As someone who has deeply struggled with depression, OCD, and the difficulties that come with being autistic, as well as survived attempts to unalive myself, I know what the depths of darkness feel like. I also find solace in nature, plants, and getting my hands into humus-rich soil. That's why when I discovered this book about a person who, going through the same sort of darkness, has found gardening to be restorative, I had to read it.
This book is a journey through the different months and seasons of the year in a vegetable garden in the Cotswolds, England. We go from Kathy recounting her old corporate life and how depression gradually crept in, to how she slowly but surely found a way out of it through growing a vegetable patch.
I love how Kathy describes her gardening process, it really takes you there with her and gives you a taste of wonder of mindfulness, of being present and immersing yourself in whatever it is you're doing. Moreover, the awe with which she writes about it is infectious.
I also appreciate the candor with which Kathy discusses her experience with depression. I aggree with her on how depression makes you feel completely helpless, and how something like growing your own food, even if it's just one tomato plant for example, can give you back a sense of agency and fulfilment.
We often get the advice to write down things we're grateful for every day to counteract the negative loops of thinking, but, as Kathy says, it is often too abstract for us to be able to fully grasp it and thus actually feel this gratitude when we're depressed. Gratitude can be made tangible by acting on it. By, for example, growing your own food. Because you get to see the process unfold from seed to fruit, and then delight in whatever dish you make with it, the way you feel is so different from when you simply count your blessings.
The lessons Kathy learns from the garden along the way are very valuable, such as embracing imperfection, being compassionate toward ourselves, the joy of simplicity, resilience, hope, and how we should stop questioning our worth, and just let ourselves be. "The dog in the garden just is. The bugs in the patch just are. That's it. I realized that I must meet everyone in the world, including myself, just like the dog and the bugs: as the creatures of nature they are, unburdened by any expectations to achieve or to prove themselves."