Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing

by Hillary L. McBride

Too often the institutions and communities that are meant to be the most holy in our lives end up deeply hurting us.

In Holy Hurt, clinical psychologist Hillary L. McBride sends a sincere and profound message: spiritual trauma is real and has a far-reaching impact. She also reassures us that we can remake ourselves and heal in its aftermath.

McBride expertly and compassionately shows that acknowledging the impact of spiritual trauma in our lives allows us to begin to tend our wounds individually and collectively, experiencing reconnection with ourselves and others. She draws on clinical research, trauma literature, insightful interviews with experts, and poignant first-person stories, ending each chapter with a short practice to begin healing.

McBride empowers those who have lived through spiritual trauma or witnessed it, as well as those who want to develop healthier church environments and prevent abuse.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, Audiobook, Faith

272 pages, Paperback

Published April 15, 2025

Reviews

[Jillian B · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is such an important book and I hope it finds its way into the hands of every reader who needs it. The author approaches the complex topic of spiritual trauma with warmth and sensitivity. Though I am a Christian, I appreciated that she consciously chose to avoid things like Bible verses and prayer that could be triggering to some readers, choosing instead a very practical, nonjudgmental framework for healing.

I’ll be honest and say I’m not someone with much spiritual trauma, beyond some toxic theology that I have mostly been able to shed. But the part that I found so helpful, as someone who has chosen to stay a believer, was the part at the end about the responsibility those who identify as Christian must take for the church’s historical harms. We cannot minimize the way our religion has been weaponized to deeply hurt people.

I hope this book gets the publicity it so deeply deserves. I know so many people, some who’ve left the church and others who’ve stayed, who would benefit from its lessons

[Marshall Hahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's so much I want to say about this book and even more ways I want to express how it was meaningful to me. It was challenging. It was encouraging. It was insightful and educational. Ultimately, it was hopeful.

First and foremost, I'd say that Holy Hurt is not a self-help book and not really a feel good book either. It's a book that gently yet confidently opens the door for readers to understand and process their own spiritual trauma, while simultaneously raising a bold call to reform from religious systems. It goes well beyond what you'd expect from a random and unremarkable self-help book. It's honest. It's personal. It's well researched. It does not shy away from the hard conversations. No matter where you are spirituality, I'm confident you will be challenged by this book in one form or another.

Even though the content can be challenging at times, I appreciate how Hillary so gently invites the reader to engage at the level of their comfort, and continually reminds them of this throughout the book. At various points in the book, I found my mind drifting towards resistance as I returned back to old narratives that I had previously learned. I accepted the invitation to pause and put the book down, and only then could I do what the book was inviting me into: Greater connectedness with myself, experiencing the grief that was coming up, and going through it to see the other side. Remember to go as slow as you need, and be kind to yourself on the journey as grief comes up.

I grew up in a Protestant Christian tradition that teaches: People are bad at the core, deserving of eternal separation from God, or to put it another way, people are mere "sinners in the hands of an angry God." During my adolescence, throughout college, and as a young adult professional, I did not realize how deeply this negative belief about myself was truly affecting me. Only recently over the last few years have I been unlearning this negative and harmful belief.

This book presents a different way forward:
You are good. You were born good. Your core self is inherently good.

If you grew up similarly to me, you may struggle with this key theme and idea. If this is you, I urge you to at the very least consider the argument Hillary is presenting here as an equally justified one.

I wanted to also mention that I really liked the structure of this book. It reads somewhere in the middle between academic, clinical, and casual. It presents research and evidence based context, while simultaneously being approachable, deeply kind, and practical. I came to really appreciate how Hillary balanced the evidence from her research with tangible practices and stories from real people at the end of each chapter. I also appreciate the versatility of this book and how it can be used. One of the themes in the book is how we are invited into witnessing each other's grief collectively, and how that can contribute to a greater collective renewal in our communities. Holy Hurt can be read individually, like I did, but I see tremendous value in it being used as a resource for people to read together as well. Whether that's in a clinical setting by a therapist, or a church seeking to understand how to create more healthy spiritual environments, this is an incredible resource to be used to process with others.

This book is for you if you have spiritual trauma, want to understand spiritual trauma better, or are seeking to be a witness to the grief of spiritual trauma among friends, neighbors, clients, and your community.

Review also posted on my website:
marshallhahn.com/blog/holy-hurt-review

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would be a great starting point for anyone seeking to understand and process spiritual trauma. Suggested to me by my therapist 🤪

[Emily Beazell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worked my way through this one quite slowly - but easily one of my favorites for the year.

She so gently handles such heavy topics and offers embodied ways to allow the effects of trauma to move and flow. This made me feel seen in my own experiences and reflects what I’ve seen through the cracks in the church.

[Josh Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Words seem to fall flat when attempting to describe this book…
At moments it seemed to give words to deep places of pain, that I did not yet know how to name.
In ways it helped revive some sense hope for wholeness that I had all but accepted was gone for me.
I wept many times.
I grieved what had been lost.
And I was once again reminded, that there is a better way…
A way in which one’s yoke is easy and burden is light.

Simply put, the way of Jesus.

[Lacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a game changer. If your faith was also the source of harm and fragmentation, I highly recommend Holy Hurt for solid accompaniment on your journey into recovery. A reckoning with religious and spiritual trauma is long overdue. I hope with the rumble comes new possibilities for liberation from shame, oppression, and moral blindness. Holy Hurt is ready to show us a new way forward.

[Mallory · Rating 3 out of 5]

*3.5

I definitely recommend this book to anyone who has any experience/upbringing with religion.

Things I liked:
- McBride differentiated between religious “t”rauma and “T”rauma, which I appreciated! It gave space for the feelings and traumas I experienced (and others) without downplaying them compared to Trauma others experience at the hands of religious leaders/communities
- McBride left plenty of space for people who wanted to address traumas/feelings within religious spaces while still wanting to exist in those spaces. I appreciated how she wasn’t like “You experienced trauma? You must leave.” She spoke at length about how to determine what you needed to move forward, and how that can (and is) different for everyone
- The cover design 🕊️

Unfulfilled:
- I felt like McBride gave me resources to identify and address my traumas, but then there wasn’t much (or enough) discussion for me on where to go from there
- I would have also loved a section on how to better support others on their religious trauma journeys

[Carla Gray · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was very hopeful of this book and excited to read an advanced copy. However halfway through I realized me and the author have very different foundations of our faith. Two theologies of sin and two versions of who our Savior is and why He is needed. I mostly agree with her general thoughts on emotions and trauma, but I cannot recommend this as a biblical response to spiritual trauma.

[Sarah Pascual · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skimmed it. A bit too general and lacking substance and Scriptural hope. I’m guessing it was written for a different audience and may be a really important read for others.

[Richard Propes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to admit that I may have chuckled inappropriately during the first few pages of Dr. Hillary L. McBride's latest book "Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing."

This isn't an insult in any way. It's just that by now the assertion that spiritual trauma is real feels rather fundamental in a Mr. Obvious way. In fact, these days I can't help but think that it's more difficult to find people who haven't experienced some level of spiritual trauma within organized religious settings.

I realize, of course, that this is an exaggeration. It simply doesn't feel like an exaggeration. Dr. McBride starts from this basic reality - that the institutions and communities that should be the most holy in our lives end up hurting us. On a certain level, this feels like an almost "duh" statement, not just because of the prevalence of spiritual trauma but because I can't help but think it's the people in our lives with whom we are most intimate that can and often do hurt us the most. In most cases, I think, it's a different kind of hurt that doesn't necessarily damage the relationship. After all, who can say they've ever been in a relationship without experiencing some kind of hurt? It happens. Yet, in most of these cases I'd assume there's a greater common good (NOTE: Don't really ask me about this - I suck at relationships and was horrible in marriage).

This type of hurt is different. Dr. McBride seems to get that and spends a good amount of "Holy Hurt" affirming that our spiritual trauma is real and has a devastating impact. Dr. McBride also reassures us, emotionally and intellectually, that we can establish a new identity, even within our faith, and we can certainly heal.

Having read Dr. McBride's work before, I was quite prepared for her wonderful ability to write both academically and compassionately and to weave together a tapestry of clinical research, interviews, first-person stories, trauma literature, and chapter-ending actionable practices. Dr. McBride calls us into acknowledging our spiritual trauma and yet also refuses to let us off the hook - she calls us into addressing our need for both individual and communal healing.

Dr. McBride's writing feels like that of someone who has both studied spiritual trauma and yet held herself accountable for her own healing journey. While she's not necessarily overly revealing of her own journey, she gives us glimpses into her journey yet always writes in a way that affirms hope and healing and the ability to change ourselves and our faith communities.

In her support of the book, noted writer/podcaster Jen Hatmaker gives mention to one of the better quotes in "Holy Hurt" - "We stoke in people an inner critic and tell them it's the voice of God."

For anyone, I have to believe, who has experienced spiritual trauma this statement and many others will resonate deeply and will feel both challenging and facilitating of one's healing.

For many years, I shied away from deepening faith community commitments and convinced myself that I could make it on my own. Yet, there was something deep within me that longed for a deeper community healing and Dr. McBride sheds light on that craving. She's realistic in her approach - this is hard work that will demand transparency, vulnerability, and a willingness to take risks, however, she's so consistently affirming of this worthy journey that by the end of "Holy Hurt" you'll long to better understand your own spiritual trauma and crave deeper healing.

For those ready to do the hard work of healing from spiritual trauma, Dr. McBride's "Holy Hurt" is a wonderful place to begin.

[Julie Grace Immink · Rating 4 out of 5]

House of God is haunted with pains named as "sin."

[Kat Wilkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first heard about this book from the Holy Hurt podcast, where Hillary shares some of this information. I couldn’t savor it slowly and deeply enough.

As someone who has gone through spiritual trauma, I find myself taking deep breaths all throughout the book as it gives me such deeper understanding and compassion for the pain I carry.

As a trauma therapist who works with survivors of spiritual trauma, the book helped me articulate and understand more about healing and how to gently guide clients into being-with the trauma and pain.

Beautiful beautiful book. I recommend this highly to anyone who has suffered spiritual harm, or loves someone who has (this should mean EVERYONE). ❤️‍🩹

[Fr. Bryce Sibley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Holy Hurt sets out to address spiritual trauma but often reads more like a general book on trauma recovery. Much of its content could apply to anyone dealing with pain, not specifically to those wounded in faith settings. At times, its tone and focus lean more toward social justice than psychology or theology, giving it the feel of a cultural commentary as much as a study of trauma.

[Jonathan Rasmussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for everyone: clinicians, faith leaders, people inside or outside of a faith community that have a curiosity to understand the nuance of spiritual trauma and its ripple effects. Dr. Hillary McBride’s writing is accessible, incorporating research and intersecting concepts from psychology, sociology, and religion. The language is invitational, offering comfort with practical exercises to connect and re-connect to the body, the place where trauma can exist. She gives the reader permission to ask questions of their own experience in a nonjudgmental, non-pathologizing way by providing language and terminology to name that lived experience. The book features individual stories from a variety of people from various faith expressions and whose identities share the narrative of spiritual trauma.

Dr. McBride takes the concept of trauma and broadens it far beyond a single event, to its interconnectedness of childhood upbringing, the impact of being parented, cared for, shown love and connection, or the lacking.

She gently guides the reader into understanding the emotional landscape and how to recognize patterns of the “mind-body system” that prevent “feeling our feelings”, a pathway towards healing.

There is a gentle nudging into the realm of the uncomfortable to recognize that trauma is an act of witnessing and grieving from the harm and the hurt, best practiced in safe spaces around trustworthy community. A reminder of a process of autonomous integration, not removing or cutting out the past.

Her writing reminds us of our goodness that has been clouded and hijacked from those who told us we are not. It’s a reminder and a return to our true knowing, our core self. It’s learning how to trust ourselves, maybe again, or perhaps for the first time.

She reminds us that you, I, we, are not alone in our experience of spiritual trauma.

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of books on religious trauma. This one resonated with me on every level. She spends the first part of the book defining trauma and how it affects the body and mind. I believe that is helpful for anyone picking up the book. She gives background and commentary to help the reader understand what is going on in the body and soul. At the end of each chapter she has remarks from others who have written on spiritual trauma, which I found helpful. It helps to hear the same thing in different ways.
Unlike many religious abuse/trauma books, McBride actually spends the last part of the book giving practical tips on working through trauma. She mentions the "residual" of religious trauma that sticks with us in unconscious ways-black and white thinking, rigid boundaries, to name a few. She spends time unpacking how we feel trauma in our bodies, which is something foreign to those of us who grew up in strict religious systems and were taught to deny ourselves and our feelings.
Sometimes a book appears at just the right time on life. For me, after years of therapy, I was at a point of understanding all that she was talking about and could sit and process it slowly. This book was healing on many levels.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced religious abuse/trauma and for those in the church who want to understand those of us who sit in the pews a little aloof or those who are questioning and walking away from the church.

[Tim Jurgensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a helpful and hopeful book. In it, Hillary consistently maneuvers really difficult and complex topics with great care and keen insight. She does a wonderful job translating what is already known about trauma and trauma-care but into the language of spiritual abuse and religious harm. I think for many who have not yet interfaced with their own spiritual trauma, this book might offer altogether new language to finally name harmful religious experiences for what they are/were. For spiritual trauma survivors everywhere, this book is a very welcome addition to the literature and growing clinical understanding. It explicitly names harm, it validates survivors experiences, provides practical frameworks for healing, and offers a vision of healing and wholeness. I’m grateful for Dr. Hillary’s work.

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am a fan of McBride’s work. Her description of emotional regulation, embodiment, and associated practices are very helpful. Where I found this book unsatisfying was its reliance on assumed and asserted truths that undercut basically all historic religions or philosophical systems, without its acknowledging so.

Thus, science and psychology tell us we are good at our core, and it is spiritual trauma to be exposed to messaging that says otherwise. Reliance on a morality outside of yourself and being part of a system that limits your full expression of your authentic self is inherently harmful. And so the implied reasoning ends up being that if something is associated with harm (defined and measured variously), it necessarily must not be true.

This leaves the careful reader in a quandary - the majority of the world’s religions teach concepts that qualify as harmful under this framework. Yet we can generally agree that certain groups tend to cause more substantial trauma and abuse. Is this because they are taking the bad belief to its logical conclusion, making manifest its badness? Are less harmful religious groups less harmful only because they don’t take their own harmful core teachings seriously?

This book is more provocative than it seems, and the stakes much higher.

[Lonnie Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re a current/former jesus-flavored religious-y person who has spent time in spaces where religious trauma is taken seriously enough to be discussed, there’s probably a lot here that you’ve heard before. For the other 90% percent of you, this could really be quite eye opening.

McBride does a great job collecting large swaths of the available research on the topic, and presenting them in an extremely digestible package. With the plethora of studies and papers mentioned, as well as several practical exercises and interviews, this can be a resource both for those looking to learn more intellectually, and those looking to heal & work through their own trauma.

[Emily Silva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up in a high control religion left a lasting impact on my soul. Hillary McBride addresses this hurt in a well researched and personal way. This book is full of helpful tools, expert interviews, and stories that bear witness to an unseen grief many carry.

At times, I felt discomfort rising as I read knowing that I participated in an “unexamined conviction” and “spiritual exceptionalism” growing up. Other times, I felt the anxiety of welling grief as I was reminded of beliefs so deeply ingrained from childhood.

This books bears witness to the pain of spiritual trauma while also helping readers claim a path towards hope and growth.

Highly recommended for anyone who grew up in or currently attends a church system that uses control as a means to have congregations adhere to their interpretations of scripture.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a huge fan of Hillary McBride’s work, and this one did not disappoint. I found this book to be both personally and professionally relevant and helpful. I read a lot of books on this topic, but there was a lot here that I hadn’t seen discussed in other books on religious/spiritual trauma. This is insightful and accessible, with a combination of research and personal stories that is engaging and relatable. I also appreciate how she situates trauma in the larger context of the systems in which it occurs. Highly recommend!

[Aimee 2mee_no · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.
While informative, I found the book to be more oriented towards readers who have not read much on the topic. The writer presents spiritual trauma in an accessible compassionate manner. However, at times, her definitions are somewhat murky.

Overall, I didn’t love it. But it is a decent resource for anyone who is interested in how unhealthy spirituality can impact a person’s body and mind.

[Callie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book IS very compassionate, like the subtitle suggests.

There were quite a few concepts that I found helpful. Listened to the audio but would recommend reading in print, if possible because you may want to stop, think for a while, go back and reread, etc. Harder to do all of that with audio, imo.

I did love the ending where she quotes an indigenous preacher (I think) and he talks about how the Church (any church) needs to spend a season in lament. And they (we) need to stay in that space and not run away from the discomfort of it. That is the only way to begin healing.

[Meredith Little · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading. I am so thankful to be able to recommend this book to all sorts of people—you will benefit regardless of where you land in religion or spirituality. I cannot wait to see how the ripples of healing from this book change me—and change our world.

[CarrieAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would say 3.5 starts trending up. I highlighted something on just about every page. And yet it felt like I was left wanting more solutions.
The writing got a little flowery and repetitive towards the end. I’m glad I read it but wanted it to be about 2 chapters shorter.

[Jake Miaczynski · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I’ll return to again and again for guidance and tidbits of wisdom that are underlined on almost every page. Thankfully some books find us in the right place, at the right time, with messages we need to hear in a very specific moment. Grateful for Hillary and her work on this essential read.

[stace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend the audiobook! HMcB has such a soothing voice. This was incredibly thoughtful, kind and insightful.

[Cara Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, necessary, and healing. Highly recommend.

[Hayden Epp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Very compassionate, well-researched, etc. I guess I wouldn’t describe my upbringing in the church as traumatic in really any way. Obviously it wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t often see myself in what was being talked about here - which is a good thing! I liked the little bit near the end about expanding outwards to your community. I don’t mind that I read this, but also I probably didn’t need to. Would recommend to anyone actually looking to wrestle with spiritual trauma (big or small).

[Stella]

DNF

[Hillary Bluhm · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5