The Fight for Us: Overcome What Divides to Build a Marriage That Thrives

by Rebekah Lyons, Gabe Lyons

An insightful, powerful path forward for couples, whether you're in a struggling marriage or simply looking for ways to enhance and strengthen your relationship.

Marriage is hard for all kinds of reasons--financial struggles, parenting styles, personality differences, difficult circumstances. It's easy to drift apart, walking through life more as roommates than partners. But there's so much more for your marriage. The Fight for Us offers biblical wisdom and encouragement, as well as practical guidance, that will give you the confidence you need to cultivate the happy and healthy marriage you long for.

Rebekah and Gabe Lyons shepherd you as ones who have been there--many times--in their twenty-seven-year marriage, while also drawing on their mental-health coaching and marriage-counseling expertise to help you breathe new life into your marriage. The Fight for Us will guide you

Discover why you fight, how you fight, and how to overcome toxic patterns to fight wellRenew your commitment to love, care for, and show grace to your spouseRelinquish coping mechanisms and/or addictions that have come between youUnderstand your spouse's needs while still validating your ownEstablish goals and rhythms that will deepen your friendship and intimacy as a coupleAnd, most of all, lean on the One who fights for you and your marriage 

Whatever your reason for fighting for your marriage, The Fight for Us covers it community, health, money, parenting, career, sex, conflict, and spirituality. Your journey toward a growing, healthy, thriving marriage starts here.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Non Fiction, Self Help, Christian Living, Relationships

271 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 22, 2025

About the author

Rebekah Lyons is a designer, strategist, wife, and mom. She serves alongside her husband, Gabe, as executive director of Q, a learning community that mobilizes Christians to advance the common good in society. In her role at Q, Rebekah gives leadership and strategic direction to where the movement is headed and manages day-to-day operations. Any given week includes volunteering at the Midtown Pregnancy Support Center in Manhattan or at Geneva School, writing her daily musings, and rallying her three children and two toy poodles around New York City.

Reviews

[Taylor Monzalvo · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5

One of those books that is endorsed by a lot of well-known Christians but turns out to be quite mediocre. There wasn't that much I disagreed with but I found it very simple, even shallow.

Some scattered thoughts:

I took a couple of things from this book, but overall I thought it didn't say anything new. I may just not be the target audience... I think this book could be a helpul tool for a Christian couple who has little previous exposure to deeper books about marriage / to more profound theological concepts about marriage and family or with no prior knowledge of attachment styles, etc. Some of those concepts in here would certainly benefit newer Christians for example.

I always dislike when wealthy Christians declare that a healthy marriage must include x, y, or z when those things are just not possible for many people for a variety of reasons. A weekly date night and a yearly couple-only vacation are nice luxuries but not feasible for most marriages in the world, not to mention were not even a consideration for most marriages in human history. There has to be a different solution for enabling couples to flourish, one that would be available to all believers in all places at all times :) I try not to be cynical but sometimes it still surprises me how many obvious blindspots we American Christians have from our isolation & privilege.

Anyway, the thing that sealed it for me that I wouldn't recommend this book is the hyper-individualistic focus on husbands and wives needing to pursue their callings and help fulfill
each other's dreams regardless of the cost to their families, almost assuming that everyone is called to some kind of big platform if only they work hard enough at it or that growing an audience for yourself is somehow always Spirit-led, when I actually deeply believe we need more people content to live ordinary, faithful lives in their small circles--mainly concerned about their communities rather than growing a personal brand to reach a wide audience.

& the worst part of the book...
"I've talked to many wives who feel discouraged, depressed, and unsure that they have a larger purpose in the world beyond being a good wife and mother. But I can tell you with confidence that we all have more to offer the world" (p147).
I'm starting to recognize the devaluing of the sacred and important vocation of motherhood nearly everywhere, and I wish it were not so prevalent in Christian circles as well. Being *just* a good wife and mother is a) way more than enough to offer the world and b) increasingly rare yet absolutely irreplaceable for thriving families, secure and healthy children, and stable communities.

[Heidi Westendorp · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️ not that it wasn’t good but it wasn’t anything new and mostly about the authors own life and experiences. Maybe this would’ve been more beneficial reading this with my spouse but idk, I found it pretty boring, unfortunately!

[Jennifer Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable book. Each chapter ends with questions to think about or ask with your spouse which is great. Some of their perspectives I had a hard time agreeing with but nonetheless they were simply sharing their story and what worked for them.

[Morgan Leavitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really really loved reading this during my season of engagement. Although it is designed for couples who have been married for quite a while, I feel like there is so much wisdom to be gained from this book!

[Abigail Dishner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of wisdom.
Even in all seasons of life, I think this book is beneficial. Being vulnerable, considerate, safe, and trustworthy takes work and is not only something for marriage - but all walks and phases of life.
Their words exude intimacy with the Father, and challenge the reader to love Him deeply beyond all things - in order for the closest human relationships to truly endure and thrive. I’m so grateful for the way the Lyons’ always intertwine science of the brain to how the Lord truly cares for and is deeply involved in the condition of our mental/emotional well being.

[Sami Moss · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️ This was a sweet book with great practical questions to engage with at the end of each chapter. I found a lot of things/questions that could translate well into the premarital counseling we do with couples. And it’s all worth it for the prayer of blessing they write at the very end - so beautiful.

“God put you two together because there is something He wants to accomplish in the kingdom that requires your partnership.”

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christian marriage book (audio read by both authors) that is encouraging the average couple where they are to pursue rhythms and routines for a stronger marriage. it is not for a couple in the middle of crisis or extreme circumstances. I appreciated the practicality, real talk and tangible examples and steps. I haven't read everything by the authors but from what I know I think the content would piggyback on previous works.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first came across Rebekah’s teaching in 2024, and this is the second book I’ve read of hers. I resonate a lot with her experiences, circumstances, and writing. I love her combo of faith and neurobiology/neuropsychology. This is a great book with many practical steps for couples. I’ve asked my husband to read it, so we can glean some things and apply them to our marriage.

[Katherine Ayers · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick listen on audio book. I wouldn’t say I learned anything new, but I enjoyed their wisdom and storytelling style writing.

[Ryan Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5⭐️ I received an advanced copy to prepare for a podcast recording with Gabe.

Gabe and Rebekah put it all out there, letting the reader know the hard but rewarding work they put in to take their relationship, marriage, and leadership to the next level. I really appreciated their vulnerability and transparency. They really want their readers to know the how behind the what and the why, and they weren’t afraid to bare their own struggles and shortcomings along the way.

Two things have stuck with me in the weeks since reading this book. The first was the importance of giving ourselves and our spouse the time and space to feel. Most importantly, we all need to feel safe enough in our relationships to feel those feelings and share them with each other. That’s what true emotional health is about. Fear and love cannot coexist.

The second concept that stuck with me was the notion that “healed people heal people.” I’ve heard and said many times that “hurt people hurt people” but this was a new concept for me. As my wife and I have been on our own healing journey these past few years, we’ve been on the giving and receiving end of both sides of that coin. One side is ugly and wretched and wicked. The other side looks nearly identical, a scarred yet healed version of the other. And Christ, who has demonstrated real humility and love, would want to us to open ourselves to those around us so our own scars can bear witness to that great work of transformation and healing.

I am grateful to have had an opportunity to read this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to be a better spouse and have healthier relationships.

[Anna Shamery · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really good marriage book! I highly recommend it. It is on my list of books to purchase and I would love to reread it with Spencer. Full of honesty, hope, and biblical truth about marriage.

[Ginny Yurich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good marriage book!

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great inspiring book I listened to and wish I had a hard copy of! I’m really encouraged and inspired by this book too!

[Dale Huntington · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book.
I felt like from the start there were may things devoted to privileged Christians.
When they spoke to leaving New York to be more amongst their people rather than stay for mission I felt almost like it was made to be the more honorable thing. No thanks.
God is at work in liberal inner cities and he’s calling many people to more than chic fil an and private, insulated Christian environments.

[Gabrielle Houweling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read and practical. I enjoyed their perspective on how we each have a different "dysfunctional dance"

[Jennifer Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

4⭐️ - This book was pretty good. A quick listen on Audible. Nothing I haven’t heard before but still nice to read it from their perspective. You could re-listen at various stages of your marriage and probably get something different from it each time.

[Charity Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

While nothing revolutionary, I think this may be one of my favorite marriage books. It could just be it was the book I needed at this season of my life, but I think the fact that it is short and unpacks a lot in a small amount of time most couples would find helpful. I think one could reread it every five years and find it a boost. Will I? Maybe. Short, easy to read chapters, but deep thinking. At the end of each chapter is 4 questions for personal reflection that were helpful. I found it insightful for getting to the root of why couples fight, looming at tour past for keys to help you in the future, how to fight for each other instead of with each other, and reflection of personal habits during conflict. Some of their solutions could have been better and there was a lot of personal stories....but not too much in my opinion. I think they were trying to be relatable. I do believe time away as a couple is super helpful, but not doable in every season because of money or reliable childcare. Close friends are super helpful, but couples who have to move often would find that solution hard and frustrating. So while some of their solutions are just okay, I found the process of self reflection outweighed that. I would buy this (and have already bought it) for friends, new couples, etc. Highly encourage any married couple to read it.

[Charles Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciate this book. My wife and I went (still going through) through a very difficult season in our marriage and we had been reading many books to help us grow in our faith and in our relationship but nothing helped very much. I went through a program to help with my own issues and it was transformative but it didn't give very much to help with the marriage.

My wife suggested this book and on a glance I agreed that it would be good. I have now read through the book and I can say without any doubt, that my marriage would be over if it wasn't for the wisdom that is displayed there. I have heard everything that was said many times but not the way that Gabe and Rebekah have said it.

Theirs vulnerability and brutal honesty was both scary and refreshing. I am very grateful to them for writing this book.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my top 5 best books about marriage and relationships. The authors speak to the audience at large those who are not in a marriage yet and those who have been married a long time. I loved the thoughts broken up between Rebekah and Gabes. I listened to the audio book version, and it was an added touch to hear the words directly from their voices. Any and everyone should be reading and studying this book 18+. Topics range and the scriptures are beautifully weaved into the account. The authors speak to real-life situations that they have been through. The couple's journey of their relationship is truly a testament that it doesn't always have to make sense at first.

[Lisa Jasunas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this heartfelt journey of healing in marriage and parenting through faith, vulnerability, and unity. Instead of fighting each other, choose to be on the same mission, grow together by being fully known—unlocking deeper connection and God's blessings. Keeping energy high and faith steadfast.

Lyons challenges parents to stop controlling their kids and instead nurture their hearts, trusting God’s vision over their own. With the reminder from Hebrews 11:1 about having faith in uncertainty, this book offers a powerful call to fight for each other, not against.

Become the love you crave.

[Briann · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me, The Fight For Us read as more superficial than deep and comprehensive. The order was a bit messy and did not flow or transition well. I wish that the Christian values were exposed on the cover that way readers know exactly what they are getting into. The book excludes many LGBTQ+ couples and marriages. It sticks to many gender norms and common gender roles. Case in point, Rebekah quotes Scripture early in the book, saying that women are the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7 ESV). Very basic, bland, and superficial.

[Heather Holden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been a fan of Rebekah and Gabe’s since their podcast came out. So, I was excited to get their book and share it with my husband. This was actually pretty helpful for us. We read it to each other, or separately (we each had a copy), and then discussed the reflection questions at the end of each chapter. We had some insightful and important conversations (and a few arguments that were also revealing!) because of this book. I think we both feel like sharing it has brought us closer during a busy season of life.

[Katie Townsend · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is a marriage book that has it all! another book that is so great for couples! reference many other books and filled with a lot of wisdom.

love the Conversations we (my husband and I ) have had through our the reading of this book.
and how to create a God center vision for our marriage. with keep that we are two people God uniquely made with our own talents and calls see how we can join those together!

this is a great for this day and age, my husband works with the next generation and well we love reading many Don't. I think many find this book a great resource.

[Jaime Albaugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been an encouragement and a reminder of what is true! Great biblical truth and advice were both found on these pages! This is a great starting point for wherever you may find yourself in your marriage. I love hearing from both the male and female perspective as Gabe shares in his own words and Rebekah shares in hers— while I definitely resonate with Rebekah‘s voice, hearing from Gabe helps me be more understanding and see my husband‘s perspective. Definitely recommended.

[Katy Kimmey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book!! I listened to it on audible and would have loved to have the real copy. There are many practical tips and going back to them on kindle or the hard copy would be beneficial.

I think this would be a wonderful book to go through with some couples or your small group!

We have to FIGHT for our marriages!!!

[Christy Hammond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for the bravery it took to be vulnerable in your book. I would recommend anyone who is pursuing marriage or is married to read this. There are lots of nuggets of wisdom that could benefit ones marriage and relationship with others. Found myself giggling a few times as I was able to relate with our own growth.

[Sara Arrington · Rating 2 out of 5]

I struggled with this book. I feel annoyed that marriage books point us to the past to fix the present. it feels so asinine when there are present struggles and daily realities that have nothing to do with the past. I struggled to connect with the authors and their perspective as my own marriage is just very different than theirs and our struggles look different.

[Sharon Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this new christian marriage book. I like how it talked about our childhood and family dynamics. How it balanced mental health/psychology aspects along with scripture. I didn't agree with everything 100 percent (I never do) especially the tiny chapter on parenting. But overall, I'd recommend this book to any married couple. Everyone and gain something from this book.

[Joe Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not perfect but helpful! I really resonated with the $ aspect of their struggle. Also the attachment styles and fighting types although not a new approach were a good reminder. They’ve overcome a ton of challenges to create something special. I was motivated to be more consistent in my physical exercise and approach to my calendar.

[Nicholas Pokorny · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is nothing revolutionary about this book, and yet I enjoyed it. I'm thankful for the Lyons and their work to help couples thrive in their marriages. This book was an honest look at some of the less-than-talked about subjects (without breaching abuse) that Christians don't always talk about.