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Exponential Apocalypse #1
Exponential Apocalypse
Exponential Apocalypse is the tender, heart-stirring tale of crappy jobs, a slacker cult, an alcoholic Aztec god, reconstituted world leaders, werewolves, robots, and the shenanigans of multiple persons living after the twentieth-aught end of the world. It's funny as hell and, depending on one's cuss-word tolerance, incredibly profane. Despite these potty-mouth tendencies, it is still one of the most hilarious things ever written.
You can find reviews and an excerpt jerseydevilpress.com/?page_id=243
You can find reviews and an excerpt jerseydevilpress.com/?page_id=243
209 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2009
25 people are currently reading
416 people want to read
About the author
Eirik Gumeny
33 books46 followersEirik Gumeny is the [insert superlatives here] author of BEGGARS WOULD RIDE and the cult-favorite EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series. He's written for Cracked, WIRED, Nerdist, SYFY, a couple of medical textbooks and even the New York Times once.
Born with cystic fibrosis, Eirik still has cystic fibrosis, because that's how genetic diseases work. In 2014, he received a double lung transplant and technically died a little. He got better.
Forged in the suburban sprawl of northeastern New Jersey, Eirik currently lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he regularly has to fight giant atomic ants with a flamethrower. Follow him on Twitter or subscribe to his newsletter for updates.
Born with cystic fibrosis, Eirik still has cystic fibrosis, because that's how genetic diseases work. In 2014, he received a double lung transplant and technically died a little. He got better.
Forged in the suburban sprawl of northeastern New Jersey, Eirik currently lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where he regularly has to fight giant atomic ants with a flamethrower. Follow him on Twitter or subscribe to his newsletter for updates.
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April 2, 2020[Original review, Mar 21 2020]
Since a surprising number of people, including many heads of government, apparently still have problems understanding what "exponential growth" means, here's a quick update on how to read those curves you keep seeing. There are so many of them that it's easy to get lost in the details, but the one I find most helpful is Worldometer's graph of the total number of COVID-19 cases outside mainland China, here. Today, March 21, it looks like this:
Now you can immediately see that it's going up really fast, which is already bad news. Switch it to "logarithmic", and you'll get a more precise picture. It'll now look like this:
There are two things to notice here. First, the vertical axis is rearranged so that each multiplication by 10 is represented by the same distance. That's what "logarithmic" is. Second, the curve has become, more or less, a straight line. That means each multiplication by 10 takes the same time. That's what "exponential" is. On February 18, there were 999 cases. On March 2, thirteen days later, there were 10,292 cases. On March 16, another fourteen days later, there were 101,609 cases. So we can see that about every two weeks, it gets ten times worse. If the trend continues unchecked, which is what it's still doing, we will have a million cases around April 1, ten million cases around April 15, and a hundred million cases around April 29.
We get the same exponential growth pattern with death statistics. Two weeks ago, we were getting roughly a hundred deaths a day. Right now, it's a bit more than a thousand deaths a day. Two weeks from now, if things continue on the current path, it'll be around ten thousand deaths a day. Four weeks from now, around a hundred thousand deaths a day. Six weeks from now, around a million deaths a day.
It's really simple math. If your local congressman or member of parliament still doesn't get it, maybe you can try explaining it to them.
_________________________
[Update, Apr 1 2020]
When I posted this review two weeks ago, I said the curve predicted a million cases around Apr 1. We're now there, and the Worldometer site is currently showing 935,840 cases, a little less than the prediction. If you look at the updated logarithmic graph for "total number of cases outside mainland China",
you'll see that it is starting to curve down - but so far, not very much. Unfortunately, it seems like we're still looking at ten million cases around mid-April. The difference between the predicted and actual number of deaths per day is however larger. Two weeks ago, the curve was pointing towards something like ten thousand deaths per day by now, but in fact it's "only" five thousand.
Another positive aspect is that most heads of government do now appear to understand what's going on and are implementing active strategies to address the problem. That was quicker than usual.
Since a surprising number of people, including many heads of government, apparently still have problems understanding what "exponential growth" means, here's a quick update on how to read those curves you keep seeing. There are so many of them that it's easy to get lost in the details, but the one I find most helpful is Worldometer's graph of the total number of COVID-19 cases outside mainland China, here. Today, March 21, it looks like this:
Now you can immediately see that it's going up really fast, which is already bad news. Switch it to "logarithmic", and you'll get a more precise picture. It'll now look like this:
There are two things to notice here. First, the vertical axis is rearranged so that each multiplication by 10 is represented by the same distance. That's what "logarithmic" is. Second, the curve has become, more or less, a straight line. That means each multiplication by 10 takes the same time. That's what "exponential" is. On February 18, there were 999 cases. On March 2, thirteen days later, there were 10,292 cases. On March 16, another fourteen days later, there were 101,609 cases. So we can see that about every two weeks, it gets ten times worse. If the trend continues unchecked, which is what it's still doing, we will have a million cases around April 1, ten million cases around April 15, and a hundred million cases around April 29.
We get the same exponential growth pattern with death statistics. Two weeks ago, we were getting roughly a hundred deaths a day. Right now, it's a bit more than a thousand deaths a day. Two weeks from now, if things continue on the current path, it'll be around ten thousand deaths a day. Four weeks from now, around a hundred thousand deaths a day. Six weeks from now, around a million deaths a day.
It's really simple math. If your local congressman or member of parliament still doesn't get it, maybe you can try explaining it to them.
_________________________
[Update, Apr 1 2020]
When I posted this review two weeks ago, I said the curve predicted a million cases around Apr 1. We're now there, and the Worldometer site is currently showing 935,840 cases, a little less than the prediction. If you look at the updated logarithmic graph for "total number of cases outside mainland China",
you'll see that it is starting to curve down - but so far, not very much. Unfortunately, it seems like we're still looking at ten million cases around mid-April. The difference between the predicted and actual number of deaths per day is however larger. Two weeks ago, the curve was pointing towards something like ten thousand deaths per day by now, but in fact it's "only" five thousand.
Another positive aspect is that most heads of government do now appear to understand what's going on and are implementing active strategies to address the problem. That was quicker than usual.
November 11, 2009
I may be biased, as I wrote the damn thing, but Exponential Apocalypse is the greatest story ever written.
April 23, 2014
The style that this book is written in is perfect. The satire coupled with the weird worked together really well. This is the second book I have read by Gumeny and he knows how to do it well. The way the chapters are structured in small bits really makes it hard to put down. The characters are creatively imagined and pretty damn funny to boot. This lighthearted take on the end of the world left me feeling happy that there are two more books in the series.
December 1, 2012
This was really funny. There's a whole chapter in the middle of the book dedicated to setting up a very awful pun. It was fucking hilarious.
Eirik has some skills man. I recommend this book to any aspiring writers as an example of how to write weird/funny/satire correctly.
Eirik has some skills man. I recommend this book to any aspiring writers as an example of how to write weird/funny/satire correctly.
September 18, 2024
This would definitely have received a higher rating from me if it was not for the problematic content. The use of the r-word, fat shaming, and treatment of sex workers all felt gross. Those things aside, the general idea and craziness of this book is super cool. Picturing the various ways the world works after the series of apocalypses is a lot of fun. The violence and irreverence of the book is also great when it does not include lazy and outdated humor. There is even one chapter wholly dedicated to telling a joke about a string. I have always enjoyed that joke, and it was fun to see the author take time in the middle of the book to elaborately tell it. For some, it may be hard to overlook the issues, but overall, I enjoyed this book and the world it presents.
March 27, 2011
This is probably one of the quirkiest books that I've ever read. I'll be honest, it was the psychedelic cover that grabbed my attention. The prologue of the book with the fallen god of thunder, Thor - working in a NJ Holiday Inn hooked me.
I really tried to explain parts of the book to coworkers as I read the novel. It's just not a normal conversation to have. But I was really happy with this book and they could see it as I tried to make them understand what was going on.
How can you go wrong with a story that has the following: Thor, an insane Aztec god, genetic clones of former presidents, robots, irradiated werewolf rednecks, an entire state filled with hobos - not to mention the 20+ previous "end of worlds" that had befallen the earth previously?
Mr. Gumeny - not sure what you imbibed, smoked or otherwise ingested (maybe something in the water there in NJ), but this was an entertaining read for me. I don't know if the book will appeal to everyone the same way it did for me, but I have to say it's one of the most unique stories I've ever read.
I really tried to explain parts of the book to coworkers as I read the novel. It's just not a normal conversation to have. But I was really happy with this book and they could see it as I tried to make them understand what was going on.
How can you go wrong with a story that has the following: Thor, an insane Aztec god, genetic clones of former presidents, robots, irradiated werewolf rednecks, an entire state filled with hobos - not to mention the 20+ previous "end of worlds" that had befallen the earth previously?
Mr. Gumeny - not sure what you imbibed, smoked or otherwise ingested (maybe something in the water there in NJ), but this was an entertaining read for me. I don't know if the book will appeal to everyone the same way it did for me, but I have to say it's one of the most unique stories I've ever read.
June 2, 2013
This is bizarro fantasy at its finest. A cast of characters that includes a Norse god who works at a New Jersey hotel, a squirrel with telekinetic powers, and the clones of past minor American presidents and Queen Victoria. And a world that's undergone robot, zombie, werewolf apocalypses and just keeps on truckin toward inevitable death.
The first half of the novel is a collection of funny snippets in which we get to know the characters (or something). Then it morphs into every movie plot from the last twenty-odd years--insane supervillain intent on ending the world through destruction and, therefore, a ragtag team of not-quite-super heroes has to save the day.
Luckily this part is still quite original due to its sense of the absurd. The final battle scene between good and evil proves to be one of the funniest parts of a very funny book.
This book is a celebration of all that is weird. If you dig Andersen Prunty, Danger Slater, or Kevin Strange, than venture out into the ether for this one too.
The first half of the novel is a collection of funny snippets in which we get to know the characters (or something). Then it morphs into every movie plot from the last twenty-odd years--insane supervillain intent on ending the world through destruction and, therefore, a ragtag team of not-quite-super heroes has to save the day.
Luckily this part is still quite original due to its sense of the absurd. The final battle scene between good and evil proves to be one of the funniest parts of a very funny book.
This book is a celebration of all that is weird. If you dig Andersen Prunty, Danger Slater, or Kevin Strange, than venture out into the ether for this one too.
Read
December 30, 2015Got 27% of the way through and had to put it to bed. Too much going on but not enough to keep my attention.
May 17, 2011
Quirky really does describe Exponential Apocalypse by Eirik Gumeny. In this short novel, several (odd) stories end up merging in the end. Exponential Apocalypse features such characters as: Thor; Quetzalcoatl; genetic clones of Queen Victoria, Chester A. Arthur, and William H. Taft; zombies and an undead cow; cyborgs; a boss with x-ray eyes; the internet powered by ghosts; a cross-bred werewolf/atomic mutant; and Timmy, the super squirrel - to name a few.
It is not a book that requires deep contemplation. In fact, I could fairly say that it lacks depth as well as character development. It consists mostly of dialogue. The book begins with Thor, the god of thunder, who is working at a Secaucus, N.J. Holiday Inn, taking a call from a guest requesting more pillows. At this point, you would think it would be one hot mess and not recommended, but Gumeny actually does a good job handling the dialogue (as well as all the insanity). Each character has a distinct voice.
This is one of those books that I hate to admit I enjoyed. (It could be that Timmy pushed it up a notch.) There is the potty-mouth language, bathroom humor,and... I'm not sure it has one redeeming quality beyond the fact that I was laughing for the entire book. Exponential Apocalypse is pure, hilarious entertainment and a very quick and easy read.
Highly Recommended; http://shetreadssoftly.blogspot.com/
Quotes:
There had been twenty-two apocalypses to date. There were now four distinct variations of humanity roaming the earth - six, if you counted the undead. It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential. The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments. It was just a Thursday. pg. 7
Thor was still pretty ticked that God of Thunder didn't carry more weight on a resume. pg. 7
"I'd like a medium coffee please," said a fairly intimidating Queen Victoria XXX.
"We don't have medium," said a fairly intimidated girl behind the counter.
"How can you not have a medium?"
"We have short, tall, grande, venti, and collegiate."
"Well, give me the one in the middle."
"Which one, ma'am?"
"Whatever it was you said, the one that means medium."
"Short, tall, grande, venti, or collegiate?"
"You're really going to make me say it?" pg. 34
Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined country in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they'd either stop being hobos or die.
Neither one had happened....
Instead, hippies, philosophers, English majors, and all manner of unemployable or otherwise destitute types flocked to the Hobo state. Some came to liberate themselves from the shackles of authoritarianism, others to peddle various illicit wares. Some simply adhered to more bohemian ideals. A few had gotten lost. None of them paid rent. pg. 51
Chester A. Arthur XVII stopped just long enough to grab Victoria by the elbow and say, "The Dunkin Donuts guy is giving away free donuts!" before running off again.
"Alright," said Catrina, "maybe you can think about him like a brother."
Queen Victoria XXX laughed and said, "Well, it's gotta be the same with you and Thor, right?"
"Thor's more... Thor's something else."
Thor came running out of his room in only a towel, shampoo still in his hair, chanting, "Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!"
"Like a cousin who used to eat paint chips," she clarified. pg. 136
It is not a book that requires deep contemplation. In fact, I could fairly say that it lacks depth as well as character development. It consists mostly of dialogue. The book begins with Thor, the god of thunder, who is working at a Secaucus, N.J. Holiday Inn, taking a call from a guest requesting more pillows. At this point, you would think it would be one hot mess and not recommended, but Gumeny actually does a good job handling the dialogue (as well as all the insanity). Each character has a distinct voice.
This is one of those books that I hate to admit I enjoyed. (It could be that Timmy pushed it up a notch.) There is the potty-mouth language, bathroom humor,and... I'm not sure it has one redeeming quality beyond the fact that I was laughing for the entire book. Exponential Apocalypse is pure, hilarious entertainment and a very quick and easy read.
Highly Recommended; http://shetreadssoftly.blogspot.com/
Quotes:
There had been twenty-two apocalypses to date. There were now four distinct variations of humanity roaming the earth - six, if you counted the undead. It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential. The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments. It was just a Thursday. pg. 7
Thor was still pretty ticked that God of Thunder didn't carry more weight on a resume. pg. 7
"I'd like a medium coffee please," said a fairly intimidating Queen Victoria XXX.
"We don't have medium," said a fairly intimidated girl behind the counter.
"How can you not have a medium?"
"We have short, tall, grande, venti, and collegiate."
"Well, give me the one in the middle."
"Which one, ma'am?"
"Whatever it was you said, the one that means medium."
"Short, tall, grande, venti, or collegiate?"
"You're really going to make me say it?" pg. 34
Will and Quetzalcoatl pulled up in front of a run-down bookstore in the middle of a bombed-out section of an abandoned town in a once-quarantined country in the middle of a state that was disowned by the government and handed over to hobos in the hope that they'd either stop being hobos or die.
Neither one had happened....
Instead, hippies, philosophers, English majors, and all manner of unemployable or otherwise destitute types flocked to the Hobo state. Some came to liberate themselves from the shackles of authoritarianism, others to peddle various illicit wares. Some simply adhered to more bohemian ideals. A few had gotten lost. None of them paid rent. pg. 51
Chester A. Arthur XVII stopped just long enough to grab Victoria by the elbow and say, "The Dunkin Donuts guy is giving away free donuts!" before running off again.
"Alright," said Catrina, "maybe you can think about him like a brother."
Queen Victoria XXX laughed and said, "Well, it's gotta be the same with you and Thor, right?"
"Thor's more... Thor's something else."
Thor came running out of his room in only a towel, shampoo still in his hair, chanting, "Donuts! Donuts! Donuts!"
"Like a cousin who used to eat paint chips," she clarified. pg. 136
September 15, 2016
This is seriously imaginative and wild fun. Jumping from Norse gods to cloned former world leaders to telekinetic enhanced squirrels, the prose is deft and seamless. It keeps you laughing constantly without detriment to a consistent and engaging story line. I'm thrilled I gave this one a try.
May 25, 2017
A wacky and hilarious romp. I giggled the whole way through. :)
Read
November 3, 2017"The Meadowlands was, and had always been, swampland reinforced with landfill and littered with dead mobsters and industrial run-off. But one could spit on it from new York City, and therefore it was valuable and convenient real estate."
#NewJerseyAndYouPerfectTogether
#NewJerseyAndYouPerfectTogether
April 2, 2011
I have been rejecting offers to receive review books from publishers, partly due to my serious backlog, but when Monica of Jersey Devil Press emailed me about a book that is reminiscent of Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers series, my little heart it did aflutter. I jumped on it. Monica also wrote that the book "been labeled as speculative satire, but we like to consider it just a damn entertaining book". I agree. This is pure entertainment.
In the world Gumeny created, the world has ended twenty-two times, and many variations of sentient beings have carved out their chunk of what's left including humans, atomic mutants, robots, stoner-hippie-liberal arts majors, werewolves, zombies, ghosts, genetically engineered Horsemen of the Apocalypse, undeified or partially deified ancient gods, squirrels, etc. etc. Love it. Not only do I seriously get a kick out of bringing ancient gods to modern times, I really like books which situate various types of intelligent beings in close proximity. Seeing how they get along both with each other and with the world in general just really interests me.
Another thing this book has going for it, at least for me, is its irreverence. I am not sure what it says about me - and I would prefer to not think too hard about it - but books which defy traditional expectations, glory in profanity, make the gods idiotic or belligerent or stoned, freely discuss the violent removal of appendages, and include entire chapters where nothing happens except someone asking "are we there yet?", well, these type of books just tickle my funny bone. I really enjoy a pseudo-intellectual, practically blasphemous laugh from time to time.
To be honest, there is very little depth, minimal character development, and okayish writing. But none of that matters when there is a chapter titled This One Goes Out to All the English Majors and another called Motherfucker Got Stuck in a Bathtub. Or Torsos-a-go-go, It's on Now Bitches, or Fun with Adjectives. Seriously, I could list all of the chapter titles, all 84 of them plus Prologue and Epilogue, and have a rollicking good time doing it. Oh, and don't worry about the 80+ chapters, they're like 1-4 pages long. :)
While reading I wasn't really reminded of Douglas Adams, this felt more like I, Lucifer, Whom God Would Destroy, or gods behaving badly. This type of read is quick, laugh-out-loud, naughty fun, and I really think the world needs more of it. And if you aren't convinced yet, all I can say is - You MUST meet Timmy.
In the world Gumeny created, the world has ended twenty-two times, and many variations of sentient beings have carved out their chunk of what's left including humans, atomic mutants, robots, stoner-hippie-liberal arts majors, werewolves, zombies, ghosts, genetically engineered Horsemen of the Apocalypse, undeified or partially deified ancient gods, squirrels, etc. etc. Love it. Not only do I seriously get a kick out of bringing ancient gods to modern times, I really like books which situate various types of intelligent beings in close proximity. Seeing how they get along both with each other and with the world in general just really interests me.
Another thing this book has going for it, at least for me, is its irreverence. I am not sure what it says about me - and I would prefer to not think too hard about it - but books which defy traditional expectations, glory in profanity, make the gods idiotic or belligerent or stoned, freely discuss the violent removal of appendages, and include entire chapters where nothing happens except someone asking "are we there yet?", well, these type of books just tickle my funny bone. I really enjoy a pseudo-intellectual, practically blasphemous laugh from time to time.
To be honest, there is very little depth, minimal character development, and okayish writing. But none of that matters when there is a chapter titled This One Goes Out to All the English Majors and another called Motherfucker Got Stuck in a Bathtub. Or Torsos-a-go-go, It's on Now Bitches, or Fun with Adjectives. Seriously, I could list all of the chapter titles, all 84 of them plus Prologue and Epilogue, and have a rollicking good time doing it. Oh, and don't worry about the 80+ chapters, they're like 1-4 pages long. :)
While reading I wasn't really reminded of Douglas Adams, this felt more like I, Lucifer, Whom God Would Destroy, or gods behaving badly. This type of read is quick, laugh-out-loud, naughty fun, and I really think the world needs more of it. And if you aren't convinced yet, all I can say is - You MUST meet Timmy.
November 30, 2021
Thor, made fallible by the power of science, works a diminutive job as a bellhop. The world has ended, between fifteen and thirty times (I lost count and do not trust the 22 listed in the book description on amazon). But neither the zombie apocalypse, the apocalypse that allowed ghosts to rule the internet, nor the one that made clones of great world leaders of history battle to the death on pay-per-view can get Thor down. Hold on, that isn’t right.. All of those things get him down. He went from God status to supplying extra pillows to asshats in one if the few buildings in town not on fire or being collapsed by molemen from the center of the earth. That would get just about anyone down.
Quetzalcoatl on the other hand, is drunk. After going on a modern day rampage across Central America and the southern US, he is tired. His mind is smashed, he is smashed, and the realities of the philosophers guild growing sizable in the hobo nation… are smashed. When he regains some stability, perhaps he will remember why he hates the hobos so much and why their deaths please him…
Queue a battle royale to stop one final apocalypse, the one we can’t rebuild from.
This was a damned laugh. It was like Roseanne had unprotected sex with Douglas Adams which culminated in the birth of a child, who was hanging out with Neil Gaiman smoking some pot at a circus before slipping roofies to a recently resurrected Bill Hicks and shagging his brains out.. Which culminated in the birth of a child named Snake Pliskin who will travel to the past to kill Roseanne.
Like that, with gods, werewolves, scientists with hot bods and paperbag heads, sentient squirrels, chainsaws, cowboys & indians. Oh, and Robots. lost of robots.. an Undead Bovine.. Clowns.. … It was excellent, It was nonsensical, it was in some cases brilliant prose and in others painfully painful. You should read it.
I repeat, excellent, read it.
I repeat, excellent, read it.
I should point out there is a sequel. “Exponential Apocalypse: Dead Presidents”.. Haven’t read it, but I will :)
--
xpost RawBlurb.com
Quetzalcoatl on the other hand, is drunk. After going on a modern day rampage across Central America and the southern US, he is tired. His mind is smashed, he is smashed, and the realities of the philosophers guild growing sizable in the hobo nation… are smashed. When he regains some stability, perhaps he will remember why he hates the hobos so much and why their deaths please him…
Queue a battle royale to stop one final apocalypse, the one we can’t rebuild from.
This was a damned laugh. It was like Roseanne had unprotected sex with Douglas Adams which culminated in the birth of a child, who was hanging out with Neil Gaiman smoking some pot at a circus before slipping roofies to a recently resurrected Bill Hicks and shagging his brains out.. Which culminated in the birth of a child named Snake Pliskin who will travel to the past to kill Roseanne.
Like that, with gods, werewolves, scientists with hot bods and paperbag heads, sentient squirrels, chainsaws, cowboys & indians. Oh, and Robots. lost of robots.. an Undead Bovine.. Clowns.. … It was excellent, It was nonsensical, it was in some cases brilliant prose and in others painfully painful. You should read it.
I repeat, excellent, read it.
I repeat, excellent, read it.
I should point out there is a sequel. “Exponential Apocalypse: Dead Presidents”.. Haven’t read it, but I will :)
--
xpost RawBlurb.com
April 19, 2016
From beginning to end, this book was unpredictable and amusing. Even though I'd read the 4th book in the series first, and therefore I knew which characters would survive, I also knew that there are no guarantees when reading one of Eirik Gumeny's books. Yes, this is only the 2nd book of his that I've read and I've managed to figure that out. I was so effusively enthusiastic in my review of Revenge-aroni, I'm guessing that's why Eirik wanted me to read the rest of the series - hoping for more good reviews. Just to be clear, even though I received these books for free, that has (and will have) no influence over my opinion of them. One of the sentences I highlighted from the text because it made me chuckle is this one:
She searched for any signs of civilization, any signs of life, but instead, found only her sanity lowering a rusty razorblade to its wrists, weeping and inconsolable, desperate for some kind of a release from the incomprehensible, never-ending void that lay before it.
If I ever wrote a sentence that good, I'd probably have to email it to everyone I know just to brag, and then I would consider my writing career complete. Because, how could I possibly top that? Well, perhaps with this one:
The Horseman weren't actually supposed to be capable of anger, but, due to a misplaced one in the Horsemen's coding, they were able to work themselves into the frothing rage of an old-money douchebag with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement forced to wait in a line of perfectly reasonable length.
And don't even get me started on the sentient piece of string (which made me think of Douglass Adams) experiencing bigotry, who returned in disguise and when accused of being the same piece of string who'd previously experienced discrimination, denied it by stating, "No. I'm a frayed knot." I suspect the entire scene was scripted merely to showcase that corny joke, but I love puns so it cracked me up. Needless to say, I recommend this book!
She searched for any signs of civilization, any signs of life, but instead, found only her sanity lowering a rusty razorblade to its wrists, weeping and inconsolable, desperate for some kind of a release from the incomprehensible, never-ending void that lay before it.
If I ever wrote a sentence that good, I'd probably have to email it to everyone I know just to brag, and then I would consider my writing career complete. Because, how could I possibly top that? Well, perhaps with this one:
The Horseman weren't actually supposed to be capable of anger, but, due to a misplaced one in the Horsemen's coding, they were able to work themselves into the frothing rage of an old-money douchebag with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement forced to wait in a line of perfectly reasonable length.
And don't even get me started on the sentient piece of string (which made me think of Douglass Adams) experiencing bigotry, who returned in disguise and when accused of being the same piece of string who'd previously experienced discrimination, denied it by stating, "No. I'm a frayed knot." I suspect the entire scene was scripted merely to showcase that corny joke, but I love puns so it cracked me up. Needless to say, I recommend this book!
August 31, 2010
There isn’t much in pop culture that Eirik Gumeny doesn’t send up in his funny and clever Exponential Apocalypse. The premise of the novel is that earth has experienced twenty-two Apocalypses already and is going for a twenty-third. The previous apocalypses, which promised to end our little sphere forever, but fell short, have left the planet populated by mutants, displaced gods (Thor, Quetzacoatl), clones of Chester A. Arthur and Queen Victoria, legions of undead and cagey robots. As the twenty-third apocalypse unfolds, and we follow the misadventures of his characters, Gumeny provides hilarious capsule histories of humanity’s dim and doomed efforts to find opportunity in total calamity. The social satire brings to mind Vonnegut, T. C. Boyle and the Marx Brothers, not to mention the Three Stooges. Hipster talk bangs into technological jargon and the author’s lexical shifts can give you whiplash: “My apologies to our janitor and your vaginas, gentlemen,” says Quetzalcoatl. Figuring in the plot will be Daniel Boone’s ghost, a knife attack by the Lollipop kids, and Burt Reynold’s mustache. Gumeny is shameless with puns and jokes. In his explanation of why the days are suddenly shorter, Willian H. Taft XLII notes that “the sun’s been all out whack since Mars fell into it... It goes down more time in a day than a two dollar prostitute with bad ankles and an inner ear problem.” This book is recommended for anyone who takes their apocalypses and zombies seriously, and for anyone who doesn't.
June 23, 2016
Exponential Apocalypse is an exciting, funny page turner. It is the first book in a series, which means there is much more joy to come. There is so much in the crackling dialog among the very many crazy and bizarre characters that it's hard to keep up with it all. The obvious references that Eirik Gumeny comfortably and so very callously (in a good way!) plays with range from Greek mythology to Voltron. As far as bizarro fiction (or weird fiction) goes, Gumeny has it all, except maybe for vampires, which may not be the case for too long. There are killer robots, clones, inept scientists, mutants, zombies, ghosts, undead cows, superhero squirrels, apocalyptic creatures, gods of many kinds, hipsters, English majors, hippies, zine publishers, hobos... The writing is fluid and funny. Though the style (the cheekiness, I should say) reminded me of Christopher Moore, because most of the book is based on dialog, the pace is much faster. The influences cited by the author are evident, especially Douglas Adams and Vonnegut.
Overall, a brilliant, fun read. Recommended for the beach, bleak winter days, boring lunch breaks at work, and for anyone who likes squirrels and mole sauce (or squirrels in mole sauce, if you like to combine interests).
Thanks to the author and LibraryThing for a free digital copy for my honest review. It was a blast!
Overall, a brilliant, fun read. Recommended for the beach, bleak winter days, boring lunch breaks at work, and for anyone who likes squirrels and mole sauce (or squirrels in mole sauce, if you like to combine interests).
Thanks to the author and LibraryThing for a free digital copy for my honest review. It was a blast!
July 1, 2016
Eirik Gumney is the clown prince of storytelling. In Exponential Apocolypse he continues his humorous sci fi storytelling this time in a series with a post post apocalypse bend. This kicks off a new whacky series with the signature humorous style unique to Gumney.
I had read Gumney's Screw The Universe prior to EA. This book continues the slspstick but there is a more mature storytelling vibe as well. The story is one cohesive tale as opposed to STU's threaded short story structure. This is the first in a longer series which I look forward to delving further into.
My one critisim is the repetition of the characters lengthy names. The incrssant writing out of the many characters full names was distracting. The longerbit went on on the book, the more I felt like it was a cheap attrmpt at bumping up the word count. The use of shorter nicknames would have been beneficial to the reader I believe..
If you enjoy light hearted fiction you should reaf this and anything else by Eirik Gumney. Barely a paragraph goes by without Gumney tringbto pry a smile out of you. Its a rare and endearing talent and Eirik Gumney is a rare and talentedcwriter.
I had read Gumney's Screw The Universe prior to EA. This book continues the slspstick but there is a more mature storytelling vibe as well. The story is one cohesive tale as opposed to STU's threaded short story structure. This is the first in a longer series which I look forward to delving further into.
My one critisim is the repetition of the characters lengthy names. The incrssant writing out of the many characters full names was distracting. The longerbit went on on the book, the more I felt like it was a cheap attrmpt at bumping up the word count. The use of shorter nicknames would have been beneficial to the reader I believe..
If you enjoy light hearted fiction you should reaf this and anything else by Eirik Gumney. Barely a paragraph goes by without Gumney tringbto pry a smile out of you. Its a rare and endearing talent and Eirik Gumney is a rare and talentedcwriter.
November 17, 2010
In the future, the Gods walk among the remnants of our 'civilization' that has ended 20-something times due to zombie break-outs, robot attacks, and nuclear annihilations. And it's about to end again, perhaps for the last time, unless a super-intelligent squirrel can save us. Exponential Apocalypse is fast, weird, and funny as hell.
May 2, 2013
I so enjoyed this book. It's a fast, easy read. Because you know, time flies when you're having fun, and this book is lousy with fun. Seriously, like, crawling with fun. Others have reviewed it better than I could, as afternoon coffee has not been had yet. So I will leave the in depth analysis to the shiny awake people and I'll just say it was well worth my time and you should read it.
January 27, 2016
I really liked this! I must admitt i did kind of judge this book by its cover at first and didnt know what to expect but what i got was something humourous and fun. I am certainly looking forward to reading the next two books.
November 11, 2009
Insanely funny. Can't wait to read it again. And then another time after that.
February 12, 2013
Oddly fantastic and fantastically odd. I can't remember a page that didn't make me laugh. Great story and phenomenal characters.
July 29, 2016
Easy read, entertaining at every schizophrenic, wildly imaginative turn.
April 30, 2018
Eirik Gumeny's absurdist Exponential Apocalypse is a frequently-hilarious satire that will leave you shaking your head at its cleverness...or maybe just at the bad puns.
The world has ended...for the twenty-second time. America is now a vast, radioactive wasteland, fractured and impotent. (Mostly. Well, to be honest, it's been chopped up and sold off like so many toxic assets to the highest bidder.)
Populated by roaming gangs of philosophers, liberal-arts majors, and radioactive mutants, America is now also home to Thor, the (former) God of Thunder, who has been reduced to working as night clerk at the Best Western in Secaucus, New Jersey. When not dealing with pillow-mad guests, Thor enjoys an uneasy relationship with his co-worker Catrina.
Also roaming the land are the clones of past Presidents and monarchs, including Chester A. Arthur (the XVIIth iteration), Queen Victoria (the XXXth), and William Howard Taft (the XLII). To make things even worse, the mad god Quetzalcoatl wants to destroy the world (again).
This madcap novel squeezes all of this in and more. There's at least a smile on every page, if not a chuckle, chortle, or out-and-out guffaw. Gumeny is clearly influenced by Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut (and almost certainly, Monty Python's Flying Circus).
Gumeny takes potshots at all of the tropes of dystopic fiction: the irradiated landscape; monsters run amok; the hubris of scientists (who, to be sure, are at least self-aware enough to question why they meddle in things that Men Are Not Meant To Know); hordes of the living dead. I'll leave it to wiser heads to speculate on What This Book is All About; I was too busy enjoying the dialogue (I'm pretty sure the 19th-century Victoria wasn't this hilariously potty-mouthed).
His absurdism sometimes feels forced, as if he were intent on cramming as much silliness onto each page as possible, but when it works, it's hysterical (did I mention Timmy, the telekinetic, superintelligent squirrel?). Gumeny's wit may not approach the loopy heights of Christopher Moore or Terry Pratchett at their finest, but give him time. I give Exponential Apocalypse a solid B+.
The world has ended...for the twenty-second time. America is now a vast, radioactive wasteland, fractured and impotent. (Mostly. Well, to be honest, it's been chopped up and sold off like so many toxic assets to the highest bidder.)
Populated by roaming gangs of philosophers, liberal-arts majors, and radioactive mutants, America is now also home to Thor, the (former) God of Thunder, who has been reduced to working as night clerk at the Best Western in Secaucus, New Jersey. When not dealing with pillow-mad guests, Thor enjoys an uneasy relationship with his co-worker Catrina.
Also roaming the land are the clones of past Presidents and monarchs, including Chester A. Arthur (the XVIIth iteration), Queen Victoria (the XXXth), and William Howard Taft (the XLII). To make things even worse, the mad god Quetzalcoatl wants to destroy the world (again).
This madcap novel squeezes all of this in and more. There's at least a smile on every page, if not a chuckle, chortle, or out-and-out guffaw. Gumeny is clearly influenced by Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut (and almost certainly, Monty Python's Flying Circus).
Gumeny takes potshots at all of the tropes of dystopic fiction: the irradiated landscape; monsters run amok; the hubris of scientists (who, to be sure, are at least self-aware enough to question why they meddle in things that Men Are Not Meant To Know); hordes of the living dead. I'll leave it to wiser heads to speculate on What This Book is All About; I was too busy enjoying the dialogue (I'm pretty sure the 19th-century Victoria wasn't this hilariously potty-mouthed).
His absurdism sometimes feels forced, as if he were intent on cramming as much silliness onto each page as possible, but when it works, it's hysterical (did I mention Timmy, the telekinetic, superintelligent squirrel?). Gumeny's wit may not approach the loopy heights of Christopher Moore or Terry Pratchett at their finest, but give him time. I give Exponential Apocalypse a solid B+.
December 19, 2017
"I don't think one more Apocalypse will kill us."
So you think what might happen after the apocalypse? Think again. Or, better yet, read this book. Not one, not two but 22 (and counting) have come and gone in this very funny story where we are initially introduced to a number of disparate characters before, in the latter third, we encounter the four horsemen and another battle to stop the end of the world.
Irreverent, silly and often laugh out loud numerous, especially in the earlier parts, this is a deliciously silly book to dip into with fallen gods and replication world rulers as well as a smattering of humans and zombies, all just trying to get by in a world not just gone mad but totally insane. Lucky that they are, too.
Narrator Lee Ann Howlett, unfortunately, was the wrong choice to read this crazy concoction, though she made a valiant attempt. She simply did not have the low range to cope with the numerous male voices (though I must comment her for her constant flat, deadpan rendering of Thor, throughout: marvellous) and a little more depth and warmth for the story would have made for a better listening experience.
I can't really say much more about this story other than read it yourself if crazy comedy is your thing. My thanks to the rights holder who, at my request, gifted me a complimentary copy of Expotential Apocalypse, via Audiobook Boom. It was an experience which has stayed in my head long after the final crack of doom sounded..
So you think what might happen after the apocalypse? Think again. Or, better yet, read this book. Not one, not two but 22 (and counting) have come and gone in this very funny story where we are initially introduced to a number of disparate characters before, in the latter third, we encounter the four horsemen and another battle to stop the end of the world.
Irreverent, silly and often laugh out loud numerous, especially in the earlier parts, this is a deliciously silly book to dip into with fallen gods and replication world rulers as well as a smattering of humans and zombies, all just trying to get by in a world not just gone mad but totally insane. Lucky that they are, too.
Narrator Lee Ann Howlett, unfortunately, was the wrong choice to read this crazy concoction, though she made a valiant attempt. She simply did not have the low range to cope with the numerous male voices (though I must comment her for her constant flat, deadpan rendering of Thor, throughout: marvellous) and a little more depth and warmth for the story would have made for a better listening experience.
I can't really say much more about this story other than read it yourself if crazy comedy is your thing. My thanks to the rights holder who, at my request, gifted me a complimentary copy of Expotential Apocalypse, via Audiobook Boom. It was an experience which has stayed in my head long after the final crack of doom sounded..
December 23, 2017
Exponential Apocalypse
The simplest way to describe this book would be, delightfully silly, at times it evokes the irreverent style of the likes of Pratchett or Adams, albeit without reaching such heights overall.
This is not your typical post-apocalyptic book, the premise is that there have been so many that they become almost mundane and people just have to get on with things anyway, at some point in the past science disproved religion so one of the main characters in this book is Thor who now works at a rundown NJ Holiday Inn where the other staff are a regular human and their manager who is a cyborg. Other notable character in the book are some clones of former presidents and Queen Victoria along with a super-powered squirrel named Timmy, which sort of lets you know what you are in for with this book.
The narration was decent overall, but it didn't really manage to elevate the book in the way that some performances manage to do so for some reason, but equally it did not detract from the book either and the narrator still managed to give suitably distinctive voices to all of the main characters.
Overall this was a quick and enjoyable listen and I would definitely consider future books from this author as I enjoyed the distinctive style of it quite a lot.
[I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.]
The simplest way to describe this book would be, delightfully silly, at times it evokes the irreverent style of the likes of Pratchett or Adams, albeit without reaching such heights overall.
This is not your typical post-apocalyptic book, the premise is that there have been so many that they become almost mundane and people just have to get on with things anyway, at some point in the past science disproved religion so one of the main characters in this book is Thor who now works at a rundown NJ Holiday Inn where the other staff are a regular human and their manager who is a cyborg. Other notable character in the book are some clones of former presidents and Queen Victoria along with a super-powered squirrel named Timmy, which sort of lets you know what you are in for with this book.
The narration was decent overall, but it didn't really manage to elevate the book in the way that some performances manage to do so for some reason, but equally it did not detract from the book either and the narrator still managed to give suitably distinctive voices to all of the main characters.
Overall this was a quick and enjoyable listen and I would definitely consider future books from this author as I enjoyed the distinctive style of it quite a lot.
[I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.]
February 10, 2020
A collection of hilarious, demented vignettes that slowly articulate into a greater narrative; just like a small collection of japanese robots can join together to form a greater, more amazing robot. It's stream-of-consciousness meets LSD-dreams, with a hearty dosage of Douglas Adams and a joke-a-minute read rate.
February 11, 2021
It might be two stars, but I am absolutely sick to death of anything involving post-apocalyptic absurdist humor being described as "like Douglas Adams". Bits of this are something Douglas Adams might scrawled during a drunken evening and burned the next morning, that's as close as it gets.
At best, this book is mildly amusing in bits.
At best, this book is mildly amusing in bits.
July 5, 2020
It's very rare that I bail a few pages into a book, but I chose poorly here. I thought it would just be stabs of humor within some larger apocalyptic framework, but it's just yuks yuks yuks, and not terribly funny yuks at that. I apologize.
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