Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge

by Melody Wilding

An indispensable guide to navigating power dynamics, building effective relationships with higher-ups, and earning more authority, freedom, and confidence at work—from one of today’s “most innovative career coaches” (Insider).

“Outstanding. Wilding's scripts and strategies show us a better way to get ahead at work.”—Greg McKeown, New York Times bestselling author of Essentialism and Effortless

Society for Advancing Business Editing and Writing (SABEW) Best in Business Book Award, Career and Financial Development

Do you feel vulnerable to the whims of your boss, peers, or internal politics, pushing through each day with a nagging undercurrent of anxiety? Maybe you’re micromanaged, interrupted in meetings, saddled with busy work, or overlooked for career opportunities. But what if you could subtly teach those above you to value your ideas and treat you with respect—without ever changing your job title?

Human behavior professor and award-winning executive career coach Melody Wilding has helped thousands of clients advocate for their needs at work while navigating the minefield of office politics. In this clear, tactical guide, Wilding shows you how to operate from a position of power—even if you lack formal authority—to build the emotional intelligence, relational capital, and negotiation savvy to succeed in a world of competing stakeholders and remote work.

Drawing on real-life client stories and the latest research on trust and persuasion, Managing Up distills a vital skillset into ten key conversations,

• The Alignment How can I get in my boss’s head to understand their needs, motivations, and goals?
• The Styles Will I earn more respect from my manager if I get to the point quickly, or should I try swapping stories and building rapport?
• The Boundaries How do I say no and push back with tact when my manager saddles me with yet another task?

Packed with time-tested strategies, detailed scripts, and transformative insights, this book is a must-read for professionals of all levels ready to reclaim control of their careers.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Leadership, Self Help, Management, Professional Development, Audiobook

310 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 4, 2025

About the author

Melody Wilding is the author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge and Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.

For more than a decade as an award-winning executive coach, she’s smart, thoughtful top performers at the world’s most successful companies — including Google, JP Morgan, and Verizon — get the recognition, respect, and pay they deserve.

She's a licensed social worker with a master’s degree from Columbia University, professor of human behavior at Hunter College in New York City, and former emotions researcher at Rutgers University. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and dozens of other respected publications. She’s a regular contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, Fast Company, and CNBC.

Reviews

[Sarah Cupitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

will i hate this book? probably. omg this book is so YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE POSITIONED WITH THE STATUS QUO OR YOU'LL BE RUINED lol. this is so fakey corporate bullshit coded

sometimes waiting doesn't change anything

the only good parts of this book:
- Alignment also shapes your future, so define a one-year vision to clarify what you want to accomplish – whether that’s leading a critical project, developing expertise in a new area, or gaining visibility among senior leaders. When your goals and the company’s priorities overlap, you’re in a position for both security and growth.
- Workplace friction often comes down to one simple issue: people communicate and make decisions in different ways. If you don’t understand your boss’s style, even the best ideas can fall flat. That’s why recognizing leadership styles – and adjusting accordingly – is a game-changer. The 4Cs framework breaks down managers into four types. Commanders are direct and goal-focused, preferring efficiency and clear-cut solutions. Cheerleaders bring energy and teamwork but can change priorities often. Caretakers support their teams but may hesitate when making tough calls. Controllers rely on structure and accuracy, favoring well-documented and precise communication.
- When overlooked or having work credited to someone else, respond strategically. Instead of direct confrontation, subtly reaffirm your contributions: “I enjoyed leading the strategy on this project, and it’s great to see the results paying off.” If you’re invisible at work, take the initiative – request to present updates, share results, and seek out mentors or sponsors.

notes:
- The reality is, success at work depends on more than just performance. It’s shaped by key conversations – the ones that define your role, influence your career growth, and determine how you’re perceived by those in power. Whether it’s clarifying priorities, pushing back on excessive workloads, or advocating for new opportunities, knowing how to approach these discussions can transform the way you work.
- Moments later, she was told her job was terminated, effective immediately. This made no sense – her performance had been praised, and her work was valuable. After some reflection, the real reason emerged: her role wasn’t aligned with the company’s main priorities, and lacking leadership support or internal advocates, she was at risk during budget cuts. Her experience is a reminder that good work isn’t enough – your role must align with what truly matters to your company.
- Managers are more likely to respect boundaries when they understand the reasoning behind them. Resistance is inevitable, but reinforcing boundaries with confidence and learning from experienced colleagues can help maintain them. Setting boundaries protects both your personal well-being and long-term effectiveness.
- To provide effective feedback, concentrate on actions rather than personalities, keep language neutral, and propose constructive solutions. Before speaking up, consider whether the issue is a pattern, if it has serious consequences, and whether you have enough information to assess it fairly. Taking ownership of what’s within your control before escalating the matter can also prevent unnecessary tension.
- Aligning with leadership, communicating with clarity, and setting boundaries ensure that your contributions are recognized and valued. Managing up strengthens professional relationships, builds influence, and creates new opportunities.

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Melody Wilding is an executive coach; her 2025 book Managing Up is a very practical guide to work communication, specifically focusing on how employees can confidently and proactively communicate with those above them in the organizational chart ("managing up"). I appreciated all the sample scripts for the "ten conversations"/scenarios of managing up that structure the book; these can also be downloaded from the book's website once you sell enter your email address. I think this book would be best suited to entry level and early career corporate workers, and less so more senior level folks or people in less hierarchical environments. Like many books in this genre, part of this book is an advertisement for the author's consulting services.

My statistics:
Book 145 for 2025
Book 2071 cumulatively

[Maddie Blanchard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great resource for anyone who is feeling stuck or underutilized at work. I want to make it clear that this book probably won’t be the most useful of you find yourself in a toxic work environment or have an abusive boss. Those scenarios are beyond the advice given in this book (which the author acknowledges early on), though the chapter about the “Leaving Conversation” may be useful in that circumstance.

I appreciate the tangible advice in this book, along with word for word scripts. While it’s unlikely that any given script will for your exact situation, it gives a really solid foundation to build on as you approach different work related conversations. I appreciated the general theme of taking your career into your own hands and being an active participant.

Many thanks to Crown Currency and Net Galley for a digital ARC of this title in exchange for my honest review.

[Jung · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge", Melody Wilding presents a practical, empowering guide for professionals seeking to take more control over their careers by improving their communication with those in leadership. Rather than simply urging employees to work harder or be more visible, Wilding reveals that meaningful career growth is often unlocked through a series of crucial, well-timed conversations. These interactions—ten in total—are the foundation for gaining influence, setting boundaries, ensuring recognition, and ultimately shaping your professional trajectory. The book combines personal anecdotes, case studies, and actionable strategies to help readers master these conversations and thrive in even the most challenging workplace environments.

Wilding opens with a scenario familiar to many professionals: doing good work but seeing limited results. Being productive is not enough—alignment with your boss’s priorities is essential. One of the most impactful conversations centers on understanding exactly what your manager expects and ensuring your role contributes directly to business goals. As shown through Melody’s own experience of being let go despite strong performance, failing to align with organizational priorities can make even valuable employees vulnerable. To prevent this, the author recommends asking clear questions about expectations, building relationships with decision-makers, and mapping out internal power structures. Proactive alignment, not just good execution, safeguards your job and enables advancement.

She continues by stressing the importance of communication styles, using the example of a frustrated employee who failed to influence his boss because he didn’t adapt his approach. In contrast, a colleague who tailored his messaging to the manager’s preferences made real progress. Wilding introduces the 4Cs framework—Commanders, Cheerleaders, Caretakers, and Controllers—to help identify managerial styles. Understanding whether your boss favors directness, collaboration, empathy, or structure can make or break key conversations. Equally important is articulating your own preferences. The 'Me Manual' exercise encourages professionals to define how they work best, setting expectations and improving mutual understanding with supervisors.

Ownership is another vital theme in the book. Professionals must go beyond their job descriptions and proactively solve problems, even in the face of resistance. One compelling story involves Seiko, a medical professional who tackled a systemic logistical problem by collecting data, advocating for change, and ultimately improving patient outcomes. This conversation is about taking initiative while still engaging collaborators, not acting in isolation. Similarly, Wilding addresses the importance of setting boundaries. As shown by Drew’s story—who faced burnout after a massive project and finally asserted his limits—pushing back doesn’t have to damage your reputation. It’s about proposing alternatives, explaining consequences, and maintaining alignment with broader goals. Boundaries protect not just individual well-being but overall performance.

Wilding transitions into discussions around feedback, particularly the difficult task of offering it upward. Many employees hesitate to speak up about managerial inefficiencies, fearing negative consequences. But, as Radha’s story illustrates, well-framed feedback can strengthen relationships and improve processes. Key to this is focusing on behaviors rather than personalities, using neutral language, and offering solutions. Wilding emphasizes preparation—evaluating the issue’s impact, timing the conversation appropriately, and considering whether you’ve done all you can on your own first. If done correctly, feedback becomes a tool for mutual growth, not conflict.

Networking is presented as another crucial but often overlooked element. Wilding shares the story of Leticia, who realized her lack of visibility and internal connections was limiting her access to growth opportunities. By engaging in professional groups and taking initiative, Leticia expanded her network and earned a role she never would have encountered otherwise. The message is clear: career advancement doesn’t solely depend on one’s boss. Building meaningful relationships across the organization—and beyond—can introduce new opportunities and broaden your support base. Rather than treating networking as transactional, Wilding advocates for authentic connection: offering value, being consistent, and making specific, manageable asks when needed.

Visibility—ensuring your work is seen and valued by the right people—is another theme Wilding tackles. Hard work often goes unnoticed unless you frame it in ways that resonate with leadership. Jeremy’s story, about casually sharing his role in resolving tensions between departments, shows how a simple, honest conversation can lead to recognition and advancement. Wilding encourages readers to use storytelling to convey their impact, focus on organizational outcomes rather than personal effort, and seize everyday opportunities to reinforce their contributions. Strategic communication helps ensure that leaders not only notice your work but also remember your role in achieving results.

Building on this, Wilding discusses how to navigate conversations around advancement. Simply waiting to be recognized is often ineffective. Instead, professionals should prepare a structured case for promotion, as Elaine did by aligning her career goals with her firm’s strategic needs. She didn’t just ask for a title—she proposed a new role that addressed a real organizational challenge. Wilding stresses the importance of demonstrating how your advancement will benefit the company. This often means understanding the organization’s goals, timing your request well, and proving your ability to lead before you’re officially given the chance.

Money is another critical area where many professionals fall short. The book encourages readers to overcome discomfort around salary discussions. Esadowa’s experience—delivering exceptional results but being underpaid for years—underscores how easy it is to avoid negotiation out of gratitude or fear. Wilding offers a step-by-step approach to negotiating: start with market research, build your case with measurable results, and link your request to organizational goals. She also explores how to handle common objections and reframe the conversation around fairness and industry standards. If your company can’t offer a raise, explore alternatives like bonuses or extra time off. But if nothing changes after persistent effort, the issue may not be solvable within your current environment.

This brings Wilding to her final and perhaps most emotional topic: knowing when to quit. As Jade’s story demonstrates, there are times when advancement simply isn’t possible, no matter how competent or ambitious you are. Recognizing these moments is painful but necessary. Wilding advises readers to leave on good terms, prepare a smooth exit plan, and preserve relationships for future opportunities. Even in resigning, you’re managing up—demonstrating professionalism and long-term thinking.

Taken together, these ten conversations offer a toolkit for navigating the complex web of workplace dynamics. What Wilding makes clear is that managing up isn’t about manipulation or sucking up to your boss. It’s about advocating for yourself, strengthening your relationships, and ensuring that your career is aligned with both your goals and your environment. These conversations don’t just improve your standing with leadership—they help you clarify your values, protect your boundaries, and own your contributions.

By mastering these conversations, professionals can turn daily workplace challenges into moments of influence and growth. Whether it’s asking for feedback, pushing back on excessive demands, or making a case for promotion, each discussion becomes a step toward a more empowered, intentional career. Wilding’s guidance is practical, empathetic, and deeply relevant for anyone who wants more control over their professional future without compromising integrity or authenticity. "Managing Up" ultimately provides the tools to transform frustration into fulfillment—and effort into influence.

[Rich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone with a job, especially knowledge workers, should add Melody Wilding’s book, “Managing Up,” to their reading list. This book is an incredibly useful guide to navigating power dynamics, building effective relationships with higher-ups, and earning more authority, freedom, and confidence.

Each chapter begins with thought bubbles that explore the anxieties, epiphanies, or lessons learned related to a particular conversation topic (like alignment or boundaries conversations). These thought bubbles are followed by a client story, which helps readers relate to the particular conversation to be explored.

The book can be read cover to cover or skipped to find what’s most interesting. However, I recommend reading all the chapters at some point, as they often offer perspectives that you may not need now but will find useful in the future.

You’ll also find scripts (Melody encourages you to steal them) that can help you advocate for yourself in various conversations, such as networking, visibility, and advancement conversations. Since conversations are a part of every job, “Managing Up” serves as a great reference to come back to when you need guidance.

Reading this book will help you navigate various dynamics at work with much more confidence. It’s likely that your self-image will change in a positive way after reading it. There are many things to highlight and contemplate in terms of how to implement the advice in the book.

Thanks to Crown Publishing for providing a copy via NetGalley.

[Wendy Cary]

I really appreciated this book. While it centers on 10 key conversations to have with your manager, skip-level leaders, and other decision-makers, it goes well beyond scripts or one-size-fits-all advice.

What I found most valuable was how much attention Melody Wilding gives to preparing for these conversations—not just logistically, but emotionally and strategically. She guides you to consider the other person’s communication style and perspective so you can tailor your message in a way that feels authentic and effective.

It’s empowering without being pushy, and it really affirms that you can grow your career thoughtfully—by being intentional, self-aware, and clear about what you need.

If you’ve ever second-guessed how to ask for support or struggled to speak up in high-stakes conversations, this is a thoughtful, practical read.

[Synthia Salomon · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first I confused this text with another from years ago but it’s different

Check out my timeline

Career growth: ask direct questions

Create a power map

Alignment shapes your visit

career growth relies on strategic conversations. Aligning with leadership, communicating with clarity, and setting boundaries ensure that your contributions are recognized and valued. Managing up strengthens professional relationships, builds influence, and creates new opportunities.

The ten essential conversations provide tools to advocate for your needs, push back on unrealistic expectations, and highlight your achievements. Whether negotiating a raise, increasing visibility, or gaining leadership support, these discussions shape your reputation and position you for advancement.

By using these strategies, you can move from workplace frustration to professional fulfillment. Clear communication and strong relationships turn challenges into career-defining moments, giving you the confidence to shape your future on your own terms.

[Sarah (tipsybookreviews) · Rating 4 out of 5]

BOOK REVIEW: MANAGING UP

This nonfic read is organized by 10 key conversations in the workplace and shares how you can manage up in each of them - from setting (and maintaining) boundaries to salary negotiations to promotion conversations and finally exit interviews.

I really enjoyed learning about the four main types of managers and the recommendations on how to most effectively work with them.

The most helpful part of this book was the scripts and talking points in each chapter, which I know I’ll be referencing later!

This was great on audio and would recommend if you are looking for a professional development type nonfiction read!

[Vin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provides decent amount of examples and email/conversation templates to apply in real life scenarios. This book works well as an audiobook. However, I find myself needing to read it to drill the great tips into my brain. I hope to re-visit the book sometime again. I highly recommend anybody wants to or needs to improve their work relationships and career, so pretty much anybody lol

[Steve Brock · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have selected this book as Stevo's Business Book of the Week for the week of 3/9, as it stands heads above other recently published books on this topic.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Managing Up is an empowering guide for people striving to navigate workplace relationships with poise and effectiveness. Melody Wilding combines her expertise in emotional intelligence with practical strategies that resonate deeply with those seeking to make a positive impact in their careers.

I love how this book teaches how to communicate needs assertively, set boundaries, and adapt to the leadership styles of managers, all while fostering self-awareness and resilience. The writing style and real world examples make complex concepts easy to grasp and apply, ensuring that feels equipped and inspired to handle even the trickiest workplace scenarios.

What truly sets Managing Up apart is its focus on leveraging one’s unique traits, such as sensitivity, empathetic, emotionally attuned, and highly driven to succeed, (but who may also struggle with overthinking, perfectionism, or people-pleasing), as strengths rather than weaknesses. The author reframes traditional perspectives on workplace dynamics, offering insights that are both refreshing and transformative.

I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking to thrive in their career while navigating the complexities of workplace dynamics. Her lessons are accessible to people at any stage of their career journey, offering actionable steps to foster confidence and resilience. This book will remain in my library as both a toolbox and as a source of inspiration. I have at least a half-dozen sticky page markers so I can revisit as necessary.

[Alyssa Ruiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book took awhile bc the voice was eh BUT I really did like the content. I started this book right after I got promoted and I feel like I’ve been slowly using these tactics to grow myself in the workplace. This is a book I’d come back to whenever i have the tougher conversations with upper management

[Bonney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Managing Up is the book I needed years ago!

Melody covers so many scenarios that I've dealt with in my corporate career and offers scripts to get you pointed in the right direction. Super helpful!

I enjoy the stories/scenarios throughout - they turn it into something real that the reader can connect with.

I shared the last chapter (The Quitting Conversation) with a friend recently who was leaving her job. She found it incredibly helpful, in real-time.

I've always enjoyed Melody's work and I highly recommend buying this book. Read it now and keep it nearby so you can reference it as needed.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

We'll see how effective the lessons are from this book.

This book provided a fairly comprehensive review of the types of managers you may end up having, and some of the broad categorizations they could be lumped together as. Some strategies are more effective with certain kinds of managers, and others better align with your natural inclinations. As a friend told me recently, "Your coworkers can change, but the work stays the same". Make sure you are striving to be doing work you take pride in, and not just staying in a job because you like the people.

Hopefully I am able to make some progress in my workplace with the lessons from this book, both for those I supervise and for the person who supervises me.

Cheers

[Nithin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good read. Insightful and enlightening. This book will help you to navigate your career.

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Managing Up" is an essential read for anyone aspiring to have a more fulfilling career. The book offers not just insights into working effectively with your boss and their higher-ups, but also valuable guidance on advancing your career and identifying what you truly want from it. The "Steal These Scripts" sections are particularly appreciated for their practical, ready-to-use advice.

[David Lancefield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Managing our boss(es) is such a critical topic as we look to perform at our best and progress our careers. But many of us don't do it well or do it at all. And we pay the price. Melody's book addresses this issue head on in this substantive, well-researched, clearly written book. You can pick it up, find a relevant topic or situation and immediately come away with a new way of thinking and a series of actions. Highly recommended!

[Kaitlin McMichael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Managing Up by Melody Wilding was recently published (March 4, 2025) and I read it as an audiobook.

I was surprised that this book was published so recently when it is based on a phrase I’ve heard over the course of my career. I would estimate the first term I heard the phrase “managing up” in this context was in 2019. I was working at Getty Images and my manager explained the importance of managing your manager’s expectations of your work. It immediately made sense. I had already been doing this; I just didn’t have a word for it.

Managing up is an important skill if you want to grow in your career
“Managing up” is a useful skill for anyone who has a manager. When starting out in the workplace, employees typically do what they are asked to do, if they are bent on being successful. But over time, you begin to anticipate what you will be asked to do. You show initiative. You delightfully surprise your manager by demonstrating proficiency and earn trust so that you can work more independently and take on more responsibility.

Employees early in their career are learning to navigate corporate hierarchy. That typically means following top-down orders. But some of the most successful employees are those who use a bottoms-up approach. An employee who uses the “managing up” philosophy thinks about how they can manage their manager’s expectations.

Corporate managers are busy. Middle managers often have many direct reports, and sometimes they also have expectations to deliver as an individual contributor. They handle budgets, goals, forecasting, politicking, and more. Managing up is not only a great skill to have, it is becoming more essential in light of the fact that corporate people managers are stretched even further. As companies seek to shore up their bottom line and improve profitability, managers will have more direct reports, which means employees will have less guidance and coaching from their manager.

One way to manage up is to share a spreadsheet of all your active projects with your manager, and use that for your one-on-ones. Show in a written manner that you are on top of your work. Show what you are intentionally putting above the line and what’s going below the line. This shows that you aren’t just forgetting about the tasks that you are not prioritizing. Instead, you are actively choosing not to do these things. This gives your manager an opportunity to change the order of your priorities.

The alignment conversation
I’ve noticed that some employees early in their career are afraid to ask their manager what they should be working on. They worry that asking that question shows they are incompetent. But managing up means using your manager to your advantage. You need to stay aligned with your manager, and that means asking them questions. Priorities are hard, so you should be asking about them often.

The author talks about “the alignment conversation” — making sure you are working on things that matter. So many people will just do what they are told. But what if your manager is telling you to do so many things, you can’t choose? It’s not your failure, and it is fair for you to ask which things you should prioritize. I once had a manager who would have new ideas every week, and would want me to pursue all of them. In some cases I would have to smile and nod and let them slip by if they seemed just like passing fancies. In other cases, I would write them all down and then tell my manager which ones I was intentionally not prioritizing, and allow this manager the chance to reframe my priorities as needed.

Successful one-on-ones with your manager
In this book, the author talks about how to have successful one on ones with your manager. Every manager I’ve had has had a slightly different way of running one-on-ones, but most want the employee to show initiative in setting these up and coming prepared with an agenda, or at least topics to discuss.

Ensuring you get the credit for your work
I appreciated how the author gave specific examples and scripts that you could use to ensure that you get the credit for your work, while still being nice about it. Taking credit can seem like bragging, but a person can be assertive and clear about the role they played without being mean about it.

This plays into what the author calls the “visibility conversation”. It’s important to showcase your accomplishments, regardless of whether you are seeking a promotion. In my experience, sharing your accomplishments is not only important if you want recognition and a promotion; it’s also just being a good team player. If you don’t share about what you did, how will your manager and your team know what you are working on? If you’re silent about a project you finished, hoping that someone (maybe your manager?) will share about it with others, or thinking that only your manager needs to know about it and all your teammates don’t, then it will seem like you are just a freeloader and not contributing to the team.

This idea of sharing what you’re working on plays into the “networking conversation”, another chapter in the book. In the chapter on Networking, the author discusses why building a bench of valuable connections and advocates helps you in the long run. You can’t get promoted or be visible or learn by yourself, at least not quickly.

Another aspect about visibility that I don’t recall the author discussing is how visibility plays into remote work. If someone is working in an office outside of headquarters, they are less visible. That can detract from their opportunities for advancement. So they need to be intentional about being visible. There has been some discussion about how this disproportionally affects women, who tend to seek remote work more often than their male counterparts.

The feedback conversation
Segue from the “visibility conversation” to the “feedback conversation” (both chapters in the book): one way to be more visible to your manager is to give (and seek) clear feedback from your manager. In the chapter about the feedback conversation, the author explains why voicing your opinion is important even if you’re afraid of pushback.

This is the hardest for me. It’s a skill I’m working on. At Amazon, we call it “Have Backbone, Disagree and Commit.”

I like the example the author shared about how someone went into an annual review thinking their manager was going to promote them. Their manager praised their work, but did not offer a promotion. The employee then mentioned being disapointed, but they had never had a specific conversation with their manager about how the employee was seeking a promotion and the timeframe.

Aligning with your manager about what you want in your career opens that possibility up. If you want a promotion, you need to ask for it. You need to not wait until your annual review. During 1 on 1s, discuss with your manager where you think you are against role guidelines, what your gaps are, what your plans are to address those gaps, and what your manager wants to see before you are eligible for a promotion.

Overall thoughts
Overall I thought this was a really helpful read especially for those early in their career (10 years out of college) or those who are wanting to grow in their career. You can buy on Amazon here: Managing Up by Melody Wilding.

A note on the audio version
My take on the narrator, who is also the author: she had a tendency to use a higher tone in the middle of all sentences, which I found hard to ignore.

[Koleton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another read for my work’s professional development book club.

I think the concepts in this book are quite valuable. This book is for working individuals who want to better navigate work relationships, specifically with higher-ups. The book is structured around 10 chapters, each with a core conversation. These conversations help shape how you connect, advance, and navigate the corporate world. (i.e. giving feedback, advocating for yourself, promotions and raises, understanding your boss, networking, etc.)

The book is relatively short, which is nice, but it’s a slow read. I appreciated the use of bullets, charts, scripts, and examples. But wow, this book could put me to sleep. Even with that said, the ideas themselves are solid. I can definitely see myself rereading specific chapters when I need help with certain topics.

I do wish the book leaned more into memorable anecdotes and research. There are stories and facts sprinkled throughout, but overall, it felt driven by the author’s prescriptive opinion. The concepts are valuable and packaged fairly well, even if the delivery didn’t always keep me engaged.

[Mark Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read Count: 1

Thoughts:
- good book but a tad wordy and some parts can be greatly shortened
- a lot of good advice
- I think the putting manager types into quadrants was not my favorite as people are more complex and have unique and even contradictory attributes about themselves.

Lessons:

Chapter 1 - The Alignment Conversation:
- Cast a one year vision. Know what your one year aspirations are and how you will get there.
- Ask boss what their goals are and what keeps them up and night
- Find our the definitions for success and know what the priorities are
- Schedule a skip level to get in touch with higher levels of management to see the bigger picture
- Create meeting recaps so the next steps are clear after meetings so that everyone knows what is next

Chapter 2 - Styles Conversation:
- Identify your leader's command style. (book makes this a tad more rigid than is in real life)
- Create your Me Manual. This is a way you can share out in documented form how you like to be interacted with so there is little guessing. Include stuff like Information processing, take management, and work env and schedule. Also, add for you like to handle feedback and conflict.

Chapter 3 - The Ownership Conversation:
- Look at worthwhile problems like bottlenecks, neglected needs, feedback patterns, upcoming projects, and innovative opportunities.
- Ask yourself about these categories and what type of common situations these rear their heads then ask how you can take ownership in them
- Buy in isn't easy and you may need to set the stage for it. You may need to get feedback, trigger FOMO, and tease your thoughts to make interest known.
- Another technique is to highlight your past successes to ensure confidence in a future solution. Another is to pull on the pain and pleasure levers. Keep pushing on the discomfort and show there is a way out.
- Communicate ideas on solutions: draft 3-5 bullet points, add executive summary that is scannable, make lists but concise ones, swap verbs like give/make/do/get/go with analyze/examine/craft/devise/accelerate

Chapter 4 - The Boundaries Conversation:
- You need to pick your battles depending on what the task is. Learning to say no and providing feedback why is important.
- When getting a seemingly unreasonable request ask: How is this situation affecting my satisfaction, is this a one time thing or a chronic issue, is the boundary enforceable given my current role and responsibilities, can I articulate why this limit is important to me, what is the cost of not setting this boundary?
- Dig for details when getting a request. Ask why you were chosen, ask about urgency of requests, ask for a primer before a meeting
- Ask them what the trade off is you do the request

Chapter 5 - The Feedback Conversation:
- When to speak up can be a hard question. Ask yourself: has this situation or behavior ever happened before, will there be consequences if I dont give this feedback soon, do I have all the facts, am I prepared to be part of the solution, have I changed what I can control?
- When preparing feedback to your boss ask yourself what is the Assumption, their Behavior, and what would be best insofar as a Change goes. This means to yourself state how they act, then write the behavior you saw, then craft a response on how things can begin to change to ensure a smoother day of work.
- Get their side of the story, look for the black swan
- Accentuate the positive and be generous. Give them their flowers when changes are happening no matter the size

Chapter 6 - The Networking Conversation:
- Find ways to socialize and branch out to meet others
- Ask for time to meet and chat
- Get on their calendar
- Make sure it is about a specific topic

Chapter 7 - The Visibility Conversation:
- Revisit your one year plan and ask, "What do I want to be known for?"
- How can I reframe my current or recent contributions to emphasize their relevance to my career goals?
- Ask what opportunities you can create or seek out that will advance your vision and visibility
- Am I already known for the work that will drive me toward my vision
- ***Keep a story bank. Keep a rolling story of work you have done. It does not need to be fancy, reflect week by week on work you have done and log the necessary parts
- Capitalize on casual conversation. Keep a short but powerful statement on the work you have been doing. DON'T DUMP but keep it concise, loose, and tell a story. Any uncertainty or lack of a topic "well, you know the saaaaaame thing as alwaaaaaays" will not open doors.
- Own the one on ones with these same tactics. Drive the conversation.
- We-then-Me. State what the group did to solve a problem then add what you did in that group to get the project done.

Chapter 8 - The Advancement Conversation:
- Where are the gaps on your team?
- What is on the top of your managers mind?
- Are you good at motivating and inspiring others?
- What is senior leadership concerned with?
- How does the company's fiscal calendar look?
- Get your boss on board with your advancement. Let them know you want more.
-

Chapter 9 - The Money Conversation:
- Build your business case. Do market research for similar jobs in similar industries and regions. Think in terms of qualitative information.
- How to settle on a number: 5-10 is for more junior, 10-15 is for more mid-level, and 15-25 is for more senior
- When asking for more money make it based upon work you have done and research. Come with specifics.

Chapter 10 - The Quitting Conversation:
- Ask yourself if future you sees this as a good idea and would be happy just leaving
- ALWAYS WALK THROUGH WORST CASE SCENARIO
- Break the news with positivity
- Consider the timeline for leaving. Is two weeks necessary or is more needed (less)
- During exit interview be positive and respectful. Write down what you want to sad in advance

[Andrea Anderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not my usual reading genre, but after being passed over for a manager's position because of a perceived lack of managerial instinct, I figure I should educate myself. While the concept of managing up and the strategy of embedding techniques in conversations appeal to me, the narrative falls short of my expectations. Everything seemed too over-generalized and simplified. I am going to try more proven works like Atomic Habits, perhaps? I have the instinct, I just need to be able to demonstrate it in convincing ways.

[Robert Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good advice for folks just starting out in their careers. the title could be changed to "How to Manipulate Your Boss and Other People," and the content would still work. I found the suggested conversation scrips completely superficial and overly diplomatic-no one talks like that. However, there are multiple nuggets of wisdom within the pages, that once sussed out, can help improve communication with your boss(s).

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Do not recommend!

For anyone new to the workforce reading this… There are some dangerous “scripts” provided. Much of the advice should be taken with some skepticism. Find a mentor before using anything from this book!!!

Managers, if anyone on your team starts saying crazy things, ask them if they’re reading or have read this. Suggest a coaching session for how conversations work in the real-world.

[Lorraine Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another must-read by Melody - she does not disappoint! Excited to share this book with colleagues. Managing Up is such an essential skill that everyone needs but we're rarely taught. Thank you for this helpful guide!

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Managing Up, Melody Wilding has written this brand-new book to guide readers on how to manage up and get the things you need from your bosses. She begins by sharing how professionals are believing that they have little to no control over their careers and futures. 40% of workers struggle with a feeling of hopelessness. People are confused as to where they stand and fit in their workplace. Some feel boxed in with the office politics and they see a lack of any changes. In the book, she helps readers on how to manage up. The book is written in the style of having ten conversations with your boss and it’s meant to be an ongoing discussion. Some of these included: the alignment conversation, ownership, boundaries, feedback, advancement, money, and much more. The book contained steal the scripts section throughout each chapter.


One of my favorite chapters discussed advancement and how to match your wants with the company needs. She explained how if we received any positive feedback how we need to say more than just a simple thank you. We should instead tell our boss how much we appreciate the kind words and our interest in in taking on even more responsibility. She encouraged to try it in causal conversations and adjust our settings and how we state our intentions. She explained how to also move it to a more formal discussion. She also looked at what to do if your boss is playing favorite which we have all seen or faced before.


I would recommend this excellent book about managing up and stepping up in your career and learning how to have important conversations. There is tons of examples and starter questions to get the topic rolling in the right direction. This book is very insightful in helping you navigate your career and future. This book has the power to assist you in reclaiming your career and engaging more in depth with your workforce.



“I received this book free from the publisher for my honest review.”

[Brian Honigman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pushing back on your boss goes against what we've been taught, but done with tact and intention, it's a powerful way to ensure your needs are met at work!

It's definitely an easier said than done kinda thing, especially when first advocating for yourself, but lucky for 'Managing Up' is a helpful resource to guide you as you get started or sharpen up your existing approach to navigating the workplace.

Just finished listening to it! I've recommended it to many of my coaching clients, and I suggest you get yourself a copy too! Here's why it's worth listening to:

1) Actionable recommendations on gaining visibility internally! It's such a common trap to do your work and move on to the next thing without taking the time to gain proper acknowledgment for your contributions from the right stakeholders. She walks you through the variety of ways to gain visibility for your work, so you continue to advance and design a career where you're properly rewarded.

2) Useful scripts for self-advocacy at work! From dealing with a micro-manager to negotiating a higher salary, Melody includes word-for-word breakdowns of how to structure these conversations. So even if you've nailed these interactions before, you've got more options to add to your repertoire.

3) Nuanced advice on managing up with sensitivity! She does a wonderful job at explaining the risks of taking certain actions and how to minimize negative connotations when communicating and making moves to get ahead.

[Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

So straight off - DNF. I did, however, make it past the bombastic first section, which reads like a bad beer commercial. You know, where if you drink this beer, you'll be irresistible to women, be fit and athletic, and have great hair. The beginning of this book, in a similar vein, will rocket you forward to astonishing career success. But okay, gotta plug the book.

Beyond that, the only benefit I can see to this book is if human nature is a near-total mystery to you and you've never done any thinking or reading about interpersonal relationships. If you're early in your career, please don't let the breezy tone of the book make you feel like this is good advice. It is buried in there, in the middle of nonsensical assumptions about the ability to read corporate politics, control over events, the reality of hierarchical organizations, etc. Basically, in order to illustrate solutions, the author makes enormous simplifying assumptions. I skipped around after the first couple of chapters to see if that trend continued - it does.

Don't waste valuable time on this book, this has a few good points that would fit in an article mixed with mostly snake oil. The few good points saved it from one star.

[Mara Vernon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super tactical approach with scripting suggestions. She covers 10 primary conversations.

The ten essential conversations from Melody Wilding's Managing Up focus on enhancing workplace dynamics and personal influence. These conversations are designed to help professionals navigate their relationships with superiors effectively. Here’s a brief overview:

The Alignment Conversation: Understand your boss's goals and motivations.
The Feedback Conversation: Seek constructive feedback to improve performance.
The Advocacy Conversation: Learn to advocate for your needs and career growth.
The Boundaries Conversation: Set clear boundaries to maintain work-life balance.
The Recognition Conversation: Discuss how to receive acknowledgment for your contributions.
The Support Conversation: Identify the support you need from your boss.
The Vision Conversation: Align your work with the broader vision of the organization.
The Conflict Conversation: Address and resolve conflicts constructively.
The Development Conversation: Focus on your professional development and growth opportunities.
The Exit Conversation: Prepare for transitions, whether leaving a role or moving up within the organization.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uneven, but some of the ten conversations in the book are worth reading.

A lot of the book will not apply to people in the public sector and nonprofits. This is the book's biggest failing but is pretty typical of business books on the whole. For workers in these areas, reading it may feel icky at times and super unrealistic and weird.

The author does a job of including info for people who are marginalized and varying types of names/identities throughout the book. This is often missing from white guy business books, so I really appreciate the effort here.

This is the second book I've read on this topic (managing up) and it is the better of the two. That said, I didn't come away with a lot I think I can use personally. A lot of it seemed too...unrealistically positive? Like, no, things never go that well in real life...what?

That said, some of the conversations, I think would be really useful for younger workers, especially money and quitting. It must be very different quitting in capitalism than public service. Wow.

Overall, if you need a book like this, read it, but manage your expectations.

[Mehrdad Alemzadeh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Within the framework of Innies and Outies, Abbajay identifies positive boss archetypes—such as the Energizer, Advancer, Harmonizer, and Evaluator—as well as challenging ones, like the Micromanager, Ghost, Narcissist, Impulsive, Pushover, BFF, Workaholic, Incompetent, Seagull, and the extreme "truly terrible" tyrant. These archetypal figures transcend simple categorization; they function as symbolic representatives of recurring behavioral patterns in workplace hierarchies. Each archetype carries embedded meanings and signals particular challenges that readers must decode and respond to strategically. The naming conventions themselves—the "Ghost," the "Energizer," the "Narcissist"—are richly suggestive, evoking metaphorical associations that guide readers toward intuitive understanding of behavioral profiles. The Micromanager symbolizes control and distrust, the Ghost represents absence and abandonment, and the Energizer embodies vitality and enthusiasm. These symbolic designations transform abstract managerial behaviors into memorable, recognizable patterns that readers can apply to their own organizational experiences.