and taste the sweetness of life and people if you don't learn and know how to Forgive.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have really enjoyed this book. I felt like it really cleared some misconceptions up for me about forgiveness. And has made it more clear and easy to forgive. It gave me some good tools and empowerment.

[Lauraking05 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. It offers attainable steps to living a life filled with forgiveness. I learned to recognize the difference in forgiving one incident as opposed to approaching all relationships through the eyes of forgiveness.

[Meldy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good, but not that convincing though.

[Nathan Roubicek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Trying to understand how to forgive can be hard sometimes. This book goes through some exercises that can definitely help when someone else angers you. It helps you to see things differently. Highly recommend.