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414 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 9, 2024
"There are many people who'd say my behavior was unprofessional. I shouldn't have gone in the jacuzzi, shared details of my private life, or stayed the night in your guest room. I'll admit, initially, I shared that mindset. But I've since given it a lot of thought and come to the conclusion that our experience was in line with my general methodology. . ."
Fact is, three weeks ago she lit the book of my type on fire and started writing a new one. Now every damn page is her. I can’t even look at other women because I’m obsessed with the one in front of me.
I loved Liz [the dead wife] deeply. From the moment I met her, I knew she was going to be my wife. She was soft and gentle and kind. An antidote to my rough edges; clear skies to my storm. Her death and that of our unborn child destroyed me. I’d never felt that kind of pain. Some days, on anniversaries or when I see something that reminds me of her, I still can’t believe I survived her loss.
But maybe that in itself is a kind of explanation for this fixation I have with Stirling. Like an earthquake that exposes a hidden cave system, perhaps grief opened parts of me that weren’t visible before. Brought oxygen and life to the darkest recesses of my spirit. I’m too feral now for anyone gentle. Too sharp for anyone soft.
I’d tie myself up if it meant any part of me could be inside her. I’d punch myself in the fucking face.
I want her to destroy me.
I think it might be my only road to salvation.