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I Will Love You For the Rest of My Life: Breakup Stories
In I Will Love You For the Rest of My Breakup Stories, Michael Czyzniejewski examines twenty-nine cases of human love at their most critical junctures, bearing witness to the absurdity of longing. An astronaut’s husband cheats while his wife is in space; a scallop opens a portal to another dimension; a man exploits his peanut allergy for kinky sex; a blind date turns into a bestial kidnapping. Self-doubt, unshakable distrust, unrequited longing, and the prospect of eternal loneliness haunt these romantics. The heart wants what it wants, but it doesn't always last forever.
- GenresShort StoriesFiction
200 pages, Paperback
First published December 22, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
October 1, 2017
Just as I mentioned in my review of After the People Lights Have Gone Off, Book Riot had a quiz called
Which Indie Press Should You Be Obsessed With?"
, and this book is one of those I requested from interlibrary loan after my result of Curbside Splendor.
This is a collection of short stories, more accurately flash fiction some of the time, very short stories, about relationships gone wrong. Some of them are a bit fantastical, or perhaps the word is hyperrealistic, with organ donation for love, or a man expiring on the shelf at a pawn shop. Others portray people in imperfect lights, pointing easily to their contributions to failed relationships!
One relationship story is told entirely as an outline, but this manages to convey the jist of the issues.
One of the longer stories, Hot Lettuce, is more of a revenge porn tale, but pretty entertaining.
I liked the story about the man cheating on his astronaut wife, the plum tree story, and the plague of locusts story best.
This is a collection of short stories, more accurately flash fiction some of the time, very short stories, about relationships gone wrong. Some of them are a bit fantastical, or perhaps the word is hyperrealistic, with organ donation for love, or a man expiring on the shelf at a pawn shop. Others portray people in imperfect lights, pointing easily to their contributions to failed relationships!
One relationship story is told entirely as an outline, but this manages to convey the jist of the issues.
One of the longer stories, Hot Lettuce, is more of a revenge porn tale, but pretty entertaining.
I liked the story about the man cheating on his astronaut wife, the plum tree story, and the plague of locusts story best.
March 17, 2015
The title-inspiration story (actually called “Opal Forever”) starts with two kids in love, Opal and Griffin, who decide to get tattoos commemorating their passion. Opal opts for a simple, ambiguous “GO” on the inside of her ankle; Griffin goes all out and gets “Opal Forever” inside a heart etched proudly on his forearm. Of course, they break up, Griffin realizing it’s over as Opal and her new lesbian lover adopt a dog together. So, with an arm that promises to love Opal for the rest of his life, the man decides to re-enter the dating pool, only seeking another woman named Opal. Griffin’s luck gets stuck thanks to coming on too strong, straight up telling every woman on dating sites in America, Virgin Islands, Guam, and soon Canada that he will promise to love them for the rest of his life, showing photographs of the tattoo to prove his seriousness.
I’m a firm believer that most short story collections get ground alone on the irony. An author can start with boring characters doing predictable things and as long as there is an ironic twist at the end, readers will buy in. Not that I’m knocking the formula – pretty sure my obsession with watching “Tales of the Crypt” reruns proves I am fine with irony – it’s just that after a bunch of short story collections in a row, a girl begins to want a little more than irony at the end. And so, what Michael Czyzniejewski (hereafter referred to as Czy. because holy 15-letter name, Batman), brings to his collection isn’t just the ironic end (not that many of his stories don’t contain that anyway), but actually interesting characters, beginnings and middles.
Take the story “Space,” for instance, which opens with the line “When Miller’s wife went up to space, he set out to cheat on her.” WHAT? So simple and direct, telling you exactly the characters and motives, yet, what the hell is gonna go on in this story?? We can deduct that 1) Miller’s wife is either and astronaut or this is the future, both of which make me want to keep reading; and 2) despite what seems like would be an ideal domestic situation (in my mind, being married to a freakin’ astronaut), Miller’s got a beef about the whole thing. Maybe he never loved her. Maybe she’s going to be in space for the rest of her life. Whatever the case, we’re going to keep reading at this point.
Other interesting set-ups, just for me to throw out a few that are introduced in the very first paragraphs: 1) (god, this opening line again) “My sister once saw Meyrl Streep naked in a public shower (“All Out”); 2) A drunk guy sits and watches burglars break into his house (“Shelf Life”); 3) “Instead of getting married, I insist that Julian and I rig an election” (“Instead of Getting Married”); 4) A couple discovers both one partner’s allergy to shellfish and a mystical portal all in one night. What, what, WHAT? Seriously, not a moment of boredom in the whole collection.
Although this a collection of breakup stories, (which Czy. adorable dedicates to “Karen, who didn’t inspire a single word of this book”), my personal favorites are the ones where the stories expand themselves beyond simply Lover 1 and Lover 2. Like the story “Bullfighting,” in which a newly widowed mother falls in love with her son’s new imaginary (?) friend. Or the tale of “When the Heroes Came to Town,” unsuspectedly, to an previously peaceful town with little attacks from giant monsters before the heroes showed up (suspicious?), only, it seems to win the hearts of the town’s more-beautiful-than-average women.
Oh, jeez, what else to note? A good portion of the stories aren’t written in traditional narrative, keeping things fresh. There’s a story of a professor’s messy family tree, complicated after impregnating his research assistant, told completely through the form of an outline; there’s a tale of lovers facing the famed biblical plagues of Egypt plague by plague; there’s stories told so shortly, they themselves are almost poetry.
Seriuosly though, read THIS, if only to find out why that guy would ever cheat on an astronaut wife. Who would ever cheat on an astronaut anyway…
I’m a firm believer that most short story collections get ground alone on the irony. An author can start with boring characters doing predictable things and as long as there is an ironic twist at the end, readers will buy in. Not that I’m knocking the formula – pretty sure my obsession with watching “Tales of the Crypt” reruns proves I am fine with irony – it’s just that after a bunch of short story collections in a row, a girl begins to want a little more than irony at the end. And so, what Michael Czyzniejewski (hereafter referred to as Czy. because holy 15-letter name, Batman), brings to his collection isn’t just the ironic end (not that many of his stories don’t contain that anyway), but actually interesting characters, beginnings and middles.
Take the story “Space,” for instance, which opens with the line “When Miller’s wife went up to space, he set out to cheat on her.” WHAT? So simple and direct, telling you exactly the characters and motives, yet, what the hell is gonna go on in this story?? We can deduct that 1) Miller’s wife is either and astronaut or this is the future, both of which make me want to keep reading; and 2) despite what seems like would be an ideal domestic situation (in my mind, being married to a freakin’ astronaut), Miller’s got a beef about the whole thing. Maybe he never loved her. Maybe she’s going to be in space for the rest of her life. Whatever the case, we’re going to keep reading at this point.
Other interesting set-ups, just for me to throw out a few that are introduced in the very first paragraphs: 1) (god, this opening line again) “My sister once saw Meyrl Streep naked in a public shower (“All Out”); 2) A drunk guy sits and watches burglars break into his house (“Shelf Life”); 3) “Instead of getting married, I insist that Julian and I rig an election” (“Instead of Getting Married”); 4) A couple discovers both one partner’s allergy to shellfish and a mystical portal all in one night. What, what, WHAT? Seriously, not a moment of boredom in the whole collection.
Although this a collection of breakup stories, (which Czy. adorable dedicates to “Karen, who didn’t inspire a single word of this book”), my personal favorites are the ones where the stories expand themselves beyond simply Lover 1 and Lover 2. Like the story “Bullfighting,” in which a newly widowed mother falls in love with her son’s new imaginary (?) friend. Or the tale of “When the Heroes Came to Town,” unsuspectedly, to an previously peaceful town with little attacks from giant monsters before the heroes showed up (suspicious?), only, it seems to win the hearts of the town’s more-beautiful-than-average women.
Oh, jeez, what else to note? A good portion of the stories aren’t written in traditional narrative, keeping things fresh. There’s a story of a professor’s messy family tree, complicated after impregnating his research assistant, told completely through the form of an outline; there’s a tale of lovers facing the famed biblical plagues of Egypt plague by plague; there’s stories told so shortly, they themselves are almost poetry.
Seriuosly though, read THIS, if only to find out why that guy would ever cheat on an astronaut wife. Who would ever cheat on an astronaut anyway…
February 15, 2016
As I've never read a book of short stories before, I really didn't know what to expect. I'm glad this was the first I picked up. Each story was so uniquely different from the last it kept me turning pages. Notable favorites for me include Shelf Life. Milo Himes, High Treason, Hot Lettuce, Space, Opal Forever and Home.
August 3, 2015
These stories are exactly why I will read any book Czyzniejewski puts out. They're wild, and distinctively wild from each other. Each is it's own animal, full of both humor and heartbreak. The writing is solid even without the strangeness. Taken together, the stories are marvelous.
January 3, 2015
Got this book today. It was a quick read. The short stories are very captivating they kept me interested. I couldn't put it down. I finished it in one day. Great book.
December 5, 2014
I received this advanced copy for free in return for an honest review. I'm a fan of short stories and this collection, filled with weird strangers and disturbed ex-lovers, did not disappoint.
August 4, 2015
This was the most disappointing book I've read all year. It badly needed an editor-- the punctuation and spelling errors made it read like a self-published chapbook rather than a sleekly designed collection of surrealist flash fiction.
I bought this book because of its great title, intriguing cover, and the fact that it was on display at a bookstore I love and trust (Women and Children First in Chicago). But I found the stories frustrating, predictable, and purposeless. This collection would not comfort anyone going through a breakup, which is a shame, since its cover purports that it contains "breakup stories." Instead, readers are treated to short vignettes that are, for the most part, completely silly ("The Meat Sweats" and "Space" come to mind), creepy ("Hot Lettuce"), and cliche ("Thin Air"). Then there are the stories so inscrutable only an undergrad in a freshman year creative writing class could possibly find meaning in them (the one about the scallop allergy, the one about the peanut allergy, the one about the plagues).
A couple of them were lovely and will stick with me for a while, like The Plum Tree. But at the end of the book, I was mostly nauseated and confused. Lots of the stories have really grotesque and frightening details that would in my opinion qualify the collection for the "body horror" genre, and I didn't really feel like anything about its cover or descriptions gave away how deeply unpleasant 75% of the stories are.
I'd like to chalk this one up to a failure of editing and of marketing-- I must not be its intended audience, but the book appears marketed to me (middle class single white female who likes literary fiction). I hope it finds readers who can better appreciate it.
I bought this book because of its great title, intriguing cover, and the fact that it was on display at a bookstore I love and trust (Women and Children First in Chicago). But I found the stories frustrating, predictable, and purposeless. This collection would not comfort anyone going through a breakup, which is a shame, since its cover purports that it contains "breakup stories." Instead, readers are treated to short vignettes that are, for the most part, completely silly ("The Meat Sweats" and "Space" come to mind), creepy ("Hot Lettuce"), and cliche ("Thin Air"). Then there are the stories so inscrutable only an undergrad in a freshman year creative writing class could possibly find meaning in them (the one about the scallop allergy, the one about the peanut allergy, the one about the plagues).
A couple of them were lovely and will stick with me for a while, like The Plum Tree. But at the end of the book, I was mostly nauseated and confused. Lots of the stories have really grotesque and frightening details that would in my opinion qualify the collection for the "body horror" genre, and I didn't really feel like anything about its cover or descriptions gave away how deeply unpleasant 75% of the stories are.
I'd like to chalk this one up to a failure of editing and of marketing-- I must not be its intended audience, but the book appears marketed to me (middle class single white female who likes literary fiction). I hope it finds readers who can better appreciate it.
July 3, 2015
Read for the #paperbacksummer challenge.
These are stylish stories with arresting premises (sometimes to the point where they feel calculatedly outrageous), but their brevity makes it hard for me to engage with them emotionally. "Opal Forever" and "Home" resonated the most with me.
July 29, 2017
This is such a beautiful book that didn't cease to remind me of all the different kinds of love that exist. There were some stories that weren't particularly what I would typically read, but others that I loved and wished they were full-length books themselves. That being said, there is a story for everyone in this book.
August 15, 2020
In these twenty-nine short tales, Michael Czyzniejewski explores love and break-ups of all kinds -- families, bands, children with their imaginary friends. Each story is perfect, and short enough to read several times, picking up new eccentricities each time.
August 19, 2018
This was the strangest book I have ever read. I was hoping for normal stories. Only 2 were actually good. Some were just disturbing. Very disturbing.
March 30, 2019
Very entertaining stories.
March 19, 2017
Definitely and amusing book and a quick read, when I found the time to read. I liked the varaitions of stories, but sometimes the language made bits difficult to read. I also found a few errors in the book, which was off-putting. However! The uniqueness of the tales and how I didn't get any characters confused or crosses over is truly something to marvel at! It takes talent to pull that off, and I'm glad it shined through here.
October 29, 2015
These stories...some of them are vignettes...represent the imagination of a very strange and funny man. They're the kind that get spoiled when you talk about them, so I won't say too much except that they are often side-splitting, often heart-breaking, usually absurd. The story "The Meat Sweats" introduced a concept, the meat sweats, which will forever stay with me, forever shape my point of view regarding the consumption of large quantities of animal flesh.
I recommend this book, with a particular recommendation to those readers who also enjoyed Czyzniejewski's "Chicago Stories". These stories are just as absurd but offer a layer of pathos that reveal more of the author's vision and imagination.
I recommend this book, with a particular recommendation to those readers who also enjoyed Czyzniejewski's "Chicago Stories". These stories are just as absurd but offer a layer of pathos that reveal more of the author's vision and imagination.
September 2, 2016
I bought this collection because of the flash fiction piece Memorare For The Ding Dong which is still my favorite piece in the book and the collection gains an entire star because of just how much I love that little gem.
I also really dug Man of the Year and The Plum Tree.
The whole collection is worth a read, if occasionally uneven.
But man... That tiny tale of Hostess cupcakes. I love that story.
I also really dug Man of the Year and The Plum Tree.
The whole collection is worth a read, if occasionally uneven.
But man... That tiny tale of Hostess cupcakes. I love that story.
October 23, 2017
Czyzniejewski has written a collection of compelling narratives that kept me thinking even after I'd finished. Very quick read, a day to be exact.
Although I was downright confused for some of the stories, others kept me laughing, reminiscing, or heartbroken. Czyzniejewski has a unique style that heavily contributes to the quality of these fast-paced, quirky tales.
Although I was downright confused for some of the stories, others kept me laughing, reminiscing, or heartbroken. Czyzniejewski has a unique style that heavily contributes to the quality of these fast-paced, quirky tales.
February 25, 2015
I received this book from the Goodreads giveaway. I felt very conflicted with this book; at times I understood it and was laughing, at others I was completely lost and felt rather bored. I gave this book three stars, however, I would have given it 3.5 if there were the option.
January 10, 2016
Such a fun, creative and quirky collection of stories!
January 10, 2015
And Splendor and Love. It changed my life.
August 12, 2015
Some of these were better than others.
August 29, 2015
Unique. Wild. Poignant.
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February 1, 2019Fiction C998i 2015
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews