Put Your Past in the Past: Why You May Be Reenacting Your Trauma, and How to Stop

by Beverly Engel

Stop repeating your past, and find lasting healing for the future.

Millions of us are desperately trying to rewrite our past by unconsciously repeating it--unknowingly reenacting the traumatic events in our lives in an effort to complete unfinished business or undo what was done to us. These unconscious efforts to undo trauma only bring more pain, more disappointment, and more psychological damage. Reenactments can take the form of self-destructive behavior, unhealthy decisions, choosing the wrong partners, getting stuck in repetitive emotional cycles, or sabotaging chances at success. Understanding and eliminating these reenactments is an essential part of the healing process. Unfortunately, this topic hasn't been addressed enough by psychotherapists and other mental health professionals.

In Put Your Past in the Past, renowned psychotherapist Beverly Engel offers the first accessible and comprehensive book on emotional reenactments. First, the book will help readers make their unsuccessful efforts to repair their past more conscious. Next, Engel offers powerful strategies to help readers truly heal their past, not by unwittingly repeating it, but by attending to their original wounds, and embracing self-compassion.

Unless we process past traumas, we can't heal them. Put Your Past in the Past will help you face your past head-on to find true and lasting wholeness.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction

288 pages, Hardcover

Published March 18, 2025

About the author

Beverly Engel has been a psychotherapist for thirty years, specializing in the areas of abuse recovery, relationships, women’s issues and sexuality. She is also the best-selling author of 20 self-help books, many of which have been featured on national television and radio programs (Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Starting Over) as well as national print media (O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Psychology Today, The Washington Post, The LA Times, and The Chicago Tribune to name a few).

She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on the issue of emotional abuse, as well as a pioneer on the issue, having written one of the first recovery books on the subject (The Emotionally Abused Woman).

Reviews

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very intense look at abuse and trauma. Well researched and written but really intense in regards to trauma. Anyone in the psychology field or education should read.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was sent to me for free by LibraryThing and Broadleaf Books, in exchange for an honest review.

Trauma, trauma, trauma. I remember, when I lived in Florida, hanging out in the apartment of a family that had recently come to the states from Afghanistan. I don't remember what exactly we were talking about, but at one point the father said something along the lines of “every single person in Afghanistan has trauma. Everyone has lost someone and/or been injured and/or lost everything.” That statement floored me. I had never thought about our world like that. It greatly encouraged the way I moved about the world, but also maybe made me minimize my own trauma, which gave me an excuse to not examine it.

I've read quite a few book in the same vein as Put Your Past in the Past and have enjoyed a great many of them, but I don't feel like most of them stuck the same way this book did. I don't think I can say exactly why until I go back and dive in, but I think it has something to do her style of writing—simple and easy to understand, yet effortlessly tackling tough subjects—and the way she organized the book. It's basically a step-by-step guide to the many different kinds of trauma, how they may have effected us, and what we can do to break the patterns. There are many different exercises throughout; I haven't tried any of them, but will before the book gets put on a shelf.

I often like to look at things with a “what if everyone” point of view. If I'm going to do something that's against my ethics or something like that, and I rationalize it by saying it's not a big deal, I ask myself; What if everyone did this? Same with this book. What if everyone took a deep look at their life and learned how to recognize the trauma they've experienced, figure out how they're re-enacting it in their romantic and other relationships, and how to take responsibility and do the work to make the changes needed?

Another thing this book helped me do is to have slightly more sympathy for the nazis and fascists taking over this country. I'm still gonna fight against them with everything I have, but at least I understand what's happening a bit more.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a LOT of books about trauma, but this one stands among the best. It explores an area of trauma that I haven't heard too much about prior to this called trauma reenactment. A person who has undergone a traumatic experience in childhood may (unconsciously) reenact those behaviors in their relationships, in self-injurious behaviors, etc. I thought the topic was fascinating, and both Engel's research and her experience working with trauma clients provides the book with a comprehensive format. I've already read a few of Engel's books, but this one was by far the most helpful. She also offers some strategies on how to break these destructive patterns, which makes the book even more useful to victims of trauma. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who has been impacted by childhood trauma.

*Free ARC provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*

[Nicole Newell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stop repeating your past, and find lasting healing for the future.

Beverly Engel is a well-known psychotherapist who writes a great book about the affects of trauma on us. The beginning of the book will discuss not just some types of traumas a person may experience, but also what a person may be doing that is not helping heal them. The next section gives strategies to deal with the original trauma and using self-compassion as a way to heal. There are exercises throughout the book that can help you remember traumas, see what your responses have been, and some better options. The end of the book discusses different types of therapies, as well as a list of books to read to learn more.

Thank you to NetGalley and Broadleaf Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about identifying Trauma in your past and how to work through it moving forward. It covers ACE's (adverse Childhood experiences), and how these can lead to things like Complex PTSD and repeated Trauma. Furthermore the book discussed how we are trying to rewrite our past by unconsciously repeating it.

The book goes into a deep dive of discovery about why we do the things we do any offers strategies to help heal the past. I feel the book is good for people who are discovering their trauma/traumatic patterns but haven't been able had therapy or discovered tools to work on this. For people who are in the Mental health field or have had years of therapy this might not be as deep of a dive into the trauma.

[Lisa Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book for free from the publisher for my honest review. I loved her book “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship” and recommend it a lot. This book tackles a dicey topic, which is when victims of trauma and abuse re-enact their trauma, either by getting into more relationships with abusers or becoming abusive themselves. This will be a hard book to read for victims who find themselves continuously re-enacting patterns that are bad for them and others. But it’s a necessary & super helpful book, with lots of research and activities/exercises for healing. I highly recommend this, especially for therapists.

[Tina Howell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I’ve read by Beverly Engel. This is a great book about how trauma affects us. I love reading books focused on trauma and how it affects up but also offers ways to overcome. This book focuses on just that. I love how the author includes exercises throughout the book which focus on the trauma, the response to the trauma, and what other options are available. I love that the book includes resources at the end of the book. Great book and a definite reread.