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CANDIDE
#1 Enlightenment philosopher and one of the greatest French writers ever.
a top 100 most influential book.
But which translation should you read?
This one - the most darkly hilarious.
But why?
As Voltaire once wrote, after translating Hamlet’s famous “Do not imagine that I have translated the English of Shakespeare word for word. Woe to the writers of literal translations, who in translating each word enervates the charm, and extinguishes the fire. It is here we may say that the letter kills, and the spirit gives life.”
Every other Candide translation is slavishly literal. A hollow shell of the wit and satire of the original.
This one, Zogbonk’s version, breathes fresh life into this philosophical masterpiece. It’s the one that augments and amplifies the comedy, while hitting every plot point and nuance of the original satire. Written in the true spirit of Voltaire, it’s the one he’d want you to experience — if you’re not reading the original French, of course.
Humor is the non-negotiable core of the translation. By prioritizing the humor, we stay true to Candide in the most important way. A “close” translation may check the boxes on linguistic accuracy, but if it sacrifices the humor and absurdity, it misses Voltaire’s intent. Instead, I embraced the essential to be truly faithful to Voltaire’s Candide you must take liberties with the words to capture the spirit.
In fact, my aim wasn't just translation - it was to write what Voltaire himself would have written had he been working in 21st century English. Based on what everyone who’s read this version tells me, I haven’t just achieved this goal but may have even exceeded it.
What Makes This Version So The density of humor in this book is unprecedented — working on multiple levels like Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, but with classical philosophical weight behind it. It's equally at home in a college classroom or in the hands of someone who just wants a cleverly written comic novel. This version maintains all of Voltaire's philosophical substance and satirical bite while making the discourse more engaging and the references more accessible.
For academics, every plot point and philosophical argument remains intact - sometimes even improved (like the Dervish scene). For comedy lovers, it's a wild adventure story filled with absurd situations and sharp humor. You can appreciate the jokes just for being funny, or for how they serve the deeper satire.
Who will love it? If you enjoy the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy or standup comedians like Anthony Jeselnik or Ricky Gervais, give it a try. You will know by page 7 if you’re going to like it.
Who shouldn’t read If you think 1984 needs a trigger warning, believe in safe spaces for literature, or that there are some things you just don’t joke about, THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU.
a top 100 most influential book.
But which translation should you read?
This one - the most darkly hilarious.
But why?
As Voltaire once wrote, after translating Hamlet’s famous “Do not imagine that I have translated the English of Shakespeare word for word. Woe to the writers of literal translations, who in translating each word enervates the charm, and extinguishes the fire. It is here we may say that the letter kills, and the spirit gives life.”
Every other Candide translation is slavishly literal. A hollow shell of the wit and satire of the original.
This one, Zogbonk’s version, breathes fresh life into this philosophical masterpiece. It’s the one that augments and amplifies the comedy, while hitting every plot point and nuance of the original satire. Written in the true spirit of Voltaire, it’s the one he’d want you to experience — if you’re not reading the original French, of course.
Humor is the non-negotiable core of the translation. By prioritizing the humor, we stay true to Candide in the most important way. A “close” translation may check the boxes on linguistic accuracy, but if it sacrifices the humor and absurdity, it misses Voltaire’s intent. Instead, I embraced the essential to be truly faithful to Voltaire’s Candide you must take liberties with the words to capture the spirit.
In fact, my aim wasn't just translation - it was to write what Voltaire himself would have written had he been working in 21st century English. Based on what everyone who’s read this version tells me, I haven’t just achieved this goal but may have even exceeded it.
What Makes This Version So The density of humor in this book is unprecedented — working on multiple levels like Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, but with classical philosophical weight behind it. It's equally at home in a college classroom or in the hands of someone who just wants a cleverly written comic novel. This version maintains all of Voltaire's philosophical substance and satirical bite while making the discourse more engaging and the references more accessible.
For academics, every plot point and philosophical argument remains intact - sometimes even improved (like the Dervish scene). For comedy lovers, it's a wild adventure story filled with absurd situations and sharp humor. You can appreciate the jokes just for being funny, or for how they serve the deeper satire.
Who will love it? If you enjoy the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy or standup comedians like Anthony Jeselnik or Ricky Gervais, give it a try. You will know by page 7 if you’re going to like it.
Who shouldn’t read If you think 1984 needs a trigger warning, believe in safe spaces for literature, or that there are some things you just don’t joke about, THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU.
107 pages, Paperback
First published November 24, 2024
5 people are currently reading
22 people want to read
About the author
Voltaire
9,429 books4,945 followersComplete works (1880) : https://archive.org/details/oeuvresco...
In 1694, Age of Enlightenment leader Francois-Marie Arouet, known as Voltaire, was born in Paris. Jesuit-educated, he began writing clever verses by the age of 12. He launched a lifelong, successful playwriting career in 1718, interrupted by imprisonment in the Bastille. Upon a second imprisonment, in which Francois adopted the pen name Voltaire, he was released after agreeing to move to London. There he wrote Lettres philosophiques (1733), which galvanized French reform. The book also satirized the religious teachings of Rene Descartes and Blaise Pascal, including Pascal's famed "wager" on God. Voltaire wrote: "The interest I have in believing a thing is not a proof of the existence of that thing." Voltaire's French publisher was sent to the Bastille and Voltaire had to escape from Paris again, as judges sentenced the book to be "torn and burned in the Palace." Voltaire spent a calm 16 years with his deistic mistress, Madame du Chatelet, in Lorraine. He met the 27 year old married mother when he was 39. In his memoirs, he wrote: "I found, in 1733, a young woman who thought as I did, and decided to spend several years in the country, cultivating her mind." He dedicated Traite de metaphysique to her. In it the Deist candidly rejected immortality and questioned belief in God. It was not published until the 1780s. Voltaire continued writing amusing but meaty philosophical plays and histories. After the earthquake that leveled Lisbon in 1755, in which 15,000 people perished and another 15,000 were wounded, Voltaire wrote Poème sur le désastre de Lisbonne (Poem on the Lisbon Disaster): "But how conceive a God supremely good/ Who heaps his favours on the sons he loves,/ Yet scatters evil with as large a hand?"
Voltaire purchased a chateau in Geneva, where, among other works, he wrote Candide (1759). To avoid Calvinist persecution, Voltaire moved across the border to Ferney, where the wealthy writer lived for 18 years until his death. Voltaire began to openly challenge Christianity, calling it "the infamous thing." He wrote Frederick the Great: "Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world." Voltaire ended every letter to friends with "Ecrasez l'infame" (crush the infamy — the Christian religion). His pamphlet, The Sermon on the Fifty (1762) went after transubstantiation, miracles, biblical contradictions, the Jewish religion, and the Christian God. Voltaire wrote that a true god "surely cannot have been born of a girl, nor died on the gibbet, nor be eaten in a piece of dough," or inspired "books, filled with contradictions, madness, and horror." He also published excerpts of Testament of the Abbe Meslier, by an atheist priest, in Holland, which advanced the Enlightenment. Voltaire's Philosophical Dictionary was published in 1764 without his name. Although the first edition immediately sold out, Geneva officials, followed by Dutch and Parisian, had the books burned. It was published in 1769 as two large volumes. Voltaire campaigned fiercely against civil atrocities in the name of religion, writing pamphlets and commentaries about the barbaric execution of a Huguenot trader, who was first broken at the wheel, then burned at the stake, in 1762. Voltaire's campaign for justice and restitution ended with a posthumous retrial in 1765, during which 40 Parisian judges declared the defendant innocent. Voltaire urgently tried to save the life of Chevalier de la Barre, a 19 year old sentenced to death for blasphemy for failing to remove his hat during a religious procession. In 1766, Chevalier was beheaded after being tortured, then his body was burned, along with a copy of Voltaire's Philosophical Dictionary. Voltaire's statue at the Pantheon was melted down during Nazi occupation. D. 1778.
Voltaire (1694-1778), pseudónimo de François-
In 1694, Age of Enlightenment leader Francois-Marie Arouet, known as Voltaire, was born in Paris. Jesuit-educated, he began writing clever verses by the age of 12. He launched a lifelong, successful playwriting career in 1718, interrupted by imprisonment in the Bastille. Upon a second imprisonment, in which Francois adopted the pen name Voltaire, he was released after agreeing to move to London. There he wrote Lettres philosophiques (1733), which galvanized French reform. The book also satirized the religious teachings of Rene Descartes and Blaise Pascal, including Pascal's famed "wager" on God. Voltaire wrote: "The interest I have in believing a thing is not a proof of the existence of that thing." Voltaire's French publisher was sent to the Bastille and Voltaire had to escape from Paris again, as judges sentenced the book to be "torn and burned in the Palace." Voltaire spent a calm 16 years with his deistic mistress, Madame du Chatelet, in Lorraine. He met the 27 year old married mother when he was 39. In his memoirs, he wrote: "I found, in 1733, a young woman who thought as I did, and decided to spend several years in the country, cultivating her mind." He dedicated Traite de metaphysique to her. In it the Deist candidly rejected immortality and questioned belief in God. It was not published until the 1780s. Voltaire continued writing amusing but meaty philosophical plays and histories. After the earthquake that leveled Lisbon in 1755, in which 15,000 people perished and another 15,000 were wounded, Voltaire wrote Poème sur le désastre de Lisbonne (Poem on the Lisbon Disaster): "But how conceive a God supremely good/ Who heaps his favours on the sons he loves,/ Yet scatters evil with as large a hand?"
Voltaire purchased a chateau in Geneva, where, among other works, he wrote Candide (1759). To avoid Calvinist persecution, Voltaire moved across the border to Ferney, where the wealthy writer lived for 18 years until his death. Voltaire began to openly challenge Christianity, calling it "the infamous thing." He wrote Frederick the Great: "Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world." Voltaire ended every letter to friends with "Ecrasez l'infame" (crush the infamy — the Christian religion). His pamphlet, The Sermon on the Fifty (1762) went after transubstantiation, miracles, biblical contradictions, the Jewish religion, and the Christian God. Voltaire wrote that a true god "surely cannot have been born of a girl, nor died on the gibbet, nor be eaten in a piece of dough," or inspired "books, filled with contradictions, madness, and horror." He also published excerpts of Testament of the Abbe Meslier, by an atheist priest, in Holland, which advanced the Enlightenment. Voltaire's Philosophical Dictionary was published in 1764 without his name. Although the first edition immediately sold out, Geneva officials, followed by Dutch and Parisian, had the books burned. It was published in 1769 as two large volumes. Voltaire campaigned fiercely against civil atrocities in the name of religion, writing pamphlets and commentaries about the barbaric execution of a Huguenot trader, who was first broken at the wheel, then burned at the stake, in 1762. Voltaire's campaign for justice and restitution ended with a posthumous retrial in 1765, during which 40 Parisian judges declared the defendant innocent. Voltaire urgently tried to save the life of Chevalier de la Barre, a 19 year old sentenced to death for blasphemy for failing to remove his hat during a religious procession. In 1766, Chevalier was beheaded after being tortured, then his body was burned, along with a copy of Voltaire's Philosophical Dictionary. Voltaire's statue at the Pantheon was melted down during Nazi occupation. D. 1778.
Voltaire (1694-1778), pseudónimo de François-
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
February 9, 2022
I read Candide a few times back in school days but have been intending to revisit it for awhile. Unquestionably, the book improves with one's own exposure to the world and the amount of historical knowledge that one can bring to the narrative. The relentless cynicism and the advice for surviving an indifferent world, which may well be the best of all possible, become something deeper. The tending of gardens in the midst of our modern plague is a necessary pasttime.
I chose this edition for the Mahlon Blaine illustrations, produced for a publisher more interested in prurience than philosophy, which do a fine job of putting the story in a 20th Century, decadent frame.
I chose this edition for the Mahlon Blaine illustrations, produced for a publisher more interested in prurience than philosophy, which do a fine job of putting the story in a 20th Century, decadent frame.
January 30, 2024
I heard about this book as a teen, read it as an adult. I knew there must be more to it. Later I watched Dr. Michael Sugrue's lecture on Voltaire and this book. Highly recommended.
May 21, 2025
Cândido (Candide) foi uma das leituras mais marcantes da minha vida.
Acompanhamos Candide desde sua juventude: um jovem otimista, ingênuo, moldado pela filosofia de Pangloss. Ao longo da narrativa, ele é confrontado com as mazelas da humanidade e desconstrói essa ilusão de que glória, dinheiro, religião e poder trazem felicidade e realização.
Voltaire nos leva por uma viagem alucinante entre continentes, guerras, terremotos, naufrágios, colônias, palácios e ruínas — tudo isso enquanto desafia com ironia feroz as certezas da filosofia, da religião, do poder e da moral.
Mais do que uma sátira do otimismo cego, esse livro é uma busca incansável pelo sentido da vida em um mundo marcado pelo absurdo. No final, após cruzar reinos e encontrar reis arruinados, o que resta é uma verdade simples e poderosa: viver bem é cuidar do seu jardim.
Após vivenciar tanto sofrimento, muito em nome de poder, riqueza e “Deus”, Candide muda. Torna-se mais realista, aprende a valorizar o que parecia pequeno: um teto, comida na mesa, saúde, o amor, os laços que cultivamos — até mesmo o tédio. Ele abandona as grandes explicações metafísicas e encontra sabedoria no cotidiano. Uma metáfora sobre responsabilidade, humildade e o poder transformador da ação concreta.
Esse jardim não é só o trabalho visível — é o cotidiano invisível, mas pleno e feliz. É amar, é construir vínculos, é escolher viver bem cada dia, com ética e ação. A felicidade está nesse fazer simples e concreto, e não nos castelos de areia do poder ou nas teorias que ignoram a dor real do mundo.
Voltaire escreveu no século XVIII, mas sua sabedoria continua atual. Um livro para rir, se indignar — e se transformar.
….
Candide was one of the most powerful readings of my life.
We follow Candide from his youth: an optimistic, naive young man shaped by Pangloss’s philosophy. Throughout the story, he is confronted with the harsh realities of humanity and gradually dismantles the illusion that glory, money, religion, and power bring happiness or fulfillment.
Voltaire takes us on a dizzying journey across continents, through wars, earthquakes, shipwrecks, colonies, palaces, and ruins — all while fiercely challenging the certainties of philosophy, religion, power, and morality with sharp irony.
More than a satire of blind optimism, this book is an urgent, relentless search for meaning in a world marked by absurdity. In the end, after crossing kingdoms and meeting ruined kings, what remains is a simple yet powerful truth: to live well is to tend your own garden.
After witnessing so much suffering — often in the name of power, wealth, and “God” — Candide changes. He becomes more realistic and learns to value what once seemed small: a roof over his head, food on the table, health, love, the bonds we nurture — even boredom. He lets go of grand metaphysical explanations and finds wisdom in the everyday. A metaphor for responsibility, humility, and the transformative power of concrete action.
This garden is not just visible labor — it’s the invisible, quiet life that is happy and meaningful. It is loving, building relationships, choosing to live each day well, with ethics and action. Happiness lies in that simple, grounded doing — not in the castles of power or in theories that ignore the real pain of the world.
Voltaire wrote in the 18th century, but his wisdom remains strikingly relevant. A book to laugh with, to get outraged with — and to be transformed by.
Acompanhamos Candide desde sua juventude: um jovem otimista, ingênuo, moldado pela filosofia de Pangloss. Ao longo da narrativa, ele é confrontado com as mazelas da humanidade e desconstrói essa ilusão de que glória, dinheiro, religião e poder trazem felicidade e realização.
Voltaire nos leva por uma viagem alucinante entre continentes, guerras, terremotos, naufrágios, colônias, palácios e ruínas — tudo isso enquanto desafia com ironia feroz as certezas da filosofia, da religião, do poder e da moral.
Mais do que uma sátira do otimismo cego, esse livro é uma busca incansável pelo sentido da vida em um mundo marcado pelo absurdo. No final, após cruzar reinos e encontrar reis arruinados, o que resta é uma verdade simples e poderosa: viver bem é cuidar do seu jardim.
Após vivenciar tanto sofrimento, muito em nome de poder, riqueza e “Deus”, Candide muda. Torna-se mais realista, aprende a valorizar o que parecia pequeno: um teto, comida na mesa, saúde, o amor, os laços que cultivamos — até mesmo o tédio. Ele abandona as grandes explicações metafísicas e encontra sabedoria no cotidiano. Uma metáfora sobre responsabilidade, humildade e o poder transformador da ação concreta.
Esse jardim não é só o trabalho visível — é o cotidiano invisível, mas pleno e feliz. É amar, é construir vínculos, é escolher viver bem cada dia, com ética e ação. A felicidade está nesse fazer simples e concreto, e não nos castelos de areia do poder ou nas teorias que ignoram a dor real do mundo.
Voltaire escreveu no século XVIII, mas sua sabedoria continua atual. Um livro para rir, se indignar — e se transformar.
….
Candide was one of the most powerful readings of my life.
We follow Candide from his youth: an optimistic, naive young man shaped by Pangloss’s philosophy. Throughout the story, he is confronted with the harsh realities of humanity and gradually dismantles the illusion that glory, money, religion, and power bring happiness or fulfillment.
Voltaire takes us on a dizzying journey across continents, through wars, earthquakes, shipwrecks, colonies, palaces, and ruins — all while fiercely challenging the certainties of philosophy, religion, power, and morality with sharp irony.
More than a satire of blind optimism, this book is an urgent, relentless search for meaning in a world marked by absurdity. In the end, after crossing kingdoms and meeting ruined kings, what remains is a simple yet powerful truth: to live well is to tend your own garden.
After witnessing so much suffering — often in the name of power, wealth, and “God” — Candide changes. He becomes more realistic and learns to value what once seemed small: a roof over his head, food on the table, health, love, the bonds we nurture — even boredom. He lets go of grand metaphysical explanations and finds wisdom in the everyday. A metaphor for responsibility, humility, and the transformative power of concrete action.
This garden is not just visible labor — it’s the invisible, quiet life that is happy and meaningful. It is loving, building relationships, choosing to live each day well, with ethics and action. Happiness lies in that simple, grounded doing — not in the castles of power or in theories that ignore the real pain of the world.
Voltaire wrote in the 18th century, but his wisdom remains strikingly relevant. A book to laugh with, to get outraged with — and to be transformed by.
August 6, 2025
This is a FAKE sequel to Candide written by a person who was NOT Voltaire. It continues Candide's adventures through Europe. I thought the scene where the people who studied Newton became angry at Candide and attacked him was hilarious and could not have happened sooner, but nothing else stood out except that (the original book) Candide was pretty formulaic and prone to having its contents reuploaded into the aether with a better ending. Thoughbeit I only read this because it was included in a "Complete Works of Voltaire" ebook I was using.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews