The Surrender Agenda: My witty & honest journey of learning to accept and love my pain

by Lorraine Ansell

Genres: Self Help

172 pages, Paperback

Published June 25, 2024

Reviews

[Hannah Boyland · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always enjoy reading about other people’s lived experiences, especially in relation to things that I myself experience also. Talking about pain is so important, and it needs to be spoken about more! I especially appreciate when disability is spoken about from diverse perspectives - in this case, Lorraine spoke about her Chilean heritage, as well as the racism she experiences here in the UK.

I especially recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t live with chronic pain/hEDS, as imo it did a really good job of discussing just some of the difficulties that can come along with it.

I did struggle with some of the repetitiveness of some of the messages throughout the book, but I also think that for people who don’t live these things daily, that repetitiveness is probably a good reminder that pain is a constant for some of us.

I enjoyed how Lorraine spoke about the difficulties of hEDS, but in a way that included humour and positivity. I also really appreciated the “surrender snacks” at the end of each section. It can be easy to focus on the negatives of our disabilities, and having that reminder to relax, and do something nice for ourselves was a lovely addition. I felt so seen throughout this <3

[Claire Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

🦓 Learning to live inside the ache 🦓

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Pain didn’t make me who I am, but it certainly taught me how to listen.”

Firstly, The Surrender Agenda is not a book about giving up. It’s about finally, bravely, stopping the war with your own body.
Lorraine Ansell writes with wit, candour, and a quietly devastating honesty about life with chronic pain from hEDS. As a fellow hEDS zebra, I know it's the kind of pain that doesn’t announce itself loudly (apart from joint dislocation or subluxation!), but seeps into every choice: clothes, plans, friendships, energy, identity.

Lorraine looks back with clarity at a lifetime of “issues with tissues,” reframing what she once dismissed or endured without language, having been, like many of us, diagnosed later in life.

This book is raw—unflinching about daily pain, medical gaslighting, and the exhaustion of constant compromise. But it’s also warm, funny, and deeply human. Lorraine’s reflections after her detached retina and multiple eye surgeries—thank goodness her sight was saved—give the narrative a stillness, a pause where surrender becomes something radical rather than resigned.

This is memoir as gentle rebellion: choosing self-love over self-punishment, acceptance over denial, curiosity over shame. The “self-help snack suggestions” are exactly that—nourishing, never preachy, offered with compassion rather than instruction.

The Surrender Agenda made me feel seen, steadied, and emotionally lighter. It reminded me that listening to our bodies is not weakness—it’s wisdom hard-won. This
is one of the hardest reviews I have ever written, as this book needed me to look so deeply within myself—as I knew it would—but perhaps now, finally, I can begin to love my pain.

Verdict: A tender, validating, and powerful read. Essential for anyone living with chronic illness—and eye-opening for anyone who loves someone who is.

[Shalla · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave me a completely different way of looking at chronic pain. Lorraine Ansell shares her journey with hEDS in such an open and personal way, and her message about meeting pain with compassion instead of fighting it really stayed with me.

I’ll admit, the idea of “falling in love” with pain felt strange at first. But I came to see it as acceptance and how that shift in mindset can help you cope differently. Living with chronic back pain myself, I found her reflections on listening to your pain and finding words to describe it especially powerful. Lorraine’s approach suggests that softening toward our pain, even just a little, can change how we experience it.

There are also practical tips throughout the book. They might not work for everyone, but they’re shared with warmth and honesty, and might be worth trying. A meaningful read for anyone living with persistent pain.

[Staceywh_17 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lorraine's story is one of pain. Her account off being a woman living with 'hEDS' is candid and raw.

If I swapped Lorraine's 'hEDS' for complex spinal injuries this could have been my partner's story. I found it relatable on so many levels and it's given me more appreciation into how much he does struggle and how I need to be more accepting of this.

At the end of each chapter we have Lorraine's 'surrender snacks', just not those of the edible kind. And at the end of the book there is a comprehensive list of pain management tools recommended by Lorraine in the form of books, apps, groups, and websites alongside suggested activities and supports.

For anyone who lives with chronic pain it's definitely worth a read.

3.5 🌟

[Ira Hakim · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Surrender Agenda made me feel seen in a way that a book has not done for a long time. Lorraine Ansell is a creative, humorous and determined author. Found deep solace in her writing and was able to giggle at sections. Even when I did not always relate on a personal level, she still made it relatable - a real skill. Even talking about how living in pain impacts people so deeply in ways that pain free folk cannot understand without experiencing it, was so eye opening. Ansell somehow brings hope and light to a topic that people don't want to talk about because it makes them uncomfortable. This book is a must read for people living in pain, especially h-EDS, and those that love or care for them.

[Jade rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an eye-opening book, filled with warmth , understanding and light hearted humour . While I don’t have hEDS myself, I do live with chronic health issues, and I found so much value in Lorraine Ansell’s honesty and bravery. It takes real courage to open up and invite others into these conversations. The impact of a book like this is truly immeasurable—it will help countless people feel seen, heard, and less alone. I’m so grateful to have read it, and I believe it will resonate with many others facing similar challenges and give them a newfound voice to speak about their own experiences. Thank you Lorraine x

[Kelly Hollingworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lorraine Ansell has a condition I had not heard of before, Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. In this book she writes about her pain with this condition but, in doing so, it forms a self-help book for others experiencing and trying to cope with pain themselves, helping them towards their own adjustment and acceptance. I really liked her analogy of the Distress Diamonds forming a Trauma Tiara. I also liked the pain management tools she offers - books, apps and activities that have helped her. I love that she loves to dance. Kitchen discos are brilliant! The book is raw, real and relatable. I recommend it for anyone experiencing pain or who knows someone who is.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book and I recommend to anybody battling with any uncertainty in life. It’s an interesting view of one persons experience with illness, pain and suffering. The ability to use self help for the aid of healing and how to
overcome such a period of unease.
The writer shows incredible resilience and strength throughout this life experience, written on reflection on the journey. This made me reflect very much on my own life and my experiences.
Encouraging self help tips with a gentle amount of humour, certainly a thought provoking book.

Many thanks to team @literallyPR for my copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Surrender Agenda is an honest, witty account of living with chronic pain. Lorraine Ansell shares her journey with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and how years of constant pain shaped her personality, choices, and even what she wears. Diagnosed in her 40s, she reflects on finally understanding her body, alongside major health challenges including three laser eye surgeries in 2023.
This book is about self-discovery, self-love, and learning to work with pain rather than constantly fighting it. Thoughtful, relatable, and quietly empowering. 💛

[EdenB15 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gosh this book was so beautiful and really hit home as someone who experiences] daily chronic pain this book made me feel so seen and that doesnt happen very often.I laughed i cried I felt the full range of emotions.It was so beautifully written and also so naturally.Id also recommend this to people who dont live with chronic pain as it really provides a raw and valuable insight into the lived experiences that whilst these can be different for people their are a lot of similarities .Im looking forward to reading what’s next from the author

[Leah O'Faolain · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fellow pain sufferer, I found this book incredibly powerful. Empathy pouring out of me for every element of this pain puzzle. Well worth reading if you struggle with any form of chronic pain.

[Emma Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a beautiful and entertaining read. From the very first page the author's writing had me hooked and I kept reading until the end as I wanted to know what happened. I found the book heartfelt and thought - provoking and it made me think at times. Overall, a brilliant read that I highly recommend to other readers.
💝 Thank you to Literally PR, the author Lorraine Ansell and the publisher for my copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.