Reaching for Beautiful: A Memoir of Loving and Losing a Wild Child

by Sally McQuillen

For fans of Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking or David Sheff's Beautiful Boy, this debut memoir about a mother grieving her young-adult son's death is a must-read for any parent who has lost a child or whose child struggles with addiction. 
When Sally learns that her twenty-one-year-old son Christopher died tragically in a boat accident, her greatest fear is realized. Christopher was often drawn to risk and struggled with addiction, and in this riveting memoir, Sally captures the wild ride of his jam-packed life and her deep love for him while also reflecting on her own childhood and family legacy of alcoholism. 
This book is for any parent raising a child from the edge of their seat, or for those suffering the trauma of losing a child. Sally shares insights about what it's like to experience the emotional aftershocks of acute grief, and readers may see themselves in Sally's bittersweet illusion of trying to keep Christopher safe; in how she is challenged to let go of her fear, guilt, and regret in order to forgive herself; and in the ways grief teaches her about the power of love. Reaching for Beautiful is a luminous story of how love triumphs over pain, love transcends fear, and love never dies. 

235 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 1, 2025

Reviews

[Kathie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A touching tribute and a meditation on grief as a mother copes with the loss of a son she helped through addiction. This book had more depth than I expected as the author took us from the beginning of her son's life to the end, celebrating his wins and coming to terms with his struggles and the impact they had on the whole family.

With thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!

[Pam Kovalic · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart wrenching memoir of a mother losing her twenty-one year old son in a boating accident. It is a very honest and emotional account of her son’s life, his struggle with addiction, the family’s history of alcoholism, her struggles with grief, guilt and her unconditional love for him. The book is beautifully written, capturing all the emotions the author is experiencing. The author, Sally McQuillen, shares the story of her son’s life as well as some of her past and how it affected her and her family. She shares the devastating loss with us, how it left her reeling and searching for ways to come to terms with it. The loss consumes her at times and she struggles to find a way to go on while still keeping her love for her son with her always. A very touching and moving book. I give it 5 stars out of 5.

Thank you to the publisher and to NetGalley for this digital ARC in exchange for my honest review. The book will be published on April 1, 2025.

[Tish Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book, having seen Sally post about it online. We knew each other in high school, and while I havent seen her in ages, the description of her book touched me. It did not disappoint. I, too, have a “wild child” like her beloved Chris. Like Chris, he is an alcoholic. I am grateful - so grateful - for his sobriety, because I could so easily have landed in Sally’s place. I know this with all my heart.

Sally describes her grief with poignancy and honesty. She has been through every mother’s worst fear. Where this book made a difference, though, is her honest telling about the addiction that has plagued her family and its effect on her and how Chris’ life and death impacted her husband and their other two children. There is a stigma about addiction in our society, and the only way we can try to eliminate (or at least minimize) it is to talk about it openly. Sally does that with her beautiful prose.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book over a week ago, and have been searching for the right words that adequately describe this magnificent testament to a mother's love for her child, including the searing grief after her child dies. This book resonated so deeply with me, as if Sally took the thoughts and feelings I have about the love I have my own "wild child" Trevor, from parenting a teen struggling with addiction, to going to Utah's "wilderness", and the grief, oh, the grief, including learning who and what you can share in your new normal. (I want to join Sally's book club! Wish I had been there for her.) Sally wordsmithed her love for Christopher and her grief so very perfectly into this magnificent memoir, I can't even find the words to say how deeply this touched me. Reaching for Beautiful is now my very favorite book about grief (and I have read many since losing my own son Trevor, forever 18.) Thank you Sally. So grateful to have met Christopher through your words. And yes, I'm sure that he and Trevor have now found each other and are grateful that we've connected too.

[Barbara Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a love story, the most primal kind, that of a mother and son. Sally loses her firstborn son in a terrible accident at the age of 21. He, Chris, was beautiful, charismatic and an "intensely alive spirit" which we see echoed in his "enthusiasm for life." How Sally learns to cope with such a deep loss is what she shares with us. Her writing is heartbreakingly beautiful, and the story is painful at times, touching on addiction, alcoholism, ADHD, and other timely themes of our day. In the end, she finds a kind of peace, an appreciation of her grief, and an acknowledgement of what it will be like to live her whole life with loss. A great read, and a helpful one for any parent of a "wild child," an exceptional child, or for anyone who is struggling with grief.

[Kathleen Z. Glass · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true expression that love never leaves us.

Reaching for Beautiful gives the reader a look inside the pain in losing a child while it also brings forth the difficulties in raising this "wild child" and how that further impacts the author's grief. Mrs. McQuillen has the courage to lay bare the difficulties the family encountered with respect to Chris's addictive personality and the lengths these parents went through in an effort to keep their child sober.

In examining her own grief and her feelings of profound loss, Mrs. McQuillen exposes parts of her own childhood difficulties and both the joy and anxiety of motherhood. In other words, she shows she is human, sometimes self critical but always loving.

If you have lost a loved one, or knows someone who has, this is a beautiful book to read. It will help you understand that when someone loses someone they love, it is ok to ask about the loved one who has been lost. It is ok to address someone's grief. As the book ends, the self growth is almost palpable, the author acknowledges that her grief is lifelong and that is ok, she now knows her love and her son's love both continue on.

[Kristen Moeller · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart-wrenching, gorgeously written, and unflinchingly honest memoir! Reaching for Beautiful, traces McQuillen’s journey through the devastating loss of her son, Christopher, who died at 21. With raw, lyrical prose, she lets us experience not only Christopher’s vibrant spirit along with his struggles, but also her own path toward quiet resilience. Her words flow with both grace and gentle strength, and transport us beyond a mother’s heartbreak; it’s for anyone who has ever loved deeply. As both a therapist and a mother, Sally offers profound insights into the complexities of grief—how it transforms daily life, how lonely it can be, the importance of self-forgiveness, and finding the will to go on. For anyone who has lost someone as well as for those seeking to understand someone else’s sorrow, Reaching for Beautiful provides a compassionate and transformative perspective into the very heart of loss.

[Dale Wyant · Rating 5 out of 5]

This sometimes devastatingly gut wrenching, but overall lyrical memoir is a powerfully honest read. Losing a child is one of the worst traumas one can experience. Sally's honest appraisal of her life, before, after and during Chris' time on this earth is both touching and heartbreaking. Interspersing stories of life with Chris on earth and her spiritual life with him afterwards illuminates her journey in a meaningful way. She reconciles her parenting choices and his life choices with hurt, anger, frustration, and fear under the umbrella of the unconditional love a parent has for a child. Seven years, many drafts, a few editors, beta readers and writing friends helping along the way, Sally has presented the world with an important book with the lessons of grace, humility, but most importantly love.
I happen to know Sally personally and I am truly in awe of her achievement with this book. Brava my friend!

[Julie Fingersh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands down one of my favorite books of the year. McQuillen's prose are lyrical and luminous, and the story transcends its specifics in the way that only the best memoir can, by turning a deeply personal story about life, love and loss into a blueprint for ALL of us. Through the captivating story of her son Christopher, the writer helps us learn our own way in navigating the line between loving our children and letting them go. With a storyteller’s gift and a therapist’s mind, McQuillen leaves the reader with
a sense of awe at life’s beauty, and the promise of a love that transcends grief. Reaching for Beautiful is the perfect title, and McQuillen's life, talent as a writer, and soul as a human being shines through to give every reader a book that will help them reach for the beautiful in their own lives, no matter what life brings them.

[Rita Lussier · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are no words when a child dies. What could you possibly say or write that would bring comfort or perspective or healing to a grieving mother? That’s what I thought until I read Reaching for Beautiful. In her haunting memoir, Sally McQuillen finds not only the words, but also the courage to share her son Christopher with us; his life, his untimely death, and his presence that guides her from the depth of grief toward the light of healing. We are part of that healing, she reminds us, even if our words don’t come easily.

Throughout her book, McQuillen searches for inspiration and meaning in the wake of tragedy. Perhaps she finds it in this thought her son Tweeted a month or so before he passed:

“Life is honestly so beautiful as long as you allow it to be.”

[Cynthia Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sally McQuillen’s REACHING FOR BEAUTIFUL is an exquisite story of love and loss. It is a love story for her eldest son, tragically lost far too young. In language that is both lyrical and heart-wrenching, prosaic and searingly honest, she bares her anguish for all to witness. This book is so vivid, we descend with McQuillen into the bowels of her grief and struggle alongside her to find a pathway through, only to fall back into darkness again and again. Deeply felt and vibrantly rendered, this is a must-read for anyone who has lost a beloved, both a manual on grief and a wild, beautifully unleashed love song.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this poetic and brave story about losing her adult son, after the rigorous years of raising her "wild child", shows us all how to turn the grief that can break an parent into an endless connection and story of grit. Sally's profession as a therapist is a gift to the reader as her wisdom and insight carries the depth and insight of the brutality and blessings of grief. For anyone coming to terms with the gaping hole of losing a loved one "Reaching for Beautiful" is inspiration, road-map and comfort. A book I will read more than once!

[Kim Wilch · Rating 4 out of 5]

In her touching memoir, Sally McQuillen finds the words to share her son with the reader. I can’t imagine the tears shed while trying to get the story on paper. I only hope there was a level of healing and forgiveness involved, too. Christopher died at twenty-one years of age, not enough time for any child.
While trying to find meaning in the aftermath of tragedy, the author not only shared her son but heartfelt hope for anyone who is grieving. Ironically, her son’s words can be the salve on the wound. “Life is honestly so beautiful as long as you allow it to be.”

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful, honest, heartfelt tribute to an incredible human being. I relate to McQuillen’s fears and anxieties around parenting and her attempts to control the uncontrollable. I imagine that many parents can relate to that. I think anyone who has lost a child will relate to McQuillen’s honesty about her grief process. I often fear for the lives of my children so I was worried that this book might be too intense, but it actually helps me breathe a bit more and let go of my fears because I see how much love and connection can continue beyond death. Absolutely beautiful.

[Carol Odell · Rating 5 out of 5]

In, Reaching For Beautiful, Sally exquisitely and vulnerably shares her experience of the profound love and tragic death of her son. She generously offers her journey of integrating this devastating loss through fully feeling into all the deep crevasses of grief - including the joy and solace afforded from her memories and by paying attention to the thinning of the veil between worlds. I found this memoir to be heart-wrenching AND heartwarming, grief ladened AND hope-infused.

[Kimberly Monaghan]

The book takes us back in time, sharing Sally’s journey of hardships and her struggle to find her way through to love, ultimately building a family.

She eloquently shares her grief through memories and the steps she takes to try to cope with losing her son. This includes stepping away from her job as an addiction counselor, embracing therapy, a retreat to California, and even meeting with a medium who offers some enlightening and astonishing revelations.

More: https://loom.ly/ctAQC7Y

[Rita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sally put into words the grief I was not able to express to family and friends when I lost a twelve year old child. It is hard to explain the pain and void in your life. As Sally did, I also read books written by people who had glimpses of what was beyond life itself and sought the guidance of a psychic to assure myself that my child was safe and happy in the other world.

We miss our children and hope one day to be with them again.

[Kresta Maynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

*possible trigger warnings for child loss and addiction

This was a beautifully written book. I couldn’t imagine the pain and grief of losing a child. This was a heartbreaking story of how one mom struggles after losing her “wild child” to an accident. And all the struggles that lead up to it. It’s definitely a hard read.

Thank you @net galley for the arc.

[Bud Kuppenheimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Few who have experienced such a tragedy are able to convey their feelings in writing for the benefit of others. Sally McQuillen has accomplished that in “Reaching for Beautiful.». Her prose is both insightful and sensitive in conveying the journey of loss.

[Warren R. Stearns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sally writes wonderfully about the tragic loss of her son with vivid descriptive memories that bring her late son’s spirit to the forefront while also revealing incredible vulnerability as she questions her role in his life and the meaning of his death.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very moving and relevant to me. I cried through much of the book, as I lost my son, my only child in 2021. The addiction issues were familiar, as well as the power struggles with a wild child. Beautiful writing, sharing what her grief is to her.

[Mary M · Rating 5 out of 5]

An outstanding work, sharing her journey through the grieving process, eliciting not only understanding but compassion. Incredibly sensitive and perceptive!

[Maggie Meiners · Rating 5 out of 5]

As difficult a topic this book presents, the author was able to take something so tragic and shed light on a more profound meaning of the human spirit. Beautifully written, I appreciate the author’s storytelling abilities as they wove through her grief as well as parenting experiences and childhood memories. I highly recommend this to any parent as I felt a sense of peace after having read it.

[Krystal Kraft · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was in tears multiple times while reading this beautiful memior. Losing your kid is something I have not experienced and my heart broke for the author in that she did and what a heart wrenching thing to go through. Nothing prepares you for it and she took us through her journey of healing through such a tragic event. Thank you for a beautiful read that showed us how to be vulnerable and open to what we need during our impossible trials in life to find the strength we don’t know that we have.