The Father You Get: And the Ones You Make, Believe In, and Become

by Patton Dodd

In a world of imperfect-at-best and bad-at-worst dads, what is the ideal of fatherhood we aspire to? Why does this ideal exist?

What is it about fathers and father figures that looms so large in the lives of so many? So wonders Patton Dodd in this work of reflection and memoir, in which he wrestles with a dad-sized hole, the gap between the idealized father he yearned to have and the father he got--an often-absent alcoholic who struggled to hold down a job and whose unreliability caused chaos for his family.

This struggle with the father he was given led Dodd to other father figures throughout his fathers he created, from an imaginary "Papa Friend" he dreamed up in his childhood, to the male mentors he sought as he grew older. There's also the father he believed in, the Christian God, often conceptualized as the heavenly Father, and who led Dodd to the steadfast, faithful love of his earthly mother. And finally, there is the father Dodd became when he had his own children, an experience that led him back to the source and the mystery of his own dad. Throughout, Dodd's story resonates for those with their own dad-sized gaps, their own father those who struggle with the fathers they got, the fathers they wish they had, the fathers they hope to be.

A lyrical, emotional meditation on the failures and glories of dadhood and manhood alike, The Father You Get is ultimately an extended wrestling with the mysteries of a distant parental figure. Dodd ultimately asks if there is any way to bridge the gap between the fathers we get and the fathers our hearts yearn for.

Genres: Memoir

222 pages, Hardcover

Published September 23, 2025

Reviews

[Mitzi Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patton Dodd’s memoir is a book I will never forget. I never expected such an emotional punch from such a slim, easy-to-read, highly entertaining book. He tackles the pain of growing up with an alcoholic father and how he grew up to become a father himself, with all the insecurities and trials of forging a healthier path.

[Bob Carlton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Dad Needs This Book

I did not expect this book to hit me in the gut, but it did. The Father You Get is messy and honest in the best possible way. Patton Dodd writes about dads the way we actually live them, not the shiny picture we wish we had. He talks about the fathers who drift, the ones we invent to get by, and the strange role of faith when you are trying to piece together what love is supposed to look like. It is funny in places, raw in others, and somehow makes you feel less alone in the parts of fatherhood you never say out loud.

As a dad myself, this book stopped me more than once. It made me think about the kind of father I got, and the kind of father I am still becoming. Dodd does not offer easy answers, but he does offer something harder and better, which is the truth. If you are a father, you should read this. Not because it will give you a checklist to be perfect, but because it will remind you that showing up with honesty matters more than perfection ever could.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I virtually never give books five stars. Surely, to achieve a perfect rating, you need to have written something superlative.

Dodd’s memoir is remarkable and deserves it. It is beautifully written, gut wrenchingly emotional, deeply thoughtful.

Dodd has these lines that articulate deep, human truths in ways I’ve never encountered. I’m sure some better educated in the art of writing and memoirs could find ways for the book to be improved, but in the end, Dodd’s vulnerability, his story, and his hope in the face of the tragedy that was his experience of fatherhood inspires me to be a better father and better human.

That deserves five stars.

[Aaron Stern · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t just read this book, this book read me. The writing is great, the story is engaging, and the impact is real. I laughed, I cried, I groaned, and I prayed. Reading Patton’s story caused me to engage mine. I highly recommend!

[dan snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man, I couldn’t put this one down. The Father You Get is the perfect mix of funny, serious, and heartfelt. The stories are deeply personal to the author, yet they connected with my own life and journey in mysterious ways. I laughed, got emotional, and walked away challenged. In the end, this book makes me want to be a better man and father.

[Michaela Dodd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun memoirs can be hard to find, especially ones that aren’t snarky. I related to this book more than I thought I would. It’s a great example of how to unpack your foundational stories in order to learn from them. It’s moves fast, and it’s very relatable. You don’t have to be a father or have dad issues to relate to it.

[Jeff Culver · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Patton’s portrait of his dad is harrowing, and his search for understanding leads him to revelations I won’t spoil here. I admired his bracing honesty, his masterful command of language, and the moments of dark humor that made me laugh out loud. I listened to the audio version read by Dodd himself, and he puts his heart into it - he may have choked up a few times when recounting his dear mother’s remarkable strength and service to others. It’s also a tender story about how we parent based on our own upbringing, as well as the importance (and danger) of role models, so it’s not just for fathers. It’s for anyone who feels inadequate to the task of being competent, raising children, finding God, and telling the truth about oneself. And while Dodd would seem to be the first to admit that he’s no guide, he models a way of being in the world that I find deeply meaningful.

[Harold Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and was deeply touched! I laughed and cried as I read the author’s transparency about being parented and parenting! As a parent and grandparent I was moved to tears as I was reminded of my own shortcomings. As you shared in your book, it is ok to admit it when you know you are clueless about life and parenting! It is a must read!
Thank you Patton!

[zoe knutsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a young woman, and not to brag, but I have a really great dad. I found The Father You Get beyond relatable though. Anyone who has a dad should read this book. Anyone who is a mother or sister or sibling should read this book. This book is a dang good read. Read it now!!!

[Dahlia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Touching, funny, faithful. Moving to read by the last section how much of a loving father he is to his own kids, how he pours into them all the love he didn't receive from his own father. Amazing how he chose a healthier path and didn't repeat his dad's pain. Well done!