Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow

by Jay Stringer

Have you ever wondered why chasing love, success, or pleasure feels like an unending struggle? Or why the things you want are always out of reach?

Drawing on a new study of 4,000 people, renowned therapist and award-winning author Jay Stringer reveals how desire—the most powerful and misunderstood force in our lives—shapes everything: who we love, what we chase, and the life we create.

Desire drives our search for intimacy, meaning, and joy, but it can also lead to shame, betrayal, and self-sabotage. Too often we are encouraged to silence it, distort it, or treat surface-level symptoms like loneliness, low desire, or porn use—without listening to what our longings are really telling us.

In Desire, Stringer shows how to decode those clues and transform your story. Drawing on unforgettable stories from his clinical practice—individuals and couples navigating everything from childhood scars to purity culture, professional exhaustion to sexual difficulties, codependency to self-doubt—he shows you how to ask the questions you’ve been avoiding and move toward the healing you didn’t know how to seek.

This book doesn’t offer quick fixes. Through deep compassion and research, it offers something far more powerful: the invitation to approach your desires with curiosity, so you can stop unhealthy patterns and begin building a life of connection, purpose, and love.

384 pages, Hardcover

Expected publication March 3, 2026

About the author

Therapist · Researcher · Author

I believe your struggles are the beginning of your story, not the end.

I’m Jay Stringer—a licensed mental health counselor and researcher. For 15+ years I’ve helped thousands make sense of unwanted patterns and unmet longings and turn them into a path for healing and growth. My work equips you to read your story and form desire into your greatest ally.

What I do:
I help people engage the forces shaping their desire, sexuality, and relationships so they can move toward lives of freedom, connection, and meaning. My practice and programs focus on the patterns we most want to change—pornography use, affairs, low desire, conflict, and relational distance—and the longings underneath them.

Research & writing:
I’m the author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing (100,000+ readers), grounded in a study of nearly 4,000 adults and used by clinicians and communities worldwide. My forthcoming book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow (Random House, 2026), offers a new framework for five core longings—wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning—and shows how to form desire into a force that restores connection and purpose.

Education:
MA in Counseling Psychology and MDiv, The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Trained in both counseling psychology and spiritual formation; integrates trauma-informed care, adult development, and narrative work.

I live in New York City with my wife, Heather, and our two children.

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Reviews

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a DRC of this book through Netgalley and the publisher. I have a background in psychology and I like to read books in the field occasionally. This book is about desire and sexuality, but it goes back to childhood to see how desire was instilled or denied in you as a child. Most people don't want to think about their family of origin when they are in bed with a sexual partner, but who we choose and how we act is often because of our upbringing. There are communication and writing exercises to figure out how to get past the trauma of our childhoods and figure out how to have a fulfilling partnership and life. I found it to be an interesting read with some good insights.