Good morning, dear readers. Okay, I'm done. First off, I want stars or more tea or maybe someone to help me rake leaves as a prize for resisting the urge to look at this novel in more depth on Goodreads before I got to the last page. I did not look. I did not read any reviews. I did not search "Johan Harstad" to find out as much as I could about him. Next I want to shout out to Michelle, my friend and neighbour, who pointed me in the direction of this novel. The library didn't have it so I bought it. I don't buy many books. I use the library, oh, let's say 90% of the time. I used to buy books. All. The. Time. Then I used to loan books and as you know, sometimes books don't come home, so then my collection was kind of fractured. Then I did a major clean out (see "minimalism") and got rid of most of the books I owned. I took them to a really nice used book store and asked for cards instead of book credit. Cards. They had beautiful cards. I write a lot of letters and cards. I had signed first editions, I had some real gems in the many boxes, but it was okay. I felt okay going away with my hundred dollars worth of posh art cards and I wrote notes and letters on them and that was that.
When I was 12 years old, a hundred years ago, I used to say to my mother, "l'll never be allowed to go uptown by myself! Ever!" I said it in that exasperated way only a 12 year old can and back then kids were, generally speaking, more polite and less entitled so it probably didn't sound very forceful but all I wanted was to get on the bus and go uptown to the library. That's all I wanted. And my mother, one day, said, "Okay. You can go."
This brings me to one of my happiest memories, like it's in the top five. It was snowing. That's important. It was late November or early December, I know this because it got dark very early. I went to the library and I chose a huge pile of books, let's say nine. It may have been seven but it was a significant stack, it was not two or three. As long as I had books I was okay. I had an alternate universe. I could go into the books and the real world would fall away. Every part of it, people yelling, fear, sorrow, the things that were part of my 12 year old life. Once I had novels, I was home free. All I had to do was open the pages and whoosh, gone. So I clearly remember that night, I sat on the right hand side of the bus and because it was dark the lights were on inside the bus and it was dark grey outside and the snow was falling. I remember the cold of the bus seat and the pile of books behind me and looking out the window at the snow and the darkness and the bus was shaped like a loaf of bread, that's how buses were shaped back then, and I was all alone and completely happy and I thought, "Remember this moment, memorize this moment." And I did.
So you're now saying (or maybe a few of you are saying), "WHAT has this got to do with "Buzz Aldrin, What Happened to You In All The Confusion?" That's a good question. I'll take it. I'll answer that. Let us say that there are two types of books for me, when it comes to the ones I really love. The first category are fine, they work, I am happy to read them, I admire the writing. Yep, they're top shelf. Ah, but then, then what is the second category? Well, they're the magical ones. Some of you are reading this because of my review of "How To Stop Time" and yes, I understand that. This is a very different novel in many ways but, but, for me it works the same kind of magic. It's not just brilliant (and it is that), it's this feeling of enormous relief I get when I read the pages, the feeling of my shoulders going down and that there is goodness in the world and that someone, someone has been able to put into words so many of the things I think and feel. So maybe it's me and maybe it is matter of the right book at the right time but I do need to tell you more.
I was on page 73. There is a sentence that starts on page 72 and goes halfway down page 73. I was going to do a word count for you this morning but I lost count twice and gave up. Let's say it's a one page sentence. That's long, eh? Yeah, that's long. I read it and felt this kind of humming vibration in my mind, it's this feeling of extreme excitement because (for me) this Johan Harstad nailed it. He nailed it. I had to see if anyone else felt this way but was avoiding Goodreads reviews so I said to my adult son, "Sit. Read this. Read this one giant sentence and then tell me what you think." I paced around while he read. He said, "Jeez Mom, it's so depressing!" I said, "Depressing? Depressing?? It lifts me up, that whole thing he's going on about, that's what I think about and he was able to get it down on paper and it just makes me relax and feel better able to live in the world. Don't you think it's kind of brilliant?" He said, "Well, I see your point but I find it quite depressing." So, it's all eye of the beholder.
There are two reasons I think readers will struggle with this novel. It's a translation and the place names are difficult. What's the other reason? Hmmmm. I don't know how to put this. Let's say that it's a writer's book. Does that mean only writers will like it? No. Not exactly. I need more tea. Was there not an offer for more tea? Is someone not plugging in a kettle? I can't hear the kettle! I can't hear it. I think what I am trying to say is you've got to put some effort into reading this book. It's not short (471 pages) and it's not always easy, which is not to say it's hard. It's not a slog, not like walking in sodden bog and your boots keep getting stuck. However, it does take some effort. It's a novel that does require you to pay attention and go fully in and again, that's not for everyone and hey, it's not always for me but at this point in time, like now, it was just what I needed.
Let's talk about what I like. Let's be subtle about it. FIRST PERSON NARRATION! There. Nice and subtle. Give me a narrator to love. What makes me love them? I like me some angst. Yep. But not hopelessness. Basically I want a variation of that 12 year old kid on the bus who is thinking a lot and wondering about the world, their place in the world, why things happen, why things are the way they are. And I want a narrator who sees a lot and shows it to me. I don't want hammered with the beautiful details, I want them doled out like very small exquisite chocolates, preferably the kind with candied ginger in them and not cloyingly sweet. If you can do that, I'll climb to the rooftops and sing your praise.
It's raining here, very heavily. I am not going out so scrap the rooftop thing. I'll sing it from this chair in front of the computer. I had no hesitation to say "You all must read the Matt Haig novel." That was easy. I knew that most of you would be wildly excited. This is different. I think you need to think about it and consider what I've said and soon I'll go and see what other readers had to say about it here on Goodreads. After I get another tea, after.
I was nervous in the last fifty pages, he had a lot of work to do, this author, a lot of work. And I was thinking oh, don't fail me now, do not fail me now. Endings are critical for me. It was gentle and beautiful. I exhaled.
I'll miss Mattias, the narrator. I miss him now. I started missing him yesterday as soon as I closed the last page. That, in the final analysis, is the litmus test for me. I miss hearing his voice in my head. I miss hearing his thoughts. Above all that, I'm grateful he was with me for the week it took me to read this novel. Bone grateful.
And I think that's all I have to say. Well, it's never all I have to say but I'll stop here because it's quite clear to me that any tea to be had is going to be made by yours truly. I hope the pages you are turning in your life work their magic for you, winter bus magic.
Over and out,
Fishgirl