Please Do Not Pay Money For This...
Wow. Just wow. Forgive me; I have to take a minute here. Just.......Wow...I have to rant for a sec. Bear with me.
The Rant
It baffles me how a book this poorly written, derivative, unimaginative, and just plain bad could have sold so many copies. So, so, so many copies. It simply defies understanding to me. Here I am trying to be an author myself, slaving away at my own fantasy novel while trying to make the characters deep, compelling, unique individuals, painstakingly handcrafting a plot that's (hopefully) original and fresh when apparently all I have to do is take a generic hero's quest storyline (ooh, that'd make a good title, derrrr), populate it with cardboard cutout tropes with painted-on personalities, and have them run around doing generic fantasy crap in a completely and utterly reactionary manner. Then, apparently, I could just sit back and wait for the dough to roll in.
And don't give me that "but it's written for kids" argument I've seen so many times in the comments here. It's bad even for a children's book. And there's some pretty graphic violence here, not to mention a very cliche, negatively presented homosexual relationship, which takes some maturity to wrap your head around and understand properly. This is not a book for kids. Maybe young adults and tweens. But if you put it in the YA category, you're putting it in with such books as The Hunger Games, The Fault in Our Stars, and The Book Thief, among others. While it may not be fair to compare them to a self-published author, you can indeed compare their target audience. Therefore, you can't tell me this was meant for children...I mean I can see how they'd be the only ones to actually think it's good, but I don't think it was meant for them.
By the way "trying" is the key word up there. I know firsthand that writing is really hard. Nobody is debating that.
The only reason I mention this is that I have something against a writer who is ok with her books containing grievous spelling and grammatical errors in her work at the time of publication. I have a problem with people paying money for something so frighteningly bad when there are other books and authors out there that deserve the money so much more.
If it were simply a first draft (because that's basically what it is), I wouldn't blame Ms. Rice. I wouldn't consider it an affront to fiction and fantasy. I would probably pat her on the head and say "Wow, Morgan, you've got a lot of potential here. It just needs to cook some more. Go back and write a few more drafts." But no, this is the finished version. This is what she released. Apparently it was even WORSE before she had it "edited" recently. It's the equivalent of a game developer releasing a game while it's still a beta version before releasing a patch to fix it AFTER people have paid good money for it. It's simply inexcusable.
Ok, rant over. Let's dive in to see exactly why this story is an unfinished, premature pile of clichés and cash-in fantasy.
The Review
Well, the book is bad, as I've mentioned. It's really bad. This chiefly comes from a few different core issues, though pretty much everything about it is pretty poorly executed. Let's look at what may very be the biggest problem with it: characters.
Characters
Well, the only character I really want to talk about is the protagonist, Thor. I mean, all the characters are basically soulless facsimiles of overdone fantasy tropes, but Thor was by far the worst offender. Maybe I'll talk about the others a little bit too, but the problem can really be summed up with Thor.
Thor is a fourteen-year-old shepherd boy from a small village in the hill country of a land called The Ring. He wants more than anything at the outset of the story to join The Legion, which is basically the army, and eventually the Silver, which is the King's elite fighting force of some sort. This is literally his only character trait, the only thing he wants or cares about in life at the outset of the story. Why? Well, he doesn't even know, as he tells the princess later on in the story. He literally never thought about it, apparently. He just wanted to join the Legion because....uh...he's a young, male protagonist in a fantasy novel...you know, reasons.
Anyway, he is of course hated and mistreated by his three elder brothers and his father. Why? We don't really know. He just is. He's told that his mother died giving birth to him, but obviously that isn't true because we have extremely heavy-handed hints that his mother is somebody special and still alive from the very beginning of the story, delivered by the most clichéd, poorly handled wizard character of all time.
Let me say this now: clichés can be good things when used well. They're overdone for a reason, and that reason is that they work. The hero's quest story line, the wise old wizard, the conniving, evil prince. They're all compelling tropes. They can make for really great characters when the writing actually portrays them in a three-dimensional, compelling way. It's just that in this story, the combination of tropes and poor execution makes it a double whammy of bad.
Thor is a completely reactionary character, meaning that he never does anything unless acted upon by an outside force. Even the times when he is proactive, it's either because somebody made him do it or it is quickly thwarted by the first obstacle placed in his way. That said, whenever he IS thwarted, the problem persists for all of two seconds before something pops out of nowhere and helps him overcome it, whether that be magic that is out of his control or a valiant knight saving his sorry hide.
Also, he is perpetually confused. Every single time he encounters a new situation, whether it be something as complex as the king's court politics or as simple as a freaking jousting match, he "doesn't understand" what's going on. My goodness, the number of times that phrase or some variant of it was recycled drove me absolutely nuts. That, combined with the overuse of superlatives (the MOST BEAUTIFUL girl he's ever seen, the BiGGEST man he's ever seen, the MOST AMAZING experience of his life, etc) made Thor seem like a wide-eyed, bumbling, incompetent fool. His only real skill is that he can throw a stone pretty well from his sling (and apparently a spear too, out of nowhere), but that's never enough to save him. He'd be dead a million times over if magic hadn't saved him every time out of nowhere.
Let's talk about that. The magic system in this book exists solely to get the protagonist out of a jam. He literally understands nothing about how it works, only that in any sort of stressful situation, it pops out of nowhere and saves the day in whatever way it needs to do so, whether that means giving him super strength, telekinesis, or anything else. He gets his powers out of nowhere while fighting a wild beast at the very beginning of the story and then goes on his merry way as if nothing happened. He uses it in the middle of a crowded jousting arena, seen by hundreds of people, but then nobody ever mentions it again. He just goes on being a squire and training with the legion without even the court wizard talking to him about his amazing magical abilities, even though the wizard himself claims that Thor is even more powerful than he is.
Thor is immediately accepted by some characters and immediately hated by other with little to no justification. The king immediately ADOPTS him and loves him like a son (never having met him before) after his show of magic in the jousting arena and the king's youngest son similarly becomes his best friend immediately after meeting him, as does a random irishman who pops out of nowhere. On the other end of the spectrum, his father and brothers hate him without justification, as do the majority of his fellow Legion members. This never fails to confound Thor, who "can't believe" that he's made enemies already and "can't understand" why he's so hated by all of them because of course he's too thick to get that they hate him because he broke into their training ground after assaulting a guard in order to join them even though he wasn't selected, but is then immediately accepted by the king's sons even though the general in charge of training is against it. But the prince insists they're just jealous of him and they're a bunch of meany-heads.
This is another one of the big problems with this character. It seems like we're supposed to identify with him, to sympathize with his belief that he's "special" and "not like the others" and as a result is misunderstood. The only problem with that is that he outright states these things to himself. He believes himself to be above everyone else, that he should receive special, deferential treatment. Why? Because he wants to be a heroic warrior. Why? For...reasons. We are never given the opportunity to identify with his journey and struggle because he has no goals deeper than a simple military position, no reason given to us why he SHOULD achieve those goals, why we the readers should be cheering for him.
The romance story line is another example of this. He had never expressed much interest in girls before he meets the princess, but immediately upon meeter her, both he and she fall head over heels for one another. This is somewhat believable on his part, but for her, it is not. At all. Why would she fall for this shy, whiney, bumbling boy who is two years younger than her? It's just relationship porn for tween boys, what every one of them wishes would happen to them. It's immature and completely unbelievable. There's a way to do that sort of romance the right way. This is not it.