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The Good Death: A Guide for Supporting Your Loved One through the End of Life
Practical wisdom and holistic planning to ease life's most difficult transition, from an acclaimed hospice nurse, death doula, and end-of-life educator
Many of us have to show up for someone we love at the end of life. Knowing how to do that changes everything. With over twenty years of experience as a hospice nurse, palliative care professional, and founder of the Doulagivers Institute, Suzanne B. O’Brien, RN has trained more than 350,000 people in what can be done to help the dying person, caregiver and other loved ones so they may move through each stage with as much comfort and ease as possible.
In The Good Death, O’Brien provides a comprehensive plan and the empowering knowledge to make a beautiful, sacred, and profound experience for everyone involved. Through practical advice, emotional support, and expert insights, O’Brien gently holds your hand through every aspect of the process, including:
· Learning how fear of death makes end of life harder, and how we can begin to quell it
· Care instructions to ensure your loved one’s comfort
· Support system strategies to avoid burnout as a caregiver
To further empower you in facilitating a good death, the second half of the book is presented workbook-style. The Peace of Mind Planner features prompts to initiate important conversations with your loved one about their physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual preferences, and space to record this important information. The planner allows you to be fully present in these last precious moments, and come away with a thorough plan for your loved one’s end- of- life wishes. With empathy and a careful approach, The Good Death is not only a comprehensive, compassionate, and in-depth resource, it is a beacon of hope and support.
Many of us have to show up for someone we love at the end of life. Knowing how to do that changes everything. With over twenty years of experience as a hospice nurse, palliative care professional, and founder of the Doulagivers Institute, Suzanne B. O’Brien, RN has trained more than 350,000 people in what can be done to help the dying person, caregiver and other loved ones so they may move through each stage with as much comfort and ease as possible.
In The Good Death, O’Brien provides a comprehensive plan and the empowering knowledge to make a beautiful, sacred, and profound experience for everyone involved. Through practical advice, emotional support, and expert insights, O’Brien gently holds your hand through every aspect of the process, including:
· Learning how fear of death makes end of life harder, and how we can begin to quell it
· Care instructions to ensure your loved one’s comfort
· Support system strategies to avoid burnout as a caregiver
To further empower you in facilitating a good death, the second half of the book is presented workbook-style. The Peace of Mind Planner features prompts to initiate important conversations with your loved one about their physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual preferences, and space to record this important information. The planner allows you to be fully present in these last precious moments, and come away with a thorough plan for your loved one’s end- of- life wishes. With empathy and a careful approach, The Good Death is not only a comprehensive, compassionate, and in-depth resource, it is a beacon of hope and support.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published March 18, 2025
77 people are currently reading
2685 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
July 16, 2025
Okay, so, this is very practical and easy to digest. This is a book that literally everyone can and should read. Personally, I found the description of Christianity’s concept of the soul to have missed the mark, but the book is not about the spiritual side of death. It’s about dying in a way that serves others kindly.
March 12, 2025
I learned so many things and this gave me so many things to think about as well. Fantastic read!
dnf
April 11, 2025DNF.
This woman claims that she wants people to experience a good death but apparently not through MAID. She says that it's unnecessary since there are other options such as VSED and palliative sedation. VSED is not a well known option and only now starting to gain popularity. I do VSED is a good option especially if you live in a state that does not have the Death With Dignity Law. The problem is that VSED is not a quick death and can take a week or two before you actually die. The author's second choice which is palliative sedation is pretty much a medical induced coma. So instead of spending your last few days talking and spending time with your love one you're just spend it sleeping. MIAD guarantees a quick death that allows you to spend your final moments with loved ones enjoying every last moment.
Another issue is that the author chooses MIAD because of fear mainly the fear of pain and loss of control. I'm not saying that its not true but I don't agree entirely that this is the reason. People chose MIAD for multiple reasons so claiming that people only choose it because of fear is just incorrect. Maybe if the section of MIAD was more in depth she could have said more.
After this little section she adds a little section that hints that there's a difference between MIAD and actually dying with dignity. To the author dying with dignity means dying comfortable without pain and suffering. That describes MIAD perfectly and so should be an option available to everyone who is terminally ill.
This woman claims that she wants people to experience a good death but apparently not through MAID. She says that it's unnecessary since there are other options such as VSED and palliative sedation. VSED is not a well known option and only now starting to gain popularity. I do VSED is a good option especially if you live in a state that does not have the Death With Dignity Law. The problem is that VSED is not a quick death and can take a week or two before you actually die. The author's second choice which is palliative sedation is pretty much a medical induced coma. So instead of spending your last few days talking and spending time with your love one you're just spend it sleeping. MIAD guarantees a quick death that allows you to spend your final moments with loved ones enjoying every last moment.
Another issue is that the author chooses MIAD because of fear mainly the fear of pain and loss of control. I'm not saying that its not true but I don't agree entirely that this is the reason. People chose MIAD for multiple reasons so claiming that people only choose it because of fear is just incorrect. Maybe if the section of MIAD was more in depth she could have said more.
After this little section she adds a little section that hints that there's a difference between MIAD and actually dying with dignity. To the author dying with dignity means dying comfortable without pain and suffering. That describes MIAD perfectly and so should be an option available to everyone who is terminally ill.
April 18, 2025
🌟 4 stars!
Won a finished hardback copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway—thank you so much to Little, Brown and Company for this generous and deeply appreciated gift. 💛
💬 A few highlights from my reading experience:
Offers practical, compassionate ways to support someone through death—emotionally and physically.
Includes a Peace of Mind Planner that’s a priceless gift for anyone facing end-of-life care decisions.
📚 What I Loved:
• Compassionate tone without being overly sentimental
• Deep respect for the emotional and spiritual aspects of death
• Encouragement to talk now about difficult topics, before it’s urgent
• Workbook format that makes intimidating conversations doable
🌀 Considerations / Room for More: There’s a brief mention of MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying), which the author doesn’t support, instead suggesting VSED and palliative sedation. While I understand her perspective, I found the treatment of this topic a little too brief and perhaps dismissive of the broader reasons people may choose MAID—not just fear, but autonomy, control, and peace. That said, the overall message of minimizing suffering and maximizing comfort remains strong and consistent.
TROPES & THEMES:
• Death positivity
• Caregiver empowerment
• Holistic planning
• Emotional healing
• Dignity at the end of life
Won a finished hardback copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway—thank you so much to Little, Brown and Company for this generous and deeply appreciated gift. 💛
💬 A few highlights from my reading experience:
Offers practical, compassionate ways to support someone through death—emotionally and physically.
Includes a Peace of Mind Planner that’s a priceless gift for anyone facing end-of-life care decisions.
📚 What I Loved:
• Compassionate tone without being overly sentimental
• Deep respect for the emotional and spiritual aspects of death
• Encouragement to talk now about difficult topics, before it’s urgent
• Workbook format that makes intimidating conversations doable
🌀 Considerations / Room for More: There’s a brief mention of MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying), which the author doesn’t support, instead suggesting VSED and palliative sedation. While I understand her perspective, I found the treatment of this topic a little too brief and perhaps dismissive of the broader reasons people may choose MAID—not just fear, but autonomy, control, and peace. That said, the overall message of minimizing suffering and maximizing comfort remains strong and consistent.
TROPES & THEMES:
• Death positivity
• Caregiver empowerment
• Holistic planning
• Emotional healing
• Dignity at the end of life
April 23, 2025
Thank you to Little, Brown Spark, and Netgalley for the digital arc.
This wasn't the book I wanted it to be. The technical details and emphasis on the correct paperwork is the theme of the first half of the book and although it is essential, these things would be best completed way before the patient is sick or dying. After that, the stages of grief are described, and then finally Chapter 10 speaks to an emotional good death. In my opinion, this is the most important step in the process of death, but even this chapter focused on resolving negativity in one's life but there is a very nice list of questions to prompt the patient in remembering their life. The next chapter reverted to a discussion of finances. So if you have everything planned, skip this book, but if you don't, it will be invaluable. If all is planned, then I recommend the series or podcast “Dying for Sex”, which is excellent in describing the end of life process, but it does have some intense sexual themes. It really spoke to me on how to interact with someone who is terminal, which is what I really wanted to know.
This wasn't the book I wanted it to be. The technical details and emphasis on the correct paperwork is the theme of the first half of the book and although it is essential, these things would be best completed way before the patient is sick or dying. After that, the stages of grief are described, and then finally Chapter 10 speaks to an emotional good death. In my opinion, this is the most important step in the process of death, but even this chapter focused on resolving negativity in one's life but there is a very nice list of questions to prompt the patient in remembering their life. The next chapter reverted to a discussion of finances. So if you have everything planned, skip this book, but if you don't, it will be invaluable. If all is planned, then I recommend the series or podcast “Dying for Sex”, which is excellent in describing the end of life process, but it does have some intense sexual themes. It really spoke to me on how to interact with someone who is terminal, which is what I really wanted to know.
April 5, 2025
Won a finished hardback copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway. 4.5 stars rounded up to 5! Really, really well written and deeply moving. Reading it felt like having a supportive, informed friend help me through difficult times, and I so appreciated that! The book likewise provides lots of practical info and outlines steps we can all take to regain some of our agency, which I’ve found to be one of the biggest challenges when dealing with a love one’s death: Feeling like we can do something, anything, that makes a difference. Love how it addressed, head-on, the feelings swirling inside folks who are in these situations. I feel less alone and more equipped because of this book!
October 30, 2025
This book has some wonderful thoughts around death and truly does a good job of preparing the reader for understanding the process of death and what to expect along the way. It also does a good job of helping navigate the complexities of the “death enterprise” and the legality around death.
They do make a strong push for a more environmentally conscious death, but they don’t beat you over the head about it. They also take a multi-faith general approach to questions around the soul and what happens at death.
Overall, I’d recommend this book to anyone as a helpful primer for them to think about either the death of a loved one or their own death in a different light.
They do make a strong push for a more environmentally conscious death, but they don’t beat you over the head about it. They also take a multi-faith general approach to questions around the soul and what happens at death.
Overall, I’d recommend this book to anyone as a helpful primer for them to think about either the death of a loved one or their own death in a different light.
May 16, 2025
I almost didn’t read this book because the chapter on “dealing with disease states” does not have Parkinson’s disease!!! I guess maybe it really is not all that common, but as my dad’s legs are locked into a position as he dies slowly inch by inch, I would love to read about others going through the same thing.
I did skim through the chapters and I will say that I do think this is a very good book and I ended up reading a lot of it. Overall, it is very good. I actually would recommend this book over some of the others I have read.
I did skim through the chapters and I will say that I do think this is a very good book and I ended up reading a lot of it. Overall, it is very good. I actually would recommend this book over some of the others I have read.
April 4, 2025
If you do one thing, you HAVE to listen to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast featuring this author. And then if you have a few more hours, read the full book. There is SO much we don't talk about when it comes to death/funerals/last wishes/etc. and this book lays it all out. Also, talking about death is great for making you appreciate life more!
September 21, 2025
the good death
This should be brought to every school and social community
It is so refreshing to have validation and knowing that what I have been a witness to for decades is actually finally coming back full circle.
We as humans started this process generations ago, and some where we got lost
It has been a long journey to come back completing the circle of life
Thank you
This should be brought to every school and social community
It is so refreshing to have validation and knowing that what I have been a witness to for decades is actually finally coming back full circle.
We as humans started this process generations ago, and some where we got lost
It has been a long journey to come back completing the circle of life
Thank you
December 13, 2025
I wanted to like this more. There are parts of it that remind me of another book I read just over a year ago written by a hospice nurse. I thought the parts where she discussed specific terminal diseases was a filler. It just didn't seem to have anything to do with dying for most people and of it needed to be included then doing it at the end would've been more appropriate.
June 5, 2025
Absolutely EVERYONE should read this book. Well thought out, laid out, informative and empowering. No one really wants to think about or talk about death, but it’s inevitable and at times comes earlier than we expect.
September 6, 2025
if your parents are aging and you're concerned about their death, this is a great book to read. it will guide you through so many aspects of dying and maybe you'll learn and do some of the things for yourself.
August 7, 2025
good information, but very new age info
September 2, 2025
A book that every person should read.
December 10, 2025
A well written, easy to understand, helpful guide to making the end-of-life transition easier for the caregiver and the person who is dying.
September 12, 2025
I like the writing style. but, I found 2 errors in one sections so how accurate is the rest of it?
December 11, 2025
Amazing book that everyone should read!
This book is so helpful for planning ahead for the death of a loved one and for ourselves. It's also inspiring and full of compassion! I picked this book up for a couple of reasons. One is that I want to be prepared for what's ahead- both of my elderly parents are slowly on their "way out." (Mom has Alzheimers, and Dad has degenerative disc disease and is getting up there in age.) My sister has Parkinson's disease. At the same time, I discovered that I have a calling to be a death doula. This book is the perfect start to my studies and to be prepared for the passing of my loved ones (which hopefully won't be for years to come).
I highly recommend that everyone read this book, even if you have to skim through chapter four, which talks about common diseases at the end of life. Some people (such as my daughter) are sensitive even at the mention of the word c*ncer or anything that has to do with body malfunctions, so this could be a difficult chapter for some. I'm sensitive, too, and usually avoid this sort of topic, but I made myself read through it anyway, as I'm trying not to be afraid of it. We're all going to die of something, afterall. After you get through this chapter it gets much easier! There will be beautiful stories of end of life experiences that will uplift your spirit and bring you comfort. You might even kinda look forward to it...(?)! The book also includes a "peace of mind planner" that is also very helpful, and you can currently take a free caregiving class if you go to her website.
I'm now reading this a second time so I can slow down and annotate the book while I study to be a death doula. I want to get certified through Suzanne O'brien's Doulagivers Institute, but unfortunately I can't afford it at the moment. For now I am studying on my own and listening to podcasts, ect.
Overall this is a wonderful read. It will change the way you think of life and of death. I am also very happy to see a movement towards talking about death and taking the fear away from it. We need to talk about it! Death is not to be feared, as it a sacred part LIFE. If you are afraid of death, this book might help you. What helped me not be afraid of the terminal illness/dying part is learning that the body knows how to die, and that there are beautiful human beings out there called nurses that will help you feel comfortable and loved as you transition, minimizing pain and suffering. We are all in this together and everything's going to be OK.
This book is so helpful for planning ahead for the death of a loved one and for ourselves. It's also inspiring and full of compassion! I picked this book up for a couple of reasons. One is that I want to be prepared for what's ahead- both of my elderly parents are slowly on their "way out." (Mom has Alzheimers, and Dad has degenerative disc disease and is getting up there in age.) My sister has Parkinson's disease. At the same time, I discovered that I have a calling to be a death doula. This book is the perfect start to my studies and to be prepared for the passing of my loved ones (which hopefully won't be for years to come).
I highly recommend that everyone read this book, even if you have to skim through chapter four, which talks about common diseases at the end of life. Some people (such as my daughter) are sensitive even at the mention of the word c*ncer or anything that has to do with body malfunctions, so this could be a difficult chapter for some. I'm sensitive, too, and usually avoid this sort of topic, but I made myself read through it anyway, as I'm trying not to be afraid of it. We're all going to die of something, afterall. After you get through this chapter it gets much easier! There will be beautiful stories of end of life experiences that will uplift your spirit and bring you comfort. You might even kinda look forward to it...(?)! The book also includes a "peace of mind planner" that is also very helpful, and you can currently take a free caregiving class if you go to her website.
I'm now reading this a second time so I can slow down and annotate the book while I study to be a death doula. I want to get certified through Suzanne O'brien's Doulagivers Institute, but unfortunately I can't afford it at the moment. For now I am studying on my own and listening to podcasts, ect.
Overall this is a wonderful read. It will change the way you think of life and of death. I am also very happy to see a movement towards talking about death and taking the fear away from it. We need to talk about it! Death is not to be feared, as it a sacred part LIFE. If you are afraid of death, this book might help you. What helped me not be afraid of the terminal illness/dying part is learning that the body knows how to die, and that there are beautiful human beings out there called nurses that will help you feel comfortable and loved as you transition, minimizing pain and suffering. We are all in this together and everything's going to be OK.
January 26, 2025
Disclaimer: This book felt important for me to read because a family member I love has dementia. The book made me feel more empowered and determined that I could help facilitate a good death for her when that time comes. This is a gentle, reassuring book that offers practical ways to deal with caregiver guilt, sadness, and anxiety. What a gift and resource for someone who is struggling. I am grateful I found and read this, and will be giving to other caregivers who need it. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Pub Date: March 18, 2025.
#TheGoodDeath
#TheGoodDeath
August 31, 2025
I didn’t want to review this book because at the time my friend was on a path to dying. I will say this book helped me immensely in the process of helping care for a friend going through the stages of dying. It really did help prepare me as best I could with information that did help me in the last month of his life. I am forever grateful this book came into my life at the right time. I hope no one else needs it, but if you do I highly recommend this book.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews