This Is Body Grief: Making Peace with the Loss That Comes with Living in a Body

by Jayne Mattingly

"We all need an opportunity to sit gently and thoughtfully with our grief. Consider this book your invitation."—Rachel Cargle, author of A Renaissance of Her Own

A guide to living and making peace with your ever-changing body

Have you ever felt like your body has failed you? Maybe you’re not as quick or as strong as you used to be, or an illness has wrecked your sense of self, or no matter what diet you follow, you still feel uncomfortable in your own skin. So you go to war with your body for what it can no longer do—when the truth is, our bodies are always on our side.

In This Is Body Grief, disability advocate and recovery expert Jayne Mattingly lays out a groundbreaking approach to mourning and accepting one’s ever-changing body. Like all grief, she says, Body Grief cannot be overcome but felt in all its complexity. Dismantling the narrative that your body is “against you,” she presents new ways to cope with your body's fluctuating abilities with self-compassion and grace. Along the way, she walks you through the seven stages of Body Grief—from dismissal, shock, and self-blame to hopelessness and hope, and eventual body trust—offering wisdom for how to make space for each difficult emotion as it arises.

Sharing stories from everyday people in the throes of Body Grief as well as her own journey as a newly-disabled woman—from the first of many harrowing hospital visits that resulted in her own life-altering diagnosis, to having to use a rollator on her wedding day because she could no longer walk safely on her own, to accepting the need for a hysterectomy in her early 30s—Mattingly shows that although healing isn’t a linear journey, it begins when we trust and work in tandem with our bodies.

Genres: Nonfiction, Disability, Mental Health, Self Help, Health, Psychology, Grief

249 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 18, 2025

Reviews

[Ace✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5

I needed to read this right now. I'm personally suffering through terrible sciatic pain making it so I can barely walk. I'm only 31 and the amount of rude/judgy people I see, for using a cane is horrific. Not only that being a plus sized woman, it's even worse. This is one book that will probably always stick with me and try think about more in my daily life.

Anyways before this review becomes a journal, Fantastic read.

[Corrica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Is Body Grief by Jane Mattingly is a beautifully written and deeply compassionate guide to navigating the complex emotions that come with living in an ever-changing body. Mattingly’s honesty and vulnerability shine through as she shares her own experiences alongside those of others, creating a powerful sense of connection and understanding for anyone grappling with Body Grief.

What sets this book apart is its groundbreaking approach to reframing our relationship with our bodies. Instead of fighting against what we perceive as limitations, Mattingly invites readers to make peace with their bodies through self-compassion, grace, and the acknowledgment of grief as part of the healing process. The seven stages of Body Grief she outlines provide a clear, empathetic roadmap for moving from self-blame and hopelessness to eventual body trust.

This book is an essential read for anyone struggling with their physical changes—whether due to illness, aging, or any other challenge. It’s a heartfelt reminder that while healing may not be linear, our bodies are always on our side. Inspiring, validating, and life-affirming.

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this book. Highly recommend to anyone dealing with chronic illness or disability.

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like this book should be a must read for anyone so that we can confront our body grief. For me I read this at just the right time whilst dealing with ‘just another thing’. It’s so good to hear the acknowledgment that it’s not all fine and to look at the balance between fighting and surrendering. I am going to work more in collaboration with my body in the future. Thanks to NetGalley for the early copy of this.

[Pippa · Rating 4 out of 5]

As somebody with an energy limiting condition that requires careful pacing, “what will I get out of this, and what will it take from me?” is the hero quote from this book for me. An interesting and original look at the relationship we each have with our bodies and the different stages we move through as we inevitably deal with the changes and disturbances our physique experiences as we move through life. 

[akacya ❦]

2025 reads: 296/300

in this is body grief, the author discusses various ways that living in a body can be traumatic. i borrowed this from libby with the expectation that this would focus on living specifically in a disabled body, so it came as a surprise (though, not an unwelcome one) that this was just one aspect explored in this book. while i would still say this is helpful for disabled people struggling with their body grief, i liked the various aspects of body grief from people who experience other “-isms,” as the author puts it.

[mads · Rating 5 out of 5]

incredible book.❤️‍🩹

[Samantha // fictionfigurine · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you love to be told how privileged you are then you might like this. Many chronically ill or disabled people are on the brink of suicide. I did not find this rhetoric to be helpful or compassionate and, in fact, believe it to be harmful.

[Allison Leck · Rating 3 out of 5]

This felt a bit hollow to me? Not sure I can describe it fully but I felt a sense of “ick” while reading it rather than a sense of empowerment I had hoped for? I appreciated her own story but it felt to me a little preachy/privileged and not enough empathy or practical for others?

[Kelsey Crandall · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good practical tips and moving anecdotes. Rang hollow (to me) in its overall cultural ethos.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened on audio.

As someone who deeply fears not being healthy and able, I really needed this book. It helped me see that I have a lot of internalized ableism and ageism I need to challenge.

The body grief framework is applicable to so many pieces of my life and my loved ones’ lives, and I’d recommend it to everyone. As Mattingly says, living in a body means experiencing pain, discomfort and fear. This is something we all face, and she walks the reader through body grief’s phases with tenderness and clarity. The journal prompts, affirmations, and exercises are great and practical.

I love that she has a social justice and intersectional lens which is essential here, though it may provide a barrier for some readers.

I’m so glad I read this.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really great, and provided a framework and language for understanding and talking about the particular experience of grief that comes with living in a human body. As a therapist, I read it for work, and I think it will be a helpful resource not only for my work with clients, but also in my own journey dealing with multiple chronic illnesses. In terms of a social work related / self-help book, it was probably a 5 star read, but honestly it is literally impossible for me to have anything more than a 4 star reading experience when reading work-related stuff anymore; truly all I want to do is read fantasy stuff about queer witches and vampires.

[Ali Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a needed, important book for us to start and keep talking about body grief. It felt like a companion from start to finish, and I can’t wait to pass it on to someone else who also needs it.

[Liv · Rating 5 out of 5]

i read this during a time i really needed it, so thank you Jayne. it felt like a warm cup of tea to my heart! the voice and tone are approachable, loving, gentle, and non-blamey. with of course filled with lots of anti ableist content ◡̈

[Kathie MATTINGLY · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful deeply personal stories shared and explained to help all of us deal with our inevitable body grief that comes with being human!
A wonderful lesson on accepting who we are and moving forward to be our best selves!
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is working to embrace their physical and emotional self!

[Ed Mattingly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so helpful with understanding the trials that come with aging, healing from injuries and health issues, etc. Written in a way that welcomes you in and connects the message to your life. Very loving, supportive, yet clinical and grounded. This book is a GIFT to society!

[Emma Shuster · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! What an incredible book. As someone who lives with several chronic illnesses, this book really resonated with me. I felt seen and understood. 

Jayne Mattingly blends personal stories with practical tools in such a thoughtful, compassionate way. Mattingly did such an amazing job seamlessly weaving tips, explanations, affirmations, journal prompts, and exercises into one cohesive format. Whether you are grappling with a new diagnosis or have several, this book offers something for every part of the body-grief journey.  


This was such a beautifully written, insightful, and validating story. I hope it helps others as much as it helped me. It's the kind of book I’ll return to again and again.

[Victoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hyper-cerebral but in a good way? We need to think highly about the state of our bodies and how we exist within them. I didn’t understand all of it but each chapter had me sitting and thinking hard about the ideas presented. 3.5 stars.

[Leah Golombek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every person with chronic illness, especially EDS, should read this book ❤️

[McKenna Maier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book means everything to me

[Mandy Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to receive this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. It took me a long time to finish the book, but not from any fault of the author, but because I wanted to truly process each page before moving on.

If you have experienced trauma and you’re sick of fighting through it alone, of the hustle culture and feeling like you’re falling behind - this book is for you. Jayne will feel like a real friend after reading this. She walks you through each step of the grief process, complete with real life examples, journal prompts, and a healthy dose of Taylor Swift lyrics. Her term “JOMO” for “Joy of Missing Out” is one of my new favorite catch phrases. I’ve never read a book like this before, one that makes me feel okay about not being “normal”. I’m really grateful this exists, for me and for so many others who will benefit from its contents.

Thank you to Goodreads for the free book, and to Jayne for being an inspiration!

[EmG ReadsDaily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compassionate. Insightful. Practical. Vulnerable. Encouraging.

[charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a body, you should read this!

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne Mattingly perfectly embodies what it feels like to live in a body that deals with chronic illness, pain, and suffering. She talks about “body grief” and what goes along with it. She has underwent so many surgeries and struggles with her own chronic illness that this book was empowering to me as someone who’s chronically ill dealing with feelings of hopelessness and grief along with a lot in a body that’s failing us. I love how she gives hope in her novel and how it’s ok to feel our feelings and how they’re meant to be felt and experienced. How they are fleeting and aren’t meant to stay. I love the mini-stories of different persons embedded into her book and the various forms of body grief that can be experienced. I also loved her coined concept of “JOMO” - the joy of missing out and expending our little bit of energy in ways that aren’t exhausting our poor sick bodies that are going through so much. I also appreciated her embracing mobility aids instead of downplaying them when we need them. It can be hard as younger adults to be using them but making them personable to us can be helpful. Jayne, thank you for sharing your story and making me feel less alone in this. You should be very proud of this book that’s not only changed my life but many other lives.

[Sarah Jensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Review: This Is Body Grief: Making Peace with the Loss That Comes with Living in a Body by Jayne Mattingly

Introduction
Jayne Mattingly’s This Is Body Grief is a poignant exploration of the often-overlooked emotional and psychological toll of living in a body that changes, ages, or fails to meet societal or personal expectations. Unlike traditional grief narratives focused on bereavement, Mattingly reframes grief as a universal experience tied to bodily existence—whether due to illness, disability, aging, or societal pressures. The book combines memoir, psychological insight, and practical guidance to validate the complex emotions surrounding body image, identity, and loss.

Themes and Analysis

Redefining Grief
Mattingly challenges conventional notions of grief by expanding its scope to include bodily experiences. She argues that grief is not reserved for death alone but permeates life through chronic pain, medical diagnoses, weight fluctuations, or even the dissonance between one’s physical self and societal ideals. This perspective invites readers to acknowledge and honor their own “body grief” as a legitimate form of suffering.

Intersection of Body and Identity
The book delves into how bodily changes can destabilize one’s sense of self. Mattingly illustrates how grief emerges when the body no longer aligns with internalized narratives of health, beauty, or capability. Her discussion resonates with themes of ableism, ageism, and the commodification of bodies, offering a critique of systems that exacerbate shame and disconnection.

Narrative and Healing
Mattingly employs a deeply personal narrative style, weaving her own experiences with body grief—including chronic illness and societal pressures—into a broader dialogue. This approach not only fosters empathy but also models how storytelling can be a tool for reclaiming agency. The book encourages readers to reframe their bodily narratives from failure to adaptation, from loss to resilience.

Practical Compassion
Beyond theory, the book provides actionable strategies for navigating body grief, such as mindfulness practices, self-compassion exercises, and community-building. Mattingly emphasizes the importance of “witnessing” one’s grief without judgment, a process she ties to somatic healing and emotional integration.

Critique
While the book’s personal tone is a strength, some academic readers may desire more empirical research or interdisciplinary connections (e.g., to disability studies or trauma psychology). The focus on individual healing, though valuable, could be balanced with deeper structural analysis of how systems like healthcare or media perpetuate body grief. Additionally, the fluidity between memoir and self-help may blur boundaries for readers seeking a purely theoretical framework.

Conclusion
This Is Body Grief is a groundbreaking work that validates an underdiscussed dimension of human suffering. Mattingly’s compassionate prose and inclusive approach make it accessible to both general readers and scholars interested in embodiment studies. By naming “body grief” as a universal yet deeply personal experience, the book fosters a much-needed dialogue about acceptance, adaptation, and the messy beauty of inhabiting a body.

Final Thoughts & Rating
Mattingly’s work is a call to soften the self-critical voices that often accompany bodily change and to embrace grief as a transformative force. It is particularly relevant in an era dominated by unrealistic body standards and medicalized narratives of “fixing” the self.

Rating: 4.3/5

Originality & Concept: 5/5 – A fresh, necessary perspective on grief.
Emotional Resonance: 4.5/5 – Personal narratives are deeply moving.
Practical Application: 4/5 – Useful tools, though some may crave more depth.
Academic Rigor: 3.5/5 – Strong thematic analysis but leans memoir-heavy.
Accessibility: 4.5/5 – Engaging for both lay and academic audiences.
Highly recommended for readers grappling with body image, chronic illness, or existential questions about embodiment. Its blend of vulnerability and wisdom makes it a standout in the fields of self-help and somatic psychology.

[stephanie homrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

When faced with large and daunting projects, I've always heard the saying, "the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time." While everyone has their own way of organizing their projects into smaller, more manageable tasks, often this is a project in its own with which more help is required. With this book, the work of going through all the phases of body grief and accepting changes in your life is made less daunting. Jayne Mattingly has done all the work and laid out the steps into bite-sized pieces, allowing time for the reader to breathe and become acclimated with the way of the book.

More of a self-help guide, Body Grief encourages moments for reflection and time to journal and process new information with added prompts for guided meditation/reflection. The humor in her unique tone of voice and comedic relief in her personal anecdotes provides a form of a security blanket and layer of comfort to help ease the heart-wrenching stories that are shared in the pages.

The organization of this book helped me understand each step of body grief, in addition to the numerous stories from personal people/friends/mentors of the author's, impressed me with the obvious work and research Mattingly had put into her book. As each stage of body grief was broken down into bite-sized chunks for easy digestion, I found myself getting clarity in my own emotions and thinking of multiple people who would benefit from this book, even if a few chapters at a time (based on their progression of injury, age, disability, illness, etc.). I found myself highlighting and earmarking places for reference later on and a feeling of comfort upon completion, knowing I had this source of understanding and assistance to be later called upon in times of various stages.

Mattingly covers nearly, if not all, examples of body grief. Most of which I hadn't thought about to fall under the category of Body Grief, but after reading, I found myself impressed with how I gained more knowledge, understanding, and empathy after multiple sections. A truly astounding work and one I will be referring back to often to be a better listener to myself and others as we all undergo our Body Grief.

[Anaya Kashmir · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let’s start off by establishing the basics: this book was a complete 5/5⭐️ for me. I was engaged, stimulated, and more than a little emotionally devastated — all of which were executed with the utmost care.

📖At the outset, this book posits that your body is your ally; it is there to protect and support you, regardless of whether it conforms to societal expectations or not. Immediately, I was uncomfortable. I felt an itching, twisting feeling in my gut that I have come to know means one thing: listen. Listen to that discomfort and ask why it’s so strong. So, I tried to do just that. I dove in, apprehensive and anxious, and was rewarded within minutes by the assurance I found cradled between pages🩵

💞This book is for everybody and ~every~ body. Corny, I know, but the root of this book is to help people navigate grief derived from bodily change. Whether through disability, puberty, pregnancy, menopause, or a myriad of other physical transformations, we all experience some degree of Body Grief. By identifying and naming this pain, we can begin to process our grief and offer ourselves compassion on a non-linear, exhausting, and rewarding journey.

📑Mattingly breaks Body Grief down into seven primary elements. She analyzes each stage through a combination of research, anecdotes, and exercises/journal prompts. While reading, I was invited to examine the uncomfortable truths about my own Body Grief as it relates to my disability. At times, I swore Mattingly must have discovered a tool to climb into my brain, because she touched on parts of my journey that I’ve declined to share with myself, let alone others.

❤️This book is a hug, a challenge, and a confidant all in one. It encapsulates the turbulence of Body Grief without shying away from its ugliness, while still highlighting the immense power of disabled joy. Please do yourself the favor of picking up this incredible book, either for yourself or a loved one who knows the face of Body Grief.

[Reading Rounds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne Mattingly’s This Is Body Grief is a powerful and much-needed book for anyone struggling with their relationship with their body. Whether due to illness, aging, disability, weight changes, or other life transitions, body grief is a deeply personal yet often overlooked experience—and Mattingly approaches it with both expertise and empathy.

What makes this book exceptional is its balance of practical guidance and heartfelt storytelling. Mattingly helps readers identify their stage of body grief and offers actionable steps to move toward acceptance and healing. The inclusion of personal anecdotes—both from her own life and those she’s worked with—makes the book relatable and reassuring. You never feel alone in your journey while reading it.

I highly recommend This Is Body Grief to anyone who has ever felt disconnected, frustrated, or heartbroken by their body. It’s a compassionate, insightful, and ultimately hopeful read that provides real tools for transformation.

[Christy Razzano · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up.

This book can provide critical comfort and advice to someone struggling with a body that doesn't function as it should. I think I found this book 20 years too late as I had already gone through/figured out much of what she discussed. That said, I think it's an excellent starting point for someone beginning their journey with chronic illness (or those still struggling with the grief and letting go of the body you once relied upon.) I thought the journal prompts were great ideas and some of the advice is still salient to old-timers like me that need reminders every now and again.

[Karissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this.