When Grief Comes Home: A Gentle Guide for Living Through Loss While Supporting Your Child

by Erin Leigh Nelson

When death touches your family, you are never quite prepared. Complicating your personal pain and the need to grieve is the equally important task of helping your children understand and process the loss of a loved one. How should you answer your child's questions about death? Should you let them see you cry? How can you support their resilience? How can you help preserve memories?

Drawing from their own personal and professional experience, Erin Nelson and Colleen Montague help you navigate loss alongside your child. They provide honest ways to talk to your child about death according to age and stage of development and offer ideas on how to process, honor, and integrate loss. Chapters end with reflective questions and healing activities that lead to more meaningful connection between parents and children, inspiring hope for the future.

When families find healing practices together, they find ways to integrate their loss and expand their capacity to thrive. Through times of tragedy, when parents and children have the support they need, the shared experience of grief can become part of their family's sacred story.

192 pages, Paperback

Published February 4, 2025

Reviews

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I served as a pastor for 30 years, and wish that I'd had this book throughout that time. Erin Leigh and Colleen Montague have written a book that is not only heartfelt and heartbreaking, but hopeful and hope-full. Erin knows first-hand of the grief of losing a husband to an accident with two young children to raise; and later, the loss of a young-adult son, also to a sudden accident. The book is inspired by her personal journey, and by her work as the founder and director of Jessica's House, an organization that provides grief support to all ages and all types of grief. I urge you to look it up online. Colleen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. The two are not just colleagues, but close and loving friends.

I know of many people with whom I will share this book, because loss is universal to all ages. I recommend it to anyone experiencing loss and grief and looking for help, and those who want to reach out and provide a valuable resource to a loved one who is grieving. I love that the book encourages adults to grieve even as they comfort their grieving children: we don't have to hide our grief and pretend that "everything is okay" when it's not. But even if you don't have a child at home, this book will help you walk through all the painful ups-and-downs and back-and-forths of grieving. The subtitle of the book—"A gentle guide for living through loss"—is perfect. Grief is a "living through loss," and takes time, and gentleness, to navigate. I will be giving this book to churches and friends and families, knowing that in doing so, I will be providing a lifeline when it is needed most.

[Allyson Petersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Grief Comes Home is a book that I will carry with me for a long time. Having had the opportunity to work with the authors at Jessica’s House, I was eager to read it, but I didn’t expect just how deeply it would resonate with me. This book is both a guide and a companion—offering knowledge, foresight, and a profound understanding of grief.

One of the lines that stood out to me was: “Since about 60 percent of your body is made up of water, it makes sense to keep the flow of movement in your grieving body.” That sentiment perfectly captures the way grief moves through us—how it demands to be felt, honored, and expressed, just like waves in an ocean.

I am incredibly grateful for this book, not just for what it has taught me about my own grieving process, but also for the ways it has equipped me to support others. If you are navigating loss or supporting someone who is, When Grief Comes Home is an invaluable resource—honest, compassionate, and deeply human.

[Courtney Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Erin’s unique memoirs about the losses of her husband, mother and son will connect with many. Coupled with helpful practices, this is the resource and companion people will feel drawn to help them get through. It’s not just memoir and it’s not just practices, it’s a beautiful blend of both. Plus, each chapter ends with a beautifully written blessing that just holds you for that moment. The approach of speaking to parents who are grieving for themselves while also trying to care for their grieving children is needed.

[Kathryn Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Grief never ends because love never ends. You metabolize your loss over time…”
If this is so, then When Grief Comes Home: A Gentle Guide for Living Through Loss While Supporting Your Child by Jessica’s House Directors Erin Nelson and Colleen Montague is the book that can help you process what you are tasting as you begin to swallow then, as they say, the bitter pill of grief.
Jessica’s House seeks to support “children who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling by providing a safe place for healing and expression. The death of a parent or sibling before the age of 18 is known to be one of the most traumatic and challenging experiences for children and adolescents and is associated with a range of adverse outcomes. Unsupported grief carries many risk factors, which is why Jessica’s House is focused on providing opportunities for connection and shared experiences through our unique peer support groups.”
The tone of everything from the generous staff and volunteers is gentle, kind, and expansive, helping the speaker make space by modeling the action of pausing, taking time, and listening.
Decades of learning how to work with children and their parents, decades of facing personal tragedy and loss, have led to this masterpiece of not so much self-help as a book companion and guide through the process of grieving, as if they distilled all those talks and actions from those peer support groups have presented here to take alongside your grief, something to help it go down.
When Grief Comes Home is a book to help put into words the experience you are facing in grief.
And even though centers like Jessica’s House are growing in number and services are free, they are still too little known and may still be too far.
Now, their wisdom is here, a book to help you through the process of grief, to understand it in all its different iterations. It begins by identifying our unique grief, whether for a partner or child, and goes on to help the reader process the many steps and challenges of grief for both the adult reader and his or her child. Each chapter includes an accessible activity to do with your child and a poem for reflection.
I want every grieving parent to have this book.

[Shauna R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Grief Comes Home, provides a perspective to grief and loss that is inclusive of sorrow and healing, a tandem journey what is unique for each individual, both young and old. Each section is inclusive of experiential narrative that cultivates a sense of sitting in a present moment with a friend that has shared a familiar life shift with you. Intertwining questions and experiences of wondering what will be next for me, my children, family, friends, coworkers, etc…How do we navigate this new pathway?

When Grief Comes Home, truly is “a gentle guide for living through loss while supporting your children”. While referencing biological children, this is also a supportive manual for teachers, colleagues, family, and all support networks. The “Healing Practices” in each section shares practical applications of reflection, expressive arts and interactive discussion questions. Whether the loss is yours or someone you are companioning with, these practices are engaging and restorative to our souls. As a Marriage Family Therapist (MFT) Intern who has experienced my own sorrow, I have found When Grief Comes Home to be a beautiful bridge to all people. Erin and Colleen provide their multifaceted wisdom and understanding to walk with you in your journey of healing and hope.

[Vicki Ryman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A poignant must read for anyone suffering a deep grief. There is much help in the pages navigating through the most tragic of times for all ages of people with focus on the children as well. The author gives us her perspective as a person who has also involuntarily joined a group of others living without an important person (or persons) in her life. An honest look at living with grief and helping the children too.

[Lynn Dickerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest and authentic. Erin is someone who walks the talk - having lost her young husband, then her mom and later her young adult son, she knows of what she speaks. Additionally, she has chosen a career in the grief field. I found her stories very helpful and familiar. As a fellow bereaved mom, I find hope in her words and experiences. I highly recommend this book to anyone on a hard grief journey.

[Julie Cascia · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing resource for anyone dealing with grief, but especially for someone who has children to support through it. The kind and gentle tone of the words really encourages you to keep going and gives you the power to keep supporting your loved ones through the most difficult thing you can imagine. The loss of a loved one.

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly timely book. Heartfelt and tender, the authors help you and your children handle grief. Most of the examples refer to traumatic deaths, but it’s just as helpful when grieving those who slipped away after a long fight.

[Joann · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok