MILF: Motherhood, Identity, Love and F*ckery

by Paloma Faith

Can women have it all? What does it mean to be a woman and a mother in the modern age?

In this passionate, funny and fierce polemic, Paloma Faith delves deep into the issues that face women today, from puberty and sexual awakenings, to battling through the expectations of patriarchy and the Supermum myth.

Infused with Paloma's characteristic humour and raw honesty about the challenges of IVF and the early years of motherhood, this book is a beautiful celebration of women's work and the invisible load women carry. Moving from questions around identity and how motherhood impacts on that, to what it even means to be a "good mother", how we need to embrace messiness, imperfection and the bitter sweet pleasures of being "selfish" and putting ourselves first.

Paloma invites us into her own coming of age and relationship with her mum, to explore how our bonds with our children evolve into adulthood. We see a glimpse of the complexities and joys of Paloma's experience of juggling romantic love, heartbreak and dating with the demands of motherhood.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir, Feminism, Biography, Parenting, Autobiography

7 pages, Audible Audio

First published June 6, 2024

Reviews

[Emily B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the raw honesty of Paloma Faith in this book. She holds nothing back

Feminists and fans of Paloma will love this.

[Meg ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

of course it’s 5 stars. it could have been 300 blank pages and i’d give it 5 stars. so many thoughts and will hopefully put some into words in the vlog <3

[Samantha Rickelton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has over 70 chapters. I did enjoy it overall, especially the shorter chapters that were just dedicated to one little funny story or anecdote. Loved the honest stories of motherhood.

However I found the book repetitive in parts, especially some of the longer chapters.

It didn't put me off finishing the book though and I found myself nodding along the whole way though. If you're a mother, you'll find this book super relatable and will probably take some wisdom from it too.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this. She totally hits the nail on the head when discussing feminism and motherhood. Highly recommend. 🌟

[Fiona Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Motherhood is a perpetual cycle of never feeling in the right place at the right time.’
Thank you Paloma for giving Mother’s a voice and articulating issues surrounding our identity so openly and honestly. It’s crazy to me that I have the same thoughts and feelings about being a working mother as a pop star but, here we are! From piles to baby groups, friendship and therapy, she literally covers it all. Unless I was so engrossed I missed it, there was no chronological order for this book, it jumps around all over the place but I read each chapter in isolation and found myself laughing out loud or thoughtfully nodding along. I defy any mother to read this and not photograph pages to share with their friends… We are tired and we feel seen!

[Emma Showler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Palomq Faith, Netgalley and Penguin for this advanced copy. Paloma’s words really resonated with me and I loved reading her insightful and honest words about her female health experiences and life. I am sure that this story will resonate with many women in their 40s who have had struggles conceiving and fought the battle with being a working Mum. Thank you Paloma for writing this and stating the things so many of us feel.

[Gill Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*
Audiobook

Honest and raw - this book is mostly about motherhood. Enjoyable to listen to, I found myself nodding along at so many points. If you are a mum, you'll most likely find this relatable. If you're a dad, you should read it to understand.

[Marie Paine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Paloma, so it is with a heavy heart I give this rating. However I found it slightly repetitive and the writing style rambling and chaotic which wasn't the most enjoyable to read.
That said Paloma's personality and character shines through and she makes some really honest and relatable observations. My children are much older so I probably would have enjoyed more if I was still in the midst of new parenthood.

[Allanah Swain · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 - It’s always been on my TBR based on it being a popular one with mums and that I love Paloma Faith … HOWEVER …

Bad points : I found it extremely repetitive and some part not necessary , very one sided (when talking about relationships with lovers or her mother ) and VERY MOANY … blah blah roll your eyes kind ! Whilst she hated to be judged parenting it seemed she longed to do it right wanting to know what’s the right way ? Truth is if your children at happy so should you be and no care given about those then that have an opinion !

Good points : I did take a few things from it one being the talk about her child not wanting to cuddle family and that she wished she hadn’t said it’s rude not to when you have the right to make that choice no matter how old who you touch and when . Having one son who’s sensitive like this I thought it was a good point to make .

As a mum to 5 boys of varying ages and running a business with a supportive partner (I have also been in far less happy and abusive relationships ) I still found this very moany and rolled my eyes a few times as she constantly made out parenting was a drain - I’d hate to think what her children think when they read it one day 😬

In a nutshell : Wouldn’t recommend really and won’t pick it up again :-/

[Clarissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was first captured by Paloma’s powerhouse vocals on the iconic track ‘New York’ as well as by her vintage styling.

MILF is very much about motherhood but she doesn’t discuss her journey in a way that would alienate childless women. The Motherhood discourse often makes the point of how often women actually mother in many areas of their lives through in a guise of people pleasing and nurturing nature in their relationships with men, friendships and families.

Her unapologetic and frank honesty is refreshing.

[Kelly Lambert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a mother but I am a woman and this felt like a hug from an older, understanding, validating sister 🩷

[Lily Lowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh what it means to be a woman. Paloma articulated the feelings that are hard to string into a sentence usually for fear of shame/judgement/being labelled a misandrist.

Honest and vulnerable but upbeat. Feeing like I want to be more authentic in my power, rebel against the social norms and seek even more joy now.

Going to get ALL the mothers and non-mothers in my life to read this.

[Vanessa (Wanderness) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am neither a mother nor plan to be but this was an insightful look into motherhood of the 2020s. A unique book which isn't a unique experience at all given the modern demands of women, who are taught they can and should do it all.

[Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent…. Written from a mothers heart

[Georgia Walley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. She was funny, thought provoking and relatable in many ways. I loved her openness and ability to share personal things that many other people would not.
I could relate to a lot of her thoughts on motherhood and womanhood. Her chapters were short and it was an easy enjoyable read.
I would recommend this book!

[Ellie SB · Rating 1 out of 5]

Interesting topics. Felt like a big moan. So bit of a negative read

[Abigail Elmore · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not a particular fan of Paloma’s music, but I remember enjoying her camaraderie with Noel Fielding and her adorable quirkiness and colourful outfits on Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I also listened her account of her journey to have her first daughter on the Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast. I was going through an infertility journey of my own, and drank in all she said. As a new mother now, I bought the audio versio of this book to hear more about Paloma’s motherhood journey. My main impressions after finishing it are that she complains a lot about how hard pregnancy, birth and caring for children is (though she does emphasise often how much she loves her girls), and how hard it is to be a single mother in particular. She never adequately explains why she chose to end her relationship. It comes across that being with a younger man was fun while child-free and relatively young herself, but that after children arrived, she really would have preferred someone more practically and financially supportive - a better provider. She hardly ever admitted her own shortcomings, and was defensive of her own fairly selfish behaviour. She kind of came across as a bit spoiled and hard to identify with, I guess. I did enjoy parts of it, but my overall impression was one of a lot of complaining and self-justification.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for an advanced copy of MILF in exchange for a review.
I was drawn towards reading this after seeing a clip on Fearne Cotton’s Instagram which said that Paloma talks about her experiences of IVF and miscarriage – which I hadn’t known that she had been through. As someone who has also experienced both of those things, I was intrigued.

I didn’t know very much at all about Paloma before reading this book, and I’ve really come to like her now! She’s a very straight-talking, down-to-earth kind of person!

The book is split into lots of short chapters on different aspects of being a woman, a mother, a partner, and a human being! And there are a lot of crossover themes around the battles women face trying to ‘have it all’ – versus how this goes for men. There was so much that I agreed on (not all, but plenty) – to the point that there were times that I was furiously nodding, and saying out loud, “Yes, Paloma, YES.” It was quite cathartic to realise that famous and successful women also go through the exact same things as us regular women! Including the stress of being the one that always has to plan and manage everything at home – the yearning that your partner just take the initiative with things instead of asking what they can do to help!

Reading this was a good reminder to me to have more open and honest talks like this with friends, because I’m sure we are all experiencing the same things but you don’t really end up talking about it and then it can sometimes feel isolating when it needn’t be.

There were a couple of pages that I even took photos of because they resonated with me so much – one was about wanting a t shirt to describe her everyday feeling – ‘Bandwidth exceeded’. The other says ‘if you are the mother of children, all the roads lead to you, and you are always both in the moment you are in, and thinking about twenty other things you need to organise for them as well.’ Yes!

At times it was a little bit stream of consciousness but overall an affirming read that gave me a bit of space to reflect on my own ‘bandwidth exceeded’ behaviours! I enjoyed the input from Paloma’s mum as well, which added another way of looking at things.

[Kate Henderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

**I listened to the audiobook as well as reading the hardcopy**

Oh I have waited what seems forever (as I preordered) for this book to be released. I adore Paloma Faith. I have followed her music career since the very beginning, and thinks she's a complete ledge!!
However, since her separation from her husband - I do feel like she has been a bit 'preachy' with some of her words and advice. Particularly after her Glastonbury set. I know she has faced a lot of criticism with her speeches too (people saying "she's not the first woman to raise her children on her own' etc.)
So I was a little dubious about her book - I was worried it would be a bit 'preachy' - but it was the complete opposite.
Paloma Faith is so honest, as ever. She writes about almost every aspect of motherhood including the birth! I love how real she is! There is advice in there, but it's from the heart and from her own experiences. But more than anything, it's an insight into her life and of course motherhood. I am not a mother (hopefully one day!) but I still found this book super interesting. It's incredibly uplifting, despite some of the traumatic events mentioned.

I also loved that Paloma narrates the audio book!

I adored it, the only downside was that it was too short!!

[abi slade · Rating 3 out of 5]

3⭐️

pros ✅
- mixed media, included lists and bits of dialogue that was formatted like a script
- very easy read (thank GOD for big margins)
- simultaneously made me more scared of childbirth and more desperate for children
- think my parenting style would probably be similar to paloma’s
- empowering, on occasion
- fantastic branding, i loved being on the tube at 7:30am across from small children, reading a book that has ‘MILF’ in big bold letters plastered across the front

cons ❌
- whilst i expected that motherhood was going to be a central theme, i had hoped that there would be more preamble, more discussion of her life pre-babies as a pop star. the glimmers of pre-baby, pre-fame paloma were interesting and i wanted more
- feels less like a celebrity/personality biography and more like a parenting memoir/guide
- did have a tendency to ‘harp on’ a bit, as in, the same points were being made over and over again and the writing wasn’t even being changed to disguise the repetition? not in a preachy way, i just had gathered things ten pages ago that she’s talking about again

[Kimberly Tijl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I fell in love with Paloma’s music when seeing her perform at North Sea Jazz. A couple of years later I watched a documentary about her life on tour and loved her character too. When I heard she was bringing out a memoir I knew I wanted to have it. I then realised the memoir would be about becoming a mother, the changes it brings and how you lose yourself in this new role. Exactly how I felt. The book for me was great because it was so relatable to me. I fully understood her feelings about becoming pregnant, being pregnant and life with small kids. The only concern I had with the book was that it was a bit repetitive but other than that I loved it. It is nice to feel understood and see someone struggling with the same things, it makes you feel heard. I would highly recommend this but only if you have an association with motherhood.

[Elaine M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is a very honest, raw book.
There's a lot about motherhood (stating the obvious as it's in the title) and not being a mother myself, I wasn't sure if I would like it, but I loved how she explained things - her ups and downs, and actually how women probably often feel, but aren't able to be honest about it.
I respect her a bit more after reading it.
Enjoyed it and liked reading about her different experiences.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Karin Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Milf is one of those rare "parenting" books that actually says the quiet parts out loud. It reads more like a diary or a voice note from your brutally honest friend who’s fully in rant mode about motherhood and honestly, I loved that. It’s messy, funny, a bit chaotic, and painfully relatable if you’re a hyper-independent, goal-driven, slightly-too-self-aware mother trying to exist in a world that expects you to do everything perfectly (and smile while doing it).
Because let’s be real, you don’t actually have a choice but to keep going.
If someone reads this as whining, I’d argue they’re either incredibly well-supported, slightly delusional, or living in a completely different reality. What I appreciated most was how raw it felt. There’s a lot in here that hits home: the thoughts, the guilt, the ambition, the constant balancing act.
It’s the kind of book you pick up and end up thinking, “yeah, okay… it’s not just me.”

[Gerri · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

The psychotic episode post birth set my expectations high, and it was funny in places, but maybe this is better aimed at someone who’s children are younger and so they can relate to this a little bit more. I’m looking for something like this, but less polite, a bit more gritty

[jennifer laughton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version of the book which is read by her. Paloma holds nothing back in this book. I gave it 3 stars because at times she seems to repeat the same issues a few times. She has found her happy place.

[Aimee Willyeo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, even though i am not a mother yet how she describes feelings you may encounter and how you can have mothering nature without children is relatable. I love how she speaks about all things feminism too!

[J. E. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve! Paloma describes experiences in her life that she wants to share with other women and shows that she is not a phony celeb who's life is perfect. Intelligently written and sensitively shared.

[Katie Rankine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this memoir by Paloma all about her struggles with motherhood and being a woman. This was raw, honest and funny in parts. Love her view on life and the people in it. It was like listening to a friend.

[Rhiannon Atkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book. It voiced a lot of feelings I have about womanhood and motherhood and fuckery tbh!

[Holly Sanders · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ audiobook made it even better, a feminist and sex positive book shining a light on the female and motherhood experience, more books like this are needed!