What do you think?
Rate this book
Break Up On Purpose: Use Your Breakup as a Catalyst for Growth
From the author of I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, the Angry Therapist, an honest guide to breaking up and breaking through
Every breakup is a transformation. A breaking down and breaking through to a new version of who you are now, after you have severed ties. Nothing will change you like a broken heart. Yet every breakup is different.
John Kim, the Angry Therapist, has seen thousands of patients through breakups of every brutal, freeing, heartbreaking kind—and he’s lived through failed relationships and a divorce of his own. Through his journey as a therapist and as a partner and father, John has identified eight types of unique breakups—and how to get over them:
* The Big One Break-Up (the One you Compare All To)
* The Blindsided Break-Up
* The “Flat Soda” (Mutual) Break-Up
* The You Cheated/You Left Me for Someone Else Break-Up
* The Soap Opera Break-Up
* The Almost-Relationship Breakup
* The Break Up That Never Ends
* The D-word (Divorce)
Each type elicits different responses, requiring different approaches to healing and starting over. John offers a three-part guide to healing from heartbreak: We hear stories from him and his patients about the eight types of breakups, discover honest reflections about what really went down, and engage in Break Through Work to learn the steps necessary to truly heal and grow. John shows us how a breakup can be the ultimate tool for personal growth, where we discover bodies rewired, trauma processed, false beliefs dissolved, and new standards set.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
Every breakup is a transformation. A breaking down and breaking through to a new version of who you are now, after you have severed ties. Nothing will change you like a broken heart. Yet every breakup is different.
John Kim, the Angry Therapist, has seen thousands of patients through breakups of every brutal, freeing, heartbreaking kind—and he’s lived through failed relationships and a divorce of his own. Through his journey as a therapist and as a partner and father, John has identified eight types of unique breakups—and how to get over them:
* The Big One Break-Up (the One you Compare All To)
* The Blindsided Break-Up
* The “Flat Soda” (Mutual) Break-Up
* The You Cheated/You Left Me for Someone Else Break-Up
* The Soap Opera Break-Up
* The Almost-Relationship Breakup
* The Break Up That Never Ends
* The D-word (Divorce)
Each type elicits different responses, requiring different approaches to healing and starting over. John offers a three-part guide to healing from heartbreak: We hear stories from him and his patients about the eight types of breakups, discover honest reflections about what really went down, and engage in Break Through Work to learn the steps necessary to truly heal and grow. John shows us how a breakup can be the ultimate tool for personal growth, where we discover bodies rewired, trauma processed, false beliefs dissolved, and new standards set.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
1 pages, Audio CD
Published December 31, 2024
60 people are currently reading
283 people want to read
About the author
John Kim
113 books222 followersJohn Kim LMFT (The Angry Therapist) pioneered the online life coaching movement seven years ago, after going through a divorce which led to his total re-birth. He quickly built a devoted following of fans who loved the frank and authentic insights that he freely shared on social media. He pulled the curtain back and showed himself by practicing transparency and sharing his story something therapists are taught not to do. Kim became known as an unconventional therapist who worked out of the box by seeing clients at coffee shops, on hikes, in a CrossFit box. He built a coaching team of his own and launched a sister company called JRNI, creating a new way to help people help people and change the way we change. He lives in Los Angeles.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
June 15, 2025
I picked this up on a random night at Target, not knowing anything of the author, and expected it to be a typical, hollowed shell of a self-help book with a$$-wipe advice. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the contents of the book was full of actual, genuine advice and information. It was thoughtful and provoked lots of insight for relationships and especially for yourself.
Some chapters seemed a little catered to specific situations/examples and I felt there could be more discussions on how many different types of breakups there can be, due to differing situations, as I felt this regarded a lot more cis, hetero breakups than queer ones. Those are typically a bit different in my experience. The audience can be a little specific due to that.
Overall, this book helps you to understand the perspective of others and why breakups happen, and how to take the reigns to build a proper relationship in your own life. I have found myself thinking of pages and quotes throughout my day to day life and I do think the book came into my life at the right time with the right advice and information. Great, supportive, and helpful read. I thought this guy's experience as a therapist helped to shape up the contents of this book to make it a very fulfilling read.
Some chapters seemed a little catered to specific situations/examples and I felt there could be more discussions on how many different types of breakups there can be, due to differing situations, as I felt this regarded a lot more cis, hetero breakups than queer ones. Those are typically a bit different in my experience. The audience can be a little specific due to that.
Overall, this book helps you to understand the perspective of others and why breakups happen, and how to take the reigns to build a proper relationship in your own life. I have found myself thinking of pages and quotes throughout my day to day life and I do think the book came into my life at the right time with the right advice and information. Great, supportive, and helpful read. I thought this guy's experience as a therapist helped to shape up the contents of this book to make it a very fulfilling read.
January 31, 2025
This book quite literally changed my life. It changed my thinking, and made me really examine my patterns in relationships, and how I showed up. I'm still doing the work, and will continue into the future. Thanks, John Kim!
September 9, 2025
Would highly recommend this book to anyone on a healing journey, in addition to “Single On Purpose”. Favorite quotes below ✨
✨ “I could finally see that my divorce, a curse at the time, was the greatest gift I ever received”
✨ “Healing happens to the learning what happened, processing feelings, and changing yourself through the actions you take”
✨ “But the truth is, our hearts don’t break. They stretch. In this stretching of the heart is what creates a greater capacity to love”
✨ “She told them, stop crying over a mediocre dude and go live your life” 😂
✨ “It’s why the relationship didn’t work… but rather when we were mental to learn from the collision”
✨ “Judging your partner’s behavior is the fastest way to stop your own healing. You become angry and consumed by the belief that you’re a victim”
✨ “Can you satisfy your own needs instead of depending on others to do that?”
✨ “Our relationship has run its course. It was not meant to last a day longer or end a day sooner. It has expired.”
✨ “I could finally see that my divorce, a curse at the time, was the greatest gift I ever received”
✨ “Healing happens to the learning what happened, processing feelings, and changing yourself through the actions you take”
✨ “But the truth is, our hearts don’t break. They stretch. In this stretching of the heart is what creates a greater capacity to love”
✨ “She told them, stop crying over a mediocre dude and go live your life” 😂
✨ “It’s why the relationship didn’t work… but rather when we were mental to learn from the collision”
✨ “Judging your partner’s behavior is the fastest way to stop your own healing. You become angry and consumed by the belief that you’re a victim”
✨ “Can you satisfy your own needs instead of depending on others to do that?”
✨ “Our relationship has run its course. It was not meant to last a day longer or end a day sooner. It has expired.”
January 26, 2025
3.5-3.75 but rounded up due to my love & respect for this authors work & story.
I have done a lot of the "work" surrounding relationships past & present. However, reading this after spending a year brushing things under a rug because I wanted to stay with the person I fell for, versus who he ended up becoming in the relationship was perfect timing. It reminded me to forgive myself for ignoring things , and drop into things that happened in the past that can also shape what happened recently , and prevent it from happening in the future. I find all of John Kim's relationship books to be highly relatable & have something for each reader. The newly single , chronically dating , divorced , or struggling to stay married. It's a good reminder of how the phases we walk through are not ones we walk alone , and ones we will often repeat, but also about how to redeem & love ourselves in spite of them.
I have done a lot of the "work" surrounding relationships past & present. However, reading this after spending a year brushing things under a rug because I wanted to stay with the person I fell for, versus who he ended up becoming in the relationship was perfect timing. It reminded me to forgive myself for ignoring things , and drop into things that happened in the past that can also shape what happened recently , and prevent it from happening in the future. I find all of John Kim's relationship books to be highly relatable & have something for each reader. The newly single , chronically dating , divorced , or struggling to stay married. It's a good reminder of how the phases we walk through are not ones we walk alone , and ones we will often repeat, but also about how to redeem & love ourselves in spite of them.
January 22, 2025
Book Review: Breaking Up on Purpose by John Kim
It’s rare for a book to take hold of me so completely that I finish it in a single day. Yet that’s exactly what happened with Breaking Up on Purpose. Having read all of John’s previous works, I thought I knew what to expect: insightful, reflective writing with an emphasis on emotional growth. What I didn’t expect was how deeply personal and transformative this book would feel, especially given its subject matter, breakups, a topic I’ve been navigating in my own life.
At first, I was hesitant to dive into this book. The pain of a recent breakup still lingers for me, and I feared the book might reopen wounds I’ve been working to heal. Instead, it did the opposite. John’s writing gently yet purposefully guided me to confront my feelings, not just for myself but for my ex-partner as well. One of the book’s central messages is that relationships are partnerships, where each person brings 50%. This perspective challenged me to step back and consider not only my emotions and reactions but also hers.
The author doesn’t shy away from the complexities of ending a relationship. His reflections emphasize healing, understanding, and accountability rather than blame. He acknowledges that anger and sadness are natural responses but encourages readers to explore the roots of these emotions and their direction. For me, this was a revelation. While a part of me still wrestles with feelings of resentment, I realized that these stem more from my own pain than from any real desire to hold her accountable.
What stood out most in Breaking Up on Purpose was its balance of compassion and practicality. John doesn’t offer empty platitudes about “letting go” or “moving on.” Instead, he provides a framework for understanding why relationships end and how to process the aftermath in a way that fosters growth. He writes with a profound empathy that resonates deeply, making even the hardest truths feel manageable.
This book also encouraged me to reflect on my own journey. It helped me see that my ex-partner and I likely weren’t meant to be together, not because of a lack of love but because of timing and circumstances. She entered our relationship without taking time to heal from her previous one, and I abandoned my own boundaries to be with her because she meant so much to me. Despite our flaws and the imperfect start, I’m grateful for what we shared.
John’s writing also reminded me that healing isn’t linear. Some days, I feel like I’m making strides, going to therapy, reading, exercising, and staying on top of my responsibilities. Other days, I feel overwhelmed by loneliness and the loss of the person I trusted most deeply. She was the first person I ever allowed myself to be truly vulnerable with, sharing parts of my past I’ve never shared with anyone else. That level of trust is hard to lose, but this book has shown me how to start reframing those memories as part of my growth rather than a source of pain.
In the end, Breaking Up on Purpose isn’t just about breakups, it’s about self-awareness, forgiveness, and the path to healing. It’s not an easy read, especially if you’re in the middle of heartbreak, but it’s a necessary one. It challenges you to confront uncomfortable truths while offering a compassionate hand to guide you through.
For anyone who has loved and lost, or for those seeking to understand themselves better through the lens of past relationships, this book is a good-read.
It’s rare for a book to take hold of me so completely that I finish it in a single day. Yet that’s exactly what happened with Breaking Up on Purpose. Having read all of John’s previous works, I thought I knew what to expect: insightful, reflective writing with an emphasis on emotional growth. What I didn’t expect was how deeply personal and transformative this book would feel, especially given its subject matter, breakups, a topic I’ve been navigating in my own life.
At first, I was hesitant to dive into this book. The pain of a recent breakup still lingers for me, and I feared the book might reopen wounds I’ve been working to heal. Instead, it did the opposite. John’s writing gently yet purposefully guided me to confront my feelings, not just for myself but for my ex-partner as well. One of the book’s central messages is that relationships are partnerships, where each person brings 50%. This perspective challenged me to step back and consider not only my emotions and reactions but also hers.
The author doesn’t shy away from the complexities of ending a relationship. His reflections emphasize healing, understanding, and accountability rather than blame. He acknowledges that anger and sadness are natural responses but encourages readers to explore the roots of these emotions and their direction. For me, this was a revelation. While a part of me still wrestles with feelings of resentment, I realized that these stem more from my own pain than from any real desire to hold her accountable.
What stood out most in Breaking Up on Purpose was its balance of compassion and practicality. John doesn’t offer empty platitudes about “letting go” or “moving on.” Instead, he provides a framework for understanding why relationships end and how to process the aftermath in a way that fosters growth. He writes with a profound empathy that resonates deeply, making even the hardest truths feel manageable.
This book also encouraged me to reflect on my own journey. It helped me see that my ex-partner and I likely weren’t meant to be together, not because of a lack of love but because of timing and circumstances. She entered our relationship without taking time to heal from her previous one, and I abandoned my own boundaries to be with her because she meant so much to me. Despite our flaws and the imperfect start, I’m grateful for what we shared.
John’s writing also reminded me that healing isn’t linear. Some days, I feel like I’m making strides, going to therapy, reading, exercising, and staying on top of my responsibilities. Other days, I feel overwhelmed by loneliness and the loss of the person I trusted most deeply. She was the first person I ever allowed myself to be truly vulnerable with, sharing parts of my past I’ve never shared with anyone else. That level of trust is hard to lose, but this book has shown me how to start reframing those memories as part of my growth rather than a source of pain.
In the end, Breaking Up on Purpose isn’t just about breakups, it’s about self-awareness, forgiveness, and the path to healing. It’s not an easy read, especially if you’re in the middle of heartbreak, but it’s a necessary one. It challenges you to confront uncomfortable truths while offering a compassionate hand to guide you through.
For anyone who has loved and lost, or for those seeking to understand themselves better through the lens of past relationships, this book is a good-read.
January 18, 2025
After hearing an interview with John Kim on NPR, I ordered a copy of his latest book as soon as it was published. I was eager to hear in more detail what the author had to say.
We all love the feeling of falling in love and being in love. The object of my affection and I both suffer if we are separated by great distance or won't see each other for a long stretch of time. I suffer far more if I am planning on a life together with her, but her life is on a different track and she decides that our relationship has expired. If you have lived, you have likely lived through several, or many, breakups, some initiated by you and some initiated by your partner(s). How to cope with a breakup? John Kim asserts that there are eight types of unique breakups. Different coping strategies are required to handle the different types.
Here is John Kim's list: The "Big One" -- The First True Love; The Blindsided Breakup; The Flat Soda Breakup; The "You Cheated/Left Me for Someone Else" Breakup; The Soap Opera Breakup [maybe requires a restraining order]; The Almost-Relationship Breakup; The Breakup That Never Ends; and The D Word -- Divorce.
Early in the book the author cautions the reader not to skip to the chapter on the specific type of breakup he/she is going through. He suggests you read them in the order they appear in the book. You might realize that the problem with one particular relationship was really something different than you had thought for a long time.
To cope with a breakup, a person needs some mental space. John Kim and other podcasters that focus on relationships suggest -- create some distance. No meet ups, phone calls, FaceTimes, scrolling through picture albums of your now-ex. Unfollow them on Facebook. You had to learn how to be with them. Now you are unlearning how to be with them. Notice, creating distance does not have to go on forever. Thirty days of non-contact might get one or both people through the worst anguish. Some expired romantic relationships can become great friendships. Just beware of The Breakup that Never Ends by trying to be non-romantic friends too soon.
To my surprise, there were only two passing references to long-distance relationships (pp. 113, 244). That's a book chapter I want to read! My career has involved two short-distance moves of 20 miles and six long-distance moves, from 1200 miles to a maximum of 5000 miles. Each long-distance move required establishing a new social circle, to have people to hang out with. My experience has been that few partners are willing to try a long-distance relationship. Even fewer are willing to do a long-distance move. When you tell your partner you have a job offer from a far off place you often hear, "Sorry, I can't even visit that place."
There is a lot of good advice in this book. I recommend it to anyone going through a recent breakup, or who is still trying to resolve issues from long-ago breakups. One thing I thought was unnecessary was the frequency of the use of the f-word and its variants. I have the same criticism for some of my favorite comedic social commentators. But we were forewarned. One of John Kim's previous books has the f-word in its title.
We all love the feeling of falling in love and being in love. The object of my affection and I both suffer if we are separated by great distance or won't see each other for a long stretch of time. I suffer far more if I am planning on a life together with her, but her life is on a different track and she decides that our relationship has expired. If you have lived, you have likely lived through several, or many, breakups, some initiated by you and some initiated by your partner(s). How to cope with a breakup? John Kim asserts that there are eight types of unique breakups. Different coping strategies are required to handle the different types.
Here is John Kim's list: The "Big One" -- The First True Love; The Blindsided Breakup; The Flat Soda Breakup; The "You Cheated/Left Me for Someone Else" Breakup; The Soap Opera Breakup [maybe requires a restraining order]; The Almost-Relationship Breakup; The Breakup That Never Ends; and The D Word -- Divorce.
Early in the book the author cautions the reader not to skip to the chapter on the specific type of breakup he/she is going through. He suggests you read them in the order they appear in the book. You might realize that the problem with one particular relationship was really something different than you had thought for a long time.
To cope with a breakup, a person needs some mental space. John Kim and other podcasters that focus on relationships suggest -- create some distance. No meet ups, phone calls, FaceTimes, scrolling through picture albums of your now-ex. Unfollow them on Facebook. You had to learn how to be with them. Now you are unlearning how to be with them. Notice, creating distance does not have to go on forever. Thirty days of non-contact might get one or both people through the worst anguish. Some expired romantic relationships can become great friendships. Just beware of The Breakup that Never Ends by trying to be non-romantic friends too soon.
To my surprise, there were only two passing references to long-distance relationships (pp. 113, 244). That's a book chapter I want to read! My career has involved two short-distance moves of 20 miles and six long-distance moves, from 1200 miles to a maximum of 5000 miles. Each long-distance move required establishing a new social circle, to have people to hang out with. My experience has been that few partners are willing to try a long-distance relationship. Even fewer are willing to do a long-distance move. When you tell your partner you have a job offer from a far off place you often hear, "Sorry, I can't even visit that place."
There is a lot of good advice in this book. I recommend it to anyone going through a recent breakup, or who is still trying to resolve issues from long-ago breakups. One thing I thought was unnecessary was the frequency of the use of the f-word and its variants. I have the same criticism for some of my favorite comedic social commentators. But we were forewarned. One of John Kim's previous books has the f-word in its title.
May 2, 2025
John Kim’s Break Up on Purpose: A Catalyst for Growth is a refreshing and empowering guide that transforms the pain of breakups into a powerful opportunity for personal growth. Drawing from his experience as a therapist, Kim explores eight different types of breakups, combining honest storytelling with practical advice and interactive exercises. His message is clear: heartbreak, while painful, can be a turning point toward self-discovery and healing. With relatable examples from his life and his clients’, Kim’s compassionate and often humorous tone makes this book both comforting and actionable, encouraging readers to take charge of their emotional recovery.
Key Points:
1. Focuses on eight types of breakups, each with specific insights
2. Encourages growth and healing through heartbreak
3. Includes personal stories and client experiences
4. Introduces “Break Through Work” for active self-reflection
5. Blends empathy, humour, and professional guidance
Ideal for readers seeking support and transformation after a breakup
Key Points:
1. Focuses on eight types of breakups, each with specific insights
2. Encourages growth and healing through heartbreak
3. Includes personal stories and client experiences
4. Introduces “Break Through Work” for active self-reflection
5. Blends empathy, humour, and professional guidance
Ideal for readers seeking support and transformation after a breakup
January 28, 2025
John Kim's "Break Up on Purpose: A Catalyst for Growth" is a guide that offers a unique and empowering approach to the emotional challenges of breakups. The book is organized around eight different types of breakups, each with specific advice and insights. Kim's candid storytelling, blending personal anecdotes with those of his clients, helps readers connect with the experiences of others. He encourages readers to view their pain as an opportunity for transformation rather than just an end.
The book is divided into chapters that help readers understand different breakup types, reflect on personal experiences, and engage in practical exercises. Kim introduces the concept of "Break Through Work," inviting readers to actively participate in their healing journey. Overall, "Break Up on Purpose" is both a comforting companion and a practical guide for anyone dealing with the emotional aftermath of a breakup.
The book is divided into chapters that help readers understand different breakup types, reflect on personal experiences, and engage in practical exercises. Kim introduces the concept of "Break Through Work," inviting readers to actively participate in their healing journey. Overall, "Break Up on Purpose" is both a comforting companion and a practical guide for anyone dealing with the emotional aftermath of a breakup.
January 8, 2025
I much preferred "It's Not Me, It's You" but "Break Up On Purpose" does its job. I enjoyed the breakdown of the 8 general relationship types. The bottom line of any break up (per the book) is basically our failed relationships aren't a reflection of ourselves. Or rather, how we feel after a failed relationship (I'm unlovable) is not a reflection of who we are. We also shouldn't ruminate too much on past relationship (I'm looking at the "one who got away men") because the people are today, aren't the people we were when we were in those relationships.
The book overall was pretty average, so much so that I decided to just read through it rather than take my time, but John Kim provides some good questions for our own reflection. Without those, the bulk of this book is anecdotal or taken from his sessions with real people.
The book overall was pretty average, so much so that I decided to just read through it rather than take my time, but John Kim provides some good questions for our own reflection. Without those, the bulk of this book is anecdotal or taken from his sessions with real people.
January 8, 2025
Wow. This guy went to the cliche store and loaded up on some bulk lots, which he then attempted to stitch together into a book. I kept listening for a while just to see how many cliches he could fit in one paragraph, but after a while the novelty wore off and I had to give up.
January 13, 2025
Interesting read. I didn't care much for the author's personal perspective, but it was nice it was included insomuch as to provide context on any of their own bias that may exist. Otherwise an informative read for a general under discussed topic.
March 21, 2025
I enjoyed his prior books but this one was disappointing. There were bits of good information and questions for our own reflection but most of it was included in his previous books so I found the content repetitive and boring. You may enjoy this book if you haven’t read any of his previous ones.
June 23, 2025
The author talks about different types of break up with examples from his own and clients' experiences. He gives suggestions how to get over the break up rather than be consumed by it.
I would have preferred it without so much swearing.
I would have preferred it without so much swearing.
July 13, 2025
Written by a therapist who does a pretty decent job of breaking down break-ups. it was insightful enough. He uses a lot of stories, which were just okay. I wish he would have broken down a little bit more of the psychology.
February 28, 2025
Insightful with a touch of beauty in the writing. Advice, honesty, and poetry. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
April 16, 2025
some good content, just not a fan of the author's perspective.
May 29, 2025
amazing insight on various types of relationships, how they ended, why. Great author. very engaging read
July 12, 2025
More like a 2 1/2 stars for me
July 14, 2025
I enjoyed John Kim’s writing style and the overall message of the book, which is in essence about self love.
August 9, 2025
One of the better books on relationships I've read
September 14, 2025
live love laugh
September 24, 2025
This book was exactly what I needed when I needed it.
April 24, 2025
I should send a copy to my ex wife
January 30, 2025
I really appreciate the non clinical approach and chapters breaking down the different types of breakups.
The personal experiences from John and his clinical experiences brings out some valid and interesting insights into different break ups. The bigger picture and ultimately the most important part is finding yourself again and understanding that it mostly starts from within. Definitely recommend it !
The personal experiences from John and his clinical experiences brings out some valid and interesting insights into different break ups. The bigger picture and ultimately the most important part is finding yourself again and understanding that it mostly starts from within. Definitely recommend it !
February 12, 2025
Great book. Convenient release date. Lots of good homework in here and some lovely and heartwarming reminders too.
February 17, 2025
John Kim continues to be one of my favorite romance and relationship guru. He has such a refreshing and real point of view and throughout the book, I found things to sit with and learn about myself.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews