Breaking the Patterns That Break You: Healing from the Pain of Your Past and Finding Real Hope That Lasts

by Tori Hope Petersen

Experience lasting healing and real hope as you learn to break free of destructive patterns in your life.

At some point everyone finds themselves wondering…
Why do I keep falling into the same patterns that leave me feeling broken?
Will I ever move past the pain and experience healing?
Is there something wrong with me?

In Breaking the Patterns That Break You, bestselling author Tori Hope Petersen shares the profound ways she finally found relief and healing from the pain of her past, and how you can too. Tori gently shows you why it's important to recognize the destructive personal, relational, and generational patterns in your life so you can finally find freedom. As Tori weaves together vulnerable storytelling, therapeutic insights, and biblical teaching, you will feel as though she's sitting across from you, holding your hands, and inviting you into a journey that changed her life and can change yours. You will learn how to:

Identify and disempower destructive cycles
Dismantle codependent tendencies in order to gain and maintain healthy relationships
Feel less alone in your inevitable human brokenness
Rebuild a truer perspective of self
Breaking the Patterns That Break You will give you the hope and tools you need to get unstuck and find healing that lasts. If you are willing to do the hard work, it's possible to break the patterns that have broken you and see yourself for who you truly are—good, safe, and loved.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian, Audiobook, Personal Growth, Fostering, Book Club

240 pages, Paperback

Published February 4, 2025

About the author

Tori Hope Petersen is a former foster youth letting her Abba be known. She is passionate about foster care reform, adoption advocacy, vulnerable populations, and seeing the love of God change people's lives! Tori speaks across the nation sharing her powerful story, but her favorite form of art and communication is writing. Tori and her husband, Jacob, have the three sweetest kids: a biological son and daughter, Leyonder and Ezzeri, and an adopted adult son, Sar. Follow her on Instagram @torihopepetersen.

Reviews

[Marcie Biles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed this book! Unlike a typical “self help” book this one contains scripture, real like stories or working, failing and succeeding. It’s an encouragement and hug and a tool to help take real steps to healing! I can’t wait to share this book with friends! It’s worth the read! I covered mine in notes and sticky tabs. It’s such a good read but beyond that I love that it points to our Savior over and over again. 100% worth the read!

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this as a follow up to Fostered and they pair so well together. Dr. Edith Eger did the same thing. She wrote a memoir (The Choice) and then wrote a follow-up book about what she learned (The Gift). This is similar. This book really dove into the lies Tori thought about herself and about life and how she overcame those. I loved reading both books.

[Mariale & Pieter Dros · Rating 5 out of 5]

An inspiring journey of faith, restoration, and freedom.”

This book truly touched my heart. Tori writes with such honesty and openness that it feels like you’re sitting with a friend, listening to her story. I was so moved by the way God guided her through her healing journey — it’s beautiful to see how faith can bring restoration and hope even after deep pain.

Her words reminded me that healing takes time, but God is faithful every step of the way. I felt encouraged, seen, and inspired to trust Him more with my own story.

This is a book I’ll keep close to my heart — full of truth, grace, and hope. 💕

[Brittany Long · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for multiple people before I even got halfway through it. It’s THAT good. I cried through most of it. It’s beautiful, raw, and soul moving. It’s not a “healing by way of the healed” book, but a journey that will help you see that we all have stories and those stories get to become testimonies to either show the love of Christ through the way we live out the broken bits of us or lead someone to Christ. Read. This. Book.

[Jenna Fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m in awe that the author of this wise, encouraging and thoughtful book is younger than me. Woah. I really enjoyed it! Lots of great “highlightable” phrases and longer stories that really resonated with me. I’d recommend it to anyone who is (as her merch that I’m tempted to buy says) in their healing era.

[Courtney Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I have a very safe, loving past, I am a foster and adoptive mom and this book gave me great insight into many of the young adults in my life. I HIGHLY recommend this book for any 16-30 year olds who have gone through hard pasts. It has scripture, tips, and many truths to consider. Sending to a special someone today…

[Darla Jones]

A phenomenal and practical book. The author shares her dynamic story and gives hope with practical steps for those with similar journeys to healing. No fluff. True and honest.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book in a discount tire while watching my car’s tires be rotated and balanced out of the corner of my eye really was a top tier experience

Immaculate vibes 👌

[Ky · Rating 3 out of 5]

it was good. more of memoir than self-help/ psychology!! interesting just not what expected. i’m personally not the biggest memoir person

[Jess Druga · Rating 3 out of 5]

way too religious for me most times but I appreciate the overall message and for the author sharing her story 🤍

[Gabriela M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been so blessed by this book and Tori’s stories.
I have come to learn so much about my self by reading it. I had no idea that I had adopted so many distinctive patterns by believing common lies that well intentioned people spoke into my life.
I had believed that God had healed me from a broken past but this book has shown me that there is more work that needs to be done to fully break out of the patterns that are present in my life today.
Tori shares not just her personal life story but also the tools God has given her to help break destructive patterns in her life, that can be easily applied into our lives.
I truly enjoyed this book, I can feel Tori’s heart though the words on these pages. The intention of her message is full and complete healing for the person reading it.
She walks the reader through simple, everyday lies that we chose to believe that affect our capacity to reach our full potential as a child of God on this earth.
Tori’s book is not a “feel good” book or a “positive thinking” kind of book. It is filled with God’s word, that peers the soul and leads us to repentance.
Thank you, Tori for your obedience to God by sharing your story!
I pray many lives are impacted and transform by your words.

[Peyton Forbes]

if i rated non-fiction, this would be a five stars. i recommend this to anyone and everyone. here are my notes.
-you not better your relationship with God by putting on a fake smile
-Jesus wants you to know that you are easy to love
-Love in intimate yet protective, and He is always there, choosing you
-God insists we love ourselves as He loves us and others
-God does not turn away from our brokenness and hurt
-To embrace our brokenness is to remember that Christ broke for us
-The greatest act of love was paired with the greatest act of hurt
-We have to face our pain
-God's good enough plan is in today
-My work is not about me or my accolades, but about serving God and His kids
-No relationship outside of Jesus can satisfy us
-Jesus does not pick at us; rather Jesus comes to us intimately to let us know He chooses us despite our patterns
-When we are reliant on other people's opinions and guidance, we're like feathers in the wind- susceptible to any gust that comes along
-We cannot beg God to heal us while staying loyal to the patterns that hurt us
-The fighter in us have to learn how to take a step back and behind Christ
-Struggles in mental health does not equate to a broken faith
-To have a childlike faith is to stay curious
-We can't burn through God, which is why we must fully depend on Him
-While relationships can be healing, they cannot be our sole healer
-When people's love comes and goes, God's love remain steady and secure
-God is big enough to handle us, and He will not see you as a burden
-Our vocation is to be a witness to God's love
-It is nearly impossible to heal in the environment where we are being or have been hurt
-Your call to love others may require you to wash the feet of those who have hurt you
-We cannot be everything to everyone because then we could not be all God called us to be
-God does not measure our character by human standards
-We do not need man's validation when we have God's approval
-We do not have to be perfect and poised to step into our purpose
-Healing is not linear or one size-fits-all

[Sarah K · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tori Hope Peterson's book, Breaking the Patterns That Break You is an encouraging look at healing and how we are loved by God. Told through the lens of the author's personal story, which does include a lot of trauma, this book can be hard to read at times but also reflects the author's deep faith and hope in God which provides a lightness we otherwise wouldn't receive. This book blends scripture, psychology/therapeutic concepts, and Scripture.

The best part of this book was how the author challenged me to consider various lies I've believed about healing in my life - lies about closure, vulnerability, time, and feelings (to name a few that were most impactful for me) and then try to reframe them in my life. I didn't necessarily agree with all of what she says but I always think a new perspective can be considered and we can grow whether or not we agree with everything an author states. I do think that this book struggled a bit based on the age of the author. Though she is wise, she is young, and some of her examples may fall flat for an older audience...but maybe the target audience is younger than myself. I also appreciated the scripture references but felt some were taken out of context and/or emphasized parts of the story I hadn't considered before. Again, this could be something for me to grow in but it could also be an age thing.

Regardless, I did appreciate this book and highlighted quite a bit. I'm sure I will revisit it in the future. I will have to check out the author's first book next! 3.5 stars rounded down

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for this eARC. All opinions are my own.

[Jamie Cutshaver · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Must-Read for Anyone Healing from Trauma

As someone who has survived significant childhood trauma, Breaking the Patterns That Break You hit home in so many ways. Tori Hope Petersen shares her story with vulnerability, weaving in biblical truth and therapeutic insights that serve as both new revelations and powerful reminders. Even though I’ve already been on a healing journey with the help of a therapist, this book offered fresh perspectives and encouragement—especially in understanding what God truly thinks of me.

I found myself highlighting so many nuggets of wisdom on my Kindle that I’ll be returning to often. If you’ve experienced trauma—whether in childhood or later in life—this book is a must-read. Healing happens one day at a time, and Petersen’s words bring both truth and hope to the process.

Thank you, NetGalley, for this advanced reader copy. Now that the book is in print, I highly recommend adding it to your reading list—especially if you need to hear God’s truth spoken through Tori.

[Sadie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Tori Hope Peterson, her life work, and her testimony. She is a powerful voice in the fostering world and continues to live her truth with such intention and love.

This book could have benefited from the principle of “show don’t tell;” many times the story shared jumped to telling the principle and how to interpret it. I also think the language and definitely some of the lies she was trying to “myth bust” must be more specific to an evangelical audience. It reminded me a lot of Jinger Duggar Vuolo’s book that I read last year in many ways.

Very thankful there are books and people out there like this for me and my family to learn from at the intersection of trauma, adoption, and Christ-centered faith.

[Cheri Swalwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book. It went really well with the first book she wrote, Fostered that I also read. It's written in a relatable way, and draws the reader into the content with hope, inspiration, grace, and mercy. I would highly recommend this book to a Bible study group and would definitely refer it to friends as well.

I received a complimentary copy from netgalley but was not required to read it. All opinions are my own.

[Denise Prewett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book was a good read. The author had a difficult life and over came many struggles. While I don’t agree with all she said, I do believe that we each need to take responsibility for our actions and our healing. Forgiveness is part of the process and including our Father in Heaven and our brother Jesus Christ is also important.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Using her own experiences, Petersen writes the truth we need to hear in order to break patterns and find healing. Generational trauma, negative thought patterns and trauma responses can be healed through the redemptive love of Christ when we accept truth and allow ourselves to be healed. Petersen's book is an excellent reminder of these core truths.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great personal account through the author’s reflection and healing process in her life that I believe are deep and helpful. Topics of abuse, foster care, achievement based worth, trauma are a few mentioned.

I didn’t realize it is a Christian perspective. A great surprise for me.

[Tina Howell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is takes us through the author’s personal trauma and path to healing and moving forward. I love how this author connected with me. I appreciate how the author wrote about herself in a way that brought understanding to my own personal struggles Great book!

[Lauren Carlisle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a companion I didn’t know I needed. Writing about patterns and lies rooted in trauma, Tori Hope Peterson utilizes her gifts in writing to point people to the Truth. The amount of time I wanted to highlight makes me want to buy the physical copy for myself. Highly recommend!

[Helina Reyes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one I feel like I will for sure read again. She is able to clearly communicate the lies that we tell ourselves from her own experience in an effective way as well as from a place of understanding. She shares her experience and what she has learned and continues to learn.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a powerful read 💛 I will not be the same because of it.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

S2V2L1

[Robyn Zerebniak]

It was funny reading this as an atheist. But there were a few good gems of wisdom.

[MC Ertel · Rating 5 out of 5]

tori has an amazing and inspiring story that gives hope to healing relational wounds/trauma. her story is relatable and there is a takeaway in every chapter

[Katie Norris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook. I liked her first book, Fostered, more but this was still a good follow up book to Fostered.

[Rebecca Kolenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a deeply moving and insightful read that speaks to the heart of every trauma survivor.

Tori’s journey through trauma and healing is both relatable and encouraging. She has an incredible gift for connecting with readers on a personal level, sharing her struggles and victories in a way that feels like sitting down with a trusted friend. Her practical insights are grounded in the truth that we are loved and called to love like Jesus—a message that resonates powerfully throughout the book.

Unlike her first memoir, this book is for everyone who’s walked through pain and is looking for hope. Tori’s story offers a beacon of light, reminding us that breaking free from harmful patterns is possible. I'm excited for readers to discover the strength and hope within these pages!

[Adilynn Girardot · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tori has a powerful testimony - I don’t know if I necessarily agree with all of her takes on things, but I liked how she incorporated her own life experiences.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book #2 for Tori Hope Petersen. This one really reflects her growth and healing. If you read Fostered or follow her online, you’ll appreciate this book but neither of those are prerequisites. ARC via NetGalley