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If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart
From bestselling children's author Marianne Richmond comes a powerful memoir about overcoming a mother's emotional neglect and finding the courage to reclaim the story of your life.
"In her beautiful memoir, Richmond bravely finds her way through a legacy of emotional trauma, pulling us into her courageous, tender heart while bringing us closer to our own…a stunning story."—Kelly McDaniel, LPC, author of Mother Hunger
At nine years old, Marianne Richmond's life is upended when she collapses on her kitchen floor with full-body convulsions. "Pinched nerve," says the ER doctor, a baffling explanation. But when one episode becomes many, it's clear something is wrong. Afraid to be at school, in her body and in her life, Marianne desperately hopes for help and healing. But her emotionally unavailable mother—still reeling from her own past trauma—refuses medication on Marianne's behalf, preferring to try prayer and homeopathy.
At age 18, a full-body seizure in Marianne's dorm room leads her to a diagnosis, medication, and—at long last—neurological intervention. Physically, Marianne feels "fixed," but emotional healing proves more elusive. In the years to come, Marianne becomes a parent herself, and writes a new story for her life. She authors children's books that touch millions of lives, each of them celebrating a mother's unconditional love for her children. A love her own heart still longs to know. When her mother becomes ill, Marianne has a choice to will she be present for the mother who rarely felt present to her?
If You Were My Daughter is a story of learning to hear your own voice, of one daughter's return to wholeness, and ultimately, a story of accepting that, despite all hope and longing, a mother's "best I could" can still fall far too short. Most of all, Marianne Richmond illuminates how the stories we're born into shape the ones we tell about ourselves—and reminds us that we have the powerful permission to develop a new relationship with what is difficult in our lives, to fully choose and embody who we are meant to be.
"In her beautiful memoir, Richmond bravely finds her way through a legacy of emotional trauma, pulling us into her courageous, tender heart while bringing us closer to our own…a stunning story."—Kelly McDaniel, LPC, author of Mother Hunger
At nine years old, Marianne Richmond's life is upended when she collapses on her kitchen floor with full-body convulsions. "Pinched nerve," says the ER doctor, a baffling explanation. But when one episode becomes many, it's clear something is wrong. Afraid to be at school, in her body and in her life, Marianne desperately hopes for help and healing. But her emotionally unavailable mother—still reeling from her own past trauma—refuses medication on Marianne's behalf, preferring to try prayer and homeopathy.
At age 18, a full-body seizure in Marianne's dorm room leads her to a diagnosis, medication, and—at long last—neurological intervention. Physically, Marianne feels "fixed," but emotional healing proves more elusive. In the years to come, Marianne becomes a parent herself, and writes a new story for her life. She authors children's books that touch millions of lives, each of them celebrating a mother's unconditional love for her children. A love her own heart still longs to know. When her mother becomes ill, Marianne has a choice to will she be present for the mother who rarely felt present to her?
If You Were My Daughter is a story of learning to hear your own voice, of one daughter's return to wholeness, and ultimately, a story of accepting that, despite all hope and longing, a mother's "best I could" can still fall far too short. Most of all, Marianne Richmond illuminates how the stories we're born into shape the ones we tell about ourselves—and reminds us that we have the powerful permission to develop a new relationship with what is difficult in our lives, to fully choose and embody who we are meant to be.
299 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 18, 2025
38 people are currently reading
7511 people want to read
About the author
Marianne Richmond
319 books113 followersAuthor and artist Marianne Richmond has touched the lives of millions through her bestselling children's books that help people share their heart and connect with those they love. With 70+ books and 9 million copies sold, Richmond writes for the “unique everybody.” “Our stories are different AND our feelings are a lot the same,” says Marianne. "My hope is that my work is a bridge to the message of your own heart!"
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
November 4, 2024
Have you ever devoured a book so quickly that you close the last page absolutely bone-weary, spend the next few weeks digesting, then find yourself hungry to consume it all over again?
That’s If You Were My Daughter for me.
As a daughter, the author’s relationship with her mother made me look at my relationship with my own mother in a new light. So much of who I am is because of my mom, and the same is true of the author, but in a different way.
As a wife, sister, and friend, the way the author needed comfort and affirmation in a different love language than her mother spoke made me evaluate if I show my loved ones how much I care in ways that translate to them.
As a gerontologist committed to supporting older adults with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, the struggles the author and her mother faced in getting appropriate care absolutely broke my heart. At the same time, her quest to make adults believe in the reality of her chronic illness made me want to flip a table in rage.
As an Enneagram Type One who feels ruled by unrealistic expectations for myself and others, the author’s eventual journey to defining her own happiness and letting go of her expectations for her mother’s actions felt like it was written directly to me.
All this is to say, this memoir is for anyone who has ever loved another person, and in that context, worked to love themself.
I’m incredibly grateful to have received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
That’s If You Were My Daughter for me.
As a daughter, the author’s relationship with her mother made me look at my relationship with my own mother in a new light. So much of who I am is because of my mom, and the same is true of the author, but in a different way.
As a wife, sister, and friend, the way the author needed comfort and affirmation in a different love language than her mother spoke made me evaluate if I show my loved ones how much I care in ways that translate to them.
As a gerontologist committed to supporting older adults with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, the struggles the author and her mother faced in getting appropriate care absolutely broke my heart. At the same time, her quest to make adults believe in the reality of her chronic illness made me want to flip a table in rage.
As an Enneagram Type One who feels ruled by unrealistic expectations for myself and others, the author’s eventual journey to defining her own happiness and letting go of her expectations for her mother’s actions felt like it was written directly to me.
All this is to say, this memoir is for anyone who has ever loved another person, and in that context, worked to love themself.
I’m incredibly grateful to have received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
November 1, 2024
Sadly, I related to so much of this book. Marianne’s recounting of her life is an absolute joy and honor to read! She’s an incredible writer.
December 24, 2024
I ended up really loving this book! Beautifully written. I could really relate to both as a mother and as a daughter. Every mother of daughter and daughters should read this book. It is about forgiveness and healing.
January 4, 2025
I would recommend this book to many and all. It’s an amazing story of an amazing woman who I am lucky to know very well.
March 18, 2025
Daughters, mothers, teachers, therapists, doctors, and more need to read this phenomenal memoir that recounts the trials of an unmothered heart. Typically the seeds of the abilities of self trust, respecting self worth, feeling safe and loved are planted in children by their parents and watered and nurtured as they grow. Eventually those seeds develop into something uniquely beautiful as the child turns into an adult. But what happens when those seeds are never planted? Or when the person begins to plant the seeds on their own but then is never watered and nurtured?
Through If You Were My Daughter, the reader is taken on a journey of Marianne Richmond’s life with a focus on her self journey to discover her strengths that were never nurtured as a child. To read the struggles of growing up in a home where both parents were nearly impossible to connect with in traditional ways, is to feel jaw-dropping inspired by her resilience, and self-taught ability to love and be loved.
Switching schools, running away from problems and confrontations, trying different doctors before eventually discovering her epilepsy led to me gasping out loud, “Will someone help her? When will someone love her the way she needs!?”
The chapter, “Answers,” might be my favorite, when Richmond finally feels loved, supported, and in control. Most importantly, though, was her journey to trusting herself.
As Richmond recovers from a life altering medical event, her life blossoms in ways one would hope for over the years. Life continues to throw challenges her way that test her patience as a mom, wife, author, homeowner, friend, sister and business owner. Then, the expectations of her role as daughter begin to change as her parents age. To see the presence Richmond courageously takes on is to witness someone act miraculously.
Lyrics from her children’s’ books are sprinkled throughout which I personally loved because I’ve been a fan of her stories since having my own kids. The way Richmond speaks to her own children through her children's books is evidence of her ability to plant seeds within them and nurturing them as they grow. Just as her words in her children’s books encompass big feelings in tangible words, this memoir will reach every reader’s heart.
Read this memoir! It has something relatable for everyone!
Through If You Were My Daughter, the reader is taken on a journey of Marianne Richmond’s life with a focus on her self journey to discover her strengths that were never nurtured as a child. To read the struggles of growing up in a home where both parents were nearly impossible to connect with in traditional ways, is to feel jaw-dropping inspired by her resilience, and self-taught ability to love and be loved.
Switching schools, running away from problems and confrontations, trying different doctors before eventually discovering her epilepsy led to me gasping out loud, “Will someone help her? When will someone love her the way she needs!?”
The chapter, “Answers,” might be my favorite, when Richmond finally feels loved, supported, and in control. Most importantly, though, was her journey to trusting herself.
As Richmond recovers from a life altering medical event, her life blossoms in ways one would hope for over the years. Life continues to throw challenges her way that test her patience as a mom, wife, author, homeowner, friend, sister and business owner. Then, the expectations of her role as daughter begin to change as her parents age. To see the presence Richmond courageously takes on is to witness someone act miraculously.
Lyrics from her children’s’ books are sprinkled throughout which I personally loved because I’ve been a fan of her stories since having my own kids. The way Richmond speaks to her own children through her children's books is evidence of her ability to plant seeds within them and nurturing them as they grow. Just as her words in her children’s books encompass big feelings in tangible words, this memoir will reach every reader’s heart.
Read this memoir! It has something relatable for everyone!
March 19, 2025
Marianne Richmond has written the most heart wrenching memoir.So beautifully written a book of emotional pain of healing a book of mothers and daughters.Perfect for book club discussions a book that stays with you long after you read the last page highly recommend.
April 4, 2025
Such a wild ride of a daughter looking back and seeing so many moments that she was craving her mom but her mom was incapable of giving her daughter what she wanted- attention, love, understanding, compassion.
November 25, 2024
Reading a well written memoir is like finding a friend and mentor to guide you through life. Marianne’s story is exactly that.
December 29, 2024
I didn’t know her books but wanted to read the mother dynamics. Related to the fending for herself. Too Christian for me to really get into by the end.
March 20, 2025
When I was in the 7th grade, my math teacher told our class about how she didn't have the greatest relationship with her sibling due to their mother's favoritism. I was ecstatic; this was the first time my eleven year old self had heard of anyone else sharing a similar experience to my own. I stayed after class, risking being late to my next one (which was a very large risk for me, who futilely believed academic success would earn her parents' love) to talk to her about it. "I'm the same with my brother because he's my mom's favorite, too," I said excitedly. Before my teacher could say anything, I eagerly rushed on to say, "His cancer diagnosis as a baby had her too busy for me." Her polite smile fell and she said, "Oh, well, I wouldn't feel that way about my sibling if I were in your shoes." Twenty years later, I now understand no one would want to make some random kid or their families feel bad about having cancer. But all I understood in that moment was an overwhelming feeling of loss and shame. That life altering sentence told me I needed to keep certain things to myself. Not only could people not relate, they didn't want to know about it.
Richmond's If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart was my own exercise in healing. I stumbled across this book and knew I had to read it based on the title alone. "Unmothered" is a relatively new term for me and packs one hell of a punch, reminiscient of my experience while reading Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel (who also endorsed this book, further solidifying my interest in it), which I coincidentally read this time last year. I like to think I'm in a much better place emotionally and am learning to not only set boundaries with my own mother, but enforce them as well. But there's still a piece of me that yearns for her mother and to belong in a place I should've belonged from the second I took my first breath. And it will always be difficult for me to understand why I was so unloveable.
Growing up, I often wished my mother would do something physically to me so people could see how much pain I was in. Whenever I tried to explain to friends I trusted, they would eventually meet my mother and say "She's so nice, why would you lie about those things?" I didn't have the words to explain; I couldn't comprehend why my own mother didn't seem to care about me yet was able to devote all her time and love to my younger brother? In her book, Richmond often compares her relationship with her mother to that of an aunt or aquaintance: someone you're familiar with but who doesn't know you. It was like reading about my relationship with my own mother. Similarly, even though my own mom never said it, she did the best she could with what she had, like Richmond's. I was born to very young and unexpecting parents who weren't compatible, and had questionable parentage of their own. My dad's father would very shortly be evicted from his life due to assault against my grandmother, who took on a very stern and survivalistic role. My maternal grandfather had passed away when my mother was seven, leaving her with three age gapped older sisters and a mother who had slightly lost her mind along with her husband. As Richmond writes towards the end of her memoir:
It's pieces of this story like the above that made me pause and stare at the ceiling, hoping to keep the tears at bay. Richmond beautifully weaves her real life experiences with feeling prose, creating a genuine and realistic glance into her life. Even if I hadn't shared similar experiences, I'm positive I would've been moved by her story. Richmond's journey throughout her life is truly inspiring and much like she has made me feel seen - still in ways I haven't been before - I hope I can give to others too. My potential desire for children has been pushed to the backburner for fear of my depression and becoming a new version of her. If You Were My Daughter shows me that even if I catch myself acting like my mom as I age, I am my own person and can break the cycle. While this trauma the women of my life experienced before me may be etched into my DNA, I do not have to let it or their actions define me or who I choose to be. I am grateful for Richmond sharing her experiences with the world and reminding us in similar situations that "to offer forgiveness is instant...to feel forgiveness takes time." 💜
Richmond's If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart was my own exercise in healing. I stumbled across this book and knew I had to read it based on the title alone. "Unmothered" is a relatively new term for me and packs one hell of a punch, reminiscient of my experience while reading Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel (who also endorsed this book, further solidifying my interest in it), which I coincidentally read this time last year. I like to think I'm in a much better place emotionally and am learning to not only set boundaries with my own mother, but enforce them as well. But there's still a piece of me that yearns for her mother and to belong in a place I should've belonged from the second I took my first breath. And it will always be difficult for me to understand why I was so unloveable.
Growing up, I often wished my mother would do something physically to me so people could see how much pain I was in. Whenever I tried to explain to friends I trusted, they would eventually meet my mother and say "She's so nice, why would you lie about those things?" I didn't have the words to explain; I couldn't comprehend why my own mother didn't seem to care about me yet was able to devote all her time and love to my younger brother? In her book, Richmond often compares her relationship with her mother to that of an aunt or aquaintance: someone you're familiar with but who doesn't know you. It was like reading about my relationship with my own mother. Similarly, even though my own mom never said it, she did the best she could with what she had, like Richmond's. I was born to very young and unexpecting parents who weren't compatible, and had questionable parentage of their own. My dad's father would very shortly be evicted from his life due to assault against my grandmother, who took on a very stern and survivalistic role. My maternal grandfather had passed away when my mother was seven, leaving her with three age gapped older sisters and a mother who had slightly lost her mind along with her husband. As Richmond writes towards the end of her memoir:
For years, I adopted and internalized a faulty takeaway in response to Mom's doings: I am unworthy of love. Every interaction I viewed through this distorted lens, my psyche's calling card. Finding and wearing Mom's ring wouldn't change the truth of her experience or mine - or suddenly solidify what's been valid all along: I'm good as is. Always was. All my outward searching was never going to uncover what could only be found within. I am because Mom was, both of us continuums of a story started long before us and full of the mystery, drama, conflict, and suspense of a compelling tale. It's up to me - though so difficult at times - to choose and change my trajectory based on the characters, trauma, and plotline I inherit through ancestry. Rescript my part to tell a new narrative about and for myself. For my children. And for others too."
It's pieces of this story like the above that made me pause and stare at the ceiling, hoping to keep the tears at bay. Richmond beautifully weaves her real life experiences with feeling prose, creating a genuine and realistic glance into her life. Even if I hadn't shared similar experiences, I'm positive I would've been moved by her story. Richmond's journey throughout her life is truly inspiring and much like she has made me feel seen - still in ways I haven't been before - I hope I can give to others too. My potential desire for children has been pushed to the backburner for fear of my depression and becoming a new version of her. If You Were My Daughter shows me that even if I catch myself acting like my mom as I age, I am my own person and can break the cycle. While this trauma the women of my life experienced before me may be etched into my DNA, I do not have to let it or their actions define me or who I choose to be. I am grateful for Richmond sharing her experiences with the world and reminding us in similar situations that "to offer forgiveness is instant...to feel forgiveness takes time." 💜
May 2, 2025
In this raw and heartfelt memoir, Marianne Richmond who has written some amazing children’s books shares the painful truth behind her own childhood. Growing up with undiagnosed epilepsy and an emotionally distant mother. Told with honesty and grace, the book explores what it means to grow up without the love you needed and how to become the mother you wish you'd had. It’s a moving story of resilience, and forgiveness. Thank you Sourcebooks and Marianne Richmond for sharing this book with me!
May 11, 2025
This book was AMAZING. I am inspired by marianne and definitely related to her story in a lot of ways. I also loved how she wove her and her family’s religion into the story, her thoughts and feelings, and how that impacted everything. Writing was beautiful, detailed, and made my heart happy.
June 30, 2025
I enjoyed this book, as evidenced by the two-day turnaround time. The message - listen to yourself and your instincts - is always a refreshing reminder to get. I related to the author of this book and found myself vested in her journey.
October 2, 2025
Where to start? Two things come to mind, 1) the author, Marianne, seriously writes this in a way that you would think it was a picture book; meaning, I could visualize every single scene, experience, moment she writes about. Not only could I visualize it, but I could also feel it; 2) I love that there are pictures included and also wanted a few more, of her dad, brother(G) and husband. I don’t know, maybe it was best that there weren’t so many pics, to leave it up to me. Either way, I felt like I knew these people and could ever hear their voices.
This is a story of growth, through and through. It’s a discovery of others and self and how those two are dependent and independent of each other. It is a lifetime of questioning and being strong enough to find the answers and like Dorothy, realize the answer is within you. A great read and a great opportunity to remember that everyone has a story!
This is a story of growth, through and through. It’s a discovery of others and self and how those two are dependent and independent of each other. It is a lifetime of questioning and being strong enough to find the answers and like Dorothy, realize the answer is within you. A great read and a great opportunity to remember that everyone has a story!
April 10, 2025
I didn't want this memoir to end, so I slowed down as I finished. This book is so steeped in tone, atmosphere, place, and vivid detail. From how Richmond describes the onset of her seizures and desperately negotiating with her own body to how she captures the sparse mood of an average childhood Christmas day, she brought me into the scene, again and again. It was fascinating to learn about how she came into her children's books and the journey she took with her art! Richmond shares candidly and powerfully about her pain around the lack of emotional witness she ached for from her mother. More and more, we learn this is the hardest childhood trauma to heal. Not the big stuff, but the hand that didn't meet ours when we reached. That lack of emotional with-ness. But what I deeply admire about the author is that she doesn't hide her own humanness as a narrator. She shares the raw emotion of exactly how she felt, whether her disappointment towards her mother or her rage towards her husband. But she also questions judgments she made, draws similarities where she first saw only differences, and widens beyond her first emotionally-laden imprints to see what she didn't see, too. I teared up reading this, especially in moments where that deep-hearted compassion came through. The world needs lucid narrators like this, who can tell their story and open through and beyond it at the same time. I can't believe this is Richmond's first long work, and I certainly hope it's not her last. Highly recommended!
April 7, 2025
Marianne Richmond's book, If You Were My Daughter, is an exquisitely written, inspiring, and often humorous exploration of trauma, love, and loss. I love how this book takes readers on an emotional rollercoaster, offering a glimpse of Marianne's childhood shaped by epilepsy and parents who were unable to nurture and support her fully. Marianne discovers that while life is unfair, finding hope and healing through perseverance, self-love, advocating for oneself, and the ability to forgive is possible.
I found Marianne's journey from pain to understanding and forgiveness raw and relatable. Her experiences will resonate deeply with anyone with mother wounds or who has faced adversity (Isn't that most of us?). How she finds strength in vulnerability is a powerful testament to the human spirit.
Marianne's ability to find humor, joy, and love despite her difficult circumstances is a message that will stay with readers long after they turn the final page.
I found Marianne's journey from pain to understanding and forgiveness raw and relatable. Her experiences will resonate deeply with anyone with mother wounds or who has faced adversity (Isn't that most of us?). How she finds strength in vulnerability is a powerful testament to the human spirit.
Marianne's ability to find humor, joy, and love despite her difficult circumstances is a message that will stay with readers long after they turn the final page.
November 25, 2024
This is a memoir and I hesitate to judge someone else’s lived experience. Marianne Richmond is a supremely talented artist and author and I have many fond memories of sharing her books with my own children. Her life was not without trauma however. Living with undiagnosed epilepsy caused by a slow growing brain tumor until her 20s caused a lot of uncertainty and fear. Her relationship with her parents, but especially her mom was difficult. Throughout her life she longed and pleaded for acceptance and support her mom simply could not give. This was a strong theme throughout the book and definitely contributed to my overall impression that this was a very depressing book. I admire that Marianne was able to become the parent to her children that she wished she had but overall this is a heavy, sad and rather dark glimpse at her life.
April 5, 2025
“If You Were My Daughter” is a story told with raw honesty (as memoirs should be), but laced with humor, insight, and a whole lot of heart. I wanted to shout to her mother, “Listen to your daughter! Do something!” and by turns felt her mother’s pain of not being capable of taking care of this little girl—and her coping mechanism was denial, crackpot “saviors”, and making herself the central character of this drama.
This is a book about mental illness, unsolved medical issues, learning to navigate and advocate for yourself (once you realize that it’s the only path available), and being vulnerable enough to lay it all down to be truly loved and cared for.
“If You Were My Daughter” reads like a novel and Marianne’s breezy prose holds your hand as you travel along her harrowing route to acceptance and forgiveness.
This is a book about mental illness, unsolved medical issues, learning to navigate and advocate for yourself (once you realize that it’s the only path available), and being vulnerable enough to lay it all down to be truly loved and cared for.
“If You Were My Daughter” reads like a novel and Marianne’s breezy prose holds your hand as you travel along her harrowing route to acceptance and forgiveness.
November 12, 2024
Memoir/biography is not my genre of choice, typically. But I literally woke up every morning excited/anxious to see what would happen next in Marianne’s story. An absolute page-turner.
This book was heartbreaking and poignant and so, so important.
It is such a *human* story.
While we may not all have such a troubled relationship with our mothers, we all come from patterns of behavior that are given to us by our parental figures.
Marianne tells the story of the consequences of not listening to kids in their suffering and also what happens when we choose to write our own stories and break the patterns that no longer serve us in our thriving.
(This is an honest review in exchange for receiving an advanced readers copy)
This book was heartbreaking and poignant and so, so important.
It is such a *human* story.
While we may not all have such a troubled relationship with our mothers, we all come from patterns of behavior that are given to us by our parental figures.
Marianne tells the story of the consequences of not listening to kids in their suffering and also what happens when we choose to write our own stories and break the patterns that no longer serve us in our thriving.
(This is an honest review in exchange for receiving an advanced readers copy)
April 17, 2025
wow! this was such an unexpectedly tender memoir. I went into this read expecting a difficult mother-daughter relationship, but never could I have expected the compassionate, difficult, grieving portrait of childhood, motherhood, and loss that Marianne Richmond paints by telling her story.
most of the world knows Richmond as a beloved children's book author—an artist of colors and loving poems—but I don't believe anyone could have predicted her neglectful childhood, her medical troubles, her complete financial ruin, or her incredible capacity for forgiveness.
her life may not feel comparable to many people's, and many of her life's issues certainly seem unique, but the depth of loneliness she describes, her struggles with mental health, those feel universal.
most of the world knows Richmond as a beloved children's book author—an artist of colors and loving poems—but I don't believe anyone could have predicted her neglectful childhood, her medical troubles, her complete financial ruin, or her incredible capacity for forgiveness.
her life may not feel comparable to many people's, and many of her life's issues certainly seem unique, but the depth of loneliness she describes, her struggles with mental health, those feel universal.
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November 30, 2024A memoir of how her mother's emotional neglect affected her life, and how she made peace with this. An exploration of faith, daughterhood, and motherhood.
A little trite at times (more so in the poetry pieces, I just have a different personal preference with poetry, I think), but having parallels from relationships in my own life made it relatable for me. I loved witnessing my own difficult relationship mirrored in this other person and put so eloquently at times. The idea of "growing the pause" is something that stuck with me after reading it.
I do think the title gave me different expectations for the book itself, (I went in blind, only based on title/cover).
A little trite at times (more so in the poetry pieces, I just have a different personal preference with poetry, I think), but having parallels from relationships in my own life made it relatable for me. I loved witnessing my own difficult relationship mirrored in this other person and put so eloquently at times. The idea of "growing the pause" is something that stuck with me after reading it.
I do think the title gave me different expectations for the book itself, (I went in blind, only based on title/cover).
May 17, 2025
Marianne Richmond’s ability to combine complete vulnerability in sharing pain from her past and a fun/conversational style of writing makes this book completely unique. I’ve never read anything quite like it, and I’m so glad to have had the experience. I would recommend this book to all children of mothers, friends of mothers, mothers, and parents of mothers—to everyone!
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December 18, 2024What a wonderful read! Richmond writes her story with honesty, curiosity and humor. Her insightfulness paired with her gift with words creates a book worth your time and attention.
Richmond recounts her story with vivid descriptions of her experiences and mindset as a loved but vulnerable and fearful child with untreated epilepsy. She shares how she endured her mother’s choices to pursue nontraditional and, ultimately, fruitless efforts to find effective help for her condition. Richmond writes about how, as she grew into adulthood, she had to bravely learn to advocate for herself and find those whom she could trust to help her as she desperately wound her way through her complex medical condition. All the while, she attempted to reconcile her feelings of not being protected and supported enough by the one person whom she felt was supposed to do those things. As her story unfolds, we learn Richmond’s mother has trauma of her own she is trying to navigate, and, it seems, to stand in the way of her being fully present. The complicated and painful mismatch of needs and the capacity to meet them between mother and daughter is beautifully laid out by Richmond.
Richmond’s book is a captivating read that shows you one person’s experience and leads you to reflect upon your own. I am in that middle place where I see my own elderly mother and often reflect on my experience both as her young child and as her adult child, and then I turn and contemplate my own role in my children’s lives. While my experience with my mother is different than Richmond’s, her book brings me to think deeply about my own mother/child relationships.
I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
Richmond recounts her story with vivid descriptions of her experiences and mindset as a loved but vulnerable and fearful child with untreated epilepsy. She shares how she endured her mother’s choices to pursue nontraditional and, ultimately, fruitless efforts to find effective help for her condition. Richmond writes about how, as she grew into adulthood, she had to bravely learn to advocate for herself and find those whom she could trust to help her as she desperately wound her way through her complex medical condition. All the while, she attempted to reconcile her feelings of not being protected and supported enough by the one person whom she felt was supposed to do those things. As her story unfolds, we learn Richmond’s mother has trauma of her own she is trying to navigate, and, it seems, to stand in the way of her being fully present. The complicated and painful mismatch of needs and the capacity to meet them between mother and daughter is beautifully laid out by Richmond.
Richmond’s book is a captivating read that shows you one person’s experience and leads you to reflect upon your own. I am in that middle place where I see my own elderly mother and often reflect on my experience both as her young child and as her adult child, and then I turn and contemplate my own role in my children’s lives. While my experience with my mother is different than Richmond’s, her book brings me to think deeply about my own mother/child relationships.
I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
February 2, 2025
An unflinchingly honest and painful look, warts and all, into author Marianne Richmond’s lifetime trajectory with her puzzlingly distant parents, more particularly her mom, who crosses the line into downright abusive territory as her daughter’s random (and increasingly frightening) seizures terrorize the girl from young childhood on with little to no therapeutic intervention on mom’s part. The older woman relies on her own religiosity and halfhearted dalliances with medical quackery to make the problem go away: predictably, it does not. Starving for parental love and validation in any small way, Marianne is instead repeatedly ignored, gaslighted, and chastised. A correct medical diagnosis and treatment plan at age 18 finally frees the bright and earnest girl to embrace college and a tooth-and-nail self-sufficiency, a healthy marriage and motherhood, and a hard-won career as greeting-card artist and author in a more welcoming world. As this gripping memoir unspools up to and after the occasion of her parents’ eventual deaths in old age, the author doggedly unearths startling facts that give insight into the core reason her outwardly successful Air Force veteran mom evolved into such a stay-at-home “mother from heck” to Marianne and her own progeny for most of the older woman’s remaining life. Love distorted by mental illness is still love at the root, but this is small consolation to such a precious but ignored child, even decades later; her inner strength and resilience are her saving grace.
May 2, 2025
A Courageous Memoir of Healing, Resilience, and Rewriting One’s Story
Marianne Richmond’s If You Were My Daughter is a deeply moving and courageous memoir that delves into the complexities of growing up with undiagnosed epilepsy and an emotionally unavailable mother. From her first seizure at age nine—misdiagnosed as a "pinched nerve"—to years of fear and secrecy, Richmond paints a vivid picture of a young girl navigating a world of medical uncertainty and maternal neglect. It wasn't until a full-body seizure in her college dorm room at age 18 that she finally received a proper diagnosis and began her path toward healing .
Richmond's narrative is not just about her medical journey; it's about the emotional scars left by a mother who, influenced by her own traumas, refused medical intervention in favor of prayer and homeopathy. The memoir explores the long-term effects of this neglect, including feelings of abandonment and low self-worth .
What makes this memoir truly inspiring is Richmond's transformation. After brain surgery to remove a benign tumor—the source of her seizures—she channeled her recovery into creativity, eventually becoming a bestselling children's author. Her books, filled with messages of love and encouragement, are a testament to her resilience and desire to provide the nurturing she once lacked .
If You Were My Daughter is a powerful reminder that our past does not define us. Richmond's story is a beacon of hope for anyone seeking to overcome adversity and rewrite their own narrative.
Marianne Richmond’s If You Were My Daughter is a deeply moving and courageous memoir that delves into the complexities of growing up with undiagnosed epilepsy and an emotionally unavailable mother. From her first seizure at age nine—misdiagnosed as a "pinched nerve"—to years of fear and secrecy, Richmond paints a vivid picture of a young girl navigating a world of medical uncertainty and maternal neglect. It wasn't until a full-body seizure in her college dorm room at age 18 that she finally received a proper diagnosis and began her path toward healing .
Richmond's narrative is not just about her medical journey; it's about the emotional scars left by a mother who, influenced by her own traumas, refused medical intervention in favor of prayer and homeopathy. The memoir explores the long-term effects of this neglect, including feelings of abandonment and low self-worth .
What makes this memoir truly inspiring is Richmond's transformation. After brain surgery to remove a benign tumor—the source of her seizures—she channeled her recovery into creativity, eventually becoming a bestselling children's author. Her books, filled with messages of love and encouragement, are a testament to her resilience and desire to provide the nurturing she once lacked .
If You Were My Daughter is a powerful reminder that our past does not define us. Richmond's story is a beacon of hope for anyone seeking to overcome adversity and rewrite their own narrative.
March 20, 2025
Reading 2025
Book 74: If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart by Marianne Richmond
A book recommended for me after reading She Danced With Lightning. Was able to download this book from #NetGalley in exchanged for my review. This book was published on March 18. Marianne Richmond is a prolific children’s book author, will be checking out as many of her books from the library as they have available.
Synopsis: If You Were My Daughter is a story of learning to hear your own voice, of one daughter's return to wholeness, and ultimately, a story of accepting that, despite all hope and longing, a mother's "best I could" can still fall far too short.
Review: This book was recommended for me since there is an Epilepsy undertone throughout. Marianne starts having seizures in elementary school, but is not diagnosed with Epilepsy until she is an adult. Marianne realizes she has Epilepsy when a boy in her class has a seizure one day and there is a discussion of Epilepsy. At its core is a mother daughter relationship that Marianne feels is lacking, she feels less than, and especially with her medical issues. There are so many threads to tease out of this book, some parallels to A Mind Unraveled by Kurt Eichewald in the medical realm. My hope is friend will read this book, and we can get together and chat. My rating 4.25⭐️.
Book 74: If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart by Marianne Richmond
A book recommended for me after reading She Danced With Lightning. Was able to download this book from #NetGalley in exchanged for my review. This book was published on March 18. Marianne Richmond is a prolific children’s book author, will be checking out as many of her books from the library as they have available.
Synopsis: If You Were My Daughter is a story of learning to hear your own voice, of one daughter's return to wholeness, and ultimately, a story of accepting that, despite all hope and longing, a mother's "best I could" can still fall far too short.
Review: This book was recommended for me since there is an Epilepsy undertone throughout. Marianne starts having seizures in elementary school, but is not diagnosed with Epilepsy until she is an adult. Marianne realizes she has Epilepsy when a boy in her class has a seizure one day and there is a discussion of Epilepsy. At its core is a mother daughter relationship that Marianne feels is lacking, she feels less than, and especially with her medical issues. There are so many threads to tease out of this book, some parallels to A Mind Unraveled by Kurt Eichewald in the medical realm. My hope is friend will read this book, and we can get together and chat. My rating 4.25⭐️.
March 18, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley, SourceBooks and Marianne Richmond for the opportunity to read an ARC of her soon to be released memoir If You Were My Daughter: a Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart. The author is a celebrated writer of children's books, however this was my first encounter with her. In many ways I thoroughly enjoyed the book: Richmond's clarity, her ability to fully engage the reader; at times I felt like I was in the doctor's office with her and her mom, Mary, or in the school lavatory when she was fighting her body's apparent betrayal and praying for it to pass. And at times her use of words moved me to tears. I struggled with what I perceived as constant negativity toward her mother, while seemingly holding her milquetoast dad free from blame/ responsibility. Was Richmond' s family dysfunctional? Yes. Was her mom cold? Yes. Mary Helf, Marianne's mom was a devout Catholic, had a miltary background, was in a less than perfect marriage and definitely had serious mental issues. I could go on and on about my reactions to the book; suffice to say they are mixed. I am, however, confident it was written from the heart, Richmond was brutally candid about her life and her journey to perhaps not total forgiveness, yet definitely more understanding, spiritual awareness and reconciliation. I believe If You Were My Daughter is a very relatable book, and would be an ideal read for a book club. 4 stars.
August 27, 2025
Because I knew Marianne Richmond as the author of the wonderful children's books Hooray For You and Be Brave Little One (among so many others) reading If You Were My Daughter surprised me on many levels.
I have known Marianne for many years and I have seen her with her children. I was taken aback when I read her story and how candid she was in telling it. I was surprised because she was always so loving and kind with her children -- and all of our children. Surely she has always been the apple of her mother's eye! How could this loving, warm, successful woman have "an unmothered heart" -- just like me?
In this book Marianne shares deeply personal things about her marriage, her business, and her faith. I felt that she was candid and honest and reading it affected me so much that I had to read this book in sections just to process parts of it.
Her story is real, heartbreaking, and inspiring. It touched me in a way I wasn't expecting and I am inspired by her resiliency and her compassion.
Marianne Richmond is a true gem! She makes us better because she helps us communicate with our children through her beautiful bedtime stories and now has helped me heal wounds that run deep. I am grateful.
I have known Marianne for many years and I have seen her with her children. I was taken aback when I read her story and how candid she was in telling it. I was surprised because she was always so loving and kind with her children -- and all of our children. Surely she has always been the apple of her mother's eye! How could this loving, warm, successful woman have "an unmothered heart" -- just like me?
In this book Marianne shares deeply personal things about her marriage, her business, and her faith. I felt that she was candid and honest and reading it affected me so much that I had to read this book in sections just to process parts of it.
Her story is real, heartbreaking, and inspiring. It touched me in a way I wasn't expecting and I am inspired by her resiliency and her compassion.
Marianne Richmond is a true gem! She makes us better because she helps us communicate with our children through her beautiful bedtime stories and now has helped me heal wounds that run deep. I am grateful.
Read
December 3, 2024Richmond's memoir focuses on her relationship with her mother rather than a fixed point in her life. The book follows them from Richmond's youth though her mother's illness. During that time, Richmond falls ill herself, faced with a lifelong illness, and builds a life and family of her own. However, how does she cope with a mother who believed prayer is the only medicine? How did her mother's believes affect Richmond's diagnosis and life? How did Richmond feel about what she learned as she aged, both about herself and her mother? Those are just a few of the questions readers will learn the answer to as they read.
Written in a relatable, first-person point of view, Richmond's memoir is her attempt to come to terms with her life and relationship with her mother. The book opens with a "modern" scene of an adult Richmond, before going back to her childhood and moving forward. Occasionally, a conversation is recounted in full dialogue and at others passages of records are included. As a whole, it's an emotional read.
This review is based on an advanced reader copy provided by the publisher.
Written in a relatable, first-person point of view, Richmond's memoir is her attempt to come to terms with her life and relationship with her mother. The book opens with a "modern" scene of an adult Richmond, before going back to her childhood and moving forward. Occasionally, a conversation is recounted in full dialogue and at others passages of records are included. As a whole, it's an emotional read.
This review is based on an advanced reader copy provided by the publisher.
March 9, 2025
Thank you to Netgalley, Sourcebooks, and the author for the ARC of this memoir. All opinions are my own.
I did not expect to be so triggered by a memoir. I often gravitate towards books like this - complex relationships with parents - to see if others have gone through a similar upbringing and it usually brings me peace. Not this book.
We follow Marianne through childhood, through disability where no one listens to her, through her adult life where her parents fail her time and time again. The rage this made me feel for this sweet child turned adult, all alone in the world. And the love (maybe?) that she still has towards her parents despite it all.
Marianne is a stronger person than I could ever be. Despite my personal feelings towards her continued relationship with her parents through end of life, I am really glad I read this. I hope she is now the person she needed for her children, but my guess is yes.
Love to see when someone can take their very shitty situation (at no fault of their own) and still have a beautiful life.
I did not expect to be so triggered by a memoir. I often gravitate towards books like this - complex relationships with parents - to see if others have gone through a similar upbringing and it usually brings me peace. Not this book.
We follow Marianne through childhood, through disability where no one listens to her, through her adult life where her parents fail her time and time again. The rage this made me feel for this sweet child turned adult, all alone in the world. And the love (maybe?) that she still has towards her parents despite it all.
Marianne is a stronger person than I could ever be. Despite my personal feelings towards her continued relationship with her parents through end of life, I am really glad I read this. I hope she is now the person she needed for her children, but my guess is yes.
Love to see when someone can take their very shitty situation (at no fault of their own) and still have a beautiful life.
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