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The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
A searing memoir from Harry Potter star and activist Evanna Lynch about the bravery it takes to embrace ourselves and our dreams while navigating the battle between perfection and creativity.
Gradually, I began to feel this dawning awareness that womanhood was coming for me, that it was looming inevitably, and it didn't feel safe . . . While those around me tried to expedite it, simulate it, exacerbate it, I tried to strangle it.
Evanna Lynch has long been viewed as a role model for people recovering from anorexia, as the story of her casting as Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films grew to almost mythic proportions--a tale of how she faced disordered eating as a young girl, found solace in a beloved book series, and several years later landed the part of her favorite character. But that is not the whole story.
Even after recovery, there remains a conflict at the very core of her being: a bitter struggle between the familiar, anesthetizing pursuit of perfection and the desire to fully and fearlessly embrace her creativity. In her book, Evanna confronts all the complexities and contradictions within herself and reveals how she began to conquer her self-hate while facing her fear of leaving the neatness and safety of girlhood for the unpredictable journey of being a woman. Revealing a startlingly accomplished voice, Evanna delves into the very heart of a woman's relationship with her own body. Unwilling to let the darkness of her eating disorder eclipse her dreams, Evanna explores the pivotal moments and choices in her life that led her down the path of creativity. Taking the reader through her personal journey, she reveals how by channeling her fears of the messy, uncharted future into joyful, ambitious endeavors, she reaches toward acceptance of the wild, sensual, and unpredictable reality of womanhood.
Honest, electrifying, and inspiring, this is a story of the tragedy and the glory of growing up, of mourning girlhood and stepping into the unknown, and how that act of courage is the most liberating thing a woman can do.
Gradually, I began to feel this dawning awareness that womanhood was coming for me, that it was looming inevitably, and it didn't feel safe . . . While those around me tried to expedite it, simulate it, exacerbate it, I tried to strangle it.
Evanna Lynch has long been viewed as a role model for people recovering from anorexia, as the story of her casting as Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films grew to almost mythic proportions--a tale of how she faced disordered eating as a young girl, found solace in a beloved book series, and several years later landed the part of her favorite character. But that is not the whole story.
Even after recovery, there remains a conflict at the very core of her being: a bitter struggle between the familiar, anesthetizing pursuit of perfection and the desire to fully and fearlessly embrace her creativity. In her book, Evanna confronts all the complexities and contradictions within herself and reveals how she began to conquer her self-hate while facing her fear of leaving the neatness and safety of girlhood for the unpredictable journey of being a woman. Revealing a startlingly accomplished voice, Evanna delves into the very heart of a woman's relationship with her own body. Unwilling to let the darkness of her eating disorder eclipse her dreams, Evanna explores the pivotal moments and choices in her life that led her down the path of creativity. Taking the reader through her personal journey, she reveals how by channeling her fears of the messy, uncharted future into joyful, ambitious endeavors, she reaches toward acceptance of the wild, sensual, and unpredictable reality of womanhood.
Honest, electrifying, and inspiring, this is a story of the tragedy and the glory of growing up, of mourning girlhood and stepping into the unknown, and how that act of courage is the most liberating thing a woman can do.
463 pages, Paperback
First published September 14, 2021
458 people are currently reading
15229 people want to read
About the author
Evanna Lynch
10 books321 followersEvanna Lynch is an actress, writer and animal rights activist. Her professional career began at the age of fourteen when she played the role of Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter film series. She lives in London, where she divides her time between her work and passions.
As an activist, Lynch advocates for veganism and animal rights. She has been involved with several non-profit organisations like Animal Equality, and launched both a vegan-themed podcast and the cruelty-free cosmetics brand Kinder Beauty Box.
The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and Glory of Growing Up - A Memoir is her first book.
As an activist, Lynch advocates for veganism and animal rights. She has been involved with several non-profit organisations like Animal Equality, and launched both a vegan-themed podcast and the cruelty-free cosmetics brand Kinder Beauty Box.
The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and Glory of Growing Up - A Memoir is her first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,097 reviews
October 20, 2021
Having also struggled with anorexia, I feel like in less than 24 hours this book has changed my life. I don’t think anyone not adequately recovered from their eating disorder should read this; it threatened dark thoughts within me, two years out. However ultimately I feel it has given me an entirely new outlook on life (and reminded me why I will forever remain recovered).
I have never read anything that so perfectly captured the struggle of an eating disorder without falling prey to its own attempts to glamorize itself. I mourn everything I lost in the years I lost to my ED, and Evanna perfectly captures that as well. Unlike anything I’ve read before, I believe she accurately portrays the reason it is so difficult to escape eating disorders, far away from an actual interest in losing weight: a fear that what is above ground is not enough, so in the end it is easier to succumb to something empty but safe.
I also want to acknowledge for any readers that have not themselves had an eating disorder, how perfectly she conveys the non-eating aspects of eating disorders. It seems second nature to me that they are not at all about being thin and that it is merely a consequence of the addiction, but I realize that misunderstood narrative is still often portrayed in media. It’s difficult to explain how anorexia both isn’t and is about being thin, but Evanna managed it.
It’s not really possible to summarize the novel because it is a chronological retelling of her life (certainly not even close to all aspects of it), but I highly recommend it to anyone looking for enlightenment that IS NOT IN THE GRIPS OF AN EATING DISORDER. I think this is a rare ED book that needed to have been written, but please proceed with caution. If you are recovered enough to read this, it may be life changing (not trying to be too dramatic, it’s just a book. But when you’ve sacrificed your life for something as serious as an eating disorder, it’s not unreasonable to change from a pivotal book).
I have never read anything that so perfectly captured the struggle of an eating disorder without falling prey to its own attempts to glamorize itself. I mourn everything I lost in the years I lost to my ED, and Evanna perfectly captures that as well. Unlike anything I’ve read before, I believe she accurately portrays the reason it is so difficult to escape eating disorders, far away from an actual interest in losing weight: a fear that what is above ground is not enough, so in the end it is easier to succumb to something empty but safe.
I also want to acknowledge for any readers that have not themselves had an eating disorder, how perfectly she conveys the non-eating aspects of eating disorders. It seems second nature to me that they are not at all about being thin and that it is merely a consequence of the addiction, but I realize that misunderstood narrative is still often portrayed in media. It’s difficult to explain how anorexia both isn’t and is about being thin, but Evanna managed it.
It’s not really possible to summarize the novel because it is a chronological retelling of her life (certainly not even close to all aspects of it), but I highly recommend it to anyone looking for enlightenment that IS NOT IN THE GRIPS OF AN EATING DISORDER. I think this is a rare ED book that needed to have been written, but please proceed with caution. If you are recovered enough to read this, it may be life changing (not trying to be too dramatic, it’s just a book. But when you’ve sacrificed your life for something as serious as an eating disorder, it’s not unreasonable to change from a pivotal book).
March 1, 2022
“I believe in the kind of fairy tales that have depth, complexity, profundity and moments of darkness that birth a fiercer belief in light; the kind where endings are not endings but breakthroughs that lead to the next adventure.”
I’m a big fan of Evanna Lynch, but I knew very little about anorexia or her experience with it.
This memoir covers her journey from age 10 when she first starts restricting her food as a way of staving off womanhood. All the way to her time spent as an inpatient and the road the recovery, which is ongoing.
Plenty of heavy topics, severe self hate and the constant battle she has in her mind.
I found it fascinating and terrifying in equal measure. It fully immerses you into the life and mind of an anorexic. I do need a lighter read now though.
“More than anything else, I hope this story helps you find the lighted path out of your own darkness.”
I’m a big fan of Evanna Lynch, but I knew very little about anorexia or her experience with it.
This memoir covers her journey from age 10 when she first starts restricting her food as a way of staving off womanhood. All the way to her time spent as an inpatient and the road the recovery, which is ongoing.
Plenty of heavy topics, severe self hate and the constant battle she has in her mind.
I found it fascinating and terrifying in equal measure. It fully immerses you into the life and mind of an anorexic. I do need a lighter read now though.
“More than anything else, I hope this story helps you find the lighted path out of your own darkness.”
October 20, 2021
‘I believe in the kind of fairy-tales that have depth, complexity, profundity and moments of darkness that birth a fiercer belief in the light’
Where to even begin. I mean, this book was amazing! Both a gritty memoir about Lynch’s own experiences with an eating disorder and a wider treatise on growing up as a woman, Evanna’s writing style was beautiful and always cleverly crafted, her voice and insights startlingly real and raw. I read it in 2 sittings and it would have been 1 if I hadn’t inconveniently needed to sleep, it was written that addictively.
I will say it is not an easy book to read. Nor does it fit into the neat ‘spiral and phoenix-like recovery’ narrative that accounts of mental health all too often fall into. At times you can’t help but be frustrated at the narrator and shocked by the places that the book dares to go, but by writing with such self-conscious realism, Evanna’s story provides a much needed reality check on the way both sufferers, mental health services and the media approach mental health. Sometimes it does not just ‘get better’. Sometimes it gets worse, a lot worse before this, with a whole lot of upping and downing in between.
I’m definitely doing a bad job of explaining it, but I would highly recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with living in a body they don’t like, growing up and fitting in, or anyone just wanting an insight into the way eating disorders work. In a word, it was unforgettable.
Where to even begin. I mean, this book was amazing! Both a gritty memoir about Lynch’s own experiences with an eating disorder and a wider treatise on growing up as a woman, Evanna’s writing style was beautiful and always cleverly crafted, her voice and insights startlingly real and raw. I read it in 2 sittings and it would have been 1 if I hadn’t inconveniently needed to sleep, it was written that addictively.
I will say it is not an easy book to read. Nor does it fit into the neat ‘spiral and phoenix-like recovery’ narrative that accounts of mental health all too often fall into. At times you can’t help but be frustrated at the narrator and shocked by the places that the book dares to go, but by writing with such self-conscious realism, Evanna’s story provides a much needed reality check on the way both sufferers, mental health services and the media approach mental health. Sometimes it does not just ‘get better’. Sometimes it gets worse, a lot worse before this, with a whole lot of upping and downing in between.
I’m definitely doing a bad job of explaining it, but I would highly recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with living in a body they don’t like, growing up and fitting in, or anyone just wanting an insight into the way eating disorders work. In a word, it was unforgettable.
Read
February 2, 2025It’s rare to find a memoir regarding EDs that doesn’t read like a triggering how-to manual. THIS, however… relatable, beautiful, painful, & SUCH an important story/conversation. ❤️
November 4, 2021
“We have this compulsion to turn every story into a fairy tale.”
Thus goes a line towards the very start of the book, in the author’s note. How true is this idea! Especially in today’s world where each of us seems to know more people through SM sites and follow our favourite stars through their sites and interviews, we build this idea of a picture-perfect existence for every person…. Except us. And then we wallow in self-pity and depression, wondering how everyone else is so happy and lucky. Only the mature realise that almost the entire social Internet is nothing but a “fake news” of sorts.
One pressure that SM (especially Facebook and Instagram) creates is the need to look gorgeous. And one requirement of this “looking gorgeous” is being thin. The photoshopped pics of supermodels and actresses don’t help matters. The female human body is expected to be in the hourglass shape, no matter which demographic it belongs to. If the pressure is so much on us mere mortals, it must be much higher on the supermodels and the actresses themselves. And this pressure can make people choose drastic measures of weight loss at times.
I was aware of Evanna Lynch only because she had starred as one of my favourite HP characters, Luna Lovegood, in the movie adaptation, and she did such an admirable job of bringing Luna to life. I had heard that this memoir dealt with her struggles with anorexia, something I hadn’t known about before. And I had assumed that this struggle started as an aftermath of her success in moviedom, as a result of the pressure to look well all the time. But I was wrong in this last point. Her battles with anorexia began when she was eleven, long before many kids even know what the word means.
Many see anorexia as a dirty word, a disease of weirdos who want to stay thin at ridiculous costs and with extreme methods. But we rarely hear of the mental struggle behind that disease. Evanna Lynch fills this lacuna admirably with her honest-to-heart memoir. The book is bold. It is dark. It is shocking. It is unbelievable. It is NOT a how-to manual for eating disorders. All you get is a detailed account of the extent of her struggles, her attempt to explain why she felt compelled to become thinner, and her ongoing conflict with her looks and self-acceptance. There is an undertone of humour in many of her statements. For instance, this is how she introduces the chapter detailing the start of her eating struggles:
“The melodramatic and often boastful chapter chronicling the tragic downfall of a poor young girl as she whittles herself away, disfigured by her own self-hate, becoming a mere shadow of her former vivacious self! As if we all should weep bitterly over the fact that one self-obsessed, cosseted young girl is flinging a plate of lovingly prepared lasagne out the bathroom window where the cats will slurp up the evidence.“
But underneath this funny façade, you get a peek at how much this young girl has battled through in her misguided attempts at thinness. Lynch is a very picturesque writer and creates a vivid imagery of the most abstract concepts. Sample this:
"Creativity, she doesn’t fit in a box. She’s a wild, fluid, uncontrollable energy that spreads out sensuously from a curious, wide open mind, in large expanses of aimless time on dreamy liminal train journeys or in subtle moments between waking and sleep. She can’t be pushed or coughed up or beaten into submission by a brutal and unmerciful regime. She needs light and breath and space, and then, maybe, if the mood takes her, she’ll unfurl her wings and let her colours run into the atmosphere."
Overall, in terms of writing style, content, and emotions, the book hits most of the right checkboxes. While only at times venturing into a philosophical mode--I was a bit bored by these parts; I don’t enjoy too much of ‘gyaan’-- the rest of the book is a dark and troubling true story. It doesn’t portray the road to recovery as a smooth journey with a fixed destination but as a gritty and nerve-wracking experience that is ongoing. There is slight bit of repetitiveness to the writing but this is very common in memoirs, especially celebrity ones.
HP fans might be eager to know this: To what extent does the Harry Potter experience appear in the memoir? Answer: It appears just as much as necessary and will certainly make you happy, though you might not look at Luna the same way again. The writing contains Evanna’s obsession for the book series, her fangirling of JK Rowling and Daniel Radcliffe, and her step into professional acting with the HP movies. But none of this is the main focus; anorexia remains the lead character of this memoir.
Evanna Lynch made it very clear that she won't reveal numbers in any form in this book. At first, I thought that it was a bad decision, that it would leave the book incomplete without her mentioning her weight upheavals. But after I read the book, I saw the merit in her decision. Even for someone like me, far away from that extreme level of anorexia, I found her mention of some techniques very tempting to try. So it would have really messed up with the minds of those still struggling with their body image.
There are a lot of triggering ideas in this book. Just know that it’s a heavy book and quite intense on the emotions. Recommended if you are an Evanna Lynch fan. Recommended if you struggle with your body image. Recommended if you want to read a genuine and heartfelt memoir. Recommended if you want to know how devious anorexia can be. But remember that it’s quite graphic and befuddling at times in its depictions. To be read only when you are mentally strong.
***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever! , for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
Thus goes a line towards the very start of the book, in the author’s note. How true is this idea! Especially in today’s world where each of us seems to know more people through SM sites and follow our favourite stars through their sites and interviews, we build this idea of a picture-perfect existence for every person…. Except us. And then we wallow in self-pity and depression, wondering how everyone else is so happy and lucky. Only the mature realise that almost the entire social Internet is nothing but a “fake news” of sorts.
One pressure that SM (especially Facebook and Instagram) creates is the need to look gorgeous. And one requirement of this “looking gorgeous” is being thin. The photoshopped pics of supermodels and actresses don’t help matters. The female human body is expected to be in the hourglass shape, no matter which demographic it belongs to. If the pressure is so much on us mere mortals, it must be much higher on the supermodels and the actresses themselves. And this pressure can make people choose drastic measures of weight loss at times.
I was aware of Evanna Lynch only because she had starred as one of my favourite HP characters, Luna Lovegood, in the movie adaptation, and she did such an admirable job of bringing Luna to life. I had heard that this memoir dealt with her struggles with anorexia, something I hadn’t known about before. And I had assumed that this struggle started as an aftermath of her success in moviedom, as a result of the pressure to look well all the time. But I was wrong in this last point. Her battles with anorexia began when she was eleven, long before many kids even know what the word means.
Many see anorexia as a dirty word, a disease of weirdos who want to stay thin at ridiculous costs and with extreme methods. But we rarely hear of the mental struggle behind that disease. Evanna Lynch fills this lacuna admirably with her honest-to-heart memoir. The book is bold. It is dark. It is shocking. It is unbelievable. It is NOT a how-to manual for eating disorders. All you get is a detailed account of the extent of her struggles, her attempt to explain why she felt compelled to become thinner, and her ongoing conflict with her looks and self-acceptance. There is an undertone of humour in many of her statements. For instance, this is how she introduces the chapter detailing the start of her eating struggles:
“The melodramatic and often boastful chapter chronicling the tragic downfall of a poor young girl as she whittles herself away, disfigured by her own self-hate, becoming a mere shadow of her former vivacious self! As if we all should weep bitterly over the fact that one self-obsessed, cosseted young girl is flinging a plate of lovingly prepared lasagne out the bathroom window where the cats will slurp up the evidence.“
But underneath this funny façade, you get a peek at how much this young girl has battled through in her misguided attempts at thinness. Lynch is a very picturesque writer and creates a vivid imagery of the most abstract concepts. Sample this:
"Creativity, she doesn’t fit in a box. She’s a wild, fluid, uncontrollable energy that spreads out sensuously from a curious, wide open mind, in large expanses of aimless time on dreamy liminal train journeys or in subtle moments between waking and sleep. She can’t be pushed or coughed up or beaten into submission by a brutal and unmerciful regime. She needs light and breath and space, and then, maybe, if the mood takes her, she’ll unfurl her wings and let her colours run into the atmosphere."
Overall, in terms of writing style, content, and emotions, the book hits most of the right checkboxes. While only at times venturing into a philosophical mode--I was a bit bored by these parts; I don’t enjoy too much of ‘gyaan’-- the rest of the book is a dark and troubling true story. It doesn’t portray the road to recovery as a smooth journey with a fixed destination but as a gritty and nerve-wracking experience that is ongoing. There is slight bit of repetitiveness to the writing but this is very common in memoirs, especially celebrity ones.
HP fans might be eager to know this: To what extent does the Harry Potter experience appear in the memoir? Answer: It appears just as much as necessary and will certainly make you happy, though you might not look at Luna the same way again. The writing contains Evanna’s obsession for the book series, her fangirling of JK Rowling and Daniel Radcliffe, and her step into professional acting with the HP movies. But none of this is the main focus; anorexia remains the lead character of this memoir.
Evanna Lynch made it very clear that she won't reveal numbers in any form in this book. At first, I thought that it was a bad decision, that it would leave the book incomplete without her mentioning her weight upheavals. But after I read the book, I saw the merit in her decision. Even for someone like me, far away from that extreme level of anorexia, I found her mention of some techniques very tempting to try. So it would have really messed up with the minds of those still struggling with their body image.
There are a lot of triggering ideas in this book. Just know that it’s a heavy book and quite intense on the emotions. Recommended if you are an Evanna Lynch fan. Recommended if you struggle with your body image. Recommended if you want to read a genuine and heartfelt memoir. Recommended if you want to know how devious anorexia can be. But remember that it’s quite graphic and befuddling at times in its depictions. To be read only when you are mentally strong.
***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever! , for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
October 22, 2025
Enquanto olho para o meu corpo, lembro-me de uma vez, há muito tempo, quando ainda era criança, em que me vi ao espelho e me perguntei se algum dia alguém quereria aquela criatura estranha, pálida e sardenta. Agora, decido que sou eu quem a quer. Quero este corpo. Quero viver nele, usufruir dele, cuidar dele e defendê-lo neste mundo. Já não quero ser mais uma voz a dizer-lhe que é nojento ou vergonhoso ou desadequado ou demasiado grande. Quero ser uma voz chamativa que lhe oferece amor e compaixão, que lhe oferece um espaço onde pode recuperar, sentir-se seguro e crescer.
Este livro é um testemunho muito lúcido e objetivo sobre o distúrbio de que a autora sofreu. Gostei muito de ler este relato de uma luta diária com o próprio corpo e de como, através da arte, da criatividade e da imaginação, a Evanna conseguiu aceitar o seu corpo e dar-lhe o respeito que ele merece.
Se alguém quiser realmente ser uma boa influência na vida de uma pessoa com anorexia, se quiser ajudar essa pessoa a libertar-se da escuridão desta doença em vez de se embrenhar mais nela, deve conversar com a pessoa sobre qualquer assunto, menos sobre o corpo dela. Pode falar sobre o tempo. Sobre as notícias. Ratos-toupeira-nus. Aquela teoria da conspiração que diz que a elite de Hollywood torturava virgens para lhes beber o adrenocromo do sangue. Falem com essas pessoas sobre literalmente qualquer coisa, exceto o mau aspeto com que estão.
Este livro é um testemunho muito lúcido e objetivo sobre o distúrbio de que a autora sofreu. Gostei muito de ler este relato de uma luta diária com o próprio corpo e de como, através da arte, da criatividade e da imaginação, a Evanna conseguiu aceitar o seu corpo e dar-lhe o respeito que ele merece.
Se alguém quiser realmente ser uma boa influência na vida de uma pessoa com anorexia, se quiser ajudar essa pessoa a libertar-se da escuridão desta doença em vez de se embrenhar mais nela, deve conversar com a pessoa sobre qualquer assunto, menos sobre o corpo dela. Pode falar sobre o tempo. Sobre as notícias. Ratos-toupeira-nus. Aquela teoria da conspiração que diz que a elite de Hollywood torturava virgens para lhes beber o adrenocromo do sangue. Falem com essas pessoas sobre literalmente qualquer coisa, exceto o mau aspeto com que estão.
May 1, 2024
Mad respect for Evanna Lynch for the following reasons:
1. You can't even tell it's a Harry Potter star writing a memoir at first glance, which is something she could've EASILY taken advantage of (a la Tom Felton, which clearly seems to be working for him because he's gotten 60k ratings, while Evanna only has 4k (!). I don't think most people even know this memoir even exists, and even if they do, they're avoiding it because it's not an easy breezy comedy style memoir). Harry Potter isn't present anywhere on the cover, and neither is her very recognizable face, precisely because (I'm sure) she didn't want people coming in expecting a tell-all 90% about the HP production, and getting this instead.
2. Now that I mentioned Tom Felton, I should also say this: the main reason why I don't want to read his memoir too is because of all the cringy HP references to "muggles", "Slytherins", etc. Meanwhile, Evanna completely avoided ALL and any of that, even though you can clearly tell from the text how much HP meant to her.
3. She isn't afraid to delve deep into her issues and tell us stuff that many other celebrities would rather die than ever talk about publicly, in fear of damaging their ~image~. Evanna, on the other hand, just plain ol' tells us that she thought Smeagol, the skeletal Gollum of LOTR fame, "looked rather good" while she was at the peak of her eating disorder; or that she participated in online forums about HP way before, and after, she got cast in the movies. Most celebrities won't even admit to Googling themselves.
4. She makes sure to chronicle her entire life until today in tons of detail and nuance (though put a pin in this, it'll come back later), successes, failures, times of uncertainty, times of elation. It's clear that TONS of thought and work went into this book. She analyzes events from different angles, includes so, so many pieces of advice both for ED patients and people in their circle, never glamourizes her illness (it's very clear that when she thinks she looks good in the midst of her illness, it's the anorexia speaking), or makes into a sob story.
And it's not even all about her ED, or all about the Harry Potter stuff, though they're the biggest chunks of the book; it's also about her insecurities about becoming both a woman and an adult, trying to find her way in life like everyone else, her creative spirit, her love for animals, it's got it all. She did a FANTASTIC job recounting everything and presenting it in an interesting, honest, and thoughtful way. I was never bored with the book, and that rarely happens with nonfiction.
I also knew about her ED struggles beforehand (because of the sensational "She was able to beat anorexia just to get the Luna role!!!!" headlines from back then, which aren't even true imo), but basically nothing else about her as a person, so I'm now glad to have that information. She even talks about that in the book, how even she defined herself by her ED alone for a long time, and working on her goals and dreams OUTSIDE of it are what finally got her out.
Two very, very small cons: 1. as with many memoirs, the narrative spends tons of time describing the past but zooms through a lot of stuff in more recent years. For example, her 9 (!) year relationship with fellow HP co-star Robbie Jarvis isn't mentioned once, and she kind of speeds through the filming of the HP movies after Order of the Phoenix; she goes from struggling to get into a college to suddenly making references to cars and apartments and living in LA while employing an entire team of experts to help her with her acting that had me like "??????"
2. I firmly, firmly believe that J.K. Rowling had a hand in her casting as Luna, even though everyone involved keeps insisting that she didn't. What a coincidence that the troubled young girl who'd had frequent personal correspondence with J.K. herself was the one that finally got the role. The "She was promised the role by JK, and that's how she found the ~strength~ to beat anorexia!!" stories are definitely false, but I think that she saw the casting tapes of the finalists and recognized here there. Her getting cast completely independently, and then her penpal JK only learning that fact along with the rest of the world, is too good a story to be true imo.
But the cons are really tiny compared to the rest of the book, which was damn excellent. Major props to Evanna, she did a fantastic job.
1. You can't even tell it's a Harry Potter star writing a memoir at first glance, which is something she could've EASILY taken advantage of (a la Tom Felton, which clearly seems to be working for him because he's gotten 60k ratings, while Evanna only has 4k (!). I don't think most people even know this memoir even exists, and even if they do, they're avoiding it because it's not an easy breezy comedy style memoir). Harry Potter isn't present anywhere on the cover, and neither is her very recognizable face, precisely because (I'm sure) she didn't want people coming in expecting a tell-all 90% about the HP production, and getting this instead.
2. Now that I mentioned Tom Felton, I should also say this: the main reason why I don't want to read his memoir too is because of all the cringy HP references to "muggles", "Slytherins", etc. Meanwhile, Evanna completely avoided ALL and any of that, even though you can clearly tell from the text how much HP meant to her.
3. She isn't afraid to delve deep into her issues and tell us stuff that many other celebrities would rather die than ever talk about publicly, in fear of damaging their ~image~. Evanna, on the other hand, just plain ol' tells us that she thought Smeagol, the skeletal Gollum of LOTR fame, "looked rather good" while she was at the peak of her eating disorder; or that she participated in online forums about HP way before, and after, she got cast in the movies. Most celebrities won't even admit to Googling themselves.
4. She makes sure to chronicle her entire life until today in tons of detail and nuance (though put a pin in this, it'll come back later), successes, failures, times of uncertainty, times of elation. It's clear that TONS of thought and work went into this book. She analyzes events from different angles, includes so, so many pieces of advice both for ED patients and people in their circle, never glamourizes her illness (it's very clear that when she thinks she looks good in the midst of her illness, it's the anorexia speaking), or makes into a sob story.
And it's not even all about her ED, or all about the Harry Potter stuff, though they're the biggest chunks of the book; it's also about her insecurities about becoming both a woman and an adult, trying to find her way in life like everyone else, her creative spirit, her love for animals, it's got it all. She did a FANTASTIC job recounting everything and presenting it in an interesting, honest, and thoughtful way. I was never bored with the book, and that rarely happens with nonfiction.
I also knew about her ED struggles beforehand (because of the sensational "She was able to beat anorexia just to get the Luna role!!!!" headlines from back then, which aren't even true imo), but basically nothing else about her as a person, so I'm now glad to have that information. She even talks about that in the book, how even she defined herself by her ED alone for a long time, and working on her goals and dreams OUTSIDE of it are what finally got her out.
Two very, very small cons: 1. as with many memoirs, the narrative spends tons of time describing the past but zooms through a lot of stuff in more recent years. For example, her 9 (!) year relationship with fellow HP co-star Robbie Jarvis isn't mentioned once, and she kind of speeds through the filming of the HP movies after Order of the Phoenix; she goes from struggling to get into a college to suddenly making references to cars and apartments and living in LA while employing an entire team of experts to help her with her acting that had me like "??????"
2. I firmly, firmly believe that J.K. Rowling had a hand in her casting as Luna, even though everyone involved keeps insisting that she didn't. What a coincidence that the troubled young girl who'd had frequent personal correspondence with J.K. herself was the one that finally got the role. The "She was promised the role by JK, and that's how she found the ~strength~ to beat anorexia!!" stories are definitely false, but I think that she saw the casting tapes of the finalists and recognized here there. Her getting cast completely independently, and then her penpal JK only learning that fact along with the rest of the world, is too good a story to be true imo.
But the cons are really tiny compared to the rest of the book, which was damn excellent. Major props to Evanna, she did a fantastic job.
October 25, 2021
I remember, years ago, coming across an article by Evanna about how to approach one's self-image. She said something to the effect of it being worth it to deal with one's flaws not as an affirmation of self-loathing, but as a means to no longer have them rule your life. And as a pimply, stretch-marked, gangly teen, her words carried immense gravity and far-reaching power. That simple wisdom — something my young mind, ensnared by obsessive self-hating loops, could not yet rise up to see — has remained with me as a precious guiding light.
Even then, I could perceive in Evanna's delivery something that impacted almost beyond the message: an assured, compassionate, lived-through quality which emanates out of those who possess the extraordinary forbearance to make it through dark nights of the soul. And here, in her memoir, that spirit gleams. This time, with achingly profound dimensions.
It may seem unusual to fix on this, but after listening to the book, what moved me most was Evanna’s remarkable grasp on storytelling itself. This is no isolated remark, as her talent both elevates and reinforces her themes to an alchemical height. She intuitively understands (and mentions herself early on) that in order to heal, you cannot bypass the blood and guts of your emotional unraveling. To do so would rob not only yourself of lasting illumination, but would cast a half-light on your audience, quick to snuff out in their own lives at the realization that their own suffering is not so neat. When you allow yourself the courage to mine your trials deep and true, it takes on a scope beyond the personal and becomes a roadmap out of any and all private hells.
That is how Evanna’s striking authenticity personally reached me: as a grounded, lucid whisper — from within the darkness and beyond it — that there is meaning, wisdom, and significance to your suffering even when you cannot yet perceive it.
And beneath its poignant surface are even deeper insights that seem to hold their weight from being hinted at than being definitively explored: existential questions surrounding the impossibility of living without an anchor in the world, however light or damaging; the crucial importance of having myths and characters to live in and embody for strength and wholeness; the solemn awareness that it is sometimes in our nature to stave off healing, even when it is within our grasp, because of our instinct that doing so would summon a horde of uncontrollable unknowns.
And yet another unusual aspect to fix on, perhaps, is in Evanna’s call to write and speak her story. You get the feeling that you are with her in a tumble down her Pensieve, everything alive with shocking urgency. She stands before you and beside you, as old and young Evanna, detailing exactly what she had felt and thought, and what she now gleans.
Although it can be said that this is every memoirist’s role, there is an uncanny difference here. She seems at once to be sharing her story and subtly communicating the significance of stories themselves, their potent, enigmatic power to restore, to provide context to your growth, to offer love and comfort to a past version of yourself who, through your telling, find still to be alive. You can feel it in her voice, as she renders each line and character with intense reality. As someone who has breathed boundless praise on Potter, it’s clear this is a writer who has internalized and wholeheartedly partaken in the majesty of stories.
Finally, on the core subject of eating disorders, I found Evanna’s take to be similar to the brilliant psychologist Marion Woodman (Addiction to Perfection). She was passionately against treating it as a purely physical disorder, believing that a conscious interface with one’s unconscious (through dreams, active imagination, body work, acting, and art) are vital components to fortifying one’s Self.
I couldn’t help but recognize Evanna as a perfect example of using acting to reclaim once-hidden depths. Luna Lovegood, who herself is queen of her feminine, unconscious wells, unites the paradoxes of strength and innocence, playfulness and sensibility, wisdom and irreverence, with such ease as to seem unearthly. But really, at heart, the truth is that Luna has embraced her humanity more than most. And as her vehicle and as her friend, Evanna Lynch showcases the fruits of that integration by walking with her own distinctive, fierce grace.
Even then, I could perceive in Evanna's delivery something that impacted almost beyond the message: an assured, compassionate, lived-through quality which emanates out of those who possess the extraordinary forbearance to make it through dark nights of the soul. And here, in her memoir, that spirit gleams. This time, with achingly profound dimensions.
It may seem unusual to fix on this, but after listening to the book, what moved me most was Evanna’s remarkable grasp on storytelling itself. This is no isolated remark, as her talent both elevates and reinforces her themes to an alchemical height. She intuitively understands (and mentions herself early on) that in order to heal, you cannot bypass the blood and guts of your emotional unraveling. To do so would rob not only yourself of lasting illumination, but would cast a half-light on your audience, quick to snuff out in their own lives at the realization that their own suffering is not so neat. When you allow yourself the courage to mine your trials deep and true, it takes on a scope beyond the personal and becomes a roadmap out of any and all private hells.
That is how Evanna’s striking authenticity personally reached me: as a grounded, lucid whisper — from within the darkness and beyond it — that there is meaning, wisdom, and significance to your suffering even when you cannot yet perceive it.
And beneath its poignant surface are even deeper insights that seem to hold their weight from being hinted at than being definitively explored: existential questions surrounding the impossibility of living without an anchor in the world, however light or damaging; the crucial importance of having myths and characters to live in and embody for strength and wholeness; the solemn awareness that it is sometimes in our nature to stave off healing, even when it is within our grasp, because of our instinct that doing so would summon a horde of uncontrollable unknowns.
And yet another unusual aspect to fix on, perhaps, is in Evanna’s call to write and speak her story. You get the feeling that you are with her in a tumble down her Pensieve, everything alive with shocking urgency. She stands before you and beside you, as old and young Evanna, detailing exactly what she had felt and thought, and what she now gleans.
Although it can be said that this is every memoirist’s role, there is an uncanny difference here. She seems at once to be sharing her story and subtly communicating the significance of stories themselves, their potent, enigmatic power to restore, to provide context to your growth, to offer love and comfort to a past version of yourself who, through your telling, find still to be alive. You can feel it in her voice, as she renders each line and character with intense reality. As someone who has breathed boundless praise on Potter, it’s clear this is a writer who has internalized and wholeheartedly partaken in the majesty of stories.
Finally, on the core subject of eating disorders, I found Evanna’s take to be similar to the brilliant psychologist Marion Woodman (Addiction to Perfection). She was passionately against treating it as a purely physical disorder, believing that a conscious interface with one’s unconscious (through dreams, active imagination, body work, acting, and art) are vital components to fortifying one’s Self.
I couldn’t help but recognize Evanna as a perfect example of using acting to reclaim once-hidden depths. Luna Lovegood, who herself is queen of her feminine, unconscious wells, unites the paradoxes of strength and innocence, playfulness and sensibility, wisdom and irreverence, with such ease as to seem unearthly. But really, at heart, the truth is that Luna has embraced her humanity more than most. And as her vehicle and as her friend, Evanna Lynch showcases the fruits of that integration by walking with her own distinctive, fierce grace.
October 16, 2024
This book took my life by storm and I looked forward to turning on the audiobook every single day. I did have to go through the story slowly due to how heavy and tragic it often was. Evanna was so selfless and honest with what she shared about her experience with disordered eating and I feel so honored to have had the chance to read it. She is such an incredible person and I feel lucky to have grown up with her as a role model💗🫶🏻 This was such an amazing memoir!!!!!
December 30, 2024
Sometimes a book hits you on such a deep spiritual and emotional level that you just can't put into words how much it means to you, and that is exactly what The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting did for me. It might be someone else's memoir (albeit someone who I deeply admire), but it made me feel more seen than I ever have before.
"People see eating disorders as a slow self-destruction, but the intention is quite the opposite. It's a stab at life, at asserting oneself. It's a fierce, warlike struggle to battle all the voices - internal and external - telling you'd be better off dead."
Memoirs are inherently intimate and vulnerable, but the way that Evanna laid her soul bare and relentlessly drowned us in her darkest, ugliest, and most disturbing thought spirals is beyond commendable. While our journeys are vastly different (because no two people experience an eating disorder the same way), I found this reading experience both extremely confronting and weirdly validating for me, and I can’t count the number of moments of recognition that helped me make sense of my own jumbled mess of feelings and destructive behaviours that still negatively impact my life to this day.
I deeply appreciate that there is zero glorification nor any sugar coating here, as that is exactly how it should be when it comes to talking about something as horrifying and complex as life with an eating disorder. Though instead of getting triggered as I was afraid would happen, I think this memoir is one of the most healing and inspiring things I have ever encountered in my own recovery process, exactly because Evanna is so brutally honest about how messy and chaotic and confusing this journey is. There are no grand revelations and easy one-liners about how to perfectly approach recovery, and that is exactly what makes her words of wisdom (which she more or less accidentally stumbles into) all the more authentic and impactful.
"You're meant to celebrate recovery and rejoice jubilantly at the wake of anorexia, and admitting 'I actually really miss my eating disorder' will only kill the vibe. But these are the people who don't understand that eating disorders are coping mechanisms, who portray recovery as all triumph and glory, who don't recognize that, for a long time, your eating disorder was your closest ally. They only see what it cost you, not the cherished moments of solace and steadiness that it lent you. It was always there for you in the dark moments when others weren't. But you are grieving, even though you shouldn't, even though the thing you miss almost took you down: you're grieving the loss of this part of you that was integral to survival, that was, for a little while, your whole self."
Now, if you solely come to this memoir looking for juicy behind the scenes Harry Potter insights during her time playing Luna Lovegood, then you might be left disappointed. Yes, we get some really exciting and fun anecdotes, and Evanna’s passion for story and the life-saving power of finding escape in fictional characters/adventures absolutely shines through in this memoir, but that is not the focus of the narrative at all, and I think it is all the better for it.
I seriously never thought it would be possible for anyone without an eating disorder to understand what it is like to have such a demon in your head (especially because it is already incomprehensible and inexplicable when you are going through it yourself), but reading this memoir is probably the closest thing to actually living through this hell yourself. And more than that, it raises awareness about all the ways that the mental health care system could and should do better in trying to support the deeply scared but tentatively hopeful souls that are trapped in the iron grip of an eating disorder.
"Personally, when it comes to anorexia recovery, I don't approve of solely treating the body and turning a deaf ear to the soul crying out for help. A soul can still drown in a healthy body."
The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting is just perfectly imperfect to me, and it should honestly be required reading if you ask me. It is both astonishingly well-written and deeply emotionally impactful, and I truly think it has the power to save lives. I can’t thank Evanna Lynch enough for being brave enough to share the most vulnerable and unflattering parts of herself, all while coming out looking even more admirable and heroic in the end. What a magical woman.
"People see eating disorders as a slow self-destruction, but the intention is quite the opposite. It's a stab at life, at asserting oneself. It's a fierce, warlike struggle to battle all the voices - internal and external - telling you'd be better off dead."
Memoirs are inherently intimate and vulnerable, but the way that Evanna laid her soul bare and relentlessly drowned us in her darkest, ugliest, and most disturbing thought spirals is beyond commendable. While our journeys are vastly different (because no two people experience an eating disorder the same way), I found this reading experience both extremely confronting and weirdly validating for me, and I can’t count the number of moments of recognition that helped me make sense of my own jumbled mess of feelings and destructive behaviours that still negatively impact my life to this day.
I deeply appreciate that there is zero glorification nor any sugar coating here, as that is exactly how it should be when it comes to talking about something as horrifying and complex as life with an eating disorder. Though instead of getting triggered as I was afraid would happen, I think this memoir is one of the most healing and inspiring things I have ever encountered in my own recovery process, exactly because Evanna is so brutally honest about how messy and chaotic and confusing this journey is. There are no grand revelations and easy one-liners about how to perfectly approach recovery, and that is exactly what makes her words of wisdom (which she more or less accidentally stumbles into) all the more authentic and impactful.
"You're meant to celebrate recovery and rejoice jubilantly at the wake of anorexia, and admitting 'I actually really miss my eating disorder' will only kill the vibe. But these are the people who don't understand that eating disorders are coping mechanisms, who portray recovery as all triumph and glory, who don't recognize that, for a long time, your eating disorder was your closest ally. They only see what it cost you, not the cherished moments of solace and steadiness that it lent you. It was always there for you in the dark moments when others weren't. But you are grieving, even though you shouldn't, even though the thing you miss almost took you down: you're grieving the loss of this part of you that was integral to survival, that was, for a little while, your whole self."
Now, if you solely come to this memoir looking for juicy behind the scenes Harry Potter insights during her time playing Luna Lovegood, then you might be left disappointed. Yes, we get some really exciting and fun anecdotes, and Evanna’s passion for story and the life-saving power of finding escape in fictional characters/adventures absolutely shines through in this memoir, but that is not the focus of the narrative at all, and I think it is all the better for it.
I seriously never thought it would be possible for anyone without an eating disorder to understand what it is like to have such a demon in your head (especially because it is already incomprehensible and inexplicable when you are going through it yourself), but reading this memoir is probably the closest thing to actually living through this hell yourself. And more than that, it raises awareness about all the ways that the mental health care system could and should do better in trying to support the deeply scared but tentatively hopeful souls that are trapped in the iron grip of an eating disorder.
"Personally, when it comes to anorexia recovery, I don't approve of solely treating the body and turning a deaf ear to the soul crying out for help. A soul can still drown in a healthy body."
The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting is just perfectly imperfect to me, and it should honestly be required reading if you ask me. It is both astonishingly well-written and deeply emotionally impactful, and I truly think it has the power to save lives. I can’t thank Evanna Lynch enough for being brave enough to share the most vulnerable and unflattering parts of herself, all while coming out looking even more admirable and heroic in the end. What a magical woman.
October 20, 2021
I loved this book! I've always loved the story of Evanna Lynch going from being a regular person to the actor portraying my favorite Harry Potter character, and it's really nice to get her perspective. I love how much of a Harry Potter nerd she is, and continued to be throughout filming. I can 100% see myself doing the same thing if I were in a similar situation.
I also really enjoyed how sincere her discussions of her eating disorder were. She acknowledged that it wasn't just a simple switch to flip in her brain and she was suddenly "better" and how it's a continued struggle, even when other things seem to be going great in your life. Some of the stories were really gut wrenching, but I'm glad that she felt like she could share her truth, and that she did so in a way that didn't create another book that centers around disordered eating that is essentially just a roadmap for how to "successfully" have/hide your eating habits.
Also, she read the audiobook herself which made the whole thing 1 million times better!
I also really enjoyed how sincere her discussions of her eating disorder were. She acknowledged that it wasn't just a simple switch to flip in her brain and she was suddenly "better" and how it's a continued struggle, even when other things seem to be going great in your life. Some of the stories were really gut wrenching, but I'm glad that she felt like she could share her truth, and that she did so in a way that didn't create another book that centers around disordered eating that is essentially just a roadmap for how to "successfully" have/hide your eating habits.
Also, she read the audiobook herself which made the whole thing 1 million times better!
February 4, 2022
Oh man, where to begin…
I can truly say I don’t think any other memoir, dare I say any other book, has shaken me, touched me, and inspired me as Evanna’s has.
Before I start, something I want to be more mindful of in my reviews is how my language may impact others. That being said, please note that this review contains content about mental health and eating disorders that may be triggering.
Something I don’t really talk about much and, until fairly recently, have kept tucked neatly away, is my ongoing struggle with body image. For more than half my life I have tried, and for the most part, failed, to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise and not to connect them to my self worth. This became particularly challenging in the wake of my brother’s recovery from anorexia, and continued (continues, arguably, some days) to intensify as I grew into a young adult.
This book, and my recent dive, accompanied by my therapist, into the deepest parts of myself I have been scared to uncover for over a decade, have challenged the way that I view myself. I know my ways of thinking are not fully changed yet, and this journey will likely be lifelong, but I can’t help feeling monumentally encouraged by Evanna’s words. I feel like for the first time I am starting to appreciate my body for what it is, not criticizing it for what it is not. I am finally beginning to understand that my body is not who I am. My body, this vessel where my personality lives, does not define me any more than the house I live in. Nor does anyone’s body define them.
In a similar vein, my disorder, the depression that all too often threatens to take me over, does not define me either. I think that’s a really important point that Evanna emphasizes. In the treatment of mental disorders, it’s crucial that we see those afflicted as people, above all else. Not as “depressed,” or as “anorexic,” or “schizophrenic,” or whatever else it may be, but as people.
I would like to say that I’m continually shocked and appalled by the complete disregard for human souls in mental healthcare, as is covered in this book, but sadly I am no longer surprised by stories like Evanna’s. While we have made progress from the days of asylums and exorcisms, we still have such a long way to come. But we must keep hope, keep fighting for a better tomorrow.
Anyway, thank you for listening to my TED Talk :)
But for real, thank you for listening/reading. It’s the first step we make on any long journey of progress.
Needless to say, cannot recommend this book enough. No words can describe the depths of my love for it
I can truly say I don’t think any other memoir, dare I say any other book, has shaken me, touched me, and inspired me as Evanna’s has.
Before I start, something I want to be more mindful of in my reviews is how my language may impact others. That being said, please note that this review contains content about mental health and eating disorders that may be triggering.
Something I don’t really talk about much and, until fairly recently, have kept tucked neatly away, is my ongoing struggle with body image. For more than half my life I have tried, and for the most part, failed, to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise and not to connect them to my self worth. This became particularly challenging in the wake of my brother’s recovery from anorexia, and continued (continues, arguably, some days) to intensify as I grew into a young adult.
This book, and my recent dive, accompanied by my therapist, into the deepest parts of myself I have been scared to uncover for over a decade, have challenged the way that I view myself. I know my ways of thinking are not fully changed yet, and this journey will likely be lifelong, but I can’t help feeling monumentally encouraged by Evanna’s words. I feel like for the first time I am starting to appreciate my body for what it is, not criticizing it for what it is not. I am finally beginning to understand that my body is not who I am. My body, this vessel where my personality lives, does not define me any more than the house I live in. Nor does anyone’s body define them.
In a similar vein, my disorder, the depression that all too often threatens to take me over, does not define me either. I think that’s a really important point that Evanna emphasizes. In the treatment of mental disorders, it’s crucial that we see those afflicted as people, above all else. Not as “depressed,” or as “anorexic,” or “schizophrenic,” or whatever else it may be, but as people.
I would like to say that I’m continually shocked and appalled by the complete disregard for human souls in mental healthcare, as is covered in this book, but sadly I am no longer surprised by stories like Evanna’s. While we have made progress from the days of asylums and exorcisms, we still have such a long way to come. But we must keep hope, keep fighting for a better tomorrow.
Anyway, thank you for listening to my TED Talk :)
But for real, thank you for listening/reading. It’s the first step we make on any long journey of progress.
Needless to say, cannot recommend this book enough. No words can describe the depths of my love for it
January 2, 2023
I can't deny this books make for an interesting read. I was captivated during the first few chapters as Evanna goes into depth about her anorexia. I work as a teacher with children who have eating disorders in a hospital and several of my students told me to read the book as it talks to their experience. So I read it and I hoped that Evanna would steer these kids to stop fighting the medical team trying to support them, but she does the opposite, she condemns the way her treatment was handled, without offered any suggested alternative. I had hoped she would say that as awful as her experiences were, in hindsight she could see they were necessary and ultimately did force her to turn things around. I wanted her to talk about how a malnourished brain cannot think logically or make rational decisions for itself and in that way, re-feeding is a necessary evil in order to then be able to work on the mental health side of the illness. I was hoping she would have more insight into the effect her illness had on her parents and her siblings, about how it impacted on their lives, but she didn't. I was hoping for her to make the obvious connection between her mothers history of having an eating disorder and how this contributed to her developing her own eating disorder. I believe Evanna might look back in another 20 years with further insight into her anorexia and recognise the healing that still needs to happen. She writes about her experiences with dancing, circus and becoming vegan, which, if she was deeply honest with herself, would realise that these still feed the eating disorder. She is still looking for things outside of herself to make her feel whole, worthy, happy, she still hasn't found it from within. And finally, I wanted her to speak more of the illness as a terrible and negative thing, and while she occasionally hints to this, the majority of the book is spent detailing the comfort in the illness and blaming the medical system - this adds fuel to the fire for the young people I work with. I congratulate her massively on the journey she has been on and the bravery to speak about it, however, I believe until she can make links to her mothers influence, accept the need for medically treating those who are severely malnourished, and find true self acceptance, she will continue to struggle mentally.
November 19, 2021
Despite using Goodreads for years, I’ve never actually written out a review before, which I hope speaks to how special this book is. Since the onset of puberty 25 (!) years ago, I have struggled with a deep, vicious, and immensely powerful sense of self-hate. Unlike Evanna, I have (mercifully, miraculously) not suffered from an eating disorder, but never before have I seen my innermost thought patterns on the page. Like Evanna, I was born into a loving, stable family and great societal privilege as someone white, cis, straight, able-bodied, middle-class. I have no childhood trauma to speak of. Also like Evanna, I have spent decades bewildering and exasperating family, friends, partners and therapists who don’t understand where this self-loathing arose from or how to deal with it. Aside from the physical specifics of anorexia, my heart swelled and broke to read someone else, someone who by all measures is a thoughtful, creative and inspirational person, go through the same feelings that have dominated my life and relationships for so many years. The self-hate has validated itself that I am something worthless and alien every time other people seem unable to comprehend it. Seeing here that I am not alone was meaningful and helpful beyond words.
Thanks to therapy, medication, and the many wonderful interpersonal relationships I’ve been blessed with, I was in a healthy enough place to read this book and feel a painful, enlightening and incredibly fulfilling sense of recognition. I’m a Harry Potter nerd who already admired Evanna Lynch’s vegan activism, but her writing and this beautiful, difficult memoir are such a gift to the world. I really needed this book and I think many other people do too. Not at all what I was expecting from a celebrity memoir but I am SO glad I read it!
Thanks to therapy, medication, and the many wonderful interpersonal relationships I’ve been blessed with, I was in a healthy enough place to read this book and feel a painful, enlightening and incredibly fulfilling sense of recognition. I’m a Harry Potter nerd who already admired Evanna Lynch’s vegan activism, but her writing and this beautiful, difficult memoir are such a gift to the world. I really needed this book and I think many other people do too. Not at all what I was expecting from a celebrity memoir but I am SO glad I read it!
April 16, 2023
Evannu Lynch všetci poznáme ako predstaviteľku Luny Lovegood a ako človek s celoživotnou obsesiou Harrym Potterom som si nemohla nechať ujsť jej memoár.
A bol fantastický.
Kniha je predovšetkým o anorexii. Evanna ju mala od jedenástich rokov a bola s ňou niekoľkokrát hospitalizovaná skôr. Vo svojom memoári detailne opisuje aké to bolo fyzicky aj psychicky, hovorí o svojej identite, body image aj o nenávisti k svojmu telu. Hovorí o svojom psychickom zdraví, o tom, že je to celoživotný proces a o vnútorných hlasoch, ktoré jej neustále hovoria, že nie je dosť dobrá, dosť pekná a dosť chudá. Je o tom, ako sa s tým vysporiadava už 20 rokov a neustále na sebe pracuje a stále to nie je ľahké.
Rovno poviem, že sa v ňom veľmi nedočítate o natáčaní HP, nenájdete tu veľa zaujímavých historiek a celkovo jej čas v Harrym Potterovi tu nie je opisovaný do detailov, čo je asi jediné, čo môžem knihe vytknúť, lebo samozrejme, že by som si priala, aby tam bolo toho viac.
Napriek tomu hlavne v prvej polovici HP zohráva veľkú úlohu, Evanna veľa hovorí o svojom vzťahu k tomu príbehu, pretože to bolo to jediné, čo dokázalo jej myseľ odpútať od myslenia na svoje telo, tuk a kalórie. O tom, ako si dopisovala s Rowlingovou, ktorá ju podporovala v liečbe. O tom, ako čítala Fénixov rád a okamžite cítila prepojenie s Lunou. Možno sa sústreďujem na to nepodstatné, ale pre mňa to boli najdojemnejšie scény, lebo som sa s tým vedela najviac stotožniť. Vravela som si, že áno, presne takto som sa celý život cítila, takýto vzťah som k tomu mala a rovnako veľa pre mňa znamená.
Je to nesmierne intímna spoveď, ktorá sa musela písať strašne ťažko a o to väčší obdiv a rešpekt k nej pociťujem, pretože to chcelo obrovskú odvahu sa podeliť so svetom o svoje myšlienky, ktoré boli neraz strašné a bolestivé.
Skrátka, odporúčam. Je to výborný memoár a ak budete mať možnosť, pustite si audioknihu, lebo ju Evanna narozprávala naozaj výborne.
A bol fantastický.
Kniha je predovšetkým o anorexii. Evanna ju mala od jedenástich rokov a bola s ňou niekoľkokrát hospitalizovaná skôr. Vo svojom memoári detailne opisuje aké to bolo fyzicky aj psychicky, hovorí o svojej identite, body image aj o nenávisti k svojmu telu. Hovorí o svojom psychickom zdraví, o tom, že je to celoživotný proces a o vnútorných hlasoch, ktoré jej neustále hovoria, že nie je dosť dobrá, dosť pekná a dosť chudá. Je o tom, ako sa s tým vysporiadava už 20 rokov a neustále na sebe pracuje a stále to nie je ľahké.
Rovno poviem, že sa v ňom veľmi nedočítate o natáčaní HP, nenájdete tu veľa zaujímavých historiek a celkovo jej čas v Harrym Potterovi tu nie je opisovaný do detailov, čo je asi jediné, čo môžem knihe vytknúť, lebo samozrejme, že by som si priala, aby tam bolo toho viac.
Napriek tomu hlavne v prvej polovici HP zohráva veľkú úlohu, Evanna veľa hovorí o svojom vzťahu k tomu príbehu, pretože to bolo to jediné, čo dokázalo jej myseľ odpútať od myslenia na svoje telo, tuk a kalórie. O tom, ako si dopisovala s Rowlingovou, ktorá ju podporovala v liečbe. O tom, ako čítala Fénixov rád a okamžite cítila prepojenie s Lunou. Možno sa sústreďujem na to nepodstatné, ale pre mňa to boli najdojemnejšie scény, lebo som sa s tým vedela najviac stotožniť. Vravela som si, že áno, presne takto som sa celý život cítila, takýto vzťah som k tomu mala a rovnako veľa pre mňa znamená.
Je to nesmierne intímna spoveď, ktorá sa musela písať strašne ťažko a o to väčší obdiv a rešpekt k nej pociťujem, pretože to chcelo obrovskú odvahu sa podeliť so svetom o svoje myšlienky, ktoré boli neraz strašné a bolestivé.
Skrátka, odporúčam. Je to výborný memoár a ak budete mať možnosť, pustite si audioknihu, lebo ju Evanna narozprávala naozaj výborne.
December 14, 2023
Luna Lovegood and eating disorders. I finished this book a while ago, but I have been putting off the review because of all the emotions. I remember hearing that Evanna had an eating disorder before Harry Potter, so when I discovered my daughter had an eating disorder this summer, I looked up interviews with Evanna to see how she had dealt and found she had written a book.
Some in the midst of dealing with an eating disorder or their loved ones may find this book triggering, so I did not have my daughter read it. But I listened to the book on audible and liked hearing her story with her own voice (and also enjoyed her accent). I also think that, although it was hard for me to read, it did help me understand more of the world that I had just been thrust into. It helped me to see a little of what goes on in an ED brain, to read about her experience with different treatments, to see what it was like in a residential facility, to be warned that it could be just as hard to come home. and to understand that any treatment is not a one-and-done you-are-fixed scenario - that this could be a very long struggle.
The part where her parents had to drop her off at a residential center and walk away while she screamed for them to not leave her there gutted me. I was imagining myself in her poor mother's shoes through the whole book, and grappling with the fact that one day it could be me abandoning my daughter at a residential center and not knowing how I could ever get through it, how I could walk away. But I did. I've been the mother who has to listen to her daughter cry, in so much pain, wanting to come home - and I have to deny her knowing she needs more help than I can give. I think it helped me to read about it beforehand - to know that there are other parents like me who have done these hard things, that I'm not alone.
The book does end rather suddenly, but I think that's kind of the point. Eating disorders are not tied up with a perfect bow - it is something that could continue to pop up throughout life. Evanna also talks a bit about her Harry Potter life, which as a HP fan, was interesting to hear. I also appreciated that she didn't use any weight numbers - never said she was x amount of pounds or lost x amount of weight. The media just wants the sensational, the glamorized anorexic, when the focus should be on understanding what the illness actually is, that it's actually not about being skinny, and how to help.
Content-wise: there is some language and it deals with a lot of very heavy topics - it is not a light read.
* Also, if any of my Goodreads friends are dealing with an eating disorder in themselves or a loved one, we are open about our struggle and you can talk to us!
* Soapbox moment: Eating disorders are the 2nd deadliest of mental health disorders - it was #1 until last year with the opiod crisis. However, deaths attributed to eating disorders are only given to underweight anorexics, which is only about 6% of eating disorder patients - so the numbers are grossly underestimated. As many people die from eating disorders as breast cancer each year, but EDs do not get much in the way of research dollars.
Eating disorders are also not:
- a cheap attempt to get attention
- about vanity
- a diet gone out of control
- a wilfull or chosen illness.
Eating Disorders are:
- a bio-psychosocial illness
- a silent thief stealing life and quality of life
- the illusion of friendship and care
- a biochemical/hormonal and neurotransmitter imbalance
- accompanied by perceptual distortions that can achieve psychotic proportions
- a consolation prize patients settle for in place of full and authentic life
So if you tell me my daughter is just doing it for attention, I might punch you in the face! 🙂 It truly is an awful illness that she did not choose to have, it has completely taken over her life, and she has lost so much to it. And if you think someone is doing it for attention, most likely they are doing it as a cry for help and care.
Soapbox moment over! I did like this quote from the book. There were others, but with the audiobook it was hard to write things down. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my daughter doesn't want to hear advice or a game plan or things about the future - she truly just wants me to understand what she is going through and to say I'm so sorry you are going through this, it must be so hard and to be empathetic.
"It will get easier" is probably the most oftensive thing you can say to someone in the grip of pain. You are borrowing from a future that isn't promised, a future that depends entirely on their endurance of the pain. You are taking for granted a well of strength within them that they may not possess, fast-forwarding through the ugly bits that you dont want to watch, but they must live through nonetheless. "It will get easier" is not a helpful thing to say to someone for whom only the present moment can exist, so vivid, so intense that it's not possible to imagine a moment beyond it. The future doesn't matter to someone enduring an unimaginable pain, so let's not entertain that childish fantasy. All that matters is the pain that is consuming you in this moment, that you grit your teeth and try to survive it. You invalidate the pain and the damage it inficts when you hasten to skip past it to a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes things are just unremittingly sh** and the only respectful thing to do is to stand next to the person going through it and scream along with them." Pg 219
Pretty sure this is the longest goodreads review I've ever given and probably will ever give again! 😀 As you can tell, I've become very passionate about this topic.
Some in the midst of dealing with an eating disorder or their loved ones may find this book triggering, so I did not have my daughter read it. But I listened to the book on audible and liked hearing her story with her own voice (and also enjoyed her accent). I also think that, although it was hard for me to read, it did help me understand more of the world that I had just been thrust into. It helped me to see a little of what goes on in an ED brain, to read about her experience with different treatments, to see what it was like in a residential facility, to be warned that it could be just as hard to come home. and to understand that any treatment is not a one-and-done you-are-fixed scenario - that this could be a very long struggle.
The part where her parents had to drop her off at a residential center and walk away while she screamed for them to not leave her there gutted me. I was imagining myself in her poor mother's shoes through the whole book, and grappling with the fact that one day it could be me abandoning my daughter at a residential center and not knowing how I could ever get through it, how I could walk away. But I did. I've been the mother who has to listen to her daughter cry, in so much pain, wanting to come home - and I have to deny her knowing she needs more help than I can give. I think it helped me to read about it beforehand - to know that there are other parents like me who have done these hard things, that I'm not alone.
The book does end rather suddenly, but I think that's kind of the point. Eating disorders are not tied up with a perfect bow - it is something that could continue to pop up throughout life. Evanna also talks a bit about her Harry Potter life, which as a HP fan, was interesting to hear. I also appreciated that she didn't use any weight numbers - never said she was x amount of pounds or lost x amount of weight. The media just wants the sensational, the glamorized anorexic, when the focus should be on understanding what the illness actually is, that it's actually not about being skinny, and how to help.
Content-wise: there is some language and it deals with a lot of very heavy topics - it is not a light read.
* Also, if any of my Goodreads friends are dealing with an eating disorder in themselves or a loved one, we are open about our struggle and you can talk to us!
* Soapbox moment: Eating disorders are the 2nd deadliest of mental health disorders - it was #1 until last year with the opiod crisis. However, deaths attributed to eating disorders are only given to underweight anorexics, which is only about 6% of eating disorder patients - so the numbers are grossly underestimated. As many people die from eating disorders as breast cancer each year, but EDs do not get much in the way of research dollars.
Eating disorders are also not:
- a cheap attempt to get attention
- about vanity
- a diet gone out of control
- a wilfull or chosen illness.
Eating Disorders are:
- a bio-psychosocial illness
- a silent thief stealing life and quality of life
- the illusion of friendship and care
- a biochemical/hormonal and neurotransmitter imbalance
- accompanied by perceptual distortions that can achieve psychotic proportions
- a consolation prize patients settle for in place of full and authentic life
So if you tell me my daughter is just doing it for attention, I might punch you in the face! 🙂 It truly is an awful illness that she did not choose to have, it has completely taken over her life, and she has lost so much to it. And if you think someone is doing it for attention, most likely they are doing it as a cry for help and care.
Soapbox moment over! I did like this quote from the book. There were others, but with the audiobook it was hard to write things down. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my daughter doesn't want to hear advice or a game plan or things about the future - she truly just wants me to understand what she is going through and to say I'm so sorry you are going through this, it must be so hard and to be empathetic.
"It will get easier" is probably the most oftensive thing you can say to someone in the grip of pain. You are borrowing from a future that isn't promised, a future that depends entirely on their endurance of the pain. You are taking for granted a well of strength within them that they may not possess, fast-forwarding through the ugly bits that you dont want to watch, but they must live through nonetheless. "It will get easier" is not a helpful thing to say to someone for whom only the present moment can exist, so vivid, so intense that it's not possible to imagine a moment beyond it. The future doesn't matter to someone enduring an unimaginable pain, so let's not entertain that childish fantasy. All that matters is the pain that is consuming you in this moment, that you grit your teeth and try to survive it. You invalidate the pain and the damage it inficts when you hasten to skip past it to a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes things are just unremittingly sh** and the only respectful thing to do is to stand next to the person going through it and scream along with them." Pg 219
Pretty sure this is the longest goodreads review I've ever given and probably will ever give again! 😀 As you can tell, I've become very passionate about this topic.
June 4, 2024
I thought this would be Evanna Lynch’s memoir as in, you know, a memoir. Jumping here and there. This happened, that happened, Harry Potter, the sads, Dancing with the Stars, etc. But nope, this was a book about anorexia. Almost 500 pages about Lynch’s struggle with the eating disorder (ED) and ED centers, therapies, and every dark bit about it. There is Harry Potter stuff (and a bit of DwtS), but it’s more related to her mental health and body perception during it than anything else.
Originally, I kind of wrote a whole review just going on and on about my takeaways from the book, but I’ve deleted it. A few days ago I was watching this YouTube video about ED recovery and there was the usual content warning for people who have an ED history but then there was a disclaimer for those who didn’t. I think it went along the lines of “the content of this video will not make sense to you, you’ll think it’s crazy and just be very confused. You should be thankful you don’t understand it.” And that stuck to me because I think some thoughts or patterns are normal, but they aren’t. Even when I talk about some things with friends and I try to explain myself, people don’t get me, and I think this book can be the same for those who have no experiences with anorexia.
Evanna goes the extra mile and doesn’t add specifics about calories, weight, BMIs, or safe/fear foods, which I applaud ( this is very different from my experience reading I'm Glad My Mom Died which shared bulimia tips). But I do think the book can be triggering for people who may relapse. There is a lot of talk about the comfort of anorexia and being friends with ‘the voice of anorexia.’ So tread carefully. I did find the book beautiful and Evanna seems very self-aware of what her anorexia did to her, her family, and how it almost messed up her dreams. My favorite bits that I do want to mention were that she says anorexia is a problem not a person to explain why she rejects the word ‘anorexic.’ I liked that. And the other thing is that she has a physical passion that gives her a reason to fuel her body and not punish it which I found powerful.
I’m giving it four stars because three ‘negatives.’ 1) The J.K. Rowling praise. Look, I get it, she’s done good things, but I would have addressed the elephant in the room. 2) Not acknowledging her privilege. She’s been in many centers (one of them a farm with horse riding) and private therapists. When she was in Harry Potter, she was offered paid-for therapies and a PERSONAL CHEF (I’m sorry, I can’t even). She talks about how hard recovery was for her and I can’t avoid thinking, wow, imagine for the rest of us. I’m also privileged to have had my therapies, but I can’t imagine whining about them without acknowledging many people aren't so lucky to have access to them. I just thought it was weird to see her talk/complain about it all when some people can’t even dream of having therapy sessions or supportive people around them. And 3) the dumb thing about when she says she’s asexual and then she’s told to masturbate to check it?? Asexuality doesn’t mean you don’t masturbate ffs, that pissed me off.
Originally, I kind of wrote a whole review just going on and on about my takeaways from the book, but I’ve deleted it. A few days ago I was watching this YouTube video about ED recovery and there was the usual content warning for people who have an ED history but then there was a disclaimer for those who didn’t. I think it went along the lines of “the content of this video will not make sense to you, you’ll think it’s crazy and just be very confused. You should be thankful you don’t understand it.” And that stuck to me because I think some thoughts or patterns are normal, but they aren’t. Even when I talk about some things with friends and I try to explain myself, people don’t get me, and I think this book can be the same for those who have no experiences with anorexia.
Evanna goes the extra mile and doesn’t add specifics about calories, weight, BMIs, or safe/fear foods, which I applaud ( this is very different from my experience reading I'm Glad My Mom Died which shared bulimia tips). But I do think the book can be triggering for people who may relapse. There is a lot of talk about the comfort of anorexia and being friends with ‘the voice of anorexia.’ So tread carefully. I did find the book beautiful and Evanna seems very self-aware of what her anorexia did to her, her family, and how it almost messed up her dreams. My favorite bits that I do want to mention were that she says anorexia is a problem not a person to explain why she rejects the word ‘anorexic.’ I liked that. And the other thing is that she has a physical passion that gives her a reason to fuel her body and not punish it which I found powerful.
I’m giving it four stars because three ‘negatives.’ 1) The J.K. Rowling praise. Look, I get it, she’s done good things, but I would have addressed the elephant in the room. 2) Not acknowledging her privilege. She’s been in many centers (one of them a farm with horse riding) and private therapists. When she was in Harry Potter, she was offered paid-for therapies and a PERSONAL CHEF (I’m sorry, I can’t even). She talks about how hard recovery was for her and I can’t avoid thinking, wow, imagine for the rest of us. I’m also privileged to have had my therapies, but I can’t imagine whining about them without acknowledging many people aren't so lucky to have access to them. I just thought it was weird to see her talk/complain about it all when some people can’t even dream of having therapy sessions or supportive people around them. And 3) the dumb thing about when she says she’s asexual and then she’s told to masturbate to check it?? Asexuality doesn’t mean you don’t masturbate ffs, that pissed me off.
January 25, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5000/5
A memoir detailing the battle between perfection and creativity, control and life.
WOW…. This revealed me, broke me, and remade me. This is piercingly, heartbreakingingly, turbulently real.
Evanna Lynch writes beautifully, her emotions unflinching honesty and truth ripping into my innermost psyche.
Normally I carry out other tasks whilst listening to audiobooks. However, this book was so visceral, so soul-searching that I felt I had to dedicate my entire attention on it. It gripped me and shook me. It saw me and shamed me. Most importantly, it offered me understanding.
I’m struggling to write a review that portrays my thoughts… Although I did try to do it Justice to my mum on a one-hour car journey - I can’t tell if her silence was in awe or fear.
It’s soul-crushing whilst being redemptive and forgiving. It shows the worst but delivers such hope and love that you feel liberated and seen.
I never realised a book could be written that speaks so directly to me. Heart-breaking, but heartening.
A memoir detailing the battle between perfection and creativity, control and life.
WOW…. This revealed me, broke me, and remade me. This is piercingly, heartbreakingingly, turbulently real.
Evanna Lynch writes beautifully, her emotions unflinching honesty and truth ripping into my innermost psyche.
Normally I carry out other tasks whilst listening to audiobooks. However, this book was so visceral, so soul-searching that I felt I had to dedicate my entire attention on it. It gripped me and shook me. It saw me and shamed me. Most importantly, it offered me understanding.
I wasn’t depressed or unhappy during this time; I was just completely driven and completely numb. In some ways, I was the happiest I’d ever been. Maybe not happy, but content, certain. I had achieved some previously elusive anaesthetised state of mental calm.
There was too much potential and too much room to fail so day by day, I chose perfection over creativity. I chose no more creativity, and no more mistakes.
There are things that eating disorders takes from you that are more important, much greater and more profound a loss, and much much more difficult to recover and restore completely than body fat. And that reckless urge to create, just for the pure, senseless joy of it, would become the one I missed the most.
I’m struggling to write a review that portrays my thoughts… Although I did try to do it Justice to my mum on a one-hour car journey - I can’t tell if her silence was in awe or fear.
It’s soul-crushing whilst being redemptive and forgiving. It shows the worst but delivers such hope and love that you feel liberated and seen.
I never realised a book could be written that speaks so directly to me. Heart-breaking, but heartening.
March 7, 2022
4.5 Stars
Very well written book! I love all things related to Harry Potter and when I saw Evanna on DWTS, I started following her journey even more. She went through so much in her preteen/teen years and I applaud her for sharing it. Eating disorders are nothing to joke about. I have never fallen down that rabbit hole but I've been around others who have. To hear about her life and how she had her problems and worked hard to get through them was amazing. I hope that one day she will fully love herself and not have that self doubt.
I did knock off half a star because I would've loved to have some pictures in the book. Not ones of her younger years when she had her issue (and yes I did read that most were destroyed), but some of her earlier years beforehand and how she is thriving now. You're beautiful girl! Show it to the world!
Very well written book! I love all things related to Harry Potter and when I saw Evanna on DWTS, I started following her journey even more. She went through so much in her preteen/teen years and I applaud her for sharing it. Eating disorders are nothing to joke about. I have never fallen down that rabbit hole but I've been around others who have. To hear about her life and how she had her problems and worked hard to get through them was amazing. I hope that one day she will fully love herself and not have that self doubt.
I did knock off half a star because I would've loved to have some pictures in the book. Not ones of her younger years when she had her issue (and yes I did read that most were destroyed), but some of her earlier years beforehand and how she is thriving now. You're beautiful girl! Show it to the world!
October 22, 2021
⭐ 3.5 stars ⭐ There were some really good bits in this book and I read it in three days (a book this size would usually take me weeks) so it was certainly gripping. However I really think it could have been improved with more edits, I found a few typos and there were a few repetitive bits that I think could have been cut. The overall direction of the book was sometimes unclear and I think there were the bones of a fantastic book that a better editing process could have optimised.
April 21, 2022
The problem with this chapter of eating disorder memoirs is that it’s very difficult to write about anorexia without bragging about anorexia, and an account of that specific, intense time in the grip of anorexia plays too neatly into the egoic thirst of the disorder—however long it’s lain dormant. It is a condition that is in and of itself a total submission to the ego. And what a lot of people fail to notice about recovered anorexics is that, rather than being ashamed of or horrified about their past, they are often proud. They still get a thrill out of telling you their lowest weight or how many rice cakes used to sustain them for the day, and they might even keep a secret folder containing photos of them at their most impressively sick-looking. So, while my eating disorder has been waiting for years for me to write a book to shock and impress you with her numbers, her regimen, her daily calorie count, the thrilling countdowns the doctors used to pin on her declining life expectancy, while she would love me to include her skinny pictures, I’m not going to give her that. Because this book—spoiler warning—is not about how great I was at anorexia for a while. It’s about how the relentless pursuit of perfection is a sad way to spend a life, and why you should wake up and pull yourself out of that downward spiral as soon as you possibly can. (39)Lynch is best known for her role as Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter. She's probably second-best known for the story of how she wrote to J.K. Rowling when she was struggling with anorexia and Rowling wrote back and encouraged her to get well, especially if Lynch wanted to act.
In The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting, Lynch takes the reader through the much, much messier path of her illness, much further than can be done in a quick interview. This book will not be new material to anyone who (*cough*) has spent much time reading eating-disorder memoirs, but it's well done—it's clear that Lynch has spent a long, long time thinking about how best to present this narrative in her own words, both honestly and without hitting too many trigger points.
There’s not much point trying to avoid being triggered in the immediate aftermath of recovery because pretty much everything is triggering. Eating in front of people is triggering. Choosing what to eat. Watching other people eat. TV sitcoms where female characters casually joke about their eating disorders and claim not to have eaten bread in decades. Magazines, obviously. All models, all athletes, all dancers, especially ballet dancers. Naturally skinny people. Lanky children. Malnourished children in third-world countries on adverts appealing for charitable donations. Jesus on the cross with his enviable ribcage. Friends skipping dessert because they claim they’re not hungry. Anyone leaving any scrap of food on their plate as you mentally calculate the calories they’ve omitted. Religious fasting. Animals in hibernation who don’t eat for months on end and live off their fat reserves. Other people’s hip bones, other people’s belly buttons. Cartoon characters with waspish waists. Wasps. People who say, ‘I was so busy I forgot to have lunch.’ Every other person who has an eating disorder. The stories of other anorexics who died from their thinness. Boys with abs. People who run for fun. People who choose salad for lunch. The Olympics. Greyhounds. All of it, all of it, it’s all so triggering, and there’s no way around it, so you better be ready to cry in public and just generally be a human volcano who might blow and spill all your messy, uncomfortable feelings on the floor at any moment. (305–306)It's on point. It's very, very on point in places. (Side note: Lynch's story about hating tomatoes and having to face them in treatment is darkly, personally funny to me—genuine fear of being made to eat tomatoes is one reason I ended up with treatment that didn't involve a residential centre.) I did find the book a bit long—I felt my interest flagging around page 400, though I'm not sure if that's because (ex-anorectic and all) the disorder story felt more engaging than the vaguer walk through Lynch's early adulthood or whether it's more just that the book is, well, a bit long.
But one of the things that feels most valuable is Lynch's conversation with her mother, late in the book, when she asks her mother about her experience with anorexia—and it finally clicks for Lynch that proper recovery can take absolutely ages. It's something that's so often overlooked in this kind of book, partly because such books are often written when people are a year, or a month, into recovery, and don't actually know what the reality of it looks like yet.
January 22, 2025
This was very hard to read, but very moving and honest. One of the books I will be quick to recommend when people look down on celebrity memoirs.
March 19, 2022
Wow, what a book! This isn’t an easy read and is at times deeply sad. Evanna writes beautifully and bravely about her childhood battle with anorexia. I only hope this book will help to make a difference towards viewing and treating eating disorders. There were some happier parts where she discussed being a Harry Potter super fan and working on the films. She perfectly brought back childhood memories of the pure excitement of waiting for the next HP book/film to be released.
January 26, 2023
"What a turnaround from all those weeks ago when you were desperate to get out," she remarks, smiling vaguely, clearly confused as she thinks back to the suicide letters I'd pummeled her with. She looks alarmed as I continue to cry and searches my face, asking sincerely: "What's wrong with you, pet? What's wrong?"
"I don't know," I say, crying uncontrollably, as I watch the familiar landmarks of World's End flicker past the window and fade from view, feeling empty and rudderless and wishing my feelings made sense. "I don't know."
This is the first book I've read in a long time--years and years--that had me thinking about the story throughout the day, while working, while exercising, while cooking. It's one of the only books I can recall reading that I couldn't wait to read but didn't want to finish. Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan. And yes, Evanna Lynch and I are the same age, which means that, even though she grew up in Ireland and I grew up in the Midwest across the Atlantic, we loosely share a cultural upbringing. But I think I would have appreciated this book just as much without those ribbons of connection because The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting speaks genuinely, tenderly, from the heart. A lot of writers can write well; plenty of academics can write something interesting; but very very few can transport you, as a reader, completely into their world without pretension. She speaks like someone grappling to tell a story and to find Truth--not someone trying to manufacture depth because they're trying to be an artist.
In this book, Lynch depicts the paradoxical rationality and irrationality of mental illness. She shows a person doing things that make very little sense, and then makes you think, "yeah, I get that." She dives into the struggle within herself while maintaining profound awareness of the hurt of those closest to her. She paints such vivid scenes--I particularly enjoyed the slice of life moments when she drew pictures or worked with beads at her kitchen table as a kid. And being first in line for the release of Order of the Phoenix! Those moments felt so real. As did the searing events at the Farm, so full of sadness and rage. But also, friendship and growth. I remember, as a kid, my guitar teacher once telling me: music is all about tension and release. This book does that so well.
The book also has an uplifting, dare I say inspirational tone, without being cheesy. She reminds us that there's intrinsic value in pursuing art. You don't have to be the best there is to benefit from making something. See: these words sound so lame and cliché when I say it point blank in a review. But in the book, it works.
Even though Lynch is a movie star, writer, dancer, and activist, while I am a mild mannered nerd who works from home and rarely leaves the one mile radius surrounding my house, this book gave me the feeling that she and I are cut from the same cloth. Perhaps we are all cut from the same cloth.
"I don't know," I say, crying uncontrollably, as I watch the familiar landmarks of World's End flicker past the window and fade from view, feeling empty and rudderless and wishing my feelings made sense. "I don't know."
This is the first book I've read in a long time--years and years--that had me thinking about the story throughout the day, while working, while exercising, while cooking. It's one of the only books I can recall reading that I couldn't wait to read but didn't want to finish. Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan. And yes, Evanna Lynch and I are the same age, which means that, even though she grew up in Ireland and I grew up in the Midwest across the Atlantic, we loosely share a cultural upbringing. But I think I would have appreciated this book just as much without those ribbons of connection because The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting speaks genuinely, tenderly, from the heart. A lot of writers can write well; plenty of academics can write something interesting; but very very few can transport you, as a reader, completely into their world without pretension. She speaks like someone grappling to tell a story and to find Truth--not someone trying to manufacture depth because they're trying to be an artist.
In this book, Lynch depicts the paradoxical rationality and irrationality of mental illness. She shows a person doing things that make very little sense, and then makes you think, "yeah, I get that." She dives into the struggle within herself while maintaining profound awareness of the hurt of those closest to her. She paints such vivid scenes--I particularly enjoyed the slice of life moments when she drew pictures or worked with beads at her kitchen table as a kid. And being first in line for the release of Order of the Phoenix! Those moments felt so real. As did the searing events at the Farm, so full of sadness and rage. But also, friendship and growth. I remember, as a kid, my guitar teacher once telling me: music is all about tension and release. This book does that so well.
The book also has an uplifting, dare I say inspirational tone, without being cheesy. She reminds us that there's intrinsic value in pursuing art. You don't have to be the best there is to benefit from making something. See: these words sound so lame and cliché when I say it point blank in a review. But in the book, it works.
Even though Lynch is a movie star, writer, dancer, and activist, while I am a mild mannered nerd who works from home and rarely leaves the one mile radius surrounding my house, this book gave me the feeling that she and I are cut from the same cloth. Perhaps we are all cut from the same cloth.
January 21, 2022
I should have buckled my seat-belt tighter for the ride that this book was. I will admit, I didn't actually finish this book, but I will explain why. A few months ago, when I ordered my copy and sighed hard copy, I was under the simple illusion that this would be an easy read. I've read a few biographies before, my favorite being WN62 which I highly suggest, but this one just couldn't keep my attention. Unfortunately, Evanna went way too into detail and would ramble on about useless descriptions. Overall, said descriptions could have been much sorter and could have been just as impact-full. In fact, some of the descriptions of evolving self hate only leading to more self hate increased my self hate too. Now, Lynch warned me at the beginning of this book that it wasn't going to be fun, and she was most certainly right. I also don't understand how she remembered the events in this book so clearly. I have an above average memory, but I don't think even I could go to her extent of dragged out descriptions and feelings. I'm happy I at least tried to read Lynch's book, but I wish it could have been better paced. By half way through the book, nothing in the plot had really advanced. I had hoped to learn more about her time when acting in Harry Potter, but that wasn't the focus of the story. And unfortunately, the focus around increasing self hate and anorexia was just too much for me to stomach. All in all, I would suggest this book only if you really think you can handle it. If you have doubts, then don't waist your time like I did because it certainly isn't a short book.
May 18, 2022
Absolutely incredible.
I am not a Harry Potter superfan. I saw the movies and read the books, but I did not define myself by my Hogwarts house or collect the fandom memorabilia like many people of my generation. I am, in fact, a Chickpeeps Podcast superfan. Evanna Lynch launched a vegan podcast several years ago, and it is my absolute favorite. I listened to the audiobook version of her memoir, so it was kind of like hearing an extended exclusive episode.
Evanna does not paint her childhood self in a favorable light. She dives deep into her disordered eating and the way it made her view herself and treat the people trying to help her. A considerable part of the book takes place at an extremely abusive inpatient eating disorder clinic for teens. I had to take breaks during this part of the book because it upset me so much. I did not struggle with disordered eating growing up, but those who did may feel uncomfortable reading the details of Evanna's treatment and recovery.
Alongside her eating disorder recovery journey, Evanna provides several inside details about her portrayal as Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies. She came from a small Irish town and quickly launched herself into a completely different world at only 14 years old. She writes about her struggles transitioning from Harry Potter and child stardom into the adult world of Hollywood. The ending felt satisfying. She doesn't pretend to have all the answers, and she gives a very realistic depiction of what "recovery" looks like for her and how it continues to be an ongoing process. I'm glad I picked this up!
I am not a Harry Potter superfan. I saw the movies and read the books, but I did not define myself by my Hogwarts house or collect the fandom memorabilia like many people of my generation. I am, in fact, a Chickpeeps Podcast superfan. Evanna Lynch launched a vegan podcast several years ago, and it is my absolute favorite. I listened to the audiobook version of her memoir, so it was kind of like hearing an extended exclusive episode.
Evanna does not paint her childhood self in a favorable light. She dives deep into her disordered eating and the way it made her view herself and treat the people trying to help her. A considerable part of the book takes place at an extremely abusive inpatient eating disorder clinic for teens. I had to take breaks during this part of the book because it upset me so much. I did not struggle with disordered eating growing up, but those who did may feel uncomfortable reading the details of Evanna's treatment and recovery.
Alongside her eating disorder recovery journey, Evanna provides several inside details about her portrayal as Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies. She came from a small Irish town and quickly launched herself into a completely different world at only 14 years old. She writes about her struggles transitioning from Harry Potter and child stardom into the adult world of Hollywood. The ending felt satisfying. She doesn't pretend to have all the answers, and she gives a very realistic depiction of what "recovery" looks like for her and how it continues to be an ongoing process. I'm glad I picked this up!
December 15, 2021
Absolutely incredible. Lynch writes beautifully and brutally honestly about her childhood with anorexia and her relationship with her body. This was so impactful that I am not sure how I can justly summarise it in a few sentences, so I will instead include two quotes from the novel and highly recommend that if you are in a healthy place, you also read it:
"'It will get easier' is probably the most offensive thing you can day to someone in the grip of pain. You are borrowing from a future that isn't promised, a future that depends entirely on their endurance of the pain. You are taking for granted a well of strength within them that they may not possess, fast-forwarding through the ugly bits that you don't want to watch but they must live through, nonetheless. It is not a helpful thing to say to someone for whom only the present moment can exist, so vivid, so intense that it's not possible to imagine a moment beyond it." Pg 218
"Dreaming is underated, I think, so often dismissed as a fanciful, childish, passive activity for immature people not rooted in reality. But sometimes, reality is truly unbearable, not worth enduring, and dreaming offers the only way out of it: a light in impenetrable darkness, even if it's an illusory one you conjured by your imagination," Pg 272
"'It will get easier' is probably the most offensive thing you can day to someone in the grip of pain. You are borrowing from a future that isn't promised, a future that depends entirely on their endurance of the pain. You are taking for granted a well of strength within them that they may not possess, fast-forwarding through the ugly bits that you don't want to watch but they must live through, nonetheless. It is not a helpful thing to say to someone for whom only the present moment can exist, so vivid, so intense that it's not possible to imagine a moment beyond it." Pg 218
"Dreaming is underated, I think, so often dismissed as a fanciful, childish, passive activity for immature people not rooted in reality. But sometimes, reality is truly unbearable, not worth enduring, and dreaming offers the only way out of it: a light in impenetrable darkness, even if it's an illusory one you conjured by your imagination," Pg 272
April 18, 2022
This is a long book. A very long book. It needs some editing, especially the first third, which I found slow going. With better editing and pacing I would have given it 4 stars.
The last third of the book, as she approaches self acceptance, was really powerful, and I’m sure everyone could learn something. I agree with her comments that, as in the case of many other aspects of mental health, recovery is a process rather than a destination. I also agree that all the willpower and determination of anyone experiencing anorexia needs to channeled in a more positive way, that learning to do so is part of the healing process.
I loved the point that in putting the past behind you, you still need to grieve it, that letting a part of yourself die, even it wasn’t a positive part, is a incredibly hard.
A thought provoking read
The last third of the book, as she approaches self acceptance, was really powerful, and I’m sure everyone could learn something. I agree with her comments that, as in the case of many other aspects of mental health, recovery is a process rather than a destination. I also agree that all the willpower and determination of anyone experiencing anorexia needs to channeled in a more positive way, that learning to do so is part of the healing process.
I loved the point that in putting the past behind you, you still need to grieve it, that letting a part of yourself die, even it wasn’t a positive part, is a incredibly hard.
A thought provoking read
January 5, 2023
Such a near miss! I learned a lot about eating disorders and I found the first half of the book gripping. It had potential to be a great book however it didn’t seem to know where it was going and it felt like a very anti climatic end to a sad tale. I suspect that this was written too early in Evanna’s healing journey and this novel could’ve benefited from a more positive ending.
January 12, 2023
i’m going to write this a proper instagram review but wow wow wow wow wow, from the moment i picked this up, i didn’t want to put it down! i don’t know how evanna wrote this beautifully about everything she’s faced, but i heard her and it was so raw and open and well written! love
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