The Only Way is Burglary: A humorous British contemporary cozy mystery

by Lou Collins

First the locks are picked. Then the lies pile high. And now the mystery is messier than a crime scene in a cake shop.

Just as Chloe Essex thought village life was finally returning to normal, a prancing pig and a rash of baffling burglaries disrupt the peace.

When one of her gang becomes the latest victim, she sets off on an unusual quest to uncover the truth.

With her ragtag team beside her, she follows a trail of wacky clues and red herrings, from the local pub to the parish church. As they inch closer to unmasking the thief, tensions boil over, and she finds a body.

Will solving the caper restore tranquillity, or force Chloe to choose between protecting the past and safeguarding the future?

The Only Way is Burglary is the third book of the Chloe Essex Cozy Mysteries, a warm and witty British series where Midsomer Murders meets Bridget Jones, with an ever-so-slightly bonkers twist. Best read in series order to avoid spoilers and missed clues, it’s perfect for fans of The Thursday Murder Club, Agatha Raisin and Stephanie Plum.

But be warned. When laughter, intrigue and murder combine, survival depends on unlimited supplies of fake tan and a vat of builders’ tea.

307 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 28, 2025

About the author

Click the FOLLOW button to be notified when Lou Collins has a new release.

Entertaining you with with bling, banter and baffling cases from the heart of Essex.

For a FREE cozy from Lou Collins: https//loulovesbooks.com/larceny.

Welcome to that weird part where I talk about myself like I'm someone else—humour me!

Lou is a book lover on a mission to share the fun and friendship of cozy mysteries. She’s always loved diving between the pages, dreaming of worlds where mystery and adventure await.

Her stories breathe life into Essex, England, with bling, banter, and baffling crimes. Are you tired of cookie-cutter cozies where the murderer's identity is obvious from the start? Lou's smart mysteries will keep you guessing until the last page.

When she’s not crafting her next mystery, Lou enjoys ballet, theatre, and true crime (watching, not committing it!). And join her crusade against ironing to squeeze more reading time into each day!

Learn more at https://loulovesbooks.com and follow Lou on BookBub for the latest on new releases and sales: https://loulovesbooks.com/BookBub

Reviews

[Beth Helm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. The twists and turns kept coming. This whole series has been fantastic. I recommend every book.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel bad about not liking this more, especially since I received an ARC, but it just never really held my attention. For starters, the narrative seemingly picks up immediately after a previous book, and it's one I haven't read. Even if I had, I'd have had to have finished it just says before starting this one to have a clear recall of the events the reader is presumed to be familiar with

I also didn't find the book particularly humorous, unless all the poop references (dog and baby) were meant to be funny? They weren't, nor was the MC"s mom being oblivious to her ex"s dementia. The fact that several characters seemed to be speaking complete nonsense wasn't particularly witty, either -- more like cringey.

Finally, the glossary at the end that tediously and pedantically defined every phrase that was the least bit colloquial or idiomatic struck me as unnecessary and even condescending. Most readers past elementary school age are pretty good at identifying context clues, and Americans who've read more than one British mystery will most likely be familiar with all the British terms being over-defined here. Even terms common to both languages were defined, though, making me wonder who the glossary was intended for. English learners, perhaps? If so, then okay, but I always feel compelled to read all these extras and I just couldn't with this glossary.

[Jane litherland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fan-blooming-tastic mystery story that has all the glory of a job well done. And it’s an immersive one with lots of fun ,in fact it’s a hoot! Chloe Essex is investigating a rather odd set of burglaries in the area , but then it gets rather more sinister when a dead body is found and one of her men down..just when she’s about to unveil ,the body leaves her feeling rather pail. This is a splendid read by Lou Collins who weaves the red herrings and false leads with ease of a pen and a mightier one you’ll not find with intricate plots to bind. Characters so endearing and with their own special trait . I think this imagined village is great . Storytelling too ,and so will you it’s that compelling you see is this cosy mystery.

[Nancy Gerards · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic series, and this book did not disappoint.
Great characters and mystery with a hard to guess ending.

In addition to the murder, we get a relic from centuries ago - maybe . . .
Is it real, or is it simply a village legend?
Does it protect the village and bring doom to those who try to steal it?

Anyone who has visited churches in Europe has seen many relics and heard stories like this.

The twists and turns kept coming

I highly recommend this series and it's best to read them in order

[Alison Hoeksema · Rating 4 out of 5]

The continuing story of Chloe's life in a village full of interesting characters includes mysterious burglaries and more murder. The discovery of various items in unusual places creates a complex trail to follow, with many red herrings! The gradually revealed traits of the locals add depth to the story, along with a wandering pig and a mystery relic which may have special powers. A well written cosy mystery with plenty of humour.
I received an ARC from the author, but my opinion is given voluntarily.

[Leslie Ferrari · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun continuation of the series. You very much want to read these books in order.

In addition to the expected murder, we get a relic from centuries ago - maybe . . . Is it real, or is it simply a village legend? Does it protect the village and bring doom to those who try to steal it?

Anyone who has visited churches in Europe has seen many relics and heard stories like this. A fun read!

[Doreen Farrar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was great! Both the book and the series have gotten better and better as I've read them. As the series begins, Chloe is on the verge of retiring from a professional dance career and to returning to Essex, where she grew up. The books continue to tell the stories of her life and should be read in order for greatest enjoyment. I really hope the series continues, because I really want to know what happens next. Highly recommended!

[Lauren Heiy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Only Way is Burglary: A Humorous British cozy mystery book 3 Chloe Essex

Interesting story of a young woman trying to manage her dad's dementia, a breakup with a wandering but injured boyfriend, strange burglaries, an assault and a murder.

[Karen L. Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a terrific series, and this book did not disappoint. Great characters and mystery with a hard to guess ending. I was an ARC reader and this is my honest opinion.

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A mystery and humour all rolled into one to make this an outstanding story. Chloe’s life has changed but is it for the better. Totally enjoyable as always.