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I Am Clarence
A haunting novel exploring a mother’s fierce love for her disabled son as she grapples with her own mental health, by the author of the feminist cult classic The Princess of 72nd Street
According to Dr. Hovenclock, health meant wanting things. What would I have to pretend to want before he would let me leave? I longed to return to Clarence.
For Clarence’s mother, life revolves around her young son; she takes him to see specialists to find the cause of his blindness and developmental delays, protects him from the cruelty of other children, and loves him tenderly. But she has her own struggles too. Her sanity is precarious and fractured, making caregiving increasingly difficult.
When her mental health reaches a breaking point, she checks herself into an institution so that she can get better and, she tells herself, be a better mother to Clarence. As she is forced to decide between his well-being and hers, Elaine Kraf poses the essential Can a mother’s love for her child soothe her own emotional upheaval? How much can she sacrifice for her son?
Through this unforgettable journey into one woman’s mind and relationships, Kraf paints a harrowing portrait of motherhood which remains timely and inventive over fifty years after its initial publication.
According to Dr. Hovenclock, health meant wanting things. What would I have to pretend to want before he would let me leave? I longed to return to Clarence.
For Clarence’s mother, life revolves around her young son; she takes him to see specialists to find the cause of his blindness and developmental delays, protects him from the cruelty of other children, and loves him tenderly. But she has her own struggles too. Her sanity is precarious and fractured, making caregiving increasingly difficult.
When her mental health reaches a breaking point, she checks herself into an institution so that she can get better and, she tells herself, be a better mother to Clarence. As she is forced to decide between his well-being and hers, Elaine Kraf poses the essential Can a mother’s love for her child soothe her own emotional upheaval? How much can she sacrifice for her son?
Through this unforgettable journey into one woman’s mind and relationships, Kraf paints a harrowing portrait of motherhood which remains timely and inventive over fifty years after its initial publication.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1969
9 people are currently reading
3132 people want to read
About the author
Elaine Kraf
5 books86 followersElaine Kraf is the author of four books: The Princess of 72nd Street, Find Him!, I Am Clarence, and The House of Madelaine.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
December 3, 2024
4.5 stars. This broke me. Thank you to the publisher for my advanced copy!
Longer review to come
Longer review to come
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January 20, 2018a lot to like here -- the episodic structure, the wealth of sensory detail, the jumping around b/w unique p.o.v.'s -- but not a trace of a sense of humor, which, depending how many g-forces of deadly seriousness you can handle, might not be an obstacle, but when your cast of characters includes a singing waiter and a tattooed clown and a lobotomized harpist, it's a little odd to have no levity as a leavening agent... still, worth sticking around for the jarring hairpin turn in how you perceive clarence's mother at the tail end. hooray for experimental lady fictioneers
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December 6, 2024OW, my heart. Ugh this one was ROUGH has a mom only 20ish months out. I remember so vividly the routine appointments and tests. Elaine was able to so quickly transport me back to that time.
{Thank you bunches to NetGalley, Elaine Kraf, Random House as a whole, and Modern Library for the DRC in exchange for my honest review!}
{Thank you bunches to NetGalley, Elaine Kraf, Random House as a whole, and Modern Library for the DRC in exchange for my honest review!}
April 27, 2025
As I began to read this book, I immediately had my doubts and thought this was going to be a tough book to get through and that at the end I was going to rate it 2 maybe 3 stars. Oh, how I was wrong. This book blew me away and had my heart breaking and my soul falling to pieces at the end.
The reason I struggled so much with this book at first is because of the writing style. It’s actually quite genius if you give it time. It was so disjointed and fragmented and non-linear and chaotic. I really struggled with following along and had to reread sentences over and over again. But what the author was trying to do was accurately portray this woman’s mental state in the best way she could. And as you read along, you finally come to realize that that’s what was happening. Granted, it would’ve helped me get into the book quicker if she didn’t do that at the very beginning and slowly led me into that. But what she did, she did so well. As the story went on and I read the main character’s different parts, I could really feel how unstable she was. There were times of complete awareness and lucidity and other times of chaos and confusion and disjointedness. I also think the other chapters that were in the viewpoints of the other characters was a fantastic structure choice. It really allowed the reader to see a 360 view of what was going on which made the ending hit so much harder.
I don’t know why more people aren’t talking about this book. I don’t know enough about the author, but this felt personal. This felt like she really understood a mother dealing with a handicap son as well as a mental illness alone and on her own. This was beautifully written, extremely heartbreaking and I’m so glad I got to read this book. I’m glad it’s getting republished so that maybe more people will have access to it.
***Thank you NetGalley and Random House Publishing for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. ***
The reason I struggled so much with this book at first is because of the writing style. It’s actually quite genius if you give it time. It was so disjointed and fragmented and non-linear and chaotic. I really struggled with following along and had to reread sentences over and over again. But what the author was trying to do was accurately portray this woman’s mental state in the best way she could. And as you read along, you finally come to realize that that’s what was happening. Granted, it would’ve helped me get into the book quicker if she didn’t do that at the very beginning and slowly led me into that. But what she did, she did so well. As the story went on and I read the main character’s different parts, I could really feel how unstable she was. There were times of complete awareness and lucidity and other times of chaos and confusion and disjointedness. I also think the other chapters that were in the viewpoints of the other characters was a fantastic structure choice. It really allowed the reader to see a 360 view of what was going on which made the ending hit so much harder.
I don’t know why more people aren’t talking about this book. I don’t know enough about the author, but this felt personal. This felt like she really understood a mother dealing with a handicap son as well as a mental illness alone and on her own. This was beautifully written, extremely heartbreaking and I’m so glad I got to read this book. I’m glad it’s getting republished so that maybe more people will have access to it.
***Thank you NetGalley and Random House Publishing for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. ***
June 27, 2025
A tough emotional read but well worth it. This is a highly sensitive and perceptive author. I don’t know anyone I could recommend this to, but I’m glad I read it and appreciate it enormously as a work of fiction.
Want to read
April 12, 2025#GoodreadsGiveaway
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November 12, 2025Took me a long time to get into….kept putting it down. I finished, but I’m not sure I am happy about it. Haunting.
January 17, 2026
so tender. the chapter “monologue to any man” is one of the best things ive ever read. i love stories about people trying their best to be themselves.
November 13, 2025
3.5!
I Am Clarence by Elaine Kraf is in its title a statement not even uttered within its pages, as in the novel, Clarence himself doesn’t speak in this kind of societally normalized language. Our titular character, Clarence, is the disabled son of our main character, Clarence’s mother, whose narrative throughout the book we primarily follow, along with a very idiosyncratic group of found family (“—Ferdinand, the tattooed man I had met two years before Clarence was born. He brought Franz and Albert, the clowns; a humpbacked midget, Alexander, who disappeared several months later; and a man eight feet tall.”) that are all riding upon a roller coaster of their own mental instability, while simultaneously trying to make sure all of the others remain buckled in. The novel itself essentially explores the conflicting and devastating decisions throughout life of whether in varying moments to prioritize your own wellbeing or someone else’s. Especially as a mother, Clarence’s mother (this being all she is referred to as in the text) only has one free hand to hold onto sanity with, the other held mutually tightly in Clarence’s grip, and despite her often wanton choices, every choice she makes always comes back to what is best for Clarence. The general question I feel the novel asks is as follows: Can we successfully care for someone else, whether a child, friend, significant other, etc. if we in those moments cannot realistically care for ourselves? And how can we possibly make the impossible decision of when to prioritize one’s self with all the guilt and shame that accompanies that ultimatum? I think this novel presents a lot of unique relationship dynamics, explores society’s behavior in uncomfortable situations, and reminds the public of the existence of unorthodox lifestyles, all of the above things one might not necessarily consider often. Despite its zany and bizarre style and nature of writing, the novel for me garnered only slightly below a 4 star rating, and definitely provided its own curious feelings and questions.
I Am Clarence by Elaine Kraf is in its title a statement not even uttered within its pages, as in the novel, Clarence himself doesn’t speak in this kind of societally normalized language. Our titular character, Clarence, is the disabled son of our main character, Clarence’s mother, whose narrative throughout the book we primarily follow, along with a very idiosyncratic group of found family (“—Ferdinand, the tattooed man I had met two years before Clarence was born. He brought Franz and Albert, the clowns; a humpbacked midget, Alexander, who disappeared several months later; and a man eight feet tall.”) that are all riding upon a roller coaster of their own mental instability, while simultaneously trying to make sure all of the others remain buckled in. The novel itself essentially explores the conflicting and devastating decisions throughout life of whether in varying moments to prioritize your own wellbeing or someone else’s. Especially as a mother, Clarence’s mother (this being all she is referred to as in the text) only has one free hand to hold onto sanity with, the other held mutually tightly in Clarence’s grip, and despite her often wanton choices, every choice she makes always comes back to what is best for Clarence. The general question I feel the novel asks is as follows: Can we successfully care for someone else, whether a child, friend, significant other, etc. if we in those moments cannot realistically care for ourselves? And how can we possibly make the impossible decision of when to prioritize one’s self with all the guilt and shame that accompanies that ultimatum? I think this novel presents a lot of unique relationship dynamics, explores society’s behavior in uncomfortable situations, and reminds the public of the existence of unorthodox lifestyles, all of the above things one might not necessarily consider often. Despite its zany and bizarre style and nature of writing, the novel for me garnered only slightly below a 4 star rating, and definitely provided its own curious feelings and questions.
July 23, 2025
As a mum to a child with special needs, I could relate to Clarence’s mum of how her world was about Clarence. However, I also think Clarence was better off without his mum because of her mental illness.
Why?
What upset and disturb me the most was when the book comes to an end, she admitted to hitting Clarence and dismissed as “means nothing”. Luckily, someone reported and took Clarence away from his mum.
Apart from that, most of the POVs are men in her life that I didn’t enjoy reading. I understood her loneliness and wanted to be loved but most of these men only care for her but not Clarence.
I would rather read her confusions and fears, the painful line where her love towards Clarence that becomes possession and care turns into harm than that of those most men (except Elliot, brother to Clarence’s mum).
This book is sad and emotional and I’m sure it’s going to sit freely in my mind for a some time.
Read at your own peril.
Why?
What upset and disturb me the most was when the book comes to an end, she admitted to hitting Clarence and dismissed as “means nothing”. Luckily, someone reported and took Clarence away from his mum.
Apart from that, most of the POVs are men in her life that I didn’t enjoy reading. I understood her loneliness and wanted to be loved but most of these men only care for her but not Clarence.
I would rather read her confusions and fears, the painful line where her love towards Clarence that becomes possession and care turns into harm than that of those most men (except Elliot, brother to Clarence’s mum).
This book is sad and emotional and I’m sure it’s going to sit freely in my mind for a some time.
Read at your own peril.
October 17, 2025
"Even though she isn't three feet tall or something she's a freak too. After all, a freak is only someone who is different and can't do things other people can do and can't go where they can go. So a nervous woman with a funny child and no husband is a freak as much as we are."
So, we have this freak-woman who is obsessed with identity and thinks people are wearing masks and don’t show their real faces, so she’s put into an institution. She seems to be marked for solitude, but doesn’t quite understand if it’s Solitude The Beautiful or Solitude The Beast. So she tries to create this Solitude for two, with her freak-son, Clarence. Sometimes, this Solitude scares her, like when the nomad woman with the face bandages and the bandana who always carries a bundle tries to dance the pain away, taking Clarence by the hand, so she hits the bandaged woman on the head. But at the end of the day, Solitude seems to be her place of comfort.
So, we have this freak-woman who is obsessed with identity and thinks people are wearing masks and don’t show their real faces, so she’s put into an institution. She seems to be marked for solitude, but doesn’t quite understand if it’s Solitude The Beautiful or Solitude The Beast. So she tries to create this Solitude for two, with her freak-son, Clarence. Sometimes, this Solitude scares her, like when the nomad woman with the face bandages and the bandana who always carries a bundle tries to dance the pain away, taking Clarence by the hand, so she hits the bandaged woman on the head. But at the end of the day, Solitude seems to be her place of comfort.
April 27, 2025
Elaine Kraf must have perfectly immersed herself inside the head and heart of her protagonist’, maybe dangerously so—honestly this novel was so raw, so disturbing, so sad. It made me feel as if I understood the pity of what it means to be human and to not be able to take care of yourself and to have no one there to help you. Disturbing. Amazing.
July 25, 2025
Such a visceral read. Couldn’t put it down… didn’t quite expect the ending. Ugh.
Actually devastating she only published a handful of books. With that said, thank god a random airport bookstore had 1 copy of Princess of 72nd Street jammed in a bottom corner. One of my favorite authors … of all time?
Actually devastating she only published a handful of books. With that said, thank god a random airport bookstore had 1 copy of Princess of 72nd Street jammed in a bottom corner. One of my favorite authors … of all time?
June 4, 2025
This one felt like Sylvia Plath’s the Bell Jar collided with Kimberly King Parsons’ We Were the Universe and they had a book baby. Very interesting observations, points of view, and at the end did anyone else think she gave the flowers to Clarence to give to Carl and maybe that’s how he died?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 15, 2026
1.5
I liked it and then got annoyed by its mix of quirk and humorlessness. A flattened affect and relatively obvious narrative gesture (grrrrrrr she may not be the iconic mother you're led to believe!!!!). I will be reading more Kraf though. Potential is clear.
I liked it and then got annoyed by its mix of quirk and humorlessness. A flattened affect and relatively obvious narrative gesture (grrrrrrr she may not be the iconic mother you're led to believe!!!!). I will be reading more Kraf though. Potential is clear.
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May 12, 2025finishing this book on mother’s day was quite an experience
June 15, 2025
Pretty exhausting and largely unmitigated by anything approaching levity. One of those excellent/worthy books you would feel reticent actually to recommend to anyone.
July 17, 2025
4.5⭐️
July 30, 2025
once I found my way into the book’s voice I was so there for everything
November 27, 2025
💛Elaine Kraf’s “I AM CLARENCE” 1969💛
“I’m not sure if sensitive means crying and yelling or if it means writing things and playing in the orchestra. I know, because they all say it, that I used to be too sensitive”(Kraf 86).
A life fundamentally without progress, so antithetical to the nature of childhood—a time made up of milestones, development, growth—overwhelms our narrator and her son, Clarence. Clarence who, despite never learning to speak, read or develop in any way, shows resilience and a curiosity that still illuminate his childlike wonder :’)
was expecting a heavy read based on the content but could not have been more wrong! dealing with themes of mental illness and physical and mental disability in a way that is not entirely depressing, but instead manages to find small moments of joy, friendship and connection feels very contemporary - ahead of its time! Kraf in no way avoids the realities of their suffering, we are taken through doctor’s visits, talk of invasive procedures, abortion, bullying, the list goes on. Somehow, our narrator manages to breeze through it all airily and matter-of-factly. The few brief chapters written from other characters’ perspectives confirm this view of our narrator as seemingly undisturbed and wholly accepting of her son’s fate as well as her own as his caregiver. She is almost radically this boy’s mom to the point where she doesn’t see anything as being odd or upsetting and truly just lives one day at a time (they go to the zoo a lot)
“I’m not sure if sensitive means crying and yelling or if it means writing things and playing in the orchestra. I know, because they all say it, that I used to be too sensitive”(Kraf 86).
A life fundamentally without progress, so antithetical to the nature of childhood—a time made up of milestones, development, growth—overwhelms our narrator and her son, Clarence. Clarence who, despite never learning to speak, read or develop in any way, shows resilience and a curiosity that still illuminate his childlike wonder :’)
was expecting a heavy read based on the content but could not have been more wrong! dealing with themes of mental illness and physical and mental disability in a way that is not entirely depressing, but instead manages to find small moments of joy, friendship and connection feels very contemporary - ahead of its time! Kraf in no way avoids the realities of their suffering, we are taken through doctor’s visits, talk of invasive procedures, abortion, bullying, the list goes on. Somehow, our narrator manages to breeze through it all airily and matter-of-factly. The few brief chapters written from other characters’ perspectives confirm this view of our narrator as seemingly undisturbed and wholly accepting of her son’s fate as well as her own as his caregiver. She is almost radically this boy’s mom to the point where she doesn’t see anything as being odd or upsetting and truly just lives one day at a time (they go to the zoo a lot)
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews