Lost Found Kept: A Memoir

by Deborah Derrickson Kossmann

How does a psychologist fail to recognize that her intelligent, sensitive, and book-loving mother has created "the worst hoarder house ever seen?" After making the horrifying discovery that her mother had no water in her house for at least two years, Deborah Derrickson Kossmann begins the otherworldly excavation of a childhood home she hasn't been inside for three decades. Moving back and forth in time, from this surreal nightmare of an archaeological dig to recollecting her past and long buried family secrets, Kossmann seeks to untangle a web of complicated familial relationships. In her lyrical and unflinching quest, she comes to understand what's been lost, what's been found and what's been kept in both her own and her mother's life.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Psychology, Biography Memoir

286 pages, Paperback

Published January 5, 2025

About the author

Deborah Derrickson Kossmann’s essays, feature articles and poetry have been published in The New York Times, Bellevue Literary Review, PSYCHE, Nashville Review, Psychotherapy Networker and Solstice Magazine to name a few. LOST FOUND KEPT was the winner of the inaugural 2023 Aurora Polaris Prize in Creative Nonfiction from Trio House Press. It was published in January 2025 and BookPages named it one of the "Best Memoirs" of 2025. The audiobook (with Deb narrating) came out in December 2025. Deb was the winner of the Short Memoir Competition at Philadelphia First Person Arts Festival and was awarded a Pennsylvania Council on the Arts Poetry Fellowship. When not working as a clinical psychologist in private practice outside Philadelphia, PA, she and her husband are devoted servants to Sofia Carmela, a cat with a whole lot of “tortitude.”

Reviews

[Dusti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deborah Derrickson Kossmann’s writing is some of the best I’ve ever read and I was fortunate to receive a review copy of her new book. In Lost Found Kept Deborah takes us with her as she discovers the horrifying conditions of the home in which her mother has been living and then onto the heartbreaking task of digging through and discarding 30 years of filth. Buried within the detritus is a life once lived; one which leads Deborah to explore her past, revisiting both the good times and some very bad times. All of this is compounded by the love/hate relationship between Deborah and her mother. Lost Found Kept is a story of heartbreak, resilience, and redemption. It has stayed with me.

[Samantha Terrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not generally a fan of Memoir, I was pleasantly surprised by this compelling book. I appreciated the author's candor about this difficult issue.

[Joyce Daley · Rating 5 out of 5]

When her fiercely independent, aging mother is involved in an accident and suddenly needs help, the author returns to the childhood home she has not set foot in for more than two decades. There, she discovers the staggering extent of her mother's hoarding and is faced not only with the daunting task of emptying the house, but also with confronting long held family secrets and the pain of her past.

Told with gentle yet unflinching honesty, Lost Found Kept reads like fiction. Kossman's voice is compassionate and engaging, drawing readers into both the literal and emotional mess as she navigates grief, memory, and the complicated bonds between mothers and daughters.

[Molly Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I almost didn’t read this book club pick because I knew the subject matter was too close to me and I didn’t want to upset myself. I’m glad I gave it a chance. I felt so seen and understood while reading about the author’s very complicated feelings towards her mother, so much so that I often found myself crying while reading.

[Kirsten Choma. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a quick read for me because of how well it was written. The author gave me just enough to keep me hooked and tell her and her mother’s complicated story in a beautiful way.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love a memoir and this one gripped me. An exploration of mental illness, the ways our childhood forms us, and the inspiring power of pulling oneself out of dysfunction

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down. I could identify in my own life so much with this story of a mentally unstable mother. The author describes how her mother kept her hoarding a secret, and yet everyone knew something was wrong. The author describes finding out the truth and having to clean out the filth and try to salvage something. She works through her guilt and rage one shovel full at a time. It was hard to read at times, and I felt my own emotions surfacing as I remembered my own family drama.

[Noa Kossmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I really enjoy nonfictions, memoirs, etc., I am normally very slow to read them. Now this book though, this book was a quick and easy read. It’s not what I expected it to be in the best way. I expected a lot more psycho-analysis from the author herself, but instead was met with raw emotional processing. It was incredibly well written and I can only imagine how therapeutic it was for the author to put her thoughts, words, emotions, LIFE, into all 275 pages. I’d read it again and recommend it to all.

[Kathy Ewing · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Lost, Found, Kept" powerfully conveys the complicated and contradictory experience of dealing with a family member's mental illness. Kossman's mother can be funny, astute, powerful, and smart. She also becomes a recalcitrant and frustrating hoarder. In vivid chapters (all too vivid), we read about the detritus of a troubled, secretive mother--truckloads of stuff that have to be sorted and discarded through the heroic efforts of Kossman, a clinical psychologist, as well as her admirable husband and her sister. There are emotional and psychological insights, eloquently expressed, on every page.

[Jeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes people believe that psychologists and other therapists have always had their ducks in a row. We don't. We should at least be working on our stuff, though, trying to understand and work through our garbage.

Deb Derrickson Kossmann literally and figuratively works through her family's garbage in Lost Found Kept. Her mother was a detail-oriented, organized nurse, but prevented her daughters from coming in her house for decades. They worried about her, but she was clearly a competent person. In 2016, however, they discovered that she had no phone, no water, maybe no heat, had been defecating in bags, and hoarding important things and trash in such a way that they were lost or damaged.

It was clear it was bad, but she was an autonomous person and refused all our offers of help. And as I’m telling my friend this, I feel shame, the shame of my own failure to help my mother the way she needed…. She didn’t want therapy or medication. She chose to hide the secret and it just got bigger and bigger like the mess. Was it derelict to let her live the way she wanted? Was this neglect necessary for me to be able to separate from her? (pp. 255-256).

This is the difficult balance all of us face when our loved ones have mental health problems: how much can I, should I intervene? Am I overstepping my bounds or am I "helping" to meet my own needs?

I love that Kossmann considers multiple explanations – and also that she recognizes that her mother's hoarding is multiply determined, serving multiple purposes.

In the middle of digging through this shit – literal and metaphorical – it is easy to believe that you won't get through. What does Kossmanm discover?

I’ve lost some of the patience I used to have. I don’t mince words anymore. By doing enough, I have been freed of being responsible for somebody else’s mess. I’m only responsible for my own, and that’s enough. Sometimes, I regret being harsh with my mother and wish we could have done things differently, the way all the psychological books about hoarding cleanups advise. I feel sad that I was angry. I have gained so much appreciation for the husband who shoveled next to me, who recently built me a sun porch with wide windows where light streams in and comfortable chairs where I sit writing these words. He doesn’t see or treat me as something to be torn up or thrown away. And I have finally fully allowed myself to believe that I am to be treasured and kept. (p. 264).

***

I am currently going through a loved one's things – Seven leather jackets? How many guitars and ukuleles? – and Kossmann's book reminds me that this continuum is not a dichotomous neat and tidy vs. hoarding. My loved one's things are "more normal, like a disorganized storage unit" (p. 176).

I sometimes worry about reviewing a friend's book – and Deb is a good friend, even though she lives across the state from me. This was an easy review to write and, while I knew large parts of her story beforehand, maybe even seeing her video when she was first excavating (or maybe I've just created this memory from her stories???), it was a pleasure to read Lost Found Kept, a story that's different than that told over dinner and wine.

[Laura Sturza · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extraordinary, staggering story, beautifully written. It takes readers along on the author's hellish ride of cleaning out her mother's hoarder home, crunching along with her through the layers covering the floors, stuck to every surface, and towering high in other areas, a place no one could imagine living. While the story may sound unspeakably dark, it is conveyed with humor, compassion, and deep insight. We get to come along on a ride that leads the author to unravel her family history. The writer has such a strong, clearheaded voice and skill at painting scenes and characters that I could clearly see the interactions she had with each family member, neighbor, therapist, beloved pet, and friend. While the book is a family story, it reads almost like a great mystery as the author struggles to uncover how this happened, what her role was, and how she could make peace with it. This story may be unique, as hoarding may not be as prevalent as other forms of mental illness or addiction, yet it opens a window into an experience unlike anything many encounter and also an entirely relatable one: the attempt to make sense of family history and family secrets. It was so compelling that I read it in just a couple of days. Highly recommend.

[Casey Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deborah Derrickson Kossmann was blindsided by what she found upon entering her mother's house for the first time in many years. What follows is the stuff of reality tv and deep psychological dysfunction. In Lost Found Kept, we walk beside Kossman and her devoted husband as they literally shovel their way through the shocking landscape that accosts their senses at every turn. At the same time, she metaphorically excavates her own childhood and the fraught relationship she's long had with her mother.

Knowing what this story was about, I expected a riveting read, and I was not disappointed. What I did not expect was lyrical, skillful writing to elevate this already compelling tale into a reading experience I won't soon forget. I highly recommend this memoir.

[Stephanie Weaver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could not put this book down

What happens when your possessions take over your life? How do you dig out from under? And what keeps people from asking for help? I started reading this memoir as an excerpt on Open Secrets magazine, and absolutely HAD to finish reading it. Thank you, instant gratification, Kindle. It’s a remarkable story of two sisters and their proud, independent, bright mother, who somehow ends up nearly buried inside her possessions. The author, a psychologist, literally and figuratively excavates their lives, moving back and forth in time between the cleanout of her mother’s home (and its eventual sale) and their childhoods. It’s unwaveringly honest about hoarding and difficult family relationships and the many feelings that arise. I couldn’t put it down, although there are many visuals the author planted in my brain I wish I could Lysol away.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deborah Derrickson Kossmann’s writing is exquisite in this riveting memoir. Facing her mother’s hidden hoarding addiction, the author goes on a quest to piece together another hidden truth—her own family history. In this process, Kossmann archives and transforms her pain, anger, love—all the mess of emotions and experiences that each of us must grapple with— into this magical memoir. Her emotional exploration / excavation, written as only a true poet could—with words that paint scene after scene in stunning detail—succeeds in reaching the universal in our human experience. I couldn’t put “Lost. Found. Kept” down except when hunger or sleep was insisting! It has so much to offer to so many.

[Jason Prokowiew · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing (of many) that impressed me in Lost Found Kept was how Derrickson Kossman used her background as a therapist in such subtle ways. I trusted her professional expertise around issues of hoarding and mental health struggles her mother faced, but I never felt overwhelmed by that expertise. I knew it was there, but the author focused on the human struggle of a daughter contending with her difficult mother. Indeed, it felt like all professional understanding could easily fall away in the face of familial struggles, and Derrickson Kossman showed that quite well. Throughout, the book felt heartfelt and honest in this way.

[Staci Cottone]

This book is beautifully written and is hard to put down. It's about the author's struggles through life. Dr. Deb is a psychologist that ends up having to cleanup after her mother's 30 years of hoarding in her childhood home. As a psychologist she has a keen eye for observation and insight. As she goes through all of the trash and mess, she find valued jewelry and art, the memories come back. It almost seems like a collection of short stories threaded together by dealing with the aftermath of her Mother's hoarding. This book is full of symbolism and has a theme of resilience. I can't wait to read her next book!

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the author read this book . I enjoyed her presentation. Usually when I read a memoir I get something out of it that is a takeaway for my own life. I cannot say this occurred with this book. I imagine if you are dealing with a loved one who is a hoarder this would be a useful read. What I found lacking in this book was the outcome of the crucible. This situation had to be a severe test for the author and I wonder what in her life was transformed by this descent into hell. The other feature that was missing for me was any kind of confrontation with her mother. We get no info on this. But it is a compelling story .

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many years ago, I read bits and pieces of this memoir as Deb drafted them as part of an email writing group, and I was always so excited when she was particpating because I wanted to read as much of this as she was willing to share. So the second she emailed to say the book was available for preorder, I handed over my money. The final memoir did not disappoint! I could not put this down--an honest, sensitive, and unsparing story about being a daughter, surviving trauma, and the hoarder home that sucks in everyone near it.

[Paola · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to read an advanced copy of this memoir and I could not put it down. The prose is beautiful. The topic of hoarding struck a chord having recently moved my parents into a smaller house and having to sort through 40 years of "stuff." Thankfully our move was not on the level that this author had to deal with. The book goes back and forth between the past and the present and the author does a great job straddling these time lines. I also related to the complex mother/daughter relationship. I highly recommend this book.

[Ky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an awesome memoir.

Deborah Derrickson Kossmann has an incredible voice while telling her story. I was consistently hooked the entire time. I couldn’t wait to hear more.
The weaving of the past and present of the story really made for an emotional, personal read. You are really able to feel what she’s written.
Her willingness to share such intimate relationships and experiences is commendable. Her honesty about her experiences and how they made her feel really connects you together.

[Martha D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow this was a tough book. The author toggled between her dysfunctional childhood & her current situation of digging (literally) through her elderly hoarder mother’s home. There is so much she unpacked in her memoir as she packed up her childhood home.
The only negative takeaway for me was that I didn’t really like the audio narration. It was performed by the author but I did not enjoy her monotone voice which felt more like reader than a storyteller -⭐️.

[Michelle Merlo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m very particular about memoirs. While it’s my favorite genre, I have high expectations from them. Lost Found Kept met all of them. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about the author’s complex familial relationships and the way she addressed the trauma of realizing a massive secret within the confines of her childhood home. Highly recommend.

[Gary Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is without a doubt one of the best memoirs I've ever read...a book that I found both hard to read and hard to put down at the same time. So well crafted and the very difficult story is told with honesty and above all compassion, the challenging subject matter handled with such sensitivity. A remarkable achievement. I hope this important book finds a large audience...it is very deserving.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lost Found Kept is a beautifully written memoir about dysfunction, trauma, growing up and love. The layers in the book are deep, complex yet simple and written so eloquently the reader will not be able to put it down. Deborah approaches all of this with graceful humor and wit that readers will relate to and appreciate.
This is a must read!

[Patti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful story of the author's reckoning with her family's difficult history and her mother's hoarding. I really appreciated the unvarnished, raw approach of the early sections, which really evoked what these experiences might have been like at the time, and also the balanced views the book concluded with as she grappled with the challenges of loving complicated people

[Carolynn Smith]

This memoir is fantastic. Dr. Kossman writes with honesty and compassion about her relationship with her mother and the complicated ties of family. It’s heartfelt, moving, and a must-read.

This is one of those books that lingers in your mind well after you’ve finished. I'm grateful it came into my hands and I’m more than happy to recommend it.

Definitely 5 stars!

[Fran · Rating 5 out of 5]

An unusual perspective on a challeging problem. A daughter, a psychologist, the family's fixer- this author had to be all of those when faced with the staggering disaster that was her childhood home after her mother's 30 years of hoarding.

[Abby Applebaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished devouring this book in just 2 days! I could not stop reading, yet I didn’t want it to end! Of course the story is mind boggling, but Deborah Kossmann is also such a beautiful writer.

[Barrie Urbano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a page turner! A beautifully written memoir that weaves a story about hoarding with the authors complex family relationships past and present. Kossmann takes us on a journey that includes pathos, heartbreak and humor along the way. Highly recommend!

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who has had a difficult relationship with a family member, especially one whose version of reality diverges from one’s own, will relate to this story. The writing is beautiful, and the narrative is harrowing and compelling with just enough humor to keep it from becoming oppressive.