Running Through the Dark: The rise and fall of an ultrarunner

by Jen Scotney

Running Through the Dark The rise and fall of an ultrarunner ABISBOOK Vertebrate Publishing.

Genres: Nonfiction

168 pages, Paperback

Published September 12, 2024

Reviews

[Dani Auer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not an easy read but I appreciated the brutal honesty.
“Sometimes the strength comes quietly, in the whispering voice that keeps us getting up each day, extraordinary strength revealed in the ordinary, even the stillness, in the shadows, the silence.“

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would ordinarily avoid close together reading of two memoirs about (notionally, frankly very notionally) the same chronic illness that I have... but that's the way the library reserve system spat the books out. I am fascinated to note that this book did not induce the same level of irritation as the celebrity bestseller despite the issues around the precise details of illness and activity level. I am sure this is because Scotney just tells her story - there's no padding, and she does not succumb to the temptation to increase sales by larding it with self-help advice whether good, bad or questionable. [I also think that between the title and the publisher she may not attract much attention from 'the community'] There are certainly lots of interesting things to think about but the reader is respected to do that for themselves.

One of those interesting things is that the book opens with a dedication to two people and then with an account of what happened to these people - one a fairly ordinary tragedy I've experienced myself, the other is thankfully not so common, and both happening within months. However, through all the ensuing account of inspirations, goals achieved, goals set aside, the professional and personal trauma anxiety and sandess, the life-threatening psychological symptoms (whether the neurological product of a physical illness, or a more common reactive depression) all the expert input, tests and treatments tried, there is (almost) no sense that professional mental health support could be of value for any of it...even though she describes hoping that having ended a relationship with a toxic man will prove curative. It's curious because I don't sense a particular disdain for therapy or an overgeneralisation from the very legitimate wariness of the gross abuses of psychological therapies when claimed as treating this particular disease.

It's a well written book - the experiences are intense but I felt never over-egged by the way they were described. This meant that I never felt exhausted by her roller coaster (often smacked in the face, yes, as was she) and could pay close attention to what was going on. I was intrigued by her seriously scatty approach to ultramarathon packing.... to the point where I wondered if what I was actually reading about could be an (undiagnosed, unthought of) ADHD burnout after so many years forcing herself into operating at a very high level of organisation in her high stakes professional life.

The descriptions of her runs are uplifting (including in the gritty way of tough events the reader has no risk of experiencing directly). I fear I laughed out loud at one of her running injuries. I felt she portrayed very well the complexities of physical activity - its benefits and its more problematic side. It also shows the high cost of cuts to legal aid (probably not something many readers will have known or thought about before). The book shows her working hard to adjust to new circumstances (at least as impressive a form of fitness as ultramarathoning in the circumstances).

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were moments when I was reading Jen Scotney’s deeply moving account of the challenges which threatened her various ultra-running goals when I could hardly bear to continue because her searingly honest descriptions of the severe physical and emotional hurdles she had to face and overcome were so evocatively conveyed that I could almost feel her increasing distress and depression, her intense frustration that her previously fit body was letting her down, not only thwarting her from reaching her goals, but also robbing her of an activity which had always been a daily source of pleasure and challenge. I think that the fact that I am so familiar with all the UK walks she was describing and so, from experience, was able to visualise the nature of the terrain she was covering, was what made her story so powerfully engaging. However, my experience is of walking some of these routes in ‘manageable chunks’, so I can only imagine how much more resilience and determination is required to be a successful, record-breaking ultrarunner over such long distances. That the author possesses these qualities is apparent throughout this story, perhaps never more so than when, finally forced to accept that she needed to readjust her goals, she was able to do so in a way enabled her to do so in such a positive way.
So many of the challenges she faced (dealing with the grief following the tragic death of one of her two brothers, followed just six months later by the death of her father; the pressures of a stressful job and dealing with chronic ill health) are ones which face many of us. This means that the moving insights she shares in her story are ones from which even readers who are not interested in ultrarunning will find encouragement and inspiration. I think that these final sentences from her capture the essence of her remarkable journey of discovery:

‘Sometimes the strength we have doesn’t have to be adorned on mountain summits, on race line finishes, in the chasing of times and records. Sometimes the strength comes quietly, in the whispering voice that keeps us getting up each day, extraordinary strength revealed in the ordinary, even the stillness, in the shadows, in the silence. I didn’t need a 268-mile run to hear it, to know, that through all the winters the thaw would come, and I could step into an invincible summer.’

Thank you for sharing your remarkable, moving, and truly inspirational story, Jen.

[Arabella Woodrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fascinating read comprising the story of her life after she took up long distance trail and fell running. To put it into context, the story does not merely concentrate on the (considerable) challenges of training for, and competing in the long distance challenges (100 miles and much more) but also the various difficulties she experienced with life itself: family tragedy, a problematic relationship (though, happily, followed by a more enduring one resulting in marriage), burnout from a high pressure job and recurring, crushing fatigue. All of these conspired to make the matter of training for her attempt to run the 268 mile long Pennine Way much harder than it should be. As other reviewers have noted, I too found I could hardly turn the page at some points for fear of what might happen overleaf.
It is not just about running, though. Her vivid descriptions of the issues she faced, and how she tackled them, shows an enormous resilience and determination, all related with extraordinary openness and detail (almost as if she were talking to me personally).
Her descriptions of the routes over the moors, together with the joys, as well as (practical) problems encountered during events will, I hope, inspire other runners to take part.
This was a compulsive read. The beautiful photos on the cover were an added bonus. I am grateful to the author for letting us into her life, and wish her well in the future.

[Rachel Fryer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is written and edited really well, and I got a lot out of reading it. I felt very invested in the authors story, and it really made me think. There are things I can't identify with, like running such huge distances, let alone competitively. But there are a lot of feelings that as a human and woman I could relate to, or appreciate. I'm not sure the word adversity does the book justice, but the author experiences a lot of this, and her physical and emotional pain are very clear. The book is more than about running and chronic fatigue, but I think it would help people better understand what it's like to experience chronic fatigue. In the end it's a lot about resilience and connection. I don't think you need to be interested in running to enjoy this book. But being a runner myself and local to the Peak District, I enjoyed that aspect, including the descriptions of routes and conditions. The book made me think about appreciating my body, which I'm not always good at. I appreciated the author sharing her story, and it's one I know I will read again.

[Peter Steward · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not an easy read. It’s a raw account of a gifted ultra runner who succumbed to chronic fatigue syndrome and ultimately career ending knee injury.
Anyone who’s ever tackled parts of, or the entirety of the Pennine Way will marvel at Jen’s impressive times over sections of it particularly in winter conditions. Her ambition in the beginning is to complete the entire route in the fastest known time (FKT) for a female athlete. The book details her struggles to achieve this goal.
She describes leaving an abusive relationship, finding happiness with a fellow runner and trying to juggle a demanding legal career with her running.
Her attempts to find cures for her physical problems are detailed and harrowing, pursued with the same single mindedness as she pursued her running.
I particularly enjoyed the descriptions of the race stages, traversing parts of the Pennine Way many of us have completed albeit somewhat more slowly. A thought provoking and recommended read.

[Alix A · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a well written book, raw, honest and open - Jen’s story of her journey with ultra running, grief, work, chronic fatigue and the mental battles connected to all of these makes for a compelling read. It’s not really a “running” book, rather one of her journey and of her grit and determination, and struggles, alongside how the changes to what she is able to do alter the perception of self and the effect this can have on the mind and body. The return through the book to the Pennine Way anchors the book through her running journey and the changes going on in her life and running. The descriptions of her days on the trails and associated feelings and reflections are so well written. Jen is one strong and determined lady, and she is brave and honest in sharing her feeling and experiences. Her resilience is inspiring. Fabulous to have another book about women’s’ running and journey out there. Thank you, Jen. Here’s to invincible summers.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first heard of Jen Scotney when she did a talk about resilience at an event I attended. I felt like I could relate to her, being in a similar career (and having a beagle), and also going through grief. I preordered her book and I’m glad that I did. This book is about strength and resilience and what people can overcome. The author goes through some incredibly difficult things in her life, and is so real and honest about her struggles, which is relatable, refreshing but also sad to read. That said, it’s also inspiring to read how she got through them and how she developed as a person. There’s some important lessons in this book and it has left me feeling hopeful. I also thoroughly enjoyed reading about Sherlock and his stubborn antics. I think everyone can get something out of this book.

[ANDREW JULIETTE · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very hard book to read given the personal struggles and barriers that the author has tackled and overcome. Yet it was also a real page turner, with Jen recounting her story in a down to earth way and detailing physical feats of endurance that are extraordinary, even the training runs are at an extreme level. The ability for Jen to write down in a honest way how she had dealt with personal tragedy, mental health problems and ultimately the loss of her ability to compete her dream run is astounding. The book will give many readers inspiration to keep going even when things seem impossible to achieve, it will inspire runners of any distance to try to run just a little further. And it will give you a notebook full of places to go and see especially the Peak District and North Yorkshire moors. Jen also writes about not believing in yourself and allowing what others look like to cloud your thinking, she notes “the stories we tell ourselves about others can be just as wrong as the ones we tell about ourselves”

[Chloe Shuttlewood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could not put this book down. Jen's writing style is really captivating and leaves you wanting to find out more and more about what happens next in her life. She describes the tragedies she had to go through, including losing her brother which is absolutely devastating, and then recounts her running career. But Jen is no ordinary runner. I was so impressed by her ability to tackle ultra marathons and endurance events lasting days and nights. What an achievement! However, life is never simple, and it turns out that Jen has to face not one but two serious conditions that, in the end, forced her to have to stop running. I really liked the way she described that nobody could understand why this meant so much to her, and didn't take her seriously. Anyone who is a runner will comprehend the sheer horror of being told you can never run again. I wish Jen all the very best for her future.

[Steve Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

This is an excellent book, mainly about grief. The author suffers many losses in her life: her brother, her father, her career as a criminal lawyer and finally her health. It's a hard read, that's for sure, but it's inspiring. Scotney takes on challenges that most people never do: representing child murderers in prison and running ultra marathons. The world is a better place because of this. I found it hard to understand her motivation but when she wrote about her tears when a competitor ran the Pennine Way in just over 72 hours it's clear how competitive she is. The book also describes her relationships and especially with her partner Marcus who was not always as supportive as he could have been. There is a lot of honesty here. The book ends with hope as she begins treatment for her health issues.

[Nicola Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! I closed this book feeling inspired, grateful for my health and absolutely full to the brim with respect and admiration for Jen. What an absolute legend.

This makes me remember not to take for granted the priviledge of being able to be outdoors, in the mountains. To soak it all in.

What Jen has endured goes beyond any ultra marathon. And yet, the resilience, hope and light shine through in the book.

Jen's ability to share her story with vulnerability, seering honesty and courage allowed me to feel connected with her through the pages of the book and with every chapter I was willing her on

Very grateful to Jen for sharing her story and allowing us to see what so often goes unseen. Thanks Jen. I loved the book

[Jim Brady · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an interesting book but not quite the running book I was expecting. It’s the frank story of, “long dark nights of the soul”. Jen Scotney’s stormy voyage through grief, fatigue, illness and injury is a tough read, hopefully cathartic for her and must have taken as much courage or more to write than that needed to run ultra marathons.
The book is both dark and inspirational. Her enlightening account of grief: denial, anger, guilt, depression and eventually acceptance, is told with stark honesty.
I learnt a lot from it and enjoyed reading it.

[Debbie Maughan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and very interesting book about Jen’s personal journey through physical and mental health illness, relationship problems, bullying and bereavement. She demonstrates such resilience and determination to never give up. Most of her running is centred around the Peak District and Lake District, with some of her challenges a lot further afield including Peru. She is out running in all weather and temperatures, through day and night, sometimes more prepared than others.
I’m no runner, but I found Jen’s story fascinating.

[Anne Macnamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was lucky to receive a review copy from the publishers and couldn’t resist dipping in straight away. Running and battling with injuries is the threat through Jen’s story, against a stark, raw accounting of a family tragedy and her legal career. Resilience and inner strength and never giving up are my main takeaways from Running Through The Dark and I keen to follow where this takes Jen next.

[Emily Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really interesting book which isn’t really about running but about the challenges of not being abele to do the thing you love because of limiting long term illness - and the subsequent life changes which come from that. In that sense it’s a book that could appeal to people much wider than just runners.

[Atlas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Twenty Seven of 2026: this was a hard read. It reflected my own depression back to me - the hopelessness, the fear of trying to get help, the way you manage to go to work and hang on and thats about it. This was raw and honest and hard, and I felt a lot of sorrow for Jen and also for her husband Marcus.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am a big fan of Jen on socials so I feel bad writing this review and maybe if I’d read the book rather than listening on audible I’d have enjoyed it more but the narration was just so monotone and depressing I really struggled with the whole thing

[Sam Ashdown · Rating 5 out of 5]

A difficult but redemptive read - dark raw and honest

Hard to read in places. I kept wishing for a happy ending. And it is, of a sort. Funny, as I read the final pages, Let it Be by the Beatles came on in the little coffee shop I was in. Seems fitting. Thanks, Jen. I wish you many more bubbling streams and sunsets.

[Hannah MacIntosh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable and inspirational... A reminder to look for joy and satisfaction in the least expected places.

[Steve Chilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a tale of a gifted ultra runner who succumbed to chronic fatigue syndrome and ultimately career ending knee injury. The author also describes leaving an abusive relationship, finding happiness with a fellow runner and trying to juggle a demanding legal career with her running. Certainly makes one think about the ups and downs of one's own life.