We have received the blessing from benedictions countless times, but what does it mean for the Lord to shine his face upon us? What's in a face? What if the crises in the church today are not because we don't have the right doctrine, but because we have lost our imagination and wonder? What if we have lost sight of the ultimate blessing to have God's face shine upon us? What if we are spending all our time husting a curated face of what we think we are supposed to be and never really developing a real face? Never digging the truth out of ourselves about who we are - and missing the presence of Christ with his people.
Saving Face is a meditation on the divine face, and the meaning we get from the faces of others as we are trying to find our own. Deeply personal and contemplative, this book originated in a time of rising from disillusionment while still aching for a church. Today the church is in a state of transition. We see many leaving and deconstructing from harm, hypocrisy, abuse of power, and the absence of Christ and his love. It is a time of revealing. But Christ is not absent. We need to learn how to listen and look for him together. We are learning that faith is more than propositional statements about who God is, as helpful and important as they may be. Along with our confession, faith is a summoning to see and experience what is real and to walk in it together.
Aimee Byrd creatively weaves together stories, memories, journaling entries, and Scripture meditations on the divine face, seeking Christ's face in the faces of others that he has put in her life. She invites the church to do the same. The church needs to recover the value of beauty, contemplation, and relationship. We need to look at one another's faces and learn what that demands of us. We need to develop our own faces. The church needs to develop her face. And in doing this, our deepest longings come out of us and find their end in Christ, preparing us for eternity.
Aimee Byrd is just an ordinary mom of three who has also been a martial arts student, coffee shop owner, and Bible study teacher. Author of Housewife Theologian, she now blogs about theology and the Christian life and cohosts The Mortification of Spin podcast.
i really enjoyed this one, tho i think i'll wait for a second read before i review properly. i especially loved how she drew in and on themes of Lewis' "Til We Have Faces" to make her points.
I laughed; I cried; I was a little bit jealous of Aimee’s carefree childhood. But then I realized she has had enough struggles. And they are so relatable. Especially since I had a somewhat similar problem inside a VERY similar denomination.
As women (or even men who have none of the power in certain situations), we endure injustice and find we have no way to make a dent as we are being pummeled. The patriarchs (or the popular) may let us into the room, but then they will keep us in our place. We experience betrayal, humiliation, and despair, and it seems there is nothing we can do. We are left to wrestle with our thoughts alone, to bring our tears to God, and to draw close to Him in a way those in power may never understand. And, although it is an arduous existence, we are better for it.
When we examine our own hearts, we find horrifying things. And simultaneously we find forgiveness. Then, we walk with a freedom and a lightness never known by those who are working full time to keep their positions over us.
Most incredibly, we are being healed, comforted and enlightened by our Maker to the point that we actually wish the same for our oppressors. Blessed are the meek.
And for Aimee’s spiritual abuses and accusers, may I paraphrase Carly Simon: “you’re so vain…. You probably think this book is about you…” But it’s not! It’s so much better than you! It’s about her heart reflections, it’s about her experience; it’s about cosmic realities; it’s about the masks we wear and the glory of exposing our true, bare face to the One who is trustworthy and true.
If you have been hurt by the church: You don’t need to deconstruct your entire faith. You don’t need to throw away your Bible. You may need to take some time away from other people—even those who claim Christ’s name—and get back to the Core of who you are and what Christ has to say to you. Aimee is doing it right!
Aimee Byrd is a best-selling author multiple times over, and this book is filled with personal stories, reflections, wisdom, and encouragement. This book processes some of that hurt, and she seeks healing through pursuing God’s face and faithfulness even in difficult times.
Although it would not be necessary to be familiar with C.S. Lewis’s book “Till We Have Faces” to appreciate this work, there are many references to Lewis’s book, plot, theme, and characters and it sets the stage for and informs Byrd’s book.
Preface: A Face that Fits “We are all looking for God’s face. This is the blessing: to see God’s face, to see God’s face looking at our face, to see God’s face delighting in our face. Then we will know who we are. Then we will know we are loved. Then we will feel in our bones how we matter (pxi).”
Prelude: Till We Have Faces Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis “brilliantly reveals human struggle to unearth the truth about ourselves, about who we are, what we’re made of, what we love, and most importantly who loves us. Before the divine face, the veil falls off, and we get to look in the mirror that Christ holds up for us (pxviii).”
Part One: The Reflective Face Chapter One: Looking for My Face “With the loss of those I thought would be lifetime friends. And this is still my journey: finding my own face and looking for Christ’s face in the faces of others (p10).” “Journaling has been a valuable part of the work I am doing not only to heal from church harm and disillusionment but also to reach the blessings to see and experience Christ and to do so in the face of the people before me (p10).”
Chapter Two: Past, Present, and Eternal Mirrors “We learn more about ourselves from others’ gazes than we do by their words (p16).”
“Experiencing disillusionment with the church and my friends helped me see that my ‘rich’ picture was disillusioned already. The blessedness of poverty is being able to see what’s real and finding true riches (p19).”
Chapter Three: What Is Held Inside “‘Finding our face’ is really about integration, about becoming whole in our longings, emotions, faith, knowledge, behavior, and relationships (p27).” “The technology inside our cell phones, tablets, and other screens often draws out darker parts of us – our longing for approval, artificial connections, insatiable desires to consume, compare, criticize, and worse (p28).” “This church search is going to take more patience. I don’t know if I have any more. But you are so patient with us, Lord. … Help us notice the glimpses of you (p36).”
Chapter Four: What Does the Mirror Reveal? “Women are at the entrance of the tent of meeting for a reason. They are mirrors of the radiance and glory of Christ’s bride. … How vile it was for Eli’s sons to defile them! (p41).”
Part Two: The Fractured Face Chapter Five: Disruptions to Our Sense of Self “We are so busy looking for faces that delight in us that we don’t realize how we are hustling to construct a face we think others, including God, will delight in (p47).” “How could I have thought that the teaching for church members and the protection offered to them was for the women too (p51).”
“Why does God let us carry on so long with fractured faces? (p52).”
Chapter Six: A Good Name “We knew one another front, back, and inside out. So I thought. Turns out I really didn’t know myself (p57).” “If we ask this question from the wisdom gleaned in Ecclesiastes, we will think less about what good name we are trying to create and more about what our souls, like cisterns, have been holding inside all our lives (p61).” “It’s a scary thing, though, when the ones that you rely on to be there with Christ’s love don’t have it to offer you (p64).”
Chapter Seven: Communing with Eternity “The fracture in our faces, in the world, is in not being able to see what’s real and commune with it (p73).” “We see this promise fulfilled in Christ who hears us, stands before a holy God, and answers the call with his whole self, bringing us before the Father, ‘Here am I and the children God has given me’ (p77).”
Part Three: The Blessed Face Chapter Nine: God Showed Us His Face “We grieve the darkness, lament injustice, mourn our sin, and wait and watch together for Christ’s face to shine upon us (p97).” “So we visited a Methodist church in town. I never thought I would go to a Methodist church. … ‘Lord, I am looking for Christ in your church. Help me to see him if he’s there.’ He was (p98).”
Chapter Ten: Provocations to Blessing “There is a pain and loneliness in not being known and in not serving. … We are unlearning. We are unpopular (p116).” “For now, we warm the seats with thankfulness that we have held onto the friendships that survived and for the new ones we’ve made (p117).”
Chapter Eleven: Facing God’s Face – A Sermon “We get to covenantally participate in the Father’s great love for the Son by the Spirit (p123).” “And all this blossoming, singing, springtime language [in the Song of Songs] reminds us of God’s promises to restore the land, restore his people (p124).” “We parse careful theological statements and miss the love and dynamism behind them (p128).” “We are being summoned to know Christ and all he has to show us – beautiful reality (p129).”
Part Four: The Naked Face Chapter Twelve: Looking for Marks of His Glory in One Another “How was it okay for this presbyter to misrepresent my work with his authoritative voice and poison the well to the whole presbytery? But I had no power to defend it. How was that in order? (p135).”
“The message was clear: you don’t belong here (p136).”
“In retrospect, it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life (pp137-138).” “I went to that presbytery meeting seeking oversight, protection, and care, only to be mocked by church officers (p139).”
“We need leaders who see what Christ sees, who give us keys not cages, and who aren’t led by fear, don’t enable harm, and can hold and tend to our wounds (p139).”
Chapter Thirteen: What the Face Demands “So often, we rob others and ourselves of the blessings and healing God is ready to give us when we are unwilling to be vulnerable (p151).”
Chapter Fourteen: Discovering the Death of the Other “So often, when you ask God to give you what’s real, you have a hard time seeing it because you still have a lot of work to do in shedding all your faux securities and certainties (p159).” “Sometimes when you say, ‘I’m not who you think I am,’ they don’t want to recognize the you that is coming out of hiding (p159).” “Trauma is the absence of empathetic witness from the people who are supposed to care (p160).”
Chapter Fifteen: He Can’t Look at Her Face “‘Lesser power has no woman than this, that her life is laid down by a man’ (p169).” “I ask you, what do we do with one of the most horrific and evil portions of God’s word? (p170).” “How we treat our women reveals our eschatological anticipation of joy (p170).”
Part Five: The Maturing Face Chapter Sixteen: The Legacy of Our Faces “God keeps showing up in peculiar places. What a joy to discover him over and over (p180).”
Chapter Seventeen: The Riddle of the Owls “But don’t get tangled up into thinking that people with the most right information are the spiritually mature. … The revelation of the lack of spiritual and emotional maturity among church leaders and academics is going to knock you off your feet for a while (p188).” “‘I am not sure it is possible to see the face of God in other people if you cannot see the faces they already have.’ Of course, this is hard to do when we are still forming our own faces (p189).”
Chapter Eighteen: Anna, Face-to-Face with Jesus “Face-to-face, we too begin to see the secret: Jesus. He shows us the face of God. We can see God’s face in each other and through the ages (p203).”
Invitation: Let Me See Your Face “We continue to listen and look for his face in our selves and one another, joining in his summons, our hearts leaping a bit at each little ‘here I am’, until we get to that final beholding – till we have faces that will behold the face of God in Jesus together, at last (p208).”
Byrd has made herself vulnerable, revealing her face and showing her heart in this book. She shares glimpses of unfair and harmful ways her church and presbytery treated her and then looks to God for strength and hope. Her story will resonate with many, especially women, who have been spiritually abused and whose voices have been silenced.
Saving Face is a deeply personal book that flows from the author's experiences with church trauma. She reflects on her lifelong spiritual journey, ways that her experiences in recent years have changed her, and what it means to seek God's face in the midst of disillusionment. In many ways, this book is the follow-up to her previous book, The Hope in Our Scars.
In The Hope in Our Scars, Aimee Byrd shared her story about enduring public humiliation and smear campaigns within her denomination and many online spaces, and she explored themes about what it means for the church to be the bride of Christ, even when you have experienced church trauma. Now, in Saving Face, Byrd unpacks themes and stories that naturally follow from and build on that earlier book. You don't have to read both books to glean wisdom from this one, but I got more out of it because I read it second.
In this new book, Byrd shares about her and her husband's struggle to find another church, and she contemplates themes about what it means to truly know your own face and show it to others, without masks of religiosity and pretense. She reflects on what it means for a person to seek God's face, and the book offers a blend of spiritual meditations, journal entries, and retrospective insights from different eras of her life. I appreciated this book, but I sometimes felt like it was overly metaphorical and meandering. This memoir is so personal that any reader's experience with it will be highly subjective, based on how much they relate to the author, or how invested they are in her journey.
Saving Face is a thought-provoking, unique book that explores spiritual themes through the lens of the author's struggles and life experiences. This book will appeal to others, especially women, who are reevaluating their lives after spiritual trauma and looking for a deeper, richer relationship with God.
I received a free copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.
Saving Face brings the big questions of life to the mirror’s reflection, asking, “Who am I?, “Who loves me? and “Why do I matter?”
Aimee Byrd calls us to “holistic soul work” which brings true joy and beauty. To “deconstruct the false striving”, reminding us that one day the veil will be lifted. Opening our minds to the mystic among the “right answers”. To “shed the counterfeit.” To “loosen our grip”. To “throw it to the ground”, “bury it” and “let it decompose”.
She encourages us to “look into the mirror of eternity”, which is Christ. To “come out of the cleft of the rock” and stop hiding our face from God.
She echos the mantra, “I don’t know.” as we realize we don’t have all the answers except that Christ IS the answer. And that is all we need to know.
I want to give this book five stars. I considered giving it three stars. So I guess I’ll settle on four? I think what Aimee does in this book is brilliant and beautiful, but it is too abstract for my concrete mind. I am seriously considering rereading it, hoping I could personally glean more from the work and processing she demonstrates in this creative and unusual work. I want to be the kind of thinker and processor who would hands down give this book five stars.
What a gift this book is to those who have been hurt in and by the church, those who long for a place to be seen and known. Out of her own painful story, Aimee Byrd invites us to join her in seeing what was always there: our true face. Beckoning the broken, welcoming the wounded, Byrd vulnerably models the good, hard work necessary for our true face to be restored in face-to-face communion with our Redeemer and with one another.
I’d say this is a 3.5 rounding down because it just couldn’t hold my attention. She shares some really valuable things that we can learn from, but the structure and writing is a bit too meandering for me. I like Aimee and really appreciate how she shares her journey and what she’s learned, but I wish it would have been a bit better organized.
I loved hearing Aimee’s physical voice as her writing voice shared her face with me. It was beautifully written and deeply moving. A book I will return to in a paper format.