The Crucial Years: The Essential Guide to Mental Health and Modern Puberty in Middle Childhood, Ages 6-12

by Sheryl G. Ziegler

An essential guide for parents and caregivers, this book offers insights, strategies, and understanding to navigate middle childhood (ages 6–12). Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a seasoned clinical psychologist and mother, highlights ways to foster resilience, encourage open communication, and build lasting connections during this crucial period.

There is a pivotal sea change happening in children’s development. The age of puberty has been trending earlier for decades, and now starts as young as 8 years old in girls and 9 in boys. Bullying doesn’t just happen on the playground, but over text and DM. Depression and anxiety are drastically on the rise. Couple earlier puberty with ill-equipped, developing brains and the onslaught of new media and stressors that never existed when we were kids, and it’s clear that parents need a new guide to raise this new generation.

The Crucial Years is your essential handbook to navigating the often misunderstood and overlooked years of middle childhood (ages 6–12). As a mom and clinical psychologist, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler knows firsthand how challenging these years can be—yet she also recognizes that this is a tender age and pivotal opportunity to connect with your child before adolescence. Dr. Ziegler masterfully unlocks the enigma surrounding modern puberty and offers evidence-based strategies, interventions, and answers to middle childhood’s most perplexing questions and concerns. In these pages, she

Science-based advice to recognize the first signs of puberty and navigate the changes to come. Candid and actionable guidance for getting your kids to talk about anxiety, depression, and their complicated feelings. Insight into the changing world of gender and sexual identity, and how to guide your child through this complicated new landscape. A thoughtful and sensitive discussion of how race intersects with puberty and mental health, and how all parents can approach this mindfully and inclusively. A clear explanation of the invisible threads linking mood swings, self-image, and social media exposure. Road-tested, real-world guidance to handle bullies, mean girls, and other friendship and social challenges. With The Crucial Years, you have all that you need to guide your child through the hazards and thrills of puberty and help them emerge as well-rounded, confident young adults.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Childrens, Psychology

320 pages, Hardcover

Published May 6, 2025

Reviews

[Gigi Ropp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Few books will likely impact my parenting and my family the way this one will! Although most of my kids are almost out of this age group, I’m grateful for the information Dr. Sheryl presents in clear, concise ways and especially grateful for her direct quotes to use in my parenting. Every parent, caregiver, and educator should read this one!

[Nicole Szpila · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whew! I have to read parenting books slowly and carefully...I have a tendency to plow through them looking for a "magic bullet" and not really absorbing anything, or taking every word as parenting law. So. This one took me a while, but it was worth it.
My dad gifted me this book after hearing an interview with the author, and I'm so thankful he did! Ziegler does a great job presenting each of these issues factually while also not shying away from her opinion both as a mother and a therapist. Sometimes that hurts a book like this, but I thought it was helpful in this case.
I can see myself going back to a few of these chapters, namely the ones on emotional regulation and communication during middle childhood. I also really appreciated how Ziegler handled the subject of puberty and sex. I liked the scripts she provided as a jumping off point - often finding the right words to start these conversations is the hardest part, and the way she just laid things out and anticipated questions or responses kids might give was really helpful.
Overall, this book empowered me to have real, honest, open conversations with our kids around tough issues. Kids know when you're bs'ing them, keeping things from them, or pretending in any way. They know when you're scared and they know when you're ignorant. They also know when you're interested, when you're listening, and when you're open and willing to work through something alongside them.
Would definitely recommend this to any parent, especially of kids this age and younger!

[Stacy Kaptsan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The crucial years is a must have for all parents or those working with this age group! As a former elementary school teacher and mom myself, it was a great deep dive into these middle childhood years. I really appreciated the authors take on puberty and how to handle it for both boys and girls. We oftentimes overlook these very important milestones and focus our attention on younger or older milestones. However, these middle years are so transformative for our kids and how we handle these milestones as adults really matters. Definitely would recommend this book to other parenting friends!

Thank you to NetGalley for the chance to read and review this book.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been looking for a book like this for a while! There are so many books on child development and teen development and nothing on the ages in between. The author makes the case that a lot is happening developmentally and addresses some of the important changes and concerns or subjects that come up between the ages of 6 and 12. I love that this focused on brain development and science. It has very little parenting advice, which I appreciate. I hate parenting books, but I love books on child development. It’s hard to find something that isn’t super prescriptive, especially for this age group.

[Sadie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book captures the “forgotten years” of childhood…ages 6-12; children are no longer little kids that need you every second of the day and not yet teenagers, whose developmental needs have been studied throughout the last century. This book started off STRONG for me and then kept going more and more into repetitive/scattered lectures about teenage issues also being issues for pre-teens. I loved the research about communicating with clearness and curiosity.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely mandatory reading for anyone with children entering middle childhood! Gave me all the realizations, considerations, and tools I need to go into this new phase prepared and confident. I’m SO glad I learned about this book and picked up a copy, and I’ll be recommending this to many other parents!

[Nazee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly informative and helpful!!

[Kate Reasoner · Rating 5 out of 5]

🎧 4.5/5 ⭐️ This book turned out to be exactly what I needed as a parent of a 9-year-old. My friends with children the same age have often discussed these important topics, wondering how best to approach them in conversations with our kids. We always joke, "I wish there was a script"—well, now there is!

While I knew this book would be valuable, it wasn’t initially at the top of my reading list, but I’m glad I made time for it. The audiobook was so helpful that I decided to purchase a physical copy as a reference for future discussions. The author provides insightful statistics, practical strategies tailored to different family approaches, and even a simple sentence to help initiate conversations. Rather than an all-or-nothing approach, the book offers flexibility to accommodate individual family needs.

It also highlights red flags—such as concerns around eating disorders or gaming addictions—helping parents determine whether a topic is age-appropriate or requires further support. If you're unsure how to handle an upcoming situation, this book provides guidance to navigate it with confidence.

Middle childhood is such a crucial period, and I genuinely appreciate how the book focuses on the unique challenges and conversations that arise during this stage. As the author states, the book is designed to help parents raise happy, healthy, and confident children ages 6-12, encouraging thoughtful discussions and fostering strong child-parent relationships built on open communication and psychological safety. She truly nailed it! Even as a parent, I now feel more confident approaching these topics with my daughter and have already recommend this to my friends.

[Dusty Shell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having 6 children from 5-19, I've read a lot of parenting books over the years. This author got it right that the age group of 6-12 is often overlooked in them. You get tons of focus on the early developmental years of birth-preschool and then the tween-teen years. This book can bridge the gap. Ziegler, a child psychologist, does an amazing job of breaking down the challenges that come with raising kids during these “crucial” years. She makes it so easy to understand AND provides actual tactical actions and words to do and use.

She gives you the why behind our responses, talks through everything from how to help your child deal with school stress and friendship drama to how to build self-esteem and resilience.

One of the best chapters for me was the one on communication. Ziegler really dives into how to keep the lines open with your kid, even when they’re in their "I don’t want to talk" phase. She gives super practical advice on how to validate their feelings while also keeping your boundaries in place. It feels so good to have those tools in your back pocket when you're trying to get through to a kid who’s shutting down.

As a heads-up: Ziegler does touch on some topics that might go against some people’s ideals, especially when it comes to gender issues. If you’re looking for a book that aligns strictly with a certain perspective, you might not love everything she covers in this area. But honestly, even if you don’t agree with all of it, the parenting advice and strategies are still really solid and valuable.

Overall, The Crucial Years is a great book to add to your parenting tool belt.

A huge thanks to NetGalley and the author for sending me the a free ARC in exchange for my honest thoughts.

[Claudiaslibrarycard · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Crucial Years is an excellent parenting book for a segment of childhood often ignored between the toddler and teenage years. Middle childhood is the period of years 6 to 12, and Ziegler posits that it is a crucial time period not one to coast through as many perceive it.

This book covers a variety of important topics, many that parents may not consider addressing until later. Puberty is a significant focus of the book and Ziegler clearly explains how to talk about it with your young child preferably starting by 8 years old and building on small conversation after small conversation to prepare them for the changes they will face while they are still in a developmental phase that believes you as the parent are a reliable source of information.

I read this book closely because I was concerned about how the author would address queerness and trans identities. What I found was a reasonable, gentle, and informed approach all around that makes it clear what parents must be on board with to raise emotionally healthy children. Ziegler is clear that we must accept and LOVE our children of all identities and teach that sexuality is something innate- not taught- and that some people don't feel like the gender people think they are at birth. However, I did get a little sick of constantly gendered pronouns, and felt more use of they and them would have benefitted the book.

Overall, I will be recommending this to others and I'm glad I read it.

[anj (acozyday) · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a mom to 6.5- and 9-year-old boys, this book landed in my lap at exactly the right time. It dives into “middle childhood” (ages 6–12) , a stage that’s apparently always been important, but is now supercharged thanks to tech overload, rising stress, and puberty onsetting earlier. (Fun fact: it starts in the brain, which explains the sudden emotional tsunamis you're probably dodging on the daily if you have a kid this age.)

The author makes it clear: this is the window where we have the most influence on our kids’ futures - from their mental health to the quality of their adult friendships. No pressure, right?

The book covers it all, from body changes and big feelings to friendship drama, digital landmines, building confidence, and resisting the perfection trap. It’s a lot and you may even feel your blood pressure uptick and your mind going "I'M NOT READY FOR THIS STAGE" but it’s also deeply validating, surprisingly comforting, and full of practical, doable, insightful advice.

My only critique is that the structure felt a bit scattered as it went jumping between physical, mental, and external changes without a clear flow. A more streamlined organization could have made the information easier to absorb.

That said, it's a good read for parents wondering when their cute kiddo morphed into a tiny moody roommate.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this audiobook as an ARC.

I related to Sheryl, the author, immediately because our kids are about the same age. They are about into Kindergarten, 5th grade, and 10th grade. This book covers an age I feel isn't focused on enough in most parenting books. I've read a lot of them and the 6-12 range isn't always covered well. Like Sheryl says, these kids have outgrown baby toys and expectations we have for younger children, but aren't quite to the age where they are 100% able to do things by themselves. Sometimes these kids have already started or hit puberty and that makes us feel like they're older, but in reality, they're still really young.

The author discussed how we speak to our kids and why sometimes they are defiant immediately. These children are the age where they are needing that confidence boost in themselves and their choices that sets them up for their teen years. There are times that the language we use towards them truly teach them anything.

I would absolutely recommend this book to people with kids in that age 6-12 range (specifically the 8-12 range because that's when our kids started the changes I read about in the book.)

[Lauryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to HarperAudio Adult and NetGalley for the advance listening copy of this audiobook.

The Crucial Years by Dr. Sheryl Gonzalez Ziegler is an absolute gem for anyone raising or working with kids in middle childhood (ages 6 to 12). I just finished the audiobook, and my appreciation for it only deepened as it went on. Dr. Ziegler does a phenomenal job highlighting this often-overlooked developmental stage with warmth, insight, and humor. She blends recent studies, real-world examples, and even a few pop culture references (yes, Barbie makes an appearance) to make the material relatable and practical.

There is so much attention given to infants and teens that these “in between” years can feel like a mystery, but this book really fills that gap. I found myself learning a lot and feeling more prepared for what’s ahead. I’ll definitely be revisiting this again as my kids grow. Highly recommend.

[Maria Pop · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is hard to rate this book. All the chapters except for the one on sexuality deserve 5 stars. I like how firm and well-documented her recommendations are regarding puberty, smartphones, social media, substance abuse, and relationships. There are so many valuable insights and practical tips.

Sadly, the chapter about sexuality is completely from another world. It's hard for me to understand how the lgbtq+ ideas have gone so far, that a psychology expert doesn't even consider anymore telling the truth to the children: yes, you are a boy. Or Yes, you are a girl, because your DNA and your organs are so.
She suggests throwing the kids in complete doubt. Letting them chose what their gender is. This creates to much confusion in middle childhood. I couldn't even read that chapter. I hope that in a few years we will be able to come back to normality and don't throw the kids constantly in this gender confusion.
So, 3 stars for the book because of that chapter.

[Jenny GB · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads Giveaways. Thank you!

In this book, Ziegler is focused on elementary-aged kids and the struggles parents and children have during these years. As she points out, many parenting books are written about babies, toddlers, or teens, but few focus on these years. She discusses the challenges and offers strategies for helping guide your children through elementary school and set them up for a successful adolescence.

Nothing in this book was a massive revelation, but having this as a handy reference for strategies and suggested discussion topics is helpful. Some of the more helpful chapters appear to be the ones around puberty and technology use. I have a toddler and a baby so we're not at this stage yet, but it's helpful to think ahead a few years to when this will become relevant to me!

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

An eye opening look at the importance of parenting a child ages 6-12. Each chapter dives in to important topics and how to best help your child learn. This book covers many topics and has tons of studies backing it up and helpful suggestions. I think every parent should read this book! From puberty, sex education, to screens and peer pressure this book covers it all with science backed data and with years of experience from the author who is not only a child psychiatrist but a mother as well. I feel armed and ready to tackle the hard conversations with my own children to know they are loved and supported and so they can be ready to face the challenges of life. Thank you so much to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy. Grab yours on May 6!

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly informative book about child development in the middle childhood years (6-12). The author is spot on in her observation that most caregivers are attuned to developmental milestones in early childhood and then wait for adolescence to bring on the next set of changes. With research and anecdotes from her clinical practice and personal life, she outlines the many crucial milestones in these years and how to engage with children to best support them.

She also addresses challenging topics like puberty, mental health, digital devices, eating behaviors, and other topics that are too often only focused on in the teen years.

Highly recommend to anyone who interacts with children as a parent, caregiver, educator, etc. or just wants to learn more about child development.

[Angela Sunshine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and HarperAudio Adult for the ARC!

This is a super informative book about a frequently overlooked age group. The statistics about the new age of puberty onset were shocking, and I appreciate how the book gave so many examples of how to address it both before it happens as well as while you're in the thick of it (as parents/caregivers).

There was a lot of information provided about the issues young people face and how to set yourself up for success - from drugs to eating disorders to social media.

I think this is a great resource and one that parents should be reading when their kids start kindergarten. They won't regret it!

[Justyna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some great content. I really enjoyed the parts about social media, found them to be so relevant to today and liked that some resources were mentioned to help guide parents. Found some parts a little repetitive and thought they could have been condensed or some more variety offered. Like the same answer could be given for almost every scenario. Although maybe that's the point. Like that there were examples of both boys and girls. Overall great guide.

Thank you NetGalley and HarperAudio for the arc.

[Whitney Palmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve slowly made my way through this book over the summer, not because it read slowly or was boring but because I really tried to take in all the information presented. Parts were heard to hear and really stepped on my toes, forcing me to consider and reevaluate things like my phone and social media use. I especially appreciated the chapters on the benefits of team sports and the science behind dopamine and social media and video games. Overall I definitely recommend this if you’re parenting a child in those middle childhood/“forgotten years” like I am.

[Sara Wang · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was so wonderful to read a book dedicated to the middle years between kindergarten and middle school. The author makes some good suggestions for how to talk about "taboo" subjects with your child, and also has book recommendations for the children so that they can learn about the changes that will happen to them during this time of their life. Highly recommend this book to any parent with a child in the middle years!

[Deanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5⭐️
I received this book from Goodreads as a giveaway, and am glad I have my own copy as it is one I will share with clients. It is a solid overview of important topics for an often overlooked developmental period. Nothing new/real story but solid overall. Some parts are not super organized. Worthwhile read for parents with less background knowledge on things like puberty, sexuality and development.

[Amandalynn S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Must-Have for Parents of 6-12 Year Olds!
"The Crucial Years" is the book every parent of middle-aged kids needs. It perfectly answers all those pre- and mid-pubescent questions, from mood swings to media use and body changes to bullying. It's comprehensive, with well-researched, science-backed answers.
If your child is in the 6-12 age range, grab this book. It's an invaluable guide for navigating these pivotal years.

[Nicole Royseth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started listening to this audiobook and was really enjoying it. It’s a looooong one! Only made it about halfway through and lost a little interest as I’m not in this stage of parenthood yet. I will likely revisit this book in a few years when the content would be more helpful!
I would recommend this book to parents of kids around the age of 8-12, as it brought up so much great information to use in helping your kids through the “crucial years”

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book covers a bunch of topics -- all very helpful! -- but the biggest takeaway (for me) was the importance of making the years between 6-12 the "crucial" years instead of the "forgotten" years. There's so much attention on infants and babies, and there's increasing attention on the teenage years. It only makes sense that there's work to be done between these two stages. Ziegler does a great job of highlighting what the work looks like.

[Kate Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved The Crucial Years! This book is a goldmine of practical advice for parents navigating the pre-puberty and puberty stages with their kids. It gave me insightful topics and scripts to talk about with my 10-year-old, and I was amazed at how timely and relevant the advice was. It’s truly a must-read for any parent. Highly recommend it!

[CynRizzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be coming back to this one again and again … gave me some great ideas for what I’m seeing now - and gives me great ideas that will come in handy in the next few years. Highly recommend - mainly because I want other likeminded parents :)

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really sensible and dense book. I wish there was a 6-9 version and a 10-12 version. I need more 6-9!details now and fewer older situations. It makes me happy that I’m so strict about phones and tv and their activities. I hope they do not hit early puberty. That seems like a literal nightmare.

[Pages Bursting Hearts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book about ages 6-12. This is a necessary read for parents and people working with children close to this age. Even though I have three kids and have worked with kids for many years, I learned so much in this book and wish I could keep it as a reference copy.

[Camille · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very informative guide to the developmental issues that parents face with children in the middle grade years. I reviewed it on my blog: https://wineandhistory.wordpress.com/...