What do you think?
Rate this book
Healing Relational Trauma: Move Beyond Painful Childhood Experiences to Deepen Self-Understanding and Build Authentic Relationships
Heal the pain of your past, so you can build the relationship you truly want today.
If you felt unloved or unsafe as a child, you may have difficulty trusting others as an adult. You might struggle to maintain healthy relationships, or feel like you are somehow damaged. And if you’re in a romantic relationship, you may have intense fears that your partner will abandon you, experience “fight or flight” moments during disagreements, or avoid intimacy altogether. It’s important for you to know that this isn’t your fault. Beginning in childhood, unmet needs from our caregivers can leave lasting scars, hindering our ability to form healthy connections. So, how can you heal and start building trust in your partner?
Written by a renowned family therapist, this gentle guide offers an evidence-based approach to help you move past relational trauma—the psychological wounds that can result from experiences of abuse, neglect, or betrayal. By building self-awareness, understanding triggers, and improving your communication skills, you can achieve the love and connection you deserve.
With this eye-opening guide, you will:
Uncover the hidden impacts relational trauma has on your life
Gain insight into the root cause of your relationship difficulties
Understand how childhood experiences shape you as an adult
Discover your own attachment style—how you relate to others
Establish healthy boundaries in your relationships
Learn to balance your emotions and improve communication
By cultivating the self-awareness needed to understand and heal from your past, you can change the course of your life—starting from within. Because in order to fully love anyone else, you must first love yourself. The skills outlined in this book will help you develop the self-compassion and self-knowledge you need to thrive—in love and in life.
If you felt unloved or unsafe as a child, you may have difficulty trusting others as an adult. You might struggle to maintain healthy relationships, or feel like you are somehow damaged. And if you’re in a romantic relationship, you may have intense fears that your partner will abandon you, experience “fight or flight” moments during disagreements, or avoid intimacy altogether. It’s important for you to know that this isn’t your fault. Beginning in childhood, unmet needs from our caregivers can leave lasting scars, hindering our ability to form healthy connections. So, how can you heal and start building trust in your partner?
Written by a renowned family therapist, this gentle guide offers an evidence-based approach to help you move past relational trauma—the psychological wounds that can result from experiences of abuse, neglect, or betrayal. By building self-awareness, understanding triggers, and improving your communication skills, you can achieve the love and connection you deserve.
With this eye-opening guide, you will:
Uncover the hidden impacts relational trauma has on your life
Gain insight into the root cause of your relationship difficulties
Understand how childhood experiences shape you as an adult
Discover your own attachment style—how you relate to others
Establish healthy boundaries in your relationships
Learn to balance your emotions and improve communication
By cultivating the self-awareness needed to understand and heal from your past, you can change the course of your life—starting from within. Because in order to fully love anyone else, you must first love yourself. The skills outlined in this book will help you develop the self-compassion and self-knowledge you need to thrive—in love and in life.
168 pages, Paperback
Published May 1, 2025
7 people are currently reading
2270 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
March 27, 2025
Never have I ever felt so called out and yet so understood by a book before. I’ve read countless self-help books over the years, but none have pulled me in as quickly or as deeply as Healing Relational Trauma by Melissa Fulgieri. Generational and relational trauma—especially the kind that carries over from childhood, whether we remember it or not—is very real. While conversations around this topic are becoming more open, there’s still a long way to go.
Fulgieri frequently references The Body Keeps the Score, last year’s “it girl” of trauma books. However, at a fraction of the size, I found Healing Relational Trauma to be even more impactful. Rather than wading through dense medical jargon and endless case studies, this book delivers its insights in a way that feels accessible and human—all in under 200 pages.
Since I read this as an ARC (thank you, NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications!), I moved through it faster than I normally would. But I fully intend to do a reread and take my time working through the exercises and worksheets. Even without completing the assignments, I was able to recognize so many truths about my attachment styles and how they shape my relationships. While the book is framed around deepening romantic connections, I believe its lessons apply to all relationships in life.
This is a must-read for anyone looking to heal from the past and build healthier connections. Five stars—highly recommend!
Fulgieri frequently references The Body Keeps the Score, last year’s “it girl” of trauma books. However, at a fraction of the size, I found Healing Relational Trauma to be even more impactful. Rather than wading through dense medical jargon and endless case studies, this book delivers its insights in a way that feels accessible and human—all in under 200 pages.
Since I read this as an ARC (thank you, NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications!), I moved through it faster than I normally would. But I fully intend to do a reread and take my time working through the exercises and worksheets. Even without completing the assignments, I was able to recognize so many truths about my attachment styles and how they shape my relationships. While the book is framed around deepening romantic connections, I believe its lessons apply to all relationships in life.
This is a must-read for anyone looking to heal from the past and build healthier connections. Five stars—highly recommend!
March 28, 2025
ok wow? this tiny book was an absolute game-changer for anyone who has ever struggled with love, trust, or intimacy. if you’ve felt unworthy in relationships, feared abandonment, or found yourself stuck in unhealthy patterns, this book offers the clarity and tools you need to heal. it breaks down how childhood wounds—whether from neglect, emotional distance, or unmet needs shape the way we connect as adults. most importantly, it reminds you that none of this is your fault, and real change is possible.
very relatable if you're in a long term marriage or relationship. it's not just about attachment styles and trauma; it’s about feeling seen, understanding yourself on a whole new level, and learning how to build the kind of love you actually deserve. With practical exercises, communication tips, and real-life examples, it teaches you how to set boundaries, navigate triggers, and create healthier, stronger relationships.
this book hit me hard. i reflected so much and i saw my marriage and myself differently. it helped me understand where my fears came from and, more importantly, how to move past them.
this was incredibly validating—i can’t recommend it enough.
4.5 ⭐️
thank you New Harbinger Pub for a copy!
very relatable if you're in a long term marriage or relationship. it's not just about attachment styles and trauma; it’s about feeling seen, understanding yourself on a whole new level, and learning how to build the kind of love you actually deserve. With practical exercises, communication tips, and real-life examples, it teaches you how to set boundaries, navigate triggers, and create healthier, stronger relationships.
this book hit me hard. i reflected so much and i saw my marriage and myself differently. it helped me understand where my fears came from and, more importantly, how to move past them.
this was incredibly validating—i can’t recommend it enough.
4.5 ⭐️
thank you New Harbinger Pub for a copy!
April 28, 2025
Thank you to New Harbinger Publications, Netgallery, and Melissa Fulgieri for an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
Synopsis: This quick read is a self-help book for those who have experienced interpersonal trauma. Fulgieri does a nice job explaining the various types of traumatic experiences and ways in which these traumas can impact our relationships with others.
What I liked: I liked that Fulgieri steered clear of psychobabble and made this book really approachable and understandable. The text is straightforward, easy to read, and applicable. I also liked that there were several exercises that the reader could participate in.
Gripes: Most of the examples provided in the book were based on romantic relationships. And while I think that is really important, I also know that relational trauma presents in many other forms of relationships (e.g., friendships, colleagues). I wish that the work had expanded into that a little more. One of my greatest pet peeves is when individuals in the mental field discuss Maslow's hierarchy of needs without acknowledging that he based it around Siksika (Blackfoot) Nation beliefs. This is commonly known and seems to be a large oversight by Fulgieri.
Overall: This book will be helpful to some people who have had significant, interpersonal trauma and are looking for actionable steps to help themselves break through maladaptive patterns.
Rating: 3/5
Synopsis: This quick read is a self-help book for those who have experienced interpersonal trauma. Fulgieri does a nice job explaining the various types of traumatic experiences and ways in which these traumas can impact our relationships with others.
What I liked: I liked that Fulgieri steered clear of psychobabble and made this book really approachable and understandable. The text is straightforward, easy to read, and applicable. I also liked that there were several exercises that the reader could participate in.
Gripes: Most of the examples provided in the book were based on romantic relationships. And while I think that is really important, I also know that relational trauma presents in many other forms of relationships (e.g., friendships, colleagues). I wish that the work had expanded into that a little more. One of my greatest pet peeves is when individuals in the mental field discuss Maslow's hierarchy of needs without acknowledging that he based it around Siksika (Blackfoot) Nation beliefs. This is commonly known and seems to be a large oversight by Fulgieri.
Overall: This book will be helpful to some people who have had significant, interpersonal trauma and are looking for actionable steps to help themselves break through maladaptive patterns.
Rating: 3/5
June 5, 2025
A really great, introspective read on relationships, trust, and intimacy. The delicacy with which Fulgieri addressed interpersonal trauma and what that can manifest as was a really interesting and easy to process read.
April 6, 2025
Healing Relational Trauma by Melissa Fulgieri is one of those books that just makes sense from the start. It takes something as complex as childhood relational trauma and breaks it down in a way that feels easy to follow, but never watered down. I really appreciated how she explains things step by step by using examples, analogies, and a tone that feels more like a conversation than a lecture.
One of my favorite aspects of the book is how interactive it is. The reflective exercises throughout really helped me pause and connect the dots in my own life like identifying triggers, unpacking emotional responses, and recognizing recurring patterns in relationships. Fulgieri’s discussion on attachment styles was especially eye-opening; it helped me see why I respond the way I do in certain situations and, more importantly, how to start shifting those dynamics.
The tone of the book is warm and inviting, which made it easier to engage with some of the more difficult concepts. I found myself highlighting sections that spoke directly to things I’ve experienced but never had the language to articulate. This book doesn’t promise overnight transformation, but it offers something more powerful. A grounded, compassionate starting point for healing, growth, and more intentional relationships.
Huge thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the advanced copy! It's a book I’ll definitely be returning to.
One of my favorite aspects of the book is how interactive it is. The reflective exercises throughout really helped me pause and connect the dots in my own life like identifying triggers, unpacking emotional responses, and recognizing recurring patterns in relationships. Fulgieri’s discussion on attachment styles was especially eye-opening; it helped me see why I respond the way I do in certain situations and, more importantly, how to start shifting those dynamics.
The tone of the book is warm and inviting, which made it easier to engage with some of the more difficult concepts. I found myself highlighting sections that spoke directly to things I’ve experienced but never had the language to articulate. This book doesn’t promise overnight transformation, but it offers something more powerful. A grounded, compassionate starting point for healing, growth, and more intentional relationships.
Huge thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the advanced copy! It's a book I’ll definitely be returning to.
May 2, 2025
Reading Healing Relational Trauma felt as though Melissa Fulgieri were right there beside me. Her words struck deeply — often uncomfortably close to home — but that’s precisely the point of this guide.
What makes this book especially powerful is its tone: gentle, compassionate, and deeply validating. It acknowledges the uncomfortable truth that trauma is more common than we’d like to admit — and that no parent is perfect. Yet instead of assigning blame, Fulgieri offers understanding, insight, and a path forward.
The book is highly interactive, with thoughtfully designed exercises and practical advice that encourage reflection and healing at your own pace. The examples given are particularly striking — they help you clearly see the impact of relational trauma, especially when your own experiences are so close that you struggle to recognise them for what they are.
One of the book’s strongest messages is the importance of open communication with those closest to us. Everyone has different life experiences, traumas, and coping mechanisms — and without communication, even the best intentions can miss the mark. Learning to express our needs and hear those of others is essential to building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Ultimately, Healing Relational Trauma is a quiet but firm reminder that we are all worthy of healing, and of being truly seen and understood by those we love.
What makes this book especially powerful is its tone: gentle, compassionate, and deeply validating. It acknowledges the uncomfortable truth that trauma is more common than we’d like to admit — and that no parent is perfect. Yet instead of assigning blame, Fulgieri offers understanding, insight, and a path forward.
The book is highly interactive, with thoughtfully designed exercises and practical advice that encourage reflection and healing at your own pace. The examples given are particularly striking — they help you clearly see the impact of relational trauma, especially when your own experiences are so close that you struggle to recognise them for what they are.
One of the book’s strongest messages is the importance of open communication with those closest to us. Everyone has different life experiences, traumas, and coping mechanisms — and without communication, even the best intentions can miss the mark. Learning to express our needs and hear those of others is essential to building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Ultimately, Healing Relational Trauma is a quiet but firm reminder that we are all worthy of healing, and of being truly seen and understood by those we love.
March 30, 2025
Healing Relational Trauma by Melissa Fulgieri offers a simple yet intuitive approach to understanding how childhood relational trauma impacts our relationships with ourselves and others. The book’s structure is gradual and accessible, starting with key concepts, analogies, and descriptions, and then building on them in a way that’s easy to understand and apply. The tone is both informative and approachable, making complex ideas feel digestible.
The book excels in its clear, eloquent presentation, offering practical exercises to deepen self-awareness, understand trauma, and recognize triggers. The strategies are valuable for anyone looking to improve emotional intelligence, build healthier relationships, and navigate interpersonal dynamics with greater awareness. Fulgieri’s insights into attachment styles and how they shape our interactions are incredibly eye-opening, offering readers actionable tools to recognize and address relational patterns and create stronger, more authentic connections.
This book provides a solid foundation for healing relational trauma, promoting emotional growth, and cultivating healthier, more authentic relationships.
I appreciate NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the opportunity to read this early copy!
The book excels in its clear, eloquent presentation, offering practical exercises to deepen self-awareness, understand trauma, and recognize triggers. The strategies are valuable for anyone looking to improve emotional intelligence, build healthier relationships, and navigate interpersonal dynamics with greater awareness. Fulgieri’s insights into attachment styles and how they shape our interactions are incredibly eye-opening, offering readers actionable tools to recognize and address relational patterns and create stronger, more authentic connections.
This book provides a solid foundation for healing relational trauma, promoting emotional growth, and cultivating healthier, more authentic relationships.
I appreciate NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the opportunity to read this early copy!
May 5, 2025
Until recently, I didn't know that there was a word to describe part of my childhood trauma: relational trauma. I started learning what I could, but didn't find a book available to help me with healing this until now.
I learned more about relational trauma through this book, and I have done the exercises to work on healing it. I will be purchasing a physical copy of this book to highlight, underline, and write in. I want to delve more deeply into healing the relational trauma so that I can be healthier and happier.
If someone has been abusive to you, you may have relational trauma. If so, I highly encourage you to get this book. It's one I recommend to all counselors and therapists as well.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.
I learned more about relational trauma through this book, and I have done the exercises to work on healing it. I will be purchasing a physical copy of this book to highlight, underline, and write in. I want to delve more deeply into healing the relational trauma so that I can be healthier and happier.
If someone has been abusive to you, you may have relational trauma. If so, I highly encourage you to get this book. It's one I recommend to all counselors and therapists as well.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.
May 21, 2025
This book was transformative for me. The author has a way of breaking down bigger psychological concepts and therapy-speak so that the core ideas are immediately relevant. I had so many “aha” moments while reading, connecting the dots between my early experiences with current behaviors and unconscious beliefs. I was able to see unhealthy patterns in my relationships, and realize different choices I can make. It’s helped me strengthen all of my relationships— to my siblings, parents, spouse, children, and friends— and I’d recommend it to anyone seeking to better understand themselves.
Read
December 8, 2025The original subtitle to this states that this is about romantic partnerships which is helpful information if that's not what you're going for.
This was a very inclusive look at attachment among partnerships and it had a good amount of guiding exercises to help you navigate difficult moments, habits, and conflicts. I also really appreciated how short this was. This will not take much of your time to read and it will impart some helpful wisdom - what could be better?
This was a very inclusive look at attachment among partnerships and it had a good amount of guiding exercises to help you navigate difficult moments, habits, and conflicts. I also really appreciated how short this was. This will not take much of your time to read and it will impart some helpful wisdom - what could be better?
June 19, 2025
Great healing book. Really opened my eyes
September 19, 2025
The author helps you to customize your tool kit in forming healthy connections in adulthood. What a find!
November 19, 2025
Not very well written.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews