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Lost Found Kept: A Memoir
How does a psychologist fail to recognize that her intelligent, sensitive, and book-loving mother has created "the worst hoarder house ever seen?" After making the horrifying discovery that her mother had no water in her house for at least two years, Deborah Derrickson Kossmann begins the otherworldly excavation of a childhood home she hasn't been inside for three decades. Moving back and forth in time, from this surreal nightmare of an archaeological dig to recollecting her past and long buried family secrets, Kossmann seeks to untangle a web of complicated familial relationships. In her lyrical and unflinching quest, she comes to understand what's been lost, what's been found and what's been kept in both her own and her mother's life.
286 pages, Paperback
Published January 5, 2025
9 people are currently reading
4566 people want to read
About the author
Deborah Derrickson Kossmann
1 book30 followersDeborah Derrickson Kossmann’s essays, feature articles and poetry have been published in The New York Times, Bellevue Literary Review, PSYCHE, Nashville Review, Psychotherapy Networker and Solstice Magazine to name a few. LOST FOUND KEPT was the winner of the inaugural 2023 Aurora Polaris Prize in Creative Nonfiction from Trio House Press. It was published in January 2025 and BookPages named it one of the "Best Memoirs" of 2025. The audiobook (with Deb narrating) came out in December 2025. Deb was the winner of the Short Memoir Competition at Philadelphia First Person Arts Festival and was awarded a Pennsylvania Council on the Arts Poetry Fellowship. When not working as a clinical psychologist in private practice outside Philadelphia, PA, she and her husband are devoted servants to Sofia Carmela, a cat with a whole lot of “tortitude.”
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
September 14, 2024
Deborah Derrickson Kossmann’s writing is some of the best I’ve ever read and I was fortunate to receive a review copy of her new book. In Lost Found Kept Deborah takes us with her as she discovers the horrifying conditions of the home in which her mother has been living and then onto the heartbreaking task of digging through and discarding 30 years of filth. Buried within the detritus is a life once lived; one which leads Deborah to explore her past, revisiting both the good times and some very bad times. All of this is compounded by the love/hate relationship between Deborah and her mother. Lost Found Kept is a story of heartbreak, resilience, and redemption. It has stayed with me.
October 19, 2025
Not generally a fan of Memoir, I was pleasantly surprised by this compelling book. I appreciated the author's candor about this difficult issue.
September 28, 2025
I almost didn’t read this book club pick because I knew the subject matter was too close to me and I didn’t want to upset myself. I’m glad I gave it a chance. I felt so seen and understood while reading about the author’s very complicated feelings towards her mother, so much so that I often found myself crying while reading.
June 30, 2025
This book was a quick read for me because of how well it was written. The author gave me just enough to keep me hooked and tell her and her mother’s complicated story in a beautiful way.
March 12, 2025
While I really enjoy nonfictions, memoirs, etc., I am normally very slow to read them. Now this book though, this book was a quick and easy read. It’s not what I expected it to be in the best way. I expected a lot more psycho-analysis from the author herself, but instead was met with raw emotional processing. It was incredibly well written and I can only imagine how therapeutic it was for the author to put her thoughts, words, emotions, LIFE, into all 275 pages. I’d read it again and recommend it to all.
December 17, 2024
"Lost, Found, Kept" powerfully conveys the complicated and contradictory experience of dealing with a family member's mental illness. Kossman's mother can be funny, astute, powerful, and smart. She also becomes a recalcitrant and frustrating hoarder. In vivid chapters (all too vivid), we read about the detritus of a troubled, secretive mother--truckloads of stuff that have to be sorted and discarded through the heroic efforts of Kossman, a clinical psychologist, as well as her admirable husband and her sister. There are emotional and psychological insights, eloquently expressed, on every page.
January 19, 2025
Sometimes people believe that psychologists and other therapists have always had their ducks in a row. We don't. We should at least be working on our stuff, though, trying to understand and work through our garbage.
Deb Derrickson Kossmann literally and figuratively works through her family's garbage in Lost Found Kept. Her mother was a detail-oriented, organized nurse, but prevented her daughters from coming in her house for decades. They worried about her, but she was clearly a competent person. In 2016, however, they discovered that she had no phone, no water, maybe no heat, had been defecating in bags, and hoarding important things and trash in such a way that they were lost or damaged.
It was clear it was bad, but she was an autonomous person and refused all our offers of help. And as I’m telling my friend this, I feel shame, the shame of my own failure to help my mother the way she needed…. She didn’t want therapy or medication. She chose to hide the secret and it just got bigger and bigger like the mess. Was it derelict to let her live the way she wanted? Was this neglect necessary for me to be able to separate from her? (pp. 255-256).
This is the difficult balance all of us face when our loved ones have mental health problems: how much can I, should I intervene? Am I overstepping my bounds or am I "helping" to meet my own needs?
I love that Kossmann considers multiple explanations – and also that she recognizes that her mother's hoarding is multiply determined, serving multiple purposes.
In the middle of digging through this shit – literal and metaphorical – it is easy to believe that you won't get through. What does Kossmanm discover?
I’ve lost some of the patience I used to have. I don’t mince words anymore. By doing enough, I have been freed of being responsible for somebody else’s mess. I’m only responsible for my own, and that’s enough. Sometimes, I regret being harsh with my mother and wish we could have done things differently, the way all the psychological books about hoarding cleanups advise. I feel sad that I was angry. I have gained so much appreciation for the husband who shoveled next to me, who recently built me a sun porch with wide windows where light streams in and comfortable chairs where I sit writing these words. He doesn’t see or treat me as something to be torn up or thrown away. And I have finally fully allowed myself to believe that I am to be treasured and kept. (p. 264).
***
I am currently going through a loved one's things – Seven leather jackets? How many guitars and ukuleles? – and Kossmann's book reminds me that this continuum is not a dichotomous neat and tidy vs. hoarding. My loved one's things are "more normal, like a disorganized storage unit" (p. 176).
I sometimes worry about reviewing a friend's book – and Deb is a good friend, even though she lives across the state from me. This was an easy review to write and, while I knew large parts of her story beforehand, maybe even seeing her video when she was first excavating (or maybe I've just created this memory from her stories???), it was a pleasure to read Lost Found Kept, a story that's different than that told over dinner and wine.
Deb Derrickson Kossmann literally and figuratively works through her family's garbage in Lost Found Kept. Her mother was a detail-oriented, organized nurse, but prevented her daughters from coming in her house for decades. They worried about her, but she was clearly a competent person. In 2016, however, they discovered that she had no phone, no water, maybe no heat, had been defecating in bags, and hoarding important things and trash in such a way that they were lost or damaged.
It was clear it was bad, but she was an autonomous person and refused all our offers of help. And as I’m telling my friend this, I feel shame, the shame of my own failure to help my mother the way she needed…. She didn’t want therapy or medication. She chose to hide the secret and it just got bigger and bigger like the mess. Was it derelict to let her live the way she wanted? Was this neglect necessary for me to be able to separate from her? (pp. 255-256).
This is the difficult balance all of us face when our loved ones have mental health problems: how much can I, should I intervene? Am I overstepping my bounds or am I "helping" to meet my own needs?
I love that Kossmann considers multiple explanations – and also that she recognizes that her mother's hoarding is multiply determined, serving multiple purposes.
In the middle of digging through this shit – literal and metaphorical – it is easy to believe that you won't get through. What does Kossmanm discover?
I’ve lost some of the patience I used to have. I don’t mince words anymore. By doing enough, I have been freed of being responsible for somebody else’s mess. I’m only responsible for my own, and that’s enough. Sometimes, I regret being harsh with my mother and wish we could have done things differently, the way all the psychological books about hoarding cleanups advise. I feel sad that I was angry. I have gained so much appreciation for the husband who shoveled next to me, who recently built me a sun porch with wide windows where light streams in and comfortable chairs where I sit writing these words. He doesn’t see or treat me as something to be torn up or thrown away. And I have finally fully allowed myself to believe that I am to be treasured and kept. (p. 264).
***
I am currently going through a loved one's things – Seven leather jackets? How many guitars and ukuleles? – and Kossmann's book reminds me that this continuum is not a dichotomous neat and tidy vs. hoarding. My loved one's things are "more normal, like a disorganized storage unit" (p. 176).
I sometimes worry about reviewing a friend's book – and Deb is a good friend, even though she lives across the state from me. This was an easy review to write and, while I knew large parts of her story beforehand, maybe even seeing her video when she was first excavating (or maybe I've just created this memory from her stories???), it was a pleasure to read Lost Found Kept, a story that's different than that told over dinner and wine.
January 19, 2025
I admit I was skeptical - I was never one for those reality shows where one willingly becomes a voyeur into someone else's worst nightmare. But for any other similarly skeptical readers, fear not - this book is only peripherally about hoarding and mainly a beautifully written memoir on relationships - how they're gained, how they're lost.
The book is written by a clinical psychologist but contains no intimidating clinical jargon or lingo. The book is about a hoarder, but contains few salacious and disgusting details or even sage advice. Rather, it expertly delves into a childhood broken by adults not much more mature than children themselves, a young girl's struggle to understand her place in this awkward family dynamic, a young woman's attempts to declare independence from the dysfunction by searching for those who have left her, and an adult's foray into new positive relationships. And through it all weaves the theme of the power of objects in our lives - their importance to one's sense of family and place, their beauty, the need to let go.
The book flips between a coming of age memoir (late 1960's - early 1980's) and the more current A.D. (After Discovery of the author's mother's living conditions). But each flip is deftly crafted and each chapter picks up themes from the one before so that the reader is never left feeling a jet lag.
It takes a lot of courage to put your personal story out there, even more so when you may feel some guilt about a loved one's toxic living conditions. I applaud the author for having such courage to lay it all bare and to do it in such exquisite prose.
The book is written by a clinical psychologist but contains no intimidating clinical jargon or lingo. The book is about a hoarder, but contains few salacious and disgusting details or even sage advice. Rather, it expertly delves into a childhood broken by adults not much more mature than children themselves, a young girl's struggle to understand her place in this awkward family dynamic, a young woman's attempts to declare independence from the dysfunction by searching for those who have left her, and an adult's foray into new positive relationships. And through it all weaves the theme of the power of objects in our lives - their importance to one's sense of family and place, their beauty, the need to let go.
The book flips between a coming of age memoir (late 1960's - early 1980's) and the more current A.D. (After Discovery of the author's mother's living conditions). But each flip is deftly crafted and each chapter picks up themes from the one before so that the reader is never left feeling a jet lag.
It takes a lot of courage to put your personal story out there, even more so when you may feel some guilt about a loved one's toxic living conditions. I applaud the author for having such courage to lay it all bare and to do it in such exquisite prose.
October 24, 2024
Deborah Derrickson Kossmann was blindsided by what she found upon entering her mother's house for the first time in many years. What follows is the stuff of reality tv and deep psychological dysfunction. In Lost Found Kept, we walk beside Kossman and her devoted husband as they literally shovel their way through the shocking landscape that accosts their senses at every turn. At the same time, she metaphorically excavates her own childhood and the fraught relationship she's long had with her mother.
Knowing what this story was about, I expected a riveting read, and I was not disappointed. What I did not expect was lyrical, skillful writing to elevate this already compelling tale into a reading experience I won't soon forget. I highly recommend this memoir.
Knowing what this story was about, I expected a riveting read, and I was not disappointed. What I did not expect was lyrical, skillful writing to elevate this already compelling tale into a reading experience I won't soon forget. I highly recommend this memoir.
January 17, 2025
Could not put this book down
What happens when your possessions take over your life? How do you dig out from under? And what keeps people from asking for help? I started reading this memoir as an excerpt on Open Secrets magazine, and absolutely HAD to finish reading it. Thank you, instant gratification, Kindle. It’s a remarkable story of two sisters and their proud, independent, bright mother, who somehow ends up nearly buried inside her possessions. The author, a psychologist, literally and figuratively excavates their lives, moving back and forth in time between the cleanout of her mother’s home (and its eventual sale) and their childhoods. It’s unwaveringly honest about hoarding and difficult family relationships and the many feelings that arise. I couldn’t put it down, although there are many visuals the author planted in my brain I wish I could Lysol away.
What happens when your possessions take over your life? How do you dig out from under? And what keeps people from asking for help? I started reading this memoir as an excerpt on Open Secrets magazine, and absolutely HAD to finish reading it. Thank you, instant gratification, Kindle. It’s a remarkable story of two sisters and their proud, independent, bright mother, who somehow ends up nearly buried inside her possessions. The author, a psychologist, literally and figuratively excavates their lives, moving back and forth in time between the cleanout of her mother’s home (and its eventual sale) and their childhoods. It’s unwaveringly honest about hoarding and difficult family relationships and the many feelings that arise. I couldn’t put it down, although there are many visuals the author planted in my brain I wish I could Lysol away.
January 19, 2025
Deborah Derrickson Kossmann’s writing is exquisite in this riveting memoir. Facing her mother’s hidden hoarding addiction, the author goes on a quest to piece together another hidden truth—her own family history. In this process, Kossmann archives and transforms her pain, anger, love—all the mess of emotions and experiences that each of us must grapple with— into this magical memoir. Her emotional exploration / excavation, written as only a true poet could—with words that paint scene after scene in stunning detail—succeeds in reaching the universal in our human experience. I couldn’t put “Lost. Found. Kept” down except when hunger or sleep was insisting! It has so much to offer to so many.
July 11, 2025
One thing (of many) that impressed me in Lost Found Kept was how Derrickson Kossman used her background as a therapist in such subtle ways. I trusted her professional expertise around issues of hoarding and mental health struggles her mother faced, but I never felt overwhelmed by that expertise. I knew it was there, but the author focused on the human struggle of a daughter contending with her difficult mother. Indeed, it felt like all professional understanding could easily fall away in the face of familial struggles, and Derrickson Kossman showed that quite well. Throughout, the book felt heartfelt and honest in this way.
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July 28, 2025 This book is beautifully written and is hard to put down. It's about the author's struggles through life. Dr. Deb is a psychologist that ends up having to cleanup after her mother's 30 years of hoarding in her childhood home. As a psychologist she has a keen eye for observation and insight. As she goes through all of the trash and mess, she find valued jewelry and art, the memories come back. It almost seems like a collection of short stories threaded together by dealing with the aftermath of her Mother's hoarding. This book is full of symbolism and has a theme of resilience. I can't wait to read her next book!
March 12, 2025
Many years ago, I read bits and pieces of this memoir as Deb drafted them as part of an email writing group, and I was always so excited when she was particpating because I wanted to read as much of this as she was willing to share. So the second she emailed to say the book was available for preorder, I handed over my money. The final memoir did not disappoint! I could not put this down--an honest, sensitive, and unsparing story about being a daughter, surviving trauma, and the hoarder home that sucks in everyone near it.
April 4, 2025
I was fortunate enough to read an advanced copy of this memoir and I could not put it down. The prose is beautiful. The topic of hoarding struck a chord having recently moved my parents into a smaller house and having to sort through 40 years of "stuff." Thankfully our move was not on the level that this author had to deal with. The book goes back and forth between the past and the present and the author does a great job straddling these time lines. I also related to the complex mother/daughter relationship. I highly recommend this book.
December 23, 2024
I’m very particular about memoirs. While it’s my favorite genre, I have high expectations from them. Lost Found Kept met all of them. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about the author’s complex familial relationships and the way she addressed the trauma of realizing a massive secret within the confines of her childhood home. Highly recommend.
January 17, 2025
This is without a doubt one of the best memoirs I've ever read...a book that I found both hard to read and hard to put down at the same time. So well crafted and the very difficult story is told with honesty and above all compassion, the challenging subject matter handled with such sensitivity. A remarkable achievement. I hope this important book finds a large audience...it is very deserving.
January 18, 2025
Lost Found Kept is a beautifully written memoir about dysfunction, trauma, growing up and love. The layers in the book are deep, complex yet simple and written so eloquently the reader will not be able to put it down. Deborah approaches all of this with graceful humor and wit that readers will relate to and appreciate.
This is a must read!
This is a must read!
March 11, 2025
Powerful story of the author's reckoning with her family's difficult history and her mother's hoarding. I really appreciated the unvarnished, raw approach of the early sections, which really evoked what these experiences might have been like at the time, and also the balanced views the book concluded with as she grappled with the challenges of loving complicated people
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August 29, 2025This memoir is fantastic. Dr. Kossman writes with honesty and compassion about her relationship with her mother and the complicated ties of family. It’s heartfelt, moving, and a must-read.
This is one of those books that lingers in your mind well after you’ve finished. I'm grateful it came into my hands and I’m more than happy to recommend it.
Definitely 5 stars!
This is one of those books that lingers in your mind well after you’ve finished. I'm grateful it came into my hands and I’m more than happy to recommend it.
Definitely 5 stars!
February 4, 2025
An unusual perspective on a challeging problem. A daughter, a psychologist, the family's fixer- this author had to be all of those when faced with the staggering disaster that was her childhood home after her mother's 30 years of hoarding.
February 19, 2025
I just finished devouring this book in just 2 days! I could not stop reading, yet I didn’t want it to end! Of course the story is mind boggling, but Deborah Kossmann is also such a beautiful writer.
February 21, 2025
This book is a page turner! A beautifully written memoir that weaves a story about hoarding with the authors complex family relationships past and present. Kossmann takes us on a journey that includes pathos, heartbreak and humor along the way. Highly recommend!
February 26, 2025
Anyone who has had a difficult relationship with a family member, especially one whose version of reality diverges from one’s own, will relate to this story. The writing is beautiful, and the narrative is harrowing and compelling with just enough humor to keep it from becoming oppressive.
March 8, 2025
This is an extremely well-crafted memoir that is a must-read for lovers of the genre. Kossman is honest and compassionate in her examination of her relationship with her mother and the complicated dynamics within her family. Truly a standout read.
March 9, 2025
Though hard to read all about clearing out her mother’s house, it was well worth it. The author writes beautifully about reflecting on her childhood and processing the complicated relationship with her mom.
March 11, 2025
A courageous, well-written autobiography which reveals the impact of a parent's hoarding on her children while also honoring the good in the parent. The author brings her understanding as a psychologist into the story without distancing herself from being an emotive participant. A compelling read.
May 23, 2025
The author brings us to the door of her life, introduces us to her past through the eye of the present, and tells a remarkably relatable story while recounting a really unbelievable situation. Great insights.
October 10, 2025
Engaging read about generational trauma and how it shows up. Helps normalize even mental health professionals having their own histories and human reactions to situations. Picked it up randomly at Decatur bookfest! Glad I did!
October 17, 2025
My whole book club loved this book. It delves with poignant sensitivity into the affliction of extreme hording, painting a family picture with clarity, depth, humor and precision. Much to consider and discuss in this little gem of a book from an extremely talented author.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews