I Loved Him From The Day He Died: My Father, Forgiveness and a Final Pilgrimage

by Michael Harding

'Harding's prose style is fluid and fluent ... unflinching, merciless honesty' Sunday Independent

To mark his 70th birthday Michael Harding travelled to Spain to walk part of the Camino de Santiago. Yet, as he set off on his pilgrimage, he found he wasn't alone. Accompanying him was the ghost of his long-dead father, a distant and aloof figure whom he lost when he was only twenty-two years old.

Here, with searing honesty and beautifully wrought prose, Harding examines how this man, who had died almost half a century ago, could have had such a profound effect on the writer's life.

From the Ireland of his youth, to the time of his father's death, and to the holy wells and pubs he frequented in search of a connection with a man he never really knew, I Loved Him From The Day He Died is a heartfelt examination of love, forgiveness and letting go - told with simple vulnerability and profound insight.

PRAISE FOR MICHAEL HARDING'S BOOKS

'Hilarious and tender ... beautifully written' Kevin Barry

'A beautiful book of great tenderness, love of life, and wisdom' Joseph O'Connor

'Compelling' Sunday Times

153 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 3, 2024

Reviews

[Mary Nolan-Fesmire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book mostly because of all the mentions of places that were close to my dad's home place in Ireland. ❤️

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such restraint in the matter of love and romance was oddly at variance with my father’s gushing enthusiasm for the world. I thought him sentimental. I thought the boys in the bar were real men. And I had no idea back then or how male insecurity shelters itself in a mask of true grit and how vulnerability is actually the true face of love.

This isn’t a book I probably would’ve picked up on my own, but my husband bought my a copy for Christmas (and tickets to see the author speak at Samsa Tire tonight) which was a) very thoughtful of him and b) I’m glad he did, because it was a lovely read.

Author Michael Harding sets out on a week-long, 126-km walk along the Camino de Santiago to mark his 70th birthday. Along the way he reminisces on his youth, and in particular on his father, who died when Harding was only 22 and who Harding felt he never really knew.

Despite his lack of relationship with his father, he looms large in the author’s memory and soul, and Harding’s recollections of the man himself and his effect on Harding’s life in both his presence and his absence were lovely and poignant.

This book reminded me a lot of a tv show I happened to watch a while back, in which comedian Bill Bailey went walking in the English countryside with several fellow middle-aged men. As they walk, a main topic of discussion is how reticent men, particularly men of their ages, are to discuss their emotions or to be openly vulnerable, and how this affects their relationships and their mental health.

Harding makes similar observations, and the contrast between his youthful admiration of the “real men” of the pubs of his childhood and the open sentimentality and vulnerability he displays in this memoir make for a powerful contrast.

My one complaint is that for a book ostensibly about walking the Camino, there was very little description of his time on the trail, and far more about his time in the albergues in the evenings. Obviously I recognize that the Camino was more the venue for his thoughts about his father than the true focus of the story, but as someone who loves a walking memoir I would have enjoyed more of this side of things.

[Martina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful writing, really enjoyed Michael's descriptions of the conversations he overheard & took part in, in various pubs in his youth as he tried to find his father in other men. And the things that could never be mentioned. Also his father's behaviour in family situations made me laugh, am familiar with it. The final pages brought tears, a wonderful heartwarming book.

[pete hardiman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another amazing read.

A beautiful book Michael. I read it in one go. I couldn't put it down. Thank you so very much.

[Catherine Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written book.

[Antonia Karelina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first book by Michael Harding, recommended to me because I live in Cavan, where the author grew up. It was a pleasure to read about familiar places—even the uniform colours in two secondary schools have remained unchanged since the 1960s.

Harding’s style is accessible yet rich, and as a non-native English speaker, I appreciated the opportunity to expand my vocabulary with the beautiful words he used. The book’s pacing felt just right—I never found myself bored or exhausted by it.

One of the most striking themes was how his father’s absence left a void in him, and how walking the Camino resurfaced that deep emptiness. The way he describes reaching a state of complete thoughtlessness during the walk feels very desirable. It made me reflect on how we all need to revisit those we’ve lost and find a place for them within us. Another theme that resonated was aging—how we inevitably become more like our parents.

Ultimately, the book left me thinking about reconciliation and how essential it is for one’s peace.