Handle Me

by Unfortunate Reads

Jace Masterson is a God.

Skilled with his hands and sporting a deliciously dirty mouth, he’s one of the most sought-after men in Toronto. And he’s mine.

If I could smile, I would. I love it here. I love Jace. But most of all? I love how Jace handles me.

Handle Me is a sentient object romance intended for audiences over 18 years old. This contains intimate relations between a human man and a sentient hockey stick. It passes the Harkness test, but it’s still weird. Read at your own risk!

Genres: M M Romance, Novella, Erotica, Sports, Fantasy, Romance, Hockey

43 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2024

Reviews

[Brooke · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️ 3 stars ⭐️

Lock me away and throw away the key because I think I just heard my fucking hockey stick answer me in my head.

This was absolutely ridiculous. A sentient hockey stick and his owner are fated mates.
Short and wacky, plus dudes fucking things is always a fun time.

No one is here but us, Jace. Ride me. Use me for your pleasure.

[✨Lucy IntheSky☄️]

It's been a while since I've read any books for my Funny pick of the month reading challenge, but here it is, here's this month's choice.

I'm not rating it. If I would, it wouldn't be a good rating, but it is ridiculous, so there's at least that.

So this puts a new spin on hockey books, right?

Jace is a hockey player that gets a custom hockey stick and this stick is not only male (apparently, since it can come in his ass), but also sentient and yeah, let's even take this a step further, it's Jace's fated mate.

Jace gets the idea of fucking himself with a stick when a puck bunny sends him a pic of her doing the same and then Jace and the stick finally... have sex?

"The creator made me just for you. He told me the day would come when you accepted me into your body, your soul. I didn’t think he meant literally in your body, but I’m not complaining."

"The Creator, like… God?" My voice trembles when I speak. "God exis-"

"No, Jace. Tower Stix. The creator."



Jace can't really understand what's happening, so he ghosts the stick for a few days, then decides he's in and goes and fucks it again. Oops, pardon me, they don't fuck, it's more than that, it's

"Jace, it’s me. We just made love! Please don’t shut me out, I won’t be able to stand it. I love you!"

Holy shit. 😂 This is so damn ridiculous, but it doesn't have any other OTT elements to it that'd satisfy me just a little bit, like the stick turning into a man or something, I don't know.

Not quite for me, but yeah, damn ridiculous.

[Dani (Daniiireads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Curiosity killed the cat tbh 🤣

[Poppy || Monster Lover · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I didn’t feel super connected to Jace as a character, but I liked Stick. Stick was all devoted and sweet. The spice was fun.

Spice: 3/5

Triggers: sexting with and sex with side characters

[M (hiatus) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book answered questions I never should’ve asked

[m · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first inanimate object romance and it was exactly as kooky as I expected. Just what I needed today 😆

[Amanda Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

We asked and she delivered!

Y'all Unfortunate Reads is my new favorite human for writing this book. I am one half of the Flippin' Through Fiction podcast, we told her we needed a sentient hockey stick, and this baby was in our inbox less than 24 hours later!

It was everything I could have dreamed of. Jace is a hockey player with an unexplainable attachment to his stick.

Stick has been crafted by a "higher power" and was made for Jace.

Fated mates
Icey c*m
A** play
Top tier hockey knowledge (that tape job)

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t know anything about hockey, but I’m more curious than I’ve ever been.

[High Lady of Delulu · Rating 4 out of 5]

ha, that was unhinged in the best way.😂

I've read many sentient object novellas now but a hockey stick was something I somehow never considered an option 😅

Perfect for the hockey fan in me, entertaining for my unhinged and great for the smut lover I am.

I wouldn't mind a whole series of this, I'm sure there's more gear that could be turned sentient.👀

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

What the puck

He doesn’t even turn into a human at the end 😭 Tell me why I need a sequel now 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Biblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another banger from Unfortunate Reads. This time we get Jace, a hot af hockey player, and his fated mate sentient hockey stick, Stick. Jace’s (and UR) attention to detail is nothing short of sexy. This is full of laughs and “holy shit” moments that will have you reaching for an ice pack to cool off. Speaking of ice did you know Stick can c*m? Cause he can. Just some bro’s c*mming on the floor during a post game relaxation ritual. I need more. Absolutely amazing and HOT HOT HOT (ok a little chill too)

[Poetry Drive · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick and smutty romance between a hockey player and his Stick. This dives right into the action and romance with a little setup that’s easy to follow. Jace has a pretty normal reaction to it all but eventually comes to terms with the relationship that is blossoming between him and Stick.

With a HEA, this is a perfect fated mates sentient object M/M romance.

[Meghan Davis]

Well this was a hoot and a half 😂 🏒

Very short, spicy, silly, with just a sprinkling of heart.

[Jen Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sweet coming together story of Jace and his beloved hockey stick. 😂 I burst out laughing many times.

[Kaylee’s Easily Entertained · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dare I say it- this was actually really cute

[Marcie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick and spicy read that stuck me in ways I didn’t expect!

I have been a fan of Unfortunate Reads’ reviews for awhile and when I saw that this talented queen wrote a sentient romance, I one clicked faster than my husband can pull up an episode of My Strange Addiction on Hulu.

Jace is a hockey player who loves and cherishes the hockey stick he received from his new sponsor. After a little sexting with a puck bunny gives him an idea that he runs with and ends up with him experiencing pleasure like no other. But he also learns that his beloved can communicate and cares for him like no other.

This is a story like no other I have read - yes it’s weird, it could possibly make you cringe but is it worth reading? In my opinion..a big, long yes. I loved all the weird and strangeness along with Unfortunate making me question “Am I really enjoying this?!” while giggling at it all. I loved every word and would read another - no questions asked…except for my sanity maybe.

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve officially read two hockey romances and I’m proud to say this was one of them. Nothing should come between the love of a man and his hockey stick. This was short, weird, and hot. Exactly as expected and it so much fun!

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is insane and beautiful and I love it.

[Caitlyn Flores · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen, I had a bad day and this made me feel better. End of story.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a hockey romance girl, but I love sentient object stories and I love Unfortunate Reads. If you don't follow her on Instagram, you should. Handle Me is proof that she not only talks the talk, she walks the walk.

Jace is a superstar of a hockey player who just got his first sponsorship. His sponsor gifted him a hockey stick made just for him. See where this is going? Like many sentient object romances, the stick's sentience has vague origins. It is made for Jace and that is all the explanation you get. Unlike many sentient object romances, Stick does not turn into a man. Stick is a hockey stick and remains a hockey stick. This story is short and sweet and just the right amount of weird to keep me invested.

[Allisha (Lady_Perfictionist) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guys I just can't right now!!!!!!!

Unfortunate Reads is literally one of my FAVORITE people in this world! I am half of the Flippin Through Fiction podcast and during our chat with Cassie somehow this masterpiece of needing a hockey stick book came to be and BOOM there is was the NEXT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I dove right in and it was EVERYTHING we dreamt it would be! Jace is a playboy hockey player who has a somewhat unhealthy attachment to his hockey stick that was "made" for him from this company. He doesn't understand why he feels this pull towards it but needs it around him more and more until one night he needs it little too close.....

This book gives you:
Fated Mates (my favorite!)
Butt Play
Hockey Knowledge
Taped for your pleasure!!
Longing!

Go NOW and read this!

[Candace P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a first for me..

“Are you… alive?” Jace whispers.
Concentrating all my power into communicating with him, I manage to reply with one word:
Yes.

I'm torn between "what did I just read" and "I'm totally fine with this". It is definitely a first for me, but I was surprised to enjoy it as much as I did.

Definitely a quick, insta-lust story with a man and his Stick. It was fun, steamy, and at 37 pages, worth checking out!

[Miss S · Rating 4 out of 5]

The writing is so good. Not usually one to go for Sentient object smut but the author managers to bring life to life the characters. Wish it had been longer to see if Stick could become a real boy 🤣

[Virginie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐

What’s not to love about incredible stories involving sentient objects?

In Handle Me, Unfortunate Reads pulls off the incredible trick of focusing on the love story between a hockey player and his sentient hockey stick.

It’s a story that will leave you with a smile on your face when it’s over, but also with a hint of doubt about the fact that Jace never seems to wash his hockey stick 😂

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

What the fuck have I just read? 😂

I can’t even say it was good, but it gets a four star rating for creativity and because I was cackling the whole way through. This whole ride was batshit and I am absolutely here for it.

[Sam Gueli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Need something to take up 20 minutes of your time? Go ahead 🤣

[Emily Maitland · Rating 5 out of 5]

♡ 𝓗𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓵𝓮 𝓜𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀 ♡
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶️🌶️

♡ Tape it before you tap it kids, iykyk🤪

♡ I finally got to read my girl’s book! And 🥵🥵 all the sentient object longing and hotness! Cassie had me feeling things for a hockey stick of all things, and she is in no way encouraging you to stick sports equipment in any holes on your body!

♡ read this if you love:
🏒 sentient objects
🏒 hockey romance
🏒 fun fluids
🏒 bro’s being bro’s
🏒 fated mates
🏒 longing

♡ go follow Cassie if you aren’t already!! I’m so lucky to know her, and to be able to be involved as an influencer for @monsteroticabookcon 🥰
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[Michelle Lebron · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was super hot 🥵, a hockey stick OMG! And that hockey stick being your fated mate, what a story to have everything in so few pages. No one will interfere with the love between Jace and his hockey stick; they will share passionate moments together, discovering things they thought weren't possible, like, for example, the hockey stick can 💦💦. I'm more than excited to keep reading what Unfortunate Reads writes!

[vrstal · Rating 3 out of 5]

3/5. Highlights may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

Content Warnings for book: Brief MF sexual scene

Kink: Unusual insertions (hockey stick)

Lmao this was so so funny. Glad I read this despite the strange premise, I haven’t had a book make me laugh this much in a while. Liked how the human was a power bottom who gave his stick aftercare. Truly, the romance of our generation!

[Lyn Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is short so don't expect a lot of character development. This was my 1st sentient romance, so I wasn't exactly sure what to expect. It was fun and I actually learned a little bit about hockey stick taping. No matter what, you need to follow Unfortunate Reads on Instagram. It is well worth it.