My Brother Jaz

by Gideon Haigh

A profoundly moving memoir on grief and resilience.

In January 2024, in a period of personal crisis, Gideon Haigh abruptly started writing the story of the night his seventeen-year-old brother Jasper was killed, finally facing how it had shaped the rest of his life. Seventy-two hours later he stopped. Dark, raw and revealing, My Brother Jaz is how it feels to lose someone, and yourself, even as the rest of the world turns, and you struggle to keep up.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Death, Australia, Autobiography

88 pages, Paperback

Published September 3, 2024

About the author

Gideon Clifford Jeffrey Davidson Haigh (born 29 December 1965) is an English-born Australian journalist, who writes about sport (especially cricket) and business. He was born in London, raised in Geelong, and now lives in Melbourne.

Haigh began his career as a journalist, writing on business for The Age newspaper from 1984 to 1992 and for The Australian from 1993 to 1995. He has since contributed to over 70 newspapers and magazines,[2] both on business topics as well as on sport, mostly cricket. He wrote regularly for The Guardian during the 2006-07 Ashes series and has featured also in The Times and the Financial Times.

Haigh has authored 19 books and edited seven more. Of those on a cricketing theme, his historical works includes The Cricket War and Summer Game, his biographies The Big Ship (of Warwick Armstrong) and Mystery Spinner (of Jack Iverson), the latter pronounced The Cricket Society's "Book of the Year", short-listed for the William Hill Sports Book of the Year and dubbed "a classic" by The Sunday Times;[3] anthologies of his writings Ashes 2005 and Game for Anything, as well as Many a Slip, the humorous diary of a club cricket season, and The Vincibles, his story of the South Yarra Cricket Club, of which he is life member and perennate vice-president and for whose newsletter he has written about cricket the longest. He has also published several books on business-related topics, such as The Battle for BHP, Asbestos House (which dilates the James Hardie asbestos controversy) and Bad Company, an examination of the CEO phenomenon. He mostly publishes with Aurum Press.

Haigh was appointed editor of the Wisden Cricketers' Almanack Australia for 1999–2000 and 2000–01. Since March 2006, he has been a regular panellist on the ABC television sports panel show Offsiders. He was also a regular co-host on The Conversation Hour with Jon Faine on 774 ABC Melbourne until near the end of 2006.

Haigh has been known to be critical of what he regards as the deification of Sir Donald Bradman and "the cynical exploitation of his name by the mediocre and the greedy".[4] He did so in a September 1998 article in Wisden Cricket Monthly, entitled "Sir Donald Brandname". Haigh has been critical of Bradman's biographer Roland Perry, writing in The Australian that Perry's biography was guilty of "glossing over or ignoring anything to Bradman's discredit".[4]

Haigh won the John Curtin Prize for Journalism in the Victorian Premier's Literary Awards in 2006[5] for his essay "Information Idol: How Google is making us stupid",[6] which was published in The Monthly magazine. He asserted that the quality of discourse could suffer as a source of information's worth is judged by Google according to its previous degree of exposure to the status quo. He believes the pool of information available to those using Google as their sole avenue of inquiry is inevitably limited and possibly compromised due to covert commercial influences.

He blogged on the 2009 Ashes series for The Wisden Cricketer.[7]

On 24 October 2012 he addressed the tenth Bradman Oration in Melbourne.

Reviews

[Rowan MacDonald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew My Brother Jaz was going to be a memorable read from the opening lines. Acclaimed journalist and author, Gideon Haigh, had been wanting to write this for years. It wasn’t, however, until January 2024 that he began to write the story of losing his seventeen-year-old brother, Jasper.

“I would have to write fast, I realised, to get to a point where it became impossible not to finish, before the pall of mourning or futility shut the light out entirely.”

The majority was written in a 72-hour stretch. The result is a deeply moving portrait of grief and resilience. Gideon paints a vivid picture of his brother and their relationship. It redefines ‘honest’ and ‘raw’ while never getting caught up in sentimentality.

We bear witness to someone with immense self-awareness, grappling in real-time with life-defining moments, a devastating loss, and how it shaped various aspects of themselves going forward. You can sense the urgency in Gideon’s words as he delves into the night his brother was killed.

“The phone does not ring at 1.30 am without good reason.”

For such a devastating story, it tumbles out in beautiful rhythm and rarely comes up for air – ensuring this short read is hard to put down. It’s reflective without being self-indulgent and the touching pictures reinforce a uniquely shared bond. Anecdotes regarding his mother’s grief were also particularly impactful, and various cited authors well-chosen and effective.

For someone with an aversion to memoir, Gideon has delivered the most powerful exploration of grief that I have read. I feel privileged to have experienced such a vulnerable work, and know the story of Jaz and Gid will stay with me for quite some time.

“The world of the bereaved is not merely sad but dangerous. It is full of cues, of snares, of jagged edges.”

Many thanks to Kate and Melbourne University Publishing for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Mark Porton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gideon Haigh is an Australian journalist.

My main exposure to Haigh’s work is his appearances on the (Australian) ABC Sunday morning sports show - Offsiders. His contributions are always worthwhile, straightforward, erudite, and straight to the point.

This reluctantly written short memoir about Haigh’s younger brother (Jaz) who was tragically killed at 17 years old, is well worth reading.

This is a moving piece about profound loss and the author’s own struggles – in his relationships, family dynamic problems, and his own mental health challenges. Gideon was in no rush to write this book, in fact, it was a stop start affair. But there seemed to be a burning fire inside him to ensure this memoir was completed.

I think many readers will find this memoir will give them pause to reflect.

This is such a well written and profound piece of introspection. I highly recommend it.

5 Stars

[jaz ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a brilliant little book, about grief, trauma and how it can affect someone. Grief is a funny little thing, it sits in the pit of your stomach waiting, sometimes sitting stagnant.. ignored for as long as possible until it decides to rear its head and crawl itself out of your mouth.

This emotive essay was written in 72 hours, I wish I could express trauma and grief as well as Haigh did in this short timeframe, but 27 years on I’m still trying to string words together that might one day be as impactful and meaningful as this short & completely brilliant book.

Thankyou to Kate and the MU Publishing team for sending me a copy of this!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this essay, Gideon Haigh explores the impact of the tragic death of his brother almost four decades ago. Haigh's grief and trauma seemed unrecognised by him until an emotional turning point led him to confront his trauma and grief. The author wrote this essay in a 72 hour writing intensive. The rushed nature of the writing shows in both positive and negative ways. A positive is that the emotions are raw and relatable. The negative is that the reflections feel a little superficial with a lot of questions raised but not answered. I liked it a lot. I sense that spending a bit more time deepening these reflections would make this an even better book.

[Will Mallett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read another book.
It was very very sad.

[Luke Cotter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any fan of good writing should read this. A brilliant look into the life of Australia’s most respected freelance writer and the toil of grief, loss and mental illness upon the body.

[Katherine S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not quite sure what to say about My Brother Jaz, as it is such a unique little book. Gideon Haigh's writing is beautiful and the way he articulates the profound loss of his brother is like nothing I've read before. It is neither memoir nor personal essay, more a meditation on how one significant event can shape the inner world of a person, as well as the direction of their life. That Haigh can convey such depth and meaning in a mere 96 pages is a testament to the power of his self-insight and writing. I immediately looked for his other books, only to find they are mostly on cricket. I plan to track down and read his works that are not!

[Annette Chidzey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first learned of this reflection during a recent late night interview between Rod Quinn and the author Gideon Haigh.
Having followed Gideon’s career and his writing prowess over many years, I was intrigued to see how such a devestating personal tragedy was to be handled by this author who could spotlight and explore others’ individual moments of trauma experienced equally unexpectedly.
Also having grown up in Geelong, like Gideon, I found a further connection with this man who spoke of settings and professionals that I knew about and could visualise quite readily.
Hard to describe in terms of literary format, not memoir or novella, the writing emerged as a stream of unconscious thought that interested me in terms of how deeply suppressed personal trauma can surface when we least expect it and must be dealt with there and then as a result of its sudden emergence and undeniable existence. Some of the revelations were deeply moving and resonated with this reader given a very different but nevertheless authentic encounter with unexpected death and grief much earlier in her life.

[Ros Gaz · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most brutally honest books I’ve read. A brief, unflinching take on the teenage death of a beloved, troubled brother and its catastrophic immediate and lasting impact on the author’s life.

[Karen Gower · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this, brave and personal, Thankyou

[Denise Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

A deeply moving account of brotherly love

I stumbled on this book by chance and it has been read quickly and with deep sadness and personal understanding.
Gideon has bravely exposed the deep pain of grief and this will undoubtedly help others in this same place

[Dani Netherclift · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone whose own (first) book about the death of a brother who was a young man, almost the same vintage as Jaz (born 1967) is about to be published, reading this elegant, spare and intimate elegy was a timely solace, even offering up exactly the advice I needed about sending a book out into the world (it's just a book, he says, it will transform nothing in your life). I write about what it was like not to have viewed the bodies, and Haigh's beautiful book addresses what viewing his brother was like for him in a tremendously moving account, both of the recognition of beauty and inexorable absence in what he saw. I recognised so much in his journey, which is the quality that brings comfort to readers, to know that we suffer in like ways when we lose the people we love, especially suddenly. I am grateful that Haigh eventually decided to sit and pen this poignant account. With this miniature volume, its treasured family photos and Haigh's act of writing, the memory of his brother Jaz is placed gently and lovingly back into the world he has been absent from for so long. This book will long resonate with me.

[Jenny Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

A riveting read: short, powerful, angry and sad. This is a story about grief: it is the story of how a father let his son down, which led indirectly to the son’s death, and the effect of this on the author‘s whole life.

[Cindy Condon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Understated. Meaningful little book. Nice read.

[Charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the kind of book that is, without question, always going to be 5 stars because how do you rate and review something of this magnitude? You don’t. Because this story had to be told, and we have to read it.

[Lachlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quite stunning and poignant look at grief and everything it entails. While short in length, it captures beautifully the emotion of family and what happens when that love is taken out of your grasp

[Roger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Those of you who have read my other reviews know that I consider Gideon Haigh to be the best current writer on the game of cricket in the world today - I have read many of his books with much pleasure. It's clear from those books that there is much more to Haigh than just cricket, as his other books about subjects as diverse as office culture and Doc Evatt also attest.

As for the personal Gideon Haigh, that has always been a cipher to his readers ("I was a journalist for more than a decade before I used a personal pronoun") - I knew he grew up in Geelong and barracked for the Cats, but apart from that knew very little.

I certainly was unaware, as I suspect were most of his readers, that he had a younger brother that was killed aged 17 in a road accident. My Brother Jaz is a very short book about the lingering pain and loss that such an event causes, how it affects a whole life, how it fades and yet never fades, and how Gideon Haigh dealt (or didn't deal) with his brother's death.

Haigh subsumed the tragedy into his work, ensuring that he never had a spare hour. He forsook most of life's pleasures - love, alcohol, sport, music - for a decade. Most importantly, he never revisited or discussed his brother's death with anyone, even his mother. Until, after the dissolution of a romantic relationship, during the Sydney Test in 2024, over the course of 72 hours, he wrote what became the text of this book.

It is a compelling and searing record of how a seismic event ripples through a whole life, and how there is never a "correct" way to deal with the repercussions. Denying or trying to hide it doesn't work, and creates other problems (in Haigh's case intransigence and lack of feeling), but therapy and drugs aren't fully effective either (anti-depressants work to get over the initial shock but not the longer term pain, therapy can turn into rounds of saying the same thing over and over).

Haigh is honest enough to wonder if writing this book will be any more effective than other strategies, but after years of denial suddenly felt the urge to go back, dissect the day of his brother's death and the life leading up to it, and his responses over time. There are no prescriptions for others in this book, it is a catalogue of one person's grief and loss, and all the more powerful for that.

I am old enough to have lost people that mean a lot to me, some at the "right" time, and some before their time, but I have never felt the pain of losing a sibling or a parent. Reading Haigh's book made me wonder about my ancestors, all of whom lost siblings to war or other accidents, and how they must have felt. It's sobering.

This is a book to read in a sitting - it's powerful and emotional. Highly recommended.

Check out my other reviews at http://aviewoverthebell.blogspot.com.au

[Cass Moriarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Gideon Haigh wrote the slim memoir MY BROTHER JAZ in a frantic 72-hour stretch and first published it on his Substack. The immediate, urgent and resonate response by readers encouraged Melbourne University Press to release the work (complete with photographs) as a small, pocket-sized copy in 2024.

First written in January 2024, Haigh’s words are a raw and anguished remembrance of the tragedy of losing his 17-year-old younger brother when he was killed in a road accident almost 40 years ago. The grief is still so fresh that it seems impossible it happened four decades earlier, yet because Haigh contained his pain for so long, it comes out in one long exhale, like a blown-up balloon quickly deflating. Although he thought many times over the years about writing about his brother’s death, and even once started, he could never go on. Something blocked his words and stopped his story.

On the back of the book, Haigh is quoted as saying: ‘Why did I even start this? The only reason I can think of is that it has to be done. It can’t remain unwritten, just as I could never leave Jaz unremembered.’ And with that, he unleashes a poignant, philosophical and thoughtful train of memories about when he first heard the news, the inquest and the days and weeks following, his therapy for bereavement and the result of his loss on his subsequent close intimate and family relationships.

Towards the end of the memoir, Haigh states: ‘I’m honestly not sure what I have achieved – it is too early to tell. Having again lost my emotional bearings I have at least gone looking for them,’ and says that reviewing the official findings and undertaking an honest reflection of his grief has perhaps ‘helped render more coherent the chaos of vivid impressions in my mind.’ His decision to examine his loss rather than look away appears to have had a life-changing and powerful result, even if he is not sure yet what that might be. Reading his words feels like a great weight of 40 years has finally been lifted; that the writing and interpretation of his words has fulfilled an absence or lack in his life.

This is such a short read – you could go from start to finish in less than an hour. Yet it is a potent force, a commanding voice, a meditative reflection on sibling love, regret, loss, grief, resilience and perseverance. Haigh is self-effacing, self-deprecating and unsure exactly what he is revealing through this writing but is certain of one thing – it was finally time for these words to be written, and for him to set his hand to writing them. A succinct, ravaging, heart-breaking and loving tribute to a brother lost so long ago.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

In January 2024, in a period of personal crisis, Gideon Haigh abruptly started writing the story of the night his seventeen-year-old brother, Jasper, was killed.

The sense of Jasper is always there, out of sight, but bulking darkly like a submerged continent.

Haigh has had a long career as a journalist and has written more than 50 books, and is known for his '...pronounced, and frankly unreasonable, aversion to autobiographical writings...'. So, his frenzied 72 hours spent writing My Brother Jaz, was driven by something Haigh can't quite identify, short of knowing it was time to acknowledge the impact of his brother's death. The result is something raw and confronting.

The next day I give the eulogy at the funeral. It is my most public role in this sequence of events; many people afterwards will praise my courage and dignity; of it I have almost no memory at all. I have begun closing those windows into my soul that events had thrown open. Perhaps they had only been narrowly open before; pretty soon they will be shut altogether.

The first thing to note about Haigh's experience of grief is that he did everything he could to avoid it. For many, many years, he could not touch his grief and, the longer that went on, the more difficult it became. He acknowledges that he masked his grieving with other things that may have appeared productive, such as work and his prolific publication schedule. But there were other indicators, including disordered eating and failing relationships.

You need not set out to kill yourself to do yourself in. You can run risks. You can abandon cares.

In all of my reading about grief, I seek the lines that describe it in a new way, knowing that one day, they will resonate deeply for someone. This is the line I'll be sharing from Haigh -

The world of the bereaved is not merely sad but dangerous. It is full of cues, of snares, of jagged edges.

My only criticism? I wanted more.

4/5

[MargCal · Rating 4 out of 5]

5 ⭐️
Finished reading ... My Brother Jaz / Gideon Haigh ..... 10 June, 2025
ISBN: 9780522880830 .... 87 pp. 

The publisher's blurb refers to this as “A profoundly moving memoir on grief and resilience”. But if resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands, then resilience is the wrong word here. Survival is much closer.

This outpouring of grief nearly 40 years after his 17 year old brother's death shows that the author has survived but not thrived since then. While he is a successful journalist and author, he has made sure not to experience life's highs lest he should again be subjected to the lowest of life's lows. But yes, it is profoundly moving – and incredibly sad – a life half-lived.

This barely novella length offering also shows that the passage through Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief is not neatly 1>2>3>4>5 … denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance … and bingo, then what? happiness? ... but a roller-coaster, backwards and forwards, tossed every which way, emotional journey of indeterminate length, even a lifetime. It is not, therefore, a guide to handling grief. This is but one of untold numbers of ways to experience profound loss.

It seems wrong to rate someone's personal grief but writing is what Haigh does and he does this superbly. It packs a punch while being incredibly gentle. It is raw but not ugly or miserable. It is definitely not a simple panacea though. You can whip through this in an hour or sit and meditate over it for as long as you like.

Highly recommended ... if you're in the right frame of mind to read about grief – and only each potential reader can judge that for themselves.


Borrowed from my local library.
Why do some people think it's OK to mark up library books?
Buy your own copy if you want to do that!

[Jenny Esots · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently found my way to one of my favourite bookshops in Melbourne: Hill of Content Bookshop.
My brother Jaz by Gideon Haigh is a very short little book on grief.
It reminded me of Joan Didion’s The year of Magical Thinking in the style of analytic writing, as in an essayist reviewing all the evidence, elements and reasoning behind an event.
This little tome was written in 72 hours, it is like the floodgates were thrown open and. a huge well of suppressed regret, sadness and confusion has been opened.
Included are the 'what if's' that populate times of grief and loss.
Forty years on Gideon breaks a lifetime aversion to autobiographical writing and puts pen to paper on the death of his younger brother Jasper - Jaz.
Forty years of living that his 17 year old brother never got.
Full disclosure I gravitate towards autobiographical writing and combinations of memoir writing. Events are empty on the page if they don't have a point of reference, ie real life experience attached.
Dare I say it, I hope this is the start of more memoir focused writing from this author.

[LibraryKath · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oof this is an intense read. I have loved Gideon Haigh's no-nonsense writing style for some time, particularly his true crime and historical books and when I heard about this one I knew I had to read it - he's one of those authors who really doesn't write about himself or his life, so I understood this would be something special.

A tiny book, written in the space of 72 hours, on the subject of his brother Jasper, or Jaz, who died in a horrific car crash when he was just 17, and Gideon 21. It feels like a purge, a flensing of the soul of sorts.

This is a book soaked in grief. Covered with grief. Grief lines every page, it rolls itself around the words and weaves itself into sentences. Gideon has been carrying that grief for so long, he doesn't know who he is without it. You can taste the grief as you read. And that's what makes it special, beautiful.

Again it's a tiny book, originally an essay published on Substack, rolled into a book. But take your time reading it, it needs that kind of attention.

[Philip Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tough stuff

Here we have a sort of memoir, mixed with an exploration of that inner emotional world that for me, at least, is like looking through a glass darkly. The journalist in me can describe what happened, draw word pictures to flesh out context and place, tell who said what and perhaps what it all meant. But articulating how one felt, or what one’s mind was doing, and why . . .
Something, and honestly I can’t yet name it, is here in Haigh’s story. I need to read it again. Thanks.

[Jenna Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

“As we grew how little we needed to say to each other to understand exactly what was going on inside of us”

I have a brother named Jaz, so naturally, the title of this book stood out to me as I was browsing through the library. My heart broke for the author. The book perfectly captures the many layers of grief, how it spans across a lifetime within us, and the way the loss of someone becomes a part of who we are.

[Kasey Drayton · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written personal memoir of a lost brother.

The heartache of loss, guilt and bereavement is palpable in each page as Gideon articulates his struggle following the 1987 car crash.

One of my favourite descriptions is this -

“ she wore her emotions on the outside, a coat of many colours; mine hung mainly inside, an all-black wardrobe”

A must read.

[Stewart Monckton · Rating 5 out of 5]

A remarkable book about the loss of a brother at an early age, and how that event has shaped and altered the life of the author. Heartbreakingly honest. I cannot recommend it highly enough. SM

[Michael Hastings · Rating 5 out of 5]

A life compromised by emotional shortcomings is laid bare in typically uncompromising fashion. For anyone who's followed Gideon's career, it's a fascinating read.

[Michael Refalo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moving & real..although brief, the account is vivid and has depth…I recommended

[Andy Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is simply stunning. Anyone who's life has been touched by loss , should read.

[Katie Snell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a beautiful short novella that is a reflection on losing a sibling and trying to not talk about it or face it for a long time and how that flows on and effects a seemingly successful life.