Barely Visible: Mothering a Son Through His Misunderstood Autism

by Kathleen Somers

For any parent who has ever struggled with a child’s difficult or peculiar behavior, this candid and compelling memoir about raising a child on the spectrum offers reassurance that you are not alone—and a path forward is possible.

When your child is diagnosed with autism, a million questions come to the surface and fear sets in. The discovery that they are high functioning comes as a relief—it may enable them to disguise their shortcomings. Or it may create additional problems.

Barely Visible is not a heroic tale of a champion parent. It’s a candid memoir of one mother’s struggle with the gray space between her son appearing one way on the surface, yet being quite different beneath it. Walking that fine line between when to say something and when to bite your tongue, hoping your child can handle life on his own, requires tremendous foresight and energy. How do you convince others to “cut your child some slack” when the kid they see looks like every other kid they know? How do you explain away behavior that, at face value, looks like the result of bad parenting? And how do you prevent others from discriminating against your child once you do disclose their disability?

Chronicling a journey spanning twenty-three years, Barely Visible is a mother’s admission of guilt, for choosing to ignore her son’s diagnosis initially; acceptance of defeat, for rarely knowing the right thing to do; and an acknowledgment of love—not only for her son, but also for herself.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Health, Disability

312 pages, Paperback

Published April 1, 2025

About the author

Kathleen Somers, a debut author, holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts from Temple University’s Tyler School of Art, and works as a freelance graphic designer and copywriter. She is a passionate observer of humanity who believes in the power of connection that comes from each of us sharing our individual stories, and the importance of authenticity when doing it. Having spent 24 years guiding her son through a disability most can’t see has not made her an authority on the topic. It’s having been the student to all that he has taught her that has brought her closer than anything ever will. When Kathleen isn’t busy with her career as a creative, she is out on her bike finding new roads to explore, or spending time with her son, opening his eyes to everything the world has to offer, both big and small. She lives with her family in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

Reviews

[Books_the_Magical_Fruit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man, this story broke my heart into a million pieces. Autism, anywhere on the spectrum, can be very difficult. Somers details her journey raising a son with Asperger Syndrome. The way I understand it, this term is no longer being used, due to the originator being found to be a collaborator of a certain German regime during the 1930s and 1940s. Still, it’s a unique form of autism that is hard to define because the autism spectrum is so wide. The author talks about coming to terms with her son’s disability and finally finding her voice to tell others the reasons why when Jack has a meltdown.

I sympathize with the author. I also have a kid on the spectrum who appears “normal” and yet has many challenges. I had to laugh at her asking Jack if he was hungry a few times…my kid is WAY more likely to have a meltdown if their basic needs aren’t being met, most especially hunger. I also know the impending signs of a meltdown and have tried to stave them off, although I’m not always successful.

Kudos to the author for being vulnerable and honest. This must have been a very difficult book to write.

Thank you to NetGalley and She Writes Press for an eARC. All opinions are my own.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s 2025. Can we stop using the outdated term “Asperger”? It has incredibly troubling roots with the Third Reich when the “better” autistics, the ones who were deemed “less autistic” or “more intelligent and trainable” (mostly white males) were named after the nazi who deemed them able to work, while he thought the others, the “autistic psychopaths”, should be culled in concentration camps.

Any book using the term “Asperger’s” in 2025 is going to be harmful just from lack of understanding or lack of research. And honestly this book sounds like the author is a narcissist who just really wants a badge of recognition for putting up with her autistic child rather than embracing who he is/was(?) outside of a diagnosis and as a human.

[Jessica Hicks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Firstly, for everyone offended by the term “Asperger’s,” the author’s note explains why she chose to use that term. It’s what her son was diagnosed with at the time. Maybe your copies were earlier review copies that didn’t have this author’s note.

Okay now, my original review that I posted to Instagram, clearly, I was very triggered by this book:

“I thought this was going to be HELP mothering a son through autism, but instead it was a memoir of one mom dealing with her autistic son. I thought this was going to be hopeful, but it was hopeless. I thought it would be for moms of autistic kids, but it’s for everyone who judges moms of autistic kids. In the end the author says, “I wrote this book in hopes of helping people understand the cruelty of it all.” Parents of kids with autism definitely already know that. But then I think those who do believe these kids just need harsher discipline would overlook a book like this and be annoyed by anyone who tried to push it on them. So then who is this book really for? It left me feeling very uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunity to review this, She Writes Press.”

I got a response from the author saying she was sorry I didn’t like her book. She said the book was supposed to help parents of autistic kids feel less alone with an honest look at her struggles. I messaged her and she helped me understand some of the parts of the book that I found offensive. I enjoyed speaking with her and feel better about the book but I still feel that the cover, front and back, makes it sound like it’s for parents of autistic kids but who really needs to read this is the judgy people out there who don’t have autistic kids!! How do we convince them that these kids do have autism and that the parents aren’t a bunch of failures?!

[Anna Thomson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was skeptical of this memoir from the start, but read it because I'd won a free copy.
This book can essentially be split into two parts; the first is a constant bashing of her son, and the second is staring the reason for his struggles in the face while continuously asking, "but what can I do?" Both of my siblings have autism, diagnosed by originally under the DSM-4, one with Aspergers and the other with PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified), so I think I'm equally as qualified as the author to speak on the subject. The constant, and I mean CONSTANT bashing of Jack is PAINFUL to read. Throughout his entire life, his mother simply let him suffer because of her issues, then turns around and blames Jack and labels him a problem child. It's absurd. It's horrifying. The worst part is that the author even admits this; "Instead of accepting Jack’s limitations and developing strategies, I was continuously trailing behind him, sweeping up his destruction and resenting every whisk of the broom" (pg 171).
You could've helped him. You could've taught him. You could've gotten him services. For whatever reason, you didn't. My sister (diagnosed with Aspergers circa 2004) has VERY similar struggles to Jack, and yet my mom took the time to learn about autism, to sign her up for skill groups, social groups, therapy here, therapy there, EVERYTHING, so that she could learn how to function. The author of this book does none of that. She blames her son for something out of his control, then pats herself on the back for having done the best she could "considering the circumstances." The circumstances are that you refused to accept your child for who he is and made him suffer because of it.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very eye opening and interestingly written, loved reading it

[Susan (The Book Bag) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barely Visible was a heartbreaking, while also being uplifting, glimpse into what a family deals with when there is a diagnosis of autism. There are so many ups and downs, as well as all of the stages that family members go through as life marches onward. The author does a fantastic job of being real, describing the good days as well as the horrible days. I felt every bit of the struggle that they went through.

The author holds nothing back with her honestly about the struggles she, her husband, and her son went through and are continuing to go through. It was a hard arduous road but they learned to adapt and find out what worked for them. I am grateful for the insight that I got from reading this book as it opened my eyes to what life is like for friends of mine who are going down the same path.

[Audrey Dewey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to @booksparks and @shewritespress for a #gifted copy in exchange for a review.

I was interested in joining this campaign because, as an intervention specialist with multiple students with autism, I was curious to get an insight into what it's like raising a child with autism. The author provides a heartfelt look into the hardships and unexpected joys of her experience raising her son. This story is touching and relatable, and it will resonate more with readers who experienced this firsthand. If you are looking to gain a deeper understanding of autism, I believe this book would get the job done.

[Amy (Aiya) Reading Again · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to join this book tour because I wanted to read this candid perspective of a parent raising a child with Autism. I am a pediatric occupational therapist and I have been providing therapy (OT) for over 15 years. Reading about both hardships and the unexpected joys offers valuable insights for anyone connected to this world. Whether you are a parent, therapist, or simply someone seeking a deeper understanding of autism, this memoir stands as a testament to resilience, acceptance, and the power of love.

Thank you to @booksparks and @shewritespress for including me on this book tour in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Amy Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart felt and powerful! As a mother of an autistic son, I could relate to soooo much!!!

[Book Reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kathleen Somers’ Barely Visible is a raw and often gut-wrenching memoir that tells the story of her journey as a mother navigating the heartbreaking loss of a daughter and the challenging road of raising a son with autism. The book begins with a detailed account of the late-term abortion she and her husband chose after discovering a severe chromosomal disorder in their unborn child. What follows is the story of their second chance at parenthood, a son, Jack, whose development is anything but typical, and whose autism remains invisible to many who interact with him. With honesty and grit, Somers invites readers into the daily struggles, small wins, crushing doubts, and fierce love that shape her life as a mother.

The writing is plainspoken and real, never dressing up the pain or dressing down the joy. Somers doesn’t flinch when describing her darkest moments and emotions like grief, rage, and guilt, but she also doesn’t wallow. Her voice is steady and direct. What I liked was her description of being caught in a kind of no-man’s-land with Jack: not disabled “enough” for sympathy, not neurotypical enough to be understood. That tension runs through the whole book, and it’s heartbreaking. She captures the loneliness of parenting a child who doesn’t fit the mold and the silent battles she fights in parking lots, classrooms, and her own mind.

What I appreciated most was that this isn’t a story wrapped up with a bow. Somers doesn’t pretend to have all the answers. She admits to losing her temper, to doubting her decisions, to questioning herself constantly. But she also shows up for her son, over and over again, even when it’s hard, even when it’s thankless. There’s a quiet bravery in that. And her reflections on how people perceive disability, how a child’s challenges are judged based on how visible they are, stayed with me. She writes with a dry wit at times that cuts through the heaviness, which I found refreshing and relatable.

I would recommend Barely Visible to any parent, especially those who feel like they’re walking a path they didn’t expect. If you’ve ever struggled to make sense of a diagnosis, to advocate for a child who’s misunderstood, or to stay afloat when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would, this book will speak to you. It’s not just about autism or motherhood or grief. It’s about resilience and love and the messy, beautiful, brutal work of showing up.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kathleen Somers’s son Jack was diagnosed with Asperger’s in elementary school. That was almost twenty years ago – Asperger’s is no longer a diagnosis. It’s been rolled into the autism classification now. Someone who would have been diagnosed with Asperger’s back them is now would be called high functioning or level one autistic.

Somers is unflinchingly honest about her journey with her son, who’s in his 20s now. She and her ex-husband were in denial about Jack’s situation for quite a long time. It seems that in some ways she’s still a little in denial. In the epilogue she mentions that at some level she hopes that Jack outgrows his autism even though she knows that this is impossible.

I think that this book would be helpful for someone whose child was recently diagnosed with autism and that is still in the denial/anger phase. Barely Visible is somewhat of a cautionary tale of what not to do at that stage. I think Sommers would agree. I think this book would also be helpful for people who have younger autistic children, even if they’ve had the diagnosis for a while – like me. My autistic son is five years-old and he was diagnosed level one at three. I know that even though we’ve adjusted fairly well for now, middle school and high school will present new challenges. I got an idea of what those years could look like from reading Jack’s story.

I also think that people who are not a parent of an autistic child but have one in their lives could benefit from this book. It will help them see that autistic behavior is not a disciple problem. Our kids don’t act the way they do because they are spoiled or we’re not hard enough on them.

If your life is affected by autism, this is a book worth checking out.

[Laura Gaddis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Somers writes a brutally unflinching account of life with her son, who was diagnosed with Asperger's as a child. We follow his life from birth until young adulthood, and at the same time, we follow the heartfelt emotional rollercoaster Somers, her ex-husband, her new husband and his children live. There are moments that are emotional to read (in that as a mother myself, I feel so deeply for her struggles) and other moments that left me wanting to cheer. Somers begins the book with how she lost a baby late in pregnancy before her son came along, which is another admission close to my heart (as I had a similar experience). Her willingness to talk about the struggle not only of losing a child, but of having to make extremely tough medical choices surrounding it, is refreshing to see.

Ultimately, I'm left wondering if this book is less about the world not seeing Somer's son the way he is (as her title suggests), but her own inability to see it (as she admits several times in the book). The world, time and again, does see his differences. He is often met with resistance and rejection in school, sports, and relationships. What would be an interesting addition to this book would be an exploration of the idea that Somers herself is the one who goes through an understandably difficult journey of reckoning with her own understanding and acceptance of her son.

[Kelly {SpaceOnTheBookcase] · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ll admit, I jumped at the chance to review Barely Visible, a memoir by Kathleen Somers, because it featured her child with autism. As a fellow autism mom I expected to find a lot of relatability, unfortunately I found a lot of frustration.

I will give Kathleen this; she did not mince words, but by doing this she shared how autism affects her life more than her son’s. From refusing intervention to hiding it from teachers and coaches, as someone who took the opposite approach with my own child I found my heart breaking for this young boy who was set up to fail time after time.

With that said, the story is compelling, if not heartbreaking, and does shed light on how different life is when you’re raising a child with autism. The hopes and dreams of what you think your child’s life will look like often don't match reality and you find that those hopes and dreams evolve and shift.

Barely Visible is raw and gritty, and will definitely bring out your emotions as a reader.

Thank you BookSparks for the gifted copy.

[CR · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barely Visible by Kathleen Somers offers a heartfelt look into the challenges of raising a child with misunderstood autism. The author’s personal journey is deeply emotional and insightful, shedding light on the struggles and triumphs of motherhood in the face of adversity. While the story is touching and relatable for many, it may resonate more with readers who have experienced similar challenges firsthand. A thoughtful read for those looking to understand the complexities of parenting a neurodivergent child.

[Cynthia Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her searing memoir, Barely Visible, Kathleen Somers bravely exposes her inner journey as the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. Her frank, wrenching revelations of her own struggle with this painful process are illuminating for all of us as we learn along with her, struggle along with her, and are uplifted by her willingness to finally embrace acceptance, the essential lesson for all of us everywhere. This book is honest, human, deeply loving, informative and finally uplifting. It’s definitely worth reading.

[Sierra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I honestly think people skip over the fact of what this book is about. It's about everything from a Mom POV has thought, been through, ignored diagnosis and missteps. It's also about owning up to those things. Who isn't perfect and is owning up to that. Showing you who may be in similar shoes that others have those though and or feeings and you're not alone in having similar thoughts. 23+ years ago autism or getting help or understanding it was very different in the world. It's not like it is today.

[Marian Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me understand what my sister is going through with her daughter who was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I only see so much, so it was important for me to read to understand what she goes through on a daily basis. Her daughter on the outside is "normal" just like Jack, but certainly has her moments and quirks. I appreciate the honesty and transparency Kathleen Somers provides throughout this book. I hope it helps educate those who don't know much about this so they can help people affected in their life too!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is absolutely a life-line of companionship to any parent who has a kid who can go from fine to HUGE FEELINGS in a nanosecond. It is beautifully written, honest, emotional, and full of love. I highly recommend it for any parent, because even kids without a disability can challenge a parent’s hopes, expectations, and plans. This book shows how parents regroup, regroup, and regroup again no matter how many times things go awry. Love is always waiting at home plate.

[Shaun · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest look at what it’s like to raise an autistic child that looks (and *sometimes* behaves) like everyone else. The effort, dedication, and sometimes panic it takes to raise a neurodiverse child is evident. Somers has written an easy-to-read narrative, even though several scenes had me feeling the stress she was experiencing. A great read for anyone wondering what it’s like to love a neurodivergent person.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an honest, emotional view at the challenges of raising an autistic child. I appreciated the authors raw honesty as she recounted her life raising her son - who reminded me a lot of my own. I feel this book will only be as deeply appreciated by parents who have dealt with similar struggles. I devoured this book, never feeling so seen.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25/5. I won this book in a free giveaway. I liked this a lot more than I expected do! There was some outdated language and outright diabolical commentary but overall, it gave me a better insight into the life and thoughts of a mother with an autistic son.