How to Get the Girl (And Not Destroy the World)

Monster Girlfriend #3

by Marie Cardno

They say you can never go home. They don’t tell you that it’s because the people you left behind split time itself into a million glittering shards, trying to figure out where you went.

In the final book of the Monster Girlfriend trilogy, Sian and Trillin return to where it all began.

…kind of.

The Monster Girlfriend trilogy is a sapphic monster rom-com between a sweet tentacle monster and a witch who fireballs first and asks questions later, unless she's distracted, in which case—ooh, what's over there?

Genres: Romance, Fantasy, LGBT, Horror, Adult, Lesbian, Novella

152 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 12, 2024

Reviews

[Lez_be_readin_ya · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a great conclusion to this trilogy! Trillin and Sian's story continues from where book two ended, and this book provides a perfect ending for the trilogy. The plot is easy to follow and entertaining throughout. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I wholeheartedly recommend the series as a whole.

Star rating. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Spice rating. 🔥

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily

[Mrs Moa · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

A satisfying end to Sian and Trillin’s fantastical love story.

🩷 sci fi
💜 paranormal
🩷 witch x monster love
💜 sapphic romcom
🩷 world building
💜 parallel universes
🩷 complex magic system
💜 adventure and challenges
🩷 chaos and battles

Sian and Trillin’s journey to find a world where they can feel accepted as they are comes to a conclusion. A tale of wonder and at times I was left a little confused. I feel like this is a story that while humorous, it holds deeper meaning if you take the time to digest it.

✨ My thoughts on The Endless and Trillin - they seem like a fascinating nod to Artificial Intelligence where the sentinel being observes human behaviour and structure to evolve and grow - what an interesting and imaginative play.

I was sent this book by the author and all opinions are my own.

[Dahné "anotherbookchick"]

Leaving unrated due to working relationship however...

I recommend picking up this whole series if you enjoy:
💜 Sapphic Romance
💜 Human x Monster
💜 Cosy Fantasy
💜 Quirky & Humorous story
💜 Sci-fi vibes

[Tomáš Slapnička · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whenever these books delve into action, they get hard to read. I often loose track of who is speaking or what is going on altogether. So for me, the whole trilogy:

#1 – Fun, funny, something new. Until the end, where it gets dramatic and hard to follow.
#2 – I can’t remember any details. Only an aftertaste remains and it’s labeled with: bored me to tears.
#3 – The first third was fine, the second was the incomprehensible action and the last third was fine again and a satisfying closure.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the Monster Girlfriend novellas, and this is a nice one to cap off the trilogy. They're sweet, imaginative, and engaging and you can knock it out in a single sitting. One of my favorite genres of fiction is 'Girl Falls in Love with Cosmic Horror,' and this is one of the best. It's got the right amount of cosmic horror to make the romance a little bit difficult, after all, when you look upon the horror, you go mad. (So the protagonist must keep her eyes closed around her.) But somehow they make it work, and it all works out in the end.

I highly recommend giving these a try. Start with How to Get a Girlfriend (When You're A Terrifying Monster) and see how you like it. 4 stars.

[Juniper L.H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing trilogy. I am very sad its only a trilogy and not something that will continue onwards for another 50 stories. These were too short and ended too soon!

I love the worldbuilding. I love the characters. I love how much was packed into each novella. The emotions are on-point and the drama is high. To put it simply, I love it. There was “a thing” that I had been waiting for the past two novellas that finally happened, although not with as much detail as I would have liked.

Honestly, it would have been nice to see these characters when they were not constantly in the middle of a crisis. I would happily read another story where they are simply getting to live their lives and be cute together.

My Rating: "A-"
GoodReads: 5-stars
I look forward to whatever the author writes next.

[Kaitlyn Newell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure of beta reading this beauty, and I loved it SO much!

How to Get The Girl (and Not Destroy The World) is a thrilling conclusion to Sian & Trillin's story. The world building in this one is mesmerising, intense, and extremely well executed. Sian and Trillin go through so much together in this series, and their devotion to one another is the hope that strings the whole trilogy together.

Marie Cardno has a gift to be able to pack so much emotion into such a small vessel. I laughed, I cried, I stared dumbfounded into space... all marks of a fantastic story.

I can't wait to see what else Marie has up her sleeves in the future!

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

ARC Review

Plot: 5/5 💖
Spice Level: Low

Trillin and Sian's devotion to each other overarchingly dominates this final, wonderful ending to this trilogy. I loved the way Marie Cardno describes the Endless and the world around them, and the "twists" were gripping.

I'm sad for their story to be done, but their ongoing happiness and life together is satisfying and gratuitous for me for it to be more bittersweet than anything.

Thank you for the opportunity to have been an ARC for the entirety of the trilogy, and I loved this finale.

[Lillie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm in awe of how much Marie can fit in to such a small book. This was heart-warming and heartbreaking at the same time. I love how much Sian and Trillin fight for eachother and how much they love eachother too.

The world building and magic and everything in this was just perfection. It was such an amazing expansion on the series. As sad as I am for it to end, this was the perfect conclusion.

Thanks Marie for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review!

[Mathilda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had an amazing time reading and had absolutely no idea what was happening. Especially the middle of this book is absolutely mind boggling in a good way.

This whole series is some of the most creative writing I've ever read. Making a formless eldritch horror into a character, that feels right and is a love interest, is truly gods work.

[The Savage Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun and interesting conclusion to the dimension hopping adventures of Trillin and Sian.
Admittedly I sometimes was a little lost but I was entertained throughout and enjoyed each of the settings we visited.
My fingers are crossed for Sian and Trillin to enjoy some much deserved peace and quiet together 🤞

[Ivory Shrike · Rating 3 out of 5]

The third novella from Marie Cardno was actually really fun to read. I'm a huge fan of time shenanigans, alternate dimensions, and eldritch beings attempting to destroy the world. The first half was pretty quick as Trillin and Sian tracked their way back to what they deduce as the source of their troubles. one obstacle that definitely a little old was the resetting time loop they seemed to be stuck in. It was interesting for the first chapter or so, but it rapidly became just another gimmick that only seemed to slow the story down. Once they get back to where their adventure first started, the story takes a turn for the weird. There's supposedly a traitor among the witches, and Sian's own sister coming to hunt her down after Sian's disappearance. I did think the boyfriend turned cat was hilarious, and definitely something I wouldn't mind learning more about. Sadly, that's not explained or touched on again. Multiple dimensions, possible futures, and the encroaching forgetfulness forced on the main characters by the environment makes it a little difficult to figure out what's going on. The only real issue I had with the short story was that in the final confrontation, the reasoning behind the spell's effects and intent were a little hazy. Magic in the world was not discussed with the detail I felt it could have been, and to top things off, the multitude of alternate dimensions are simply never explained. All the reader is told is that the correct timeline is the one where the main characters succeed. It definitely got a little confusing with the constant back and forth between the two in the end, but I'm happy it ended well. Too many stories tackling eldritch beings tend to end in an unsatisfactory way, and I'm glad Sian and Trillin got their happy ending.

[Paula Norburgh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book and  of 2025 - How to Get a Date with the Evil Queen by Marie Cardno – Here we meet Sian and Trillian again, a witch and monster of the abyss and endless. The world think Sian is dead but she just happens to be in another dimension, as you do! Who do we think is with her Trillin who made that dimension and all the portals? As with all love stories neither wanted to be banished and both wanted to be together, however they somehow landed on a dragon and in an enchanted place where all Princes are enchanted to save and fall in love with a princess even they do not want too! Sian and Trillian are not in the honeymoon period of their relationship but back to trying to escape and enchantment of the happy ever after fairytale where monsters and that means Trillin could die! They do not let this stop them and battle it again! How to Get the Girl (And Not Destroy the World) by Marie Cardno – The third and final part of the sapphic romance series, see us go home but not really, as they are split between many dimensions – Cardno dives into the ametaphysicality of the world, as dimensions ebb and flow  and the world has to be saved by not exploding or imploding! A trilogy I will return to and I think have a totally different experience with on the second reading!

 

[Gleeful Goblin Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gleeful Goblin Review: Man, I don't know if anything could have prepared me for this series to end. This is one of the most unique, fascinating, and captivating romance series I've read right up there with Strange Love by Ann Aguirre where you look for similar series and just can't find them. I LOVE monster romances and it's thrilling to find a series like this. I think the closest example of similar setup is time loops from Doctor Strange or Doctor Who's "The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang". So keep that in mind when you dive into this wild story. Because of the loops you can't predict much of the story and I highly suggest re-reading the first two books before you dive into this last installment of this mind bending series. 5/5 Stars

[fhmltn · Rating 5 out of 5]

an absolutely brilliant conclusion to this great series!

the second book didn't put me off but definitely didn't hold up to the first book as much as i expected it to but this one swings it right back round. i definitely recommend reading all three (even recommend binge reading them back to back like i did)

i genuinely thought the world building and lore in these novellas were outstanding. every single bit was so intriguing to me, and then with brilliantly written characters on top of that just made me fall in love.

some aspects of this book can be a little hard to follow, but i generally find that with any story about time travel. i'd even say that the confusion in this case works in the story's favour!

4.5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Psyckers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having read the other two Monster girlfriend books, I was excited to read this one, as I have found the authors style absolutely smashes my reading senses.
Sian and Trillin are getting quite serious in their blossoming romance. Sure there has been some err quirks to used to but all is going well, until Sian works out that his girlfriend can certainly destroy his world (and everyone else).
Slight hurdle, but they work through this overwhelming power throughout this exciting conclusion to the Trilogy.
I certainly love the humour and pacing of these stories, and the author brings in so much emotion onto the printed page.
It is quite likely that this book concludes a classic trilogy of monster stories that you will willingly re-read a number of times in the future.

[Amber Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

We finally get the finale to the Monster Girlfriend trilogy and it was such a trip. Book 1 was a showdown between the Endless and a bunch of witches. Book 2 trapped them in a new world full of fairy tales. Now in book 3, the characters end up in this weird time loop / reality mix up. Sian and Trillin are one of the cutest couples I’ve ever read, even though one of them is a semi-terrifying eldritch horror. This series is all about the connection between the two characters and the way they continually strive to learn about, support, and protect each other. When it comes to this series, I support women’s right and wrongs. Read this if you’re looking for a cozy F/F read.

[Issy Waldrom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, wow. This book, the final installment of the series, is absolutely fantastic. I did not expect the twist that this book threw at us, but I loved it and it is done so very very wow. It's complicated, intriguing, deliciously mind bending, and written so well. On top of that, lots of character growth, a couple of new additions to the cast that just make sense, and that ending - perfect. This book, by itself, elevates the entire series. Loved it!

[Mostly Sapphic Books · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was the most difficult book out of the three to follow for me. It feels like things just happen randomly and our characters suddenly jump to the correct logical conclusions whenever the plot needs to advance. I don’t know. I love the whole concept of a woman and a monster from a different world falling in love, and the romance elements in this one are extra cute, but the more magical science-y elements of this don't quite work for me. Cute ending though.

[Jamie (TheRebelliousReader) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars. The best book in the series but still a three star for me. Not bad at all but I just never really got into these characters at all. The plot is good and intriguing but I'm a character driven reader and these ones I always felt disconnected from for some reason. I do like Cardno's writing though and I will be interested to see what she releases next.

[Marta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Last book in trilogy!

Great ending to exiting adventures of Sian and Trillin. This series is so not like any other I read. It is just unique. I liked it very much. Devotion with which both main characters give each other is off the charts. They would sacrifice themselves for one another in a heartbeat. I loved it. There was even a moment I had teras in my eyes.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately neither of the sequels really lived up to my enjoyment of the first book in the trilogy. The story is fine but a lot of important information is either implied or glossed over and the side characters are basically cardboard cutouts. Sian feels like she should be more interesting than she is and the ending (while cute) doesn't really feel earned.

[SeasaltRose · Rating 4 out of 5]

The conclusion to this series was satisfying. Some of the bits in the middle were confusing because of the time stuff but I did think it stuck the landing.

I am definitely going to follow this author and see what she writes next!

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good conclusion

This had very interesting concepts, the whole series is an interesting blend of alternate universes and timelines and a whole mystery. This one is a bit disjointed by design. I liked the characters and liked seeing the ending to this series.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got lost more than once, but it was giving fever dream vibes with the time jumping and I kinda dug that.
These girls need to have a wee nap and a cuddle, they have been non stop from the start of the series!
I want to give them a snack and a pat on the back

[Lee Askew-Burrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

a cute and satisfying end to the monster girlfriend trilogy 💕 a good sapphic romance where they both destroy??? and save!!! the world! daring time loop shenanigans and lots of blindfolded implied sex 💕 yay

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a stunning conclusion to the series! Marie pulled us in all directions but ultimately delivered a cute and lovely HEA for one of my favorite monstrous couples

"Happiness, ongoing" 🥹💜

[Kerryn Frampton · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great finale for a great series!

Definitely jealous of Trillin’s shape shifting abilities, though glad my own existence doesn’t come with quite this level existential drama!

[Becki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent ending to the trilogy. I have immensely enjoyed this series.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5