I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You

by Blaise Aguirre

Learn to understand the unaddressed symptom of mental health

In I Hate Overcome Self-Hatred and Realize Why You're Wrong About You, internationally known Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School Dr. Blaise Aguirre tackles the pervasive and often ignored issue of self-hatred. This book provides crucial insights into identifying and overcoming this deeply disturbing feeling, explaining why common practices of "self-care" or "self-love" often fall short in cases where self-hatred has become an integral part of a person's identity.

Dr. Aguirre shares compelling first-hand accounts from patients who have battled and conquered self-hatred, revealing the severe impact this feeling has on people from all walks of life and their loved ones. The book delves into the roots of self-hatred, associated mental health disorders, and offers practical strategies for overcoming these challenges.

In the book, you

Learn to identify the origins and signs of self-hatred Understand the connection between self-hatred and suicidal behavior as well as to co-occurring disorders like borderline personality disorder and depression Discover effective strategies for transforming self-loathing into self-compassion
Perfect for those struggling with self-hatred and their loved ones, as well as mental health professionals, I Hate Myself offers a compassionate and practical approach to achieving self-acceptance. Start your journey towards healing today and embrace the self-worth you deserve.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

304 pages, Hardcover

Published February 11, 2025

About the author

See also Blaise A. Aguirre.

Reviews

[Kacie Tasseff · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I Hate Myself" by Blaise Aguirre is an incredibly powerful and validating book for anyone struggling with intense self-criticism, emotional pain, or identity challenges. Dr. Aguirre writes with deep empathy and clarity, making complex psychological concepts feel accessible and relevant. His use of real-life examples and the framework of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers both understanding and practical tools for healing.

What stands out most is his nonjudgmental tone—he truly meets readers where they are, offering hope without minimizing the intensity of their experiences. Whether you're someone going through these struggles personally or a loved one or professional trying to understand, this book is a must-read. It’s a reminder that change is possible and that no one is alone in their pain.

Highly recommended for anyone ready to begin a journey toward self-compassion and emotional resilience.

[Arthur M · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fairly standard self help book. Dances around the topic of how to help yourself without actually saying anything. Non-committal in its approach to treatment for self loathing, basically - “Here’s some treatments that have helped people hate themselves a little less, but it hasn’t been studied enough, and it likely won’t change the root problem for you.”

Also, many of the patient testimonials feel contrived - they use a lot of psychology terminology and jargon that make me think the author wrote them and not genuine real people struggling with self loathing.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book and one that I wish I had access to in my early years of recovery from addiction. The author is a professor of psychiatry and discusses how many mental health professionals don’t address the fact that many people have a deep self-hatred. This book is for both patients and mental health professionals, explaining the nuances of what makes people hate themselves and the DBT tools people can use to overcome these thoughts and feelings.

[Goatllama]

[Deacon Clark · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my favorite book, and particularly hard to stomach because 1) a man wrote it, 2) he quotes taylor swift multiple times, 3) there were typos, and 4) he included a stupid ass section at the end where he asked AI about self hatred. Some of the points in here I will take with me in my journey to stop hating myself, but this felt a little cheap and sloppy overall

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

Science has defined and studied self-criticism, self-blame, self-contempt, and self-disgust. This book attempted to increase interest in self-hatred and self-loathing - especially as they have a high correlation with suicide ideation.

[Tess Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed a lot of the exercises in this book, and I feel more on track than ever before.

[Zoë · Rating 2 out of 5]

Frustrated by this book. Was really interested after listening to a podcast where he talks about his BPD book and research but this just felt like he spent 600 pages dancing around the topic with no real helpful ideas on how to change these behaviors.

[Christopher Rodgman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clearly written by a practicing psychiatrist, the content is spot on. Might be more scientific than the average reader wants, but all the info is up to date and relevant. Best self-help book I’ve ever read.

[Joseph DeBrine · Rating 3 out of 5]

more investigation of self-hatred as a diagnosable psychological phenomenon than self help book, so it was less dramatic and desperate than id expected. thanks for the present mom!

[Brian Entzminger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book that really helped me better understand myself and work towards dealing with my depression.

[Iveta Vi · Rating 3 out of 5]

tā bija 8h gara, bet galvenais un vērtīgākais bija pašās beigās, divas nodaļas noklausījos divreiz. long story short, man patika atziņa par to, kā tu tagadnē esi vajadzīga nākotnes sev nevis pagātnes sev, tāpēc nav jēgas sev līdzi staipīt pagātnes sevi!

[Rolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

At times this felt overly simplistic in its prose, but the messaging was very solid and important.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. This book felt like fluff rather than useful material.

[Dawn-Lorraine · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some good explanations, insights and exercises. Easy to understand and plenty of real world situations.

[J.S.A. Lowe · Rating 2 out of 5]

1. note to self, next time just look on pubmed for salient research about autophobes and HRV
2. the feedback loop between self-loathing and knowing how thoroughly unlikeable it makes you

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Our inner critic can be a harsh judge amplifying flaws and dwelling on failures. Counter its voice with reason and kindness.”

Progress > Perfection

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really wanted to like this book, and despite the many (many!) typos in the Kindle version, there is definitely something here to explore further with mass quantities of research and probing (don’t forget to include WOMEN in those studies, though, mmmmkay?)… but it just didn’t come together for me in the end.

If you know anyone with BPD (as I do), or have kids who struggle with self-hatred/suicidal ideation (as I do, and have also struggled with myself)… if you care about LGBTQ youth, health care for all, science-based policy, and/or putting an end to the ever-increasing political divisions and/or the seething hatred dripping from the mouths of fa$ci$ts and religious nuts who think people who suffer from such dysphoric/dysmorphic thinking should just die already (or be disappeared to Guantanamo), please *do* seek out Blaise Aguirre’s work, listen to his words on podcasts, etc. He’s got a lot to say that is worth hearing, his compassion and care for the patients in his care is also clearly evident - this just isn’t the “vehicle” which I’d recommend you start with. It’s not wholly unreadable, but after hearing him speak - it definitely didn’t convey his intellect or expertise as well as I’d expected.

Perhaps future editions will correct this, perhaps other researchers will pick up the baton and run with it (for the sake of those who suffer from self-hatred, I surely hope so)! But, a good editor is worth their weight in gold and I wish more academics would take note of that fact. Because the importance of the message in this book (and others) could’ve/would’ve been much more impactful.

Bummer.