Washing My Mother's Body: A Ceremony for Grief

by Joy Harjo

A beautifully illustrated edition of Poet Laureate Joy Harjo’s poem “Washing My Mother’s Body,” which offers a way through grief when the loss appears unbearable.

As I wash my mother’s face, I tell her
how beautiful she is, how brave, how her beauty and bravery
live on in her grandchildren. Her face is relaxed, peaceful.
Her earth memory body has not left yet,
but when I see her the next day, embalmed and in the casket
in the funeral home, it will be gone.
Where does it go?

Through lyrical prose and evocative watercolor illustrations by award-winning Muscogee artist Dana Tiger, Washing My Mother’s Body explores the complexity of a daughter’s grief as she reflects on the joys and sorrows of her mother’s life. She lays her mother to rest in the landscape of her memory, honoring the hands that raised her, the body that protected her, and the legs that carried her mother through adversity.

Moving, comforting, and deeply emotional, Washing My Mother’s Body is a tender look at mother-daughter relationships, the complexity of grieving the loss of a parent, and the enduring love of those left behind.

Genres: Poetry, Grief, Nonfiction, Death, Art, Adult, Indigenous

80 pages, Hardcover

Published April 1, 2025

About the author

Bio Joy Harjo
Joy Harjo was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma and is a member of the Mvskoke Nation. She has released four award-winning CD's of original music and won a Native American Music Award (NAMMY) for Best Female Artist of the Year. She performs nationally and internationally solo and with her band, The Arrow Dynamics. She has appeared on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, in venues in every major U.S. city and internationally. Most recently she performed We Were There When Jazz Was Invented at the Chan Centre at UBC in Vancouver, BC, and appeared at the San Miguel Writer’s Conference in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Her one-woman show, Wings of Night Sky, Wings of Morning Light, which features guitarist Larry Mitchell premiered in Los Angeles in 2009, with recent performances at Joe’s Pub in New York City, LaJolla Playhouse as part of the Native Voices at the Autry, and the University of British Columbia. Her seven books of poetry include such well-known titles as How We Became Human- New and Selected Poems and She Had Some Horses. Her awards include the New Mexico Governor’s Award for Excellence in the Arts, the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Native Writers Circle of the Americas, and the William Carlos Williams Award from the Poetry Society of America. She was recently awarded 2011 Artist of the Year from the Mvskoke Women’s Leadership Initiative, and a Rasmuson US Artists Fellowship. She is a founding board member and treasurer of the Native Arts and Cultures Foundation. Harjo writes a column Comings and Goings for her tribal newspaper, the Muscogee Nation News. Soul Talk, Song Language, Conversations with Joy Harjo was recently released from Wesleyan University Press. Crazy Brave, a memoir is her newest publication from W.W. Norton, and a new album of music is being produced by the drummer/producer Barrett Martin. She is at work on a new shows: We Were There When Jazz Was Invented, a musical story that proves southeastern indigenous tribes were part of the origins of American music. She lives in the Mvskoke Nation of Oklahoma.

Reviews

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never got to wash
my mother's body
when she died.

I return
to take care of her
in memory.

That's how I make peace
when things are left undone.

I go back
and open the door.

In her introduction, Joy Harjo explains how this poem just spilled out of her while writing another poetry collection that involved a lot of family history research. She could barely keep up, it unfolded itself onto the page so quickly.

"Grief is uncontainable. It is a shapeshifter. One day, it is a few quite tears. The next, a deluge and you tread through the salty waters for hours. As I wrote, I did not know what I would find. The poem was showing me as I followed it."

Who among us has gotten the ending they wanted when someone we know and love has died? If you can count yourself among this number, you are both lucky and blessed. For the rest of us, Harjo's poem shows how she would have taken care of her mother's body if she could have, and presents Harjo's memories of her. She was a tough woman with a difficult life.

I thank her body
for carrying us
through the tough story,

though the violence
of my father,
and her
second husband.

The story is
all there,
in her body,
as I wash her
to prepare her

to be let down
into earth,
and return all stories
to the earth.

It's a powerful poem of remembrance, mourning, and letting go. This edition has beautiful watercolors by Dana Tiger.



See also
This poem was originally published in Harjo's An American Sunrise.

[Rachel Qay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book is an illustrated edition of Joy Harjo's poem, "Washing My Mother's Body", in which Harjo reflects upon the grief of losing her mother, as well as the many hardships her mother endured throughout her life. For anyone who has lost a mother or aunt or grandmother or significant woman in their life, this book will touch that spot in your body where the grief and the memory of that person never leaves you. Even though this poem was written about Harjo's mother, there were many specific moments in which I was reminded of a strong woman that I grieve on a daily basis. The watercolor illustrations are a beautiful addition to the poem, and I loved that each page was bright and multi-colored in celebration of life and love, rather than dark or dreary. Overall, I thought that this illustrated book was a really beautiful piece of poetry that would be touching and soothing to so many people who have lost a loved one, and has the power to inspire the reader's own writing or art in order to process their own grief. I would highly recommend picking up this book for yourself or a friend!

Thank you to NetGalley, Ten Speed Press, and Joy Harjo for providing a digital ARC in exchange for my honest thoughts! This book will be available for purchase on April 1, 2025.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful song for what could have been - and was, but imagined. Thank you to Ms Harjo’s mother for the gift of Joy and this book - and the same thanks to the mother of Ms Tiger for Dana’s provoking illustrations.

An idea that will stick with me: Death is the act of returning our stories to the earth.

[Hannah Lugenbeal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book at a small bookstore in Charleston. To be honest, the main reason I bought it was because I saw sunflowers on the cover - which was my mom’s favorite flower. Once I actually picked up the book, I realized it was a book about the grief that you feel when you lose your mom. Safe to say that judging a book by its cover worked in my favor this time 🌻🤍

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful and poignant.

[cyd⭐️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was beautiful.

I hope that someone who appreciates art and poetry stumbles upon this book, im angry with myself for not ever truly understanding and acknowledging art the way it should be. However when i read this book and was admiring the art (how it should be) i had a realization that i do indeed like art, that im starting to feel differently about it. (in a good way)

a very moving read- perfect for mother’s day (❤️)

(i won this book in a giveaway- all thoughts are my own)

(5/5)⭐️💍

[Cary Draper]

“I never got to wash
my mother’s body
when she died.

I return
to take care of her
in memory.

That’s how I make peace
when things are left undone.

I go back
and open the door.”

[Lianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tender and healing; a great addition to a library of grief.

[Colleen Rodgers · Rating 5 out of 5]

and again i say i am crazy for reading this on my lunch break...

[Ollie Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

4⭐️

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful book, one I need to read again and again to really absorb it all

[Joy Pasin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joy harjo is an inspiration

[Martin Mintman · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title says it all; watercolor illustrations by Dana Tiger exquisitely support Harjo's process and reflections of her mother's life.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this on the day before my mom’s 10 year anniversary of her death and this book is exactly what I needed. Thank you. Beautiful quick read.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful words! Beautiful art!

WRC 2025- book of poetry

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grief is uncontainable. It is a shapeshifter. One day, it is a few quiet tears. The next, a deluge and you tread through the salty waters for hours. As I wrote, I did not know what I would find. The poem was showing me as I followed it. Death is the companion of life. It remains a mystery. We will all eventually leave on a journey for which there is no discernable earth map. Poetry is a tool for the investigation of mystery, for finding words when there are no words. Words sung or spoken are often the doorways that begin and end the ceremony of transformative moments of our lives.

Beautiful words and art, just lovely, a gorgeous tribute to all mothers and there are no words needed.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Joy Harjo (author), Dana Tiger (illustrator), Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press, Ten Speed Press, and Netgalley for this advanced reader copy of "Washing My Mother's Body: A Ceremony for Grief" for an honest review.

My heart, my heart, my heart for the way Joy Harjo's words always come into my heart, filling it with her truth, and then blend/blurring the truth of my own heart into it as well. This was such a beautiful, moving experience, holy in its existence, sacred in its willingness to be shared with the public at large. I was in tears through much of this reading (especially reading it back-to-back with For a Girl Becoming, notating the beginning and endings of life each). I want to buy this for my own mother, for hers. For myself, for the coming day when I, too, will have to face this moment.

The art in these pages is both disjointed and perfect, a collection of emotions and snatches of memories, pulled together for this most reverent of goodbyes, thank-yous, and well wishes. I spent a long time looking over each of them, drawn to all the smallest details therein. I very much so look forward to owning a copy of this book.



--

Minor Issue: From the Netgalley Reader, I cannot read the second page of the introduction or epilogue as the white text is too faint against its background to make out more than that there are letters there, but they are indistinguishable.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author describes her feelings as she lovingly performs the rituals for the dead in absentia. Many ethnicities have similar rituals, but this author represents those of her Mvskoke Nation. A beautiful tribute to one mother and a reminder of our own.
The illustrations by Anne Dana Tiger are meaningfully evocative of the words of the poetry and beautifully colorful.
I requested and received a temporary uncorrected digital galley on Thorium from Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press via NetGalley. Avail Apr 01, 2025
#WashingMyMothersBody by @joyharjoforreal illustrated by Dana Tiger @clarksonpotter @tenspeedpress @goodreads @bookbub @librarythingofficial @barnesandnoble @waterstones *****Review @booksamillion @bookshop_org @bookshop_org_uk @kobo #NetGalley @the.storygraph #grief #grieving #loss #ritualsof grief #ceremonies #poetry #illustratedbook #honoringthedead #memoriestokeep #printisbest

[Eunice R · Rating 3 out of 5]

Those of us who've lost our mothers will surely be able to relate to the sentiments of this author's grief processing. As I read, I felt that the words could well be helpful to others, especially for those who were unable to have been present at the time of the mother's departing moments as happened to Joy Harpo, the author.

On the other hand, since the illlustrations seemed to be more culturally and personally specific for the author's situation, as artful and symbolic though they may be, they did not reach out, generally speaking, to me, and therefore, it may be the same scenario to other potential readers of the world. Overall, though, this book could well be a comfort for those made motherless.

~ Eunice C., Reviewer/Blogger ~

April 2025

Disclaimer: This is my honest opinion based on the complimentary review copy sent to me by Net Galley and the publisher.

[Nikki Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a story of grief, which is told through beautiful, emotional, yet comforting poems, which are also accompanied by stunning and moving watercolour illustrations.

Currently in our family, we are watching a very dear loved one come to the end of their life and this just made the experience of reading this even more moving and left me looking and the mother daughter relationship that I have with my mum and the relationship that she also has with her mum, my Oma.

The poems share both the joys and sorrows of life and honour all the things/parts one may take for granted when it comes to the human body.

Thank-you @clarksonpotter @tenspeedpress @netgalley and Joy for a Digital Advanced Readers Copy, in exchange for an honest review.

[Holly Sagers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every year for Mother’s Day, I pick a “dead mom” book to read. Each year it’s a little different, but it’s my own little way of feeling a little less alone grieving while everyone else is celebrating. When I found this in a bookstore about a month ago, tears sprang to my eyes immediately and I knew this was it for this year. I typically read memoirs, but over the last year I’ve been really drawn to reading and writing poetry, and I know that I was supposed to find this book (and it was only a few days after it came out). It was beautiful, both the words and the art, and I found myself sobbing on the first page. It inspired me to reflect on my own childhood with my mother and write my own poem. I’m so glad I found this.

[Ana Ćupurdija · Rating 5 out of 5]

This mesmerizing poem healed part of my heart.
Dealing with the very recent loss of a close loved one, I read this with tears streaming down my cheeks.

This is a beautiful and intimate poem. The author mentions that it helped them rewrite their history and heal their souls, but it also transcended that purpose and calmed my open wounds a bit.

I saw my grandma in these words.

The illustrations are beautiful and unique, and seamlessly complete this poem.
Words and images dance the tango of playing with your heartstrings.
I love this. Thank you for this lovely gift of a book.

Thank you to NetGalley, authors, and publisher for granting me this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Sookie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gorgeous and heartwarming meditation on grief of losing one's mother. Memories and grief are the only things that are left behind by loved ones who have passed, and in this poem, the poet laureate Joy Harjo reminisces as she washes her mother's body and holds it one final time.

Accompanied by gorgeous art, the poet weaves grief and memories, reflecting and reminiscing and to adjust to a new reality of seeing empty space where life once filled.

Thank you to Netgalley and Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press for providing me with a free copy of this e-book in exchange for an honest review.

[Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The poem is moving and filled with love and grief...rewriting family history so Harjo can provide that last service for her mother-washing the body. Honoring every scar, wrinkle. She lets memories flow over her as she lovingly and gently does her duty to her mother.

The illustrations by Dana Tiger is actually ONE painting. each page has focused on one small part of the whole. I've never seen a partnership like this one. The Artist's Statement is as moving as Harjo's poem.

This small book is a magical amalgam of the power and creativity and connection of family. And a reminder that birth and death are natural stages of life, and should not be hidden away.

[Carmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Random House for inviting me to read an advanced copy of this book.

This was my first time reading this poem and I really enjoyed it despite its heavy subject matter. The storytelling was beautiful with the everyday items in the mother's life being used in the ritual washing.

The art reminded me of watercolors in a way (I could be wrong since I have little practice in identifying art mediums).

I wish I hadn't read this as an ebook since the styling choices of art and text formatting would work better in a hard copy.

[Marie Gerken · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful illustrations to accompany Joy Harjo’s lovely poem regarding her deceased mother through memory. Anyone who has gone through the process of preparing their mother’s (perhaps even a loved one’s) body soon after death for ceremonies and rituals within their personal traditions will connect. For the reader who for whatever reason did not or was unable to have this opportunity, or is caring for their mother in her last stages of life, the book may be a comfort. The book is small, the poem not too lengthy. It would make a nice gift for someone when words of sympathy don’t seem adequate.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short and all too relatable poem for those who have lost someone, particularly a parent. It's difficult not to tear up a bit at least once during the very quick read, it's heart breaking and very well written and done.

The only knock against it would be the fact that it has a bit of a hefty recommended price for as short as it is, this is a five or ten minute read at most. As I won it from a contest here on Goodreads, it didn't seem fair to dock it any stars for that, but that's the only thing to take away from it as the poem itself is sublime.

[LeeAnna Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Washing My Mother's Body is one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite poets, U.S. Poet Laureate Joy Harjo. I am so grateful for this magnificent edition, brought to life by Dana Tiger's art. Her paintings work in perfect harmony with the cadence and power of the poem. "The Mother root is the deepest root in each of us," writes Joy in her heartfelt introduction. For many of us, our very first and most indelible memories are of our Mothers. I treasure this book and will read it again and again.

[Patricia N. McLaughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the motherless, this illustrated book featuring Harjo’s moving poem “Washing My Mother’s Body” will bring some comfort, especially for those with lingering regrets.

I never got to wash
my mother’s body
when she died.

I return
to take care of her
in memory.

That’s how I make peace
when things are left undone.

I go back
and open the door.

I step in
to make my ritual.
To do what should
have been done,

what needs to be fixed
so that my spirit can move on.

So that the children
and grandchildren
are not caught in a knot
of regret they do not understand.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredible read. "Washing My Mother's Body" is a beautiful poem that Joy Harjo wrote in honor of her mother. This poem describes how Joy Harjo would have taken care of her mother's body after her death. The illustrations by Dana Tiger were absolutely beautiful. The combination of the poem and the illustrations was perfect. By the end of the poem, I was a bit teary-eyed.

*Thank you, NetGalley, for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review.*