Gerçeğin Tokadı

by Russ Harris

Bazen hayat yalnızca sonsuz aksilikler ve zorluklar barındırıyor gibi görünebilir; sanki gerçeğin tokadı sürekli yüzünüze iniyor ve başa çıkamayacağınız sorunlara neden oluyor gibidir. Dr. Russ Harris, bilimsel olarak kanıtlanmış Kabul ve Kararlılık Terapisi yöntemlerini günlük yaşamınızda nasıl uygulayacağınızı, kendinizle ve başkalarıyla nasıl yeniden bağlantı kuracağınızı ve zor süreçlerden kaynaklanan duygularla nasıl başa çıkacağınızı kapsamlı bir şekilde gösteriyor. Pek çok alıştırmaya yer veren ve nazik, destekleyici bir dille yazılan kitap, uygulamalı tavsiyeleri ve vaka örneklerini içeriyor. Eğer zorluklarla karşı karşıyaysanız ve ne yapacağınızı bilmiyorsanız, bu kitap mutluluk ve tatmin duygusunu bulmanız için size rehberlik edecek. Hayatınızı değiştirebilecek bu rehberle sıkıntılarınızdan nasıl kurtulacağınızı ve eskisinden daha güçlü bir şekilde nasıl ayakta duracağınızı öğreneceksiniz.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Development, Personal Growth, Unfinished

244 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Dr Russ Harris is a medically-qualified doctor, stress consultant, executive coach, trainer, author, and a leading authority in the powerful new paradigm of Psychological Flexibility. (This is a revolutionary new development in human psychology that enhances performance, reduces stress, and improves health and wellbeing.) Dr Russ regularly presents workshops on Psychological Flexibility at both national and international psychology conferences, and has a thriving business traveling around Australia running training seminars for psychologists, coaches and a variety of health professionals.

Dr Russ's first book, 'The Happiness Trap', was published in Australia in March 2007, and is already well on the way to becoming a bestseller. (The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.) He is currently completing his second book 'From Fear To Fulfilment' - which is also the title of his most popular talk.

Back in the early nineties, when Russ was a GP in Melbourne, he moonlighted as a stand-up comedian, and as well as appearing regularly on the Melbourne comedy circuit, he featured on TV shows such as Tonight Live with Steve Vizard, and The Mid-Day Show with Ray Martin. As a result of this experience, his talks are fast-paced, engaging and humorous - as well as being action-packed with information, tools, and techniques for reducing stress, enhancing performance, and increasing vitality.

Reviews

[Mohammad · Rating 5 out of 5]

به طور قطع اگه این کتاب رو در حال بهتری مطالعه می‌کردم اینقدر احساس نزدیکی بهش نمی‌کردم و اینقدر برام ارزشمند نمی‌شد. همین حالا هم تمام کتاب رو تایید نمی‌تونم بکنم ولی بی‌شک همدم خوبی برام بود و کمک کننده در شرایطی سخت.

وقتی از واقعیت سیلی می‌خوریم، دچار "شکاف واقعیت" می‌شیم. هرچه این شکاف بزرگتر باشد، ضربه وارده دردناک‌ و مهلک‌تر و دوام آوردن، دشوارتر.
ناامیدی، فقدان، شکست، طردشدن، بیماری، مرگ. از امثال این تجربه‌ها گریزی نیست و همهٔ ما تجربه‌شان می‌کنیم.

به نظرم وقتی می‌تونی احساسِ فهمیده شدن در شرایط تلخ رو به تمامی بچشی که بدونی کسی که مقابلت نشسته و داره حرف می‌زنه خودش هم رنجی دردناک و شاید مشابه تو رو از سر گذرونده و نفسش از جای گرم بلند نمی‌شه. اتفاقا همین‌جاست که حرف‌هاش به دلت می‌شینه. می‌تونی بهش اعتماد کنی و حاضر می‌شی به توصیه‌هاش گوشی کنی و می‌ذاری دستت رو بگیره. آدم‌های زخمی بهتر درک می‌کنند.
نویسنده در تولد دو سالگی پسرش متوجه می‌شه فرزندش به بیماری اوتیسم دچاره و دنیا رو سرش آوار می‌شه..

از پنج مرحلهٔ سوگ که به صورت انکار، خشم، چانه‌زنی، افسردگی و پذیرش خودش رو نشون میده حرف می‌زنه.

از راهبردی چهار مرحله‌ای برای کنار آمدن در مقابله با شکاف واقعیت:
۱. مهربان بودن با خود
۲. لنگر انداختن
۳. موضع گرفتن
۴. یافتن گنج

راس هریس از همون مقدمه کتاب موضع خودش رو در مورد کتاب‌های خودیاری مشخص می‌کنه:
"زمانی مقاله‌ای می‌خواندم که ادعا می‌کرد تمامی کتاب‌های خودیاری را می‌توان به دو گروه تقسیم کرد: دسته اول کتاب‌هایی با این مضمون که شما تنها با توجه، تمرکز و درگیر کردن ذهن خود می‌توانید به خواسته‌تان در زندگی برسید. دسته دوم کتاب‌هایی که می‌گویند شما نمی‌توانید به تمام خواسته‌های خود در زندگی برسید، ولی همچنان می‌توانید یک زندگی غنی و ارزشمند داشته باشید. کتابی که در دست دارید قطعا در دسته دوم قرار می‌گیرد."

نام کتاب بنظرم خیلی خوب انتخاب شده.
سیلی: اتفاقی که یه جورایی غیرمنتظره میفته و ما آمادگی براش شاید نداشته باشیم
واقعیت: چیزی که ممکنه فاصلهٔ زیادی با دلخواسته‌مون از جهان داشته باشه

[Emma Sea · Rating 1 out of 5]

For what it's worth, I can't divorce the author's attitudes to autism from the rest of the contents of the book.

Having his child diagnosed with autism is the life-shattering experience Harris bases his discussion around. The diagnosis is "like someone sticking a knife into your gut and twisting it around, and then slowly pulling the intestines out through the wound." Autism is "one of those words like 'cancer' . . . when you hear it in everyday conversation, you can't help but shudder."

Harris moves his family across the country so his son can get ABA therapy, which is highly problematic (One particularly worrying aspect of ABA therapy is "Quiet Hands", which is fucking ironic when on page 179 he does this whole exercise about noticing your hands and the experience of holding the book.)

Harris specifically notes "some of my readers are undoubtedly parents of autistic children, and they may well have reactions of envy or resentment or other painful emotions upon reading about my son's outcome," seeing as how Harris's son "is no longer autistic - not by any stretch of the imagination." It never crosses Harris's mind that autistic people might be reading the book and be distressed by his attitude.

Yeah, so, I struggled through the whole book thinking, "Seriously, fuck this guy." I do think ACT therapy offers highly useful strategies, but I 100% rec The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT over this one, and seriously, if I'd read this first I would never have picked up another book by Harris.

[Haniye_Mirkamali · Rating 5 out of 5]

شعری از ویلیام هنری دیویس
(از کتاب سیلی واقعیت):

این زندگی چیست، انباشته از غم و دلواپسی،
فرصتی برای ایستادن و نظاره کردن نداریم.
فرصتی برای ایستادن در زیر شاخه‌های درخت؛
برای خیره شدن همانند یک گاو یا گوسفند.
برای دیدن جنگلی که از آن گذر کردیم،
یا فرصتی برای یافتن مخفیگاه فندق‌های سنجاب.
در طول روز هیچ فرصتی برای دیدن رودها و در طول شب هیچ فرصتی برای دیدن ستارگان در اختیار نداریم.
فرصتی برای نگریستن زیباروی،
و مشاهده‌ی پایکوبی‌اش در زمان رقص.
فرصتی برای انتظار خنده‌ای که از چشمانش آغاز می‌شود‌ و لب‌هایش را شکفته می‌کند،
در اختیار نداریم.
این زندگیِ سرشار از غم و دلواپسی، زندگیِ حقیری است،
هیچ فرصتی برای ایستادن و نظاره کردن در اختیارمان نیست.


اتمام
۲۵ آبان ۱۴۰۰
ساعت: ۱۳:۰۰

[Moh. Nasiri · Rating 5 out of 5]

سیلی واقعیت دردناک است نه انتظارش را داریم و نه علاقه ای به آن و قطعا آن را نمی خواهیم. 

سیلی واقعیت" اشکال مختلفی را به خود می گیرد. گاهی اوقات، بیشتر شبیه به مشت است: مرگ یک دوست عزیز، یک بیماری جدی، طلاق، از دست دادن شغل، یک تصادف یا یک خیانت تکان دهنده. بعضی اوقات کمی ملایم تر است حسادت، تنهایی، ناراحتی، ناکامی، ناامیدی و طرد نیز می تواند به همان اندازه بد باشد. اما "سیلی واقعیت" هر چه باشد، مطمئنا دردناک است! و بیشتر ما با درد سر و کار خاصی نداریم.


 هر چه شکاف واقعیت بزرگ تر باشد، طوفان عاطفی که برپا می کند عظیم تر خواهد بود. موج های دردناکی از احساسات به بدنمان برخورد می کند و باد های دردناکی از افکار وحشیانه در سر ما می وزند. زمانی که این طوفان افکار و احساسات ما را فرا می گیرد، حالتی از درماندگی را تجربه می کنیم: هیچ کاری از دستمان برنمی آید و ناامیدانه تلاش می کنیم خود را از غرق شدن نجات دهیم.

مشکل افکار ما نیستند. افکار ابهامات روانشناسی ایجاد نمی کند. روشی که ما به افکار خود پاسخ می دهیم ابهام را ایجاد می کند. این روشی است که ما با آن به ابهامات بوجود آمده پاسخ می دهیم

 ایجاد یک رابطه خوب با خودمان برای رضایت درونی ضروری است، به خصوص هنگامی که ما در یک شکاف بزرگ واقعیت قرار داریم.

 رضایت به معنای ناپدید شدن احساسات ناخوشایند ما نیست. بلکه به معنای تغییر رابطه ما با آنهاست

راس هریس در "سیلی واقعیت" یک مسیر چهار بخشی را برای بهبودی بر اساس پذیرش و تعهد درمانی ارائه می دهد. 

مکانیزیم های دفاعی روان:

انکار》خشم》چانه زنی》افسردگی》پذیرش》بازسازی

# کتاب مبتنی بر روانشناسی ACT

[Mary Karpel-Jergic · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author is a ACT therapist and this book is an attempt to provide the reader with an understanding of it in order to help themselves. Acceptance Commitment Therapy looks like a therapy that applies mindfulness (what doesn't nowadays?) with working out personal values in order to bridge the gap between the reality that we find we have and the reality that we want.

The four step process is:
1. Hold yourself kindly
2. Drop the anchor
3. Take a stand
4. Find the Treasure

Maybe some readers will be able to apply the book's suggestions and help themselves but I found it to be just a rehashing of old principles and practices. That's not to say that there is nothing to take away from a full reading of it. I found the concept of taking a stand when facing a personal crisis helpful. "Stand for something that matters, deep in our heart: something that dignifies our suffering and gives us the will and the courage to carry on."

Equally, there are some trite comments - such as "we create our lives through our actions, not through our thoughts" - bit of a Cartesian split here. I cannot for one minute imagine how a life created will not be a mixture of them both.

[Susy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars
An interesting, inspiring and not too complicated read which I bought (and wish I had read) some years ago when I wasn't doing too well. I really think it could have helped me then, although on the other hand to be able to take out of it what you can, I think you have to be feeling (somewhat) good/ok, otherwise your mind keeps making objections, thinking up reasons why this could never work for you, etc. However, this book does address those difficulties and how to deal with them.

[Faez moghadam · Rating 5 out of 5]

این کتاب رو داشته باشید
و اگر روزی حس کردید “دیگه نمیتونید ادامه بدید و همین حالاست که تموم بشید”
مطالعه اش کنید ☺️این فقط برای روزا های مباداست
از وقتی خودم خوندمش بدون اغراق بیش از پنجاه نسخه ازش هدیه دادم ♥️واقعااا کتاب ارزشمند و با لحنی بسیا ساده و روان

[Bobak · Rating 5 out of 5]

تو زمونه‌ای که همه جا پر از کتب روانشناسی زرد و ...است ، به بهترین شکل کمک میکنه تا «تاب آوری» خودتون رو افزایش بدید.
کتابی که اگر تو شرایط سخت زندگی خونده بشه خیلی یاری بخشه...بر پایه‌ی رویکرد ACT تمرینات خوبی هم ارائه داده.

بشدت توصیه‌اش می‌کنم.

[MizzSandie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine, ok, though I didn't really have any epiphanies reading it and towards the end Thoth it a bit repetitive.
That might very well be because I'm well acquainted with the topic, the mindfuln, the cognitive and the external using approaches and while I think greatly of them, and use them in my own work, in the form it has here, there's just not much to peak my interest, not many new angles.

So an easy book, useful too, but probably more for a 'beginner' in the field :)

[Melanie VeeBee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ever read a book where you think "If only it wasn't for x, this book would have been fantastic"?

If only this book hadn't included the ABA therapy of Russ's son, it would have been a wonderful guide to how to deal with life when it sucks.

Instead, I can't recommend it. I have no doubt that Russ loves his child. ABA therapy however, has a terribly abusive association (https://www.metafilter.com/180374/Qui...). I also didn't like him talking about how horrible it was that his child was autistic. It did not make me relate to him. Instead it made me think less of him and want to teach him about autistic self-advocacy (Disclaimer: I am not on the spectrum).

[Tracey Allen at Carpe Librum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first came across the work of Dr Russ Harris when I started listening to his 'Mindfulness of the Breath' CD. I've had great success with his CD so I was looking forward to reading one of his many books, The Reality Slap.

A 'Reality Slap' can be something that happens in life like an illness, fire, bankruptcy, divorce or loss of a loved one. Dr Russ Harris is an Australian and I responded immediately to his down to earth writing style, and he gave me much food for thought.

I guess you could call The Reality Slap a self-help book, however it's definitely a book with a difference! Dr Harris acknowledges the 'internal chatter' that readers experience, and that some readers will struggle with the content. Somehow he manages to gently lead us through, even sharing lessons he has learned in his own life struggles, endearing himself to the reader even further.

I also enjoyed the list of 60 Life Values in Appendix 5, which was an interesting exercise to work through. Highly Recommended.

[Mori · Rating 3 out of 5]

اگر تله‌ی شادمانی رو از همین نویسنده خوندید، (که خوندنش رو به شدت توصیه می‌کنم) خوندن این کتاب دیگه فقط حکم اتلاف وقت رو داره!

[Belinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came across this book purely by accident when browsing the bookshop and I am really glad I found it. I don't usually buy 'self help' books as such, and the ones I have bought I never finished due to loss of interest. The thing I really liked about this book is that the author would regularly acknowledge that it isn't just the simple act of 'positive thinking' that allows us to find fulfillment in life. Rather, the book teaches us to find peace when we experience negative emotions instead of trying to fight them. This is done using a variety of detailed 'mindfulness' techniques described in the book.

I loved how Russ Harris would use real examples from his own life (in particular his Autistic son) when explaining the ACT approach. I also appreciated how Russ Harris admitted convincingly that even HE needs to consciously remind himself of the techiques he is writing about during painful times in his life. This made me think of him as a human with actual insight and not just a know-it-all expert who may make the reader feel like they must develop sound coping skills within a day of reading their book.

All in all, this book does not claim to have all the answers to your problems (or reality gaps). It does however provide the reader with some food for thought when looking at painful emotions. It aims to give the reader the opportunity to see painful situations in a different light (compared to other books) and deal with the "here and now". Highly recommended.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I cannot recommend 'The Reality Slap' highly enough. I was slightly concerned when I first started to read it but as I settled down and took proper notice it soon became obvious what a well observed and very helpful book this is. It has already made a difference to my way of life, and it will be kept close at hand for me to refer to often.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're autistic, I strongly recommended you look elsewhere if you're interested in ACT.

I was expecting a book on ACT therapy so the autism stuff caught me off guard. The negative attitude toward it is in almost every chapter. Putting an entire appendix about ABA therapy seemed wildly inappropriate.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do not read if you or a loved one has Autistic Spectrum Disorder or Sensory Processing Disorder. There is a clear lack of research as the author describes how awful Autism is. What an asshole.

Lots of ableism and white rich guy privilege :(

Also, the title of the book is awful.

[Parisa Soltani · Rating 3 out of 5]

امتیازی بیشتر از ۳ نمیتونم به این کتاب بدم، راستش این کتاب به من کمک کرد تا حدی بتونم بعضی از افکار آزار دهندم رو کنترل کنم ولی از یک قسمتی به بعد برای من خسته کننده و تکراری به نظر اومد.
در کل خوندنش رو توصیه میکنم، به خصوص برای افرادی که در حال جنگیدن با مشکل بزرگی هستند.
این کتاب می تونه کمک کنه بفهمن که تنها نیستند، در کنار اینکه غم و رنج اون افراد رو کم یا بی اهمیت جلوه نمیده.

[JJ Khodadadi · Rating 4 out of 5]

برای منی که فرشته کوچولویی دارم که با یک سری مشکلات مادرزادی به دنیا اومد کتاب آرامبخش و خوبی بود.
راس هریس در "سیلی واقعیت" یک مسیر چهار بخشی را برای بهبودی بر اساس پذیرش و تعهد درمانی ارائه می دهد. در این صفحات یاد می گیرید که چگونه:
• در هنگام درد خود آرامش پیدا کنید.
• آرامش را در میان هرج و مرج کشف کنید.
• احساسات دشوار را به خرد و دلسوزی تبدیل کنید.
• حتی اگر نتوانید آنچه را می خواهید بدست آورید ، احساس موفقیت کنید.
• زخم های خود را بهبود بخشیده و قوی تر از گذشته ظاهر شوید.

[Mahmoud · Rating 4 out of 5]

دیر یا زود واقعیت به شما سیلی خواهد زد. از دست دادن کسی، بیماری، خیانت یا وقایع ناخوشایند دیگر، به طور غیر منتظره ای به سراغتان می آید و شما را از درون سست می کند. در آن لحظات، این کتاب خردمندانه همان خیری است که می توانید به آن چنگ بیندازید تا نجات پیدا کنید.
کاری بیشتر از تسکین دردها انجام می دهد؛ هدایتتان می کند و در مرحلۀ رشد و بازپروری کمکتان می کند.
صرف زمان برای مهربانی و آگاهانه رفتار کردن با خود، درد و رنج شما را از بین نمی برد، ولی آنها را تکریم کرده و به معلمی تاثیرگذار برای شما تبدیل می کند.
این کتاب کمکتان می کند تا درس هایی که درد و رنج به شما می آموزند را فرا بگیرید.

[Donna Parker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for this, but it seemed all fairly trite, obvious or perhaps oblivious would be a better term and just old hat. I wanted to believe this wasn't just another attempt to cash in when people are hurting and vulnerable, but there seems to be a lot of that, the pain and the exploitation of said pain. I am going to give Harris a nod for at least reiterating help.

[Merve · Rating 1 out of 5]

It took me an hour to read this book because it is mostly the same as his other books, aside from the 4 steps. The one star rating is not for that however, it’s for how terrible his views on autism are. I picked up this book because I needed a way to get out of a familiar rut that is exacerbated by my ADHD, and in the first chapter I had to read about how autism, is like cancer or AIDS. Way to lose neurodivergents.

[Paul Sheppard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Realistic self help book without all the new age nonsense.

[Aylin G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bazı kitapları okursunuz, çok beğenirsiniz ama yine de hakkında söyleyecek pek bir şeyiniz olmayabilir. Bu kitap hakkında bir kaç cümle etmek istedim çünkü okuduğum süreçte hayatıma çok yakından temas etti. Kabullenmekte zorlandığım şeyler vardı. Yaşam tarzımı bir anda değiştirmem gerekti, sürekli bir mutsuzluk, huzursuzluk halindeydim. Kabul kararlılık terapisi bu dönemde ilgimi çekti ve iyi ki bu kitaba bu dönemde başladım. Değiştirilemez süreçlerden geçerken tüm süreçte bir huzur hissetmek, acıya da yer verebilmek hiç kolay değil. Bunların insaniyetini derinden hissettiren ve yükünüzü hafifleten bir bakış kazandırıyor kitap.
“Hayatın bize verdiği budur. Eğer bir kimseyi veya bir şeyi önemseyeceksek, er ya da geç bir beklenti açığı ile karşı karşıya kalacağız; istediğimiz ile elde ettiğimiz arasında bir açıkla. Ve bu olduğu zaman da acı veren duygular ortaya çıkacak. Gerçekten önemi olan şeyler aynı zamanda incitir de. Peki, bu acı veren duyguları kucaklayıp bunları bizim değerli bir parçamız olarak görebilir miyiz? Bunların bize önemli bir şey söylediğini teslim edebilir miyiz; yaşıyoruz, bir yüreğimiz var ve gerçekten önemsiyoruz.”
…..
“Örneğin ben, zihnimin oğlumla ilgili hikayelerini, onun kim olabileceğini, kim olması gerektiğini, nelerden mahrum kaldığını veya onun arızalarını bırakıp onu olduğu gibi, tüm beklentilerimden ve yargılarımdan ayrışarak sevdiğim o anların güzelliği gerçekten inanılmazdı. Oğlum o anlarda bir sorundan bir ayrıcalığa dönüşüyordu. Kendisinden hayata ve sevgiye dair çok şey öğrendiğim, bu olağanüstü insanla hayatımı paylaştığım için kendimi şanslı ve kutsanmış hissediyorum. Gerçekten de o anlarda, ben cennetteyim.”

[Sahar · Rating 4 out of 5]

شاید فقط به خاطر این که تو زمان درستی خوندم نمیدونم اگه یه زمان دیگه ای بود نظرم چی میشد.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started off strong, but kinda fell off towards the end. Has some good mindfulness practices that have helped me.

[Omid · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب خوبیه. در اول کار تمرین هاش خیلی مسخره به نظر میاد ولی واقعا به هدفی که داره میرسه. باعث میشه آدم در زمان حال زندگی کنه و از اون لذت ببره.

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotes:

We can’t stop that voice in our head from telling us stories, but we can learn to catch it in the act. And we can learn to choose the way we respond: to let the helpful stories guide us and let the unhelpful ones come and go like leaves in the breeze.

What does this pain reveal about my heart? What does it show me that I care about? What would you have to not care about, in order to not have this pain?

What is the key to lasting fulfillment? What is the essence of human vitality? What is the core of all those things we call “love”? It is to care, connect, and contribute – to live with presence and purpose. Surely there is no greater privilege than this. So I encourage you to make the most of this privilege: to live with presence and purpose. And also to be realistic: to acknowledge that you will often forget to do this. The beautiful thing is that whenever you remember, you have a choice. You can hold yourself kindly, drop an anchor, and take a stand. And right there, in that moment, you will find treasure: the fulfillment that is always there, even when life hurts.

“Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles, and kindnesses, and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort.” Sir Humphry Davy.

“You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” Henry Drummond.

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

تاب آوری در سیلی واقعیت عنوان کتابی از روان درمانگر معروف "راس هریس"، بنیان گذار روش ACT (درمان مبتنی بر پذیرش و تعهد) است. کتاب ترجمه دکتر کتایون دانشوریان و یاسمین قریب و انتشارات سبزان می باشد.

برای توضیح مختصری در مورد این روش بهتر است از گفته های خود راس هریس استفاده کنم:

هدف ACT افزایش انعطاف پذیری روان شناختی و خلق یک زندگی غنی و معنادار است. در واقع توانمندی حضور در لحظه، گشودگی نسبت به تجربه های جدید، اقدام در جهت اهداف و ارزش های زندگی، موضوعاتی است که در این روش جستجو می شود. مفاهیم این روش مبتنی بر ذهن آگاهی و ارزش هاست. 

نویسنده در کتاب تاب آوری، به خودافشایی در مورد زندگی خود می پردازد؛ از احساس خود زمانی که متوجه می شود پسر دو ساله اش مبتلا به اوتیسم است می نویسد و همین خودافشایی موجب کشش خواننده و ملموس بودن کتاب می شود. معمولاً ما زمانی که وجه مشابهت با دیگران داریم مشتاق تر هستیم که بیشتر بدانیم، همین موضوع حس همدردی و همزادپنداری خواننده را برانگیخته می کند و تمایل به خواندن ادامه کتاب دارد.
ر بخش معنای زندگی که برای من از لذت بخش ترین هاست او ما را وادار به فکر کردن در مورد سوالات زیر هنگام مواجه شدن با مشکلات می کند:

* چگونه می توانم از این تجربه درس بگیرم یا رشد کنم؟

* کدام کیفیت های شخصی را می توانم پرورش دهم؟

* کدام مهارت های عملی را می توانم بیاموزم یا در آنها پیشرفت کنم؟

در پایان کتاب، هریس عنوان می کند که:

"هرگز نمی توان تظاهر به نبودن درد و رنج کرد اما همیشه و حتی در زمان رنج و درد هم چیزهایی برای قدردانی وجود دارد. اگر مایل به یادگیری باشیم می توانیم آن را از طریق مشکلاتی که در زندگی داریم بیاموزیم، مهم نیست چقدر دردناک و ترسناک باشد، همیشه می توانیم چیزی مفید از آن بیاموزیم."

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It doesn't matter how smart, kind, talented, wealthy, attractive or successful you are, at some point in our lives, we will have to face something awful. Yes, sometimes life just sucks and bad things happen to good people. It could be the death of a loved one, a diagnosis of a serious illness, suffering a permanent disability, being the victim of a serious crime or a job loss. This book is all about how we respond and look after ourselves when an inevitable cr@ppy thing happens to us.
This isn't one of those books that tries to tell us that horrible life events are some sort of wonderful gifts and that "everything happens for a reason" (which is good, because I'm no fan of that philosophy). Instead, it focuses on strategies you can put in place to acknowledge your pain, care for and ground yourself and find new ways of obtaining meaning and purpose in life. And it does this so, so we'll. This book feels like a warm hug - I loved it.

[Terry]

By one of the creators of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this book is an aid for those going through really tough times, when the desired reality isn't what you thought was in the brochure. The author, who grieved over having a son with autism, coped with this with a combination of mindfulness and reframing exercises. One can acknowledge the inevitable pain in our lives, but can learn how to hold yourself with compassion, accept that which you cannot change and act within your values to change what you can.