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The Games We Play
Breakaway
ETHAN POPE
Hockey and secrets have been my life since I can remember.
I don’t know when the secrets got out of hand. Maybe when I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. Maybe when I nearly lost hockey. Maybe when I almost died.
Now my secrets and I are trapped on a PHL team, biding time as I prove that I’m worthy of my original spot in the Big Show. I have it all under control - my secrets, my career, my depression. There’s no other option, really, because there’s a promise beneath all the secrets - a promise I refuse to break.
It’s easy enough to pretend I have it all handled until Hayden Wallace comes barreling into my life, determined to discover all of my secrets - and maybe force me to discover a few things of my own along the way (like since when are men HOT?)
My best bet is to avoid him. Should be easy enough, right?
HAYDEN WALLACE
I’ve been loyal to my best friend since I can remember.
Unfortunately, that loyalty is the reason I find myself stuck in freezing-cold Michigan, working with a bunch of hockey players. It’s a favor. I’ll be the athletic trainer for Ian’s team for one year while he figures something else out, then I’m out of here.
Sticking around doesn’t seem so bad once I meet Ethan Pope, the man at the root of the biggest mystery in the hockey world - the rookie who nearly lost it all for reasons he refuses to share. I can’t stop watching him, analyzing him… wanting him.
The more I get to know him, the more I worry. He might be trying to push me away, but I’m not going anywhere.
Two Stubborn Men, Too Many Secrets, and An Attraction Neither Can Ignore
Hockey and secrets have been my life since I can remember.
I don’t know when the secrets got out of hand. Maybe when I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. Maybe when I nearly lost hockey. Maybe when I almost died.
Now my secrets and I are trapped on a PHL team, biding time as I prove that I’m worthy of my original spot in the Big Show. I have it all under control - my secrets, my career, my depression. There’s no other option, really, because there’s a promise beneath all the secrets - a promise I refuse to break.
It’s easy enough to pretend I have it all handled until Hayden Wallace comes barreling into my life, determined to discover all of my secrets - and maybe force me to discover a few things of my own along the way (like since when are men HOT?)
My best bet is to avoid him. Should be easy enough, right?
HAYDEN WALLACE
I’ve been loyal to my best friend since I can remember.
Unfortunately, that loyalty is the reason I find myself stuck in freezing-cold Michigan, working with a bunch of hockey players. It’s a favor. I’ll be the athletic trainer for Ian’s team for one year while he figures something else out, then I’m out of here.
Sticking around doesn’t seem so bad once I meet Ethan Pope, the man at the root of the biggest mystery in the hockey world - the rookie who nearly lost it all for reasons he refuses to share. I can’t stop watching him, analyzing him… wanting him.
The more I get to know him, the more I worry. He might be trying to push me away, but I’m not going anywhere.
Two Stubborn Men, Too Many Secrets, and An Attraction Neither Can Ignore
373 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 22, 2024
64 people are currently reading
354 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
December 28, 2024
4.5
This was a really fantastic read. It's my first book by Taylor McNiff, but I KNOW it won't be my last, because I WHEW, I devoured this gem in two nights. No sleep was had, but it was totally worth it.
SEE, now this is how I like my contemporary/sports romances. I'll have half a dozen like this one please! "Breakaway" is the perfect example of how a romance can be steamy and funny and heartfelt, without it feeling shallow, without all that forced light-heartedness and, god forbid, forced banter that always make me want to gouge my eyes out. This is how you write two leads, and this is you write an emotional, believable connection between them.
I adored it, needless to say. I loved Ethan and Hayden SO FREAKING MUCH. I loved their dynamic, I loved how skittish and grumpy Ethan was towards Hayden and I loved seeing their relationship slowly morph into respect and care and affection and love. Everything about their relationship felt emotionally charged and believable, and it had me in a chokehold IMMEDIATELY.
I loved the D/s undertones to their dynamic, and I adored Hayden's care-taking side so so so much.
I loved how Ethan's bi-awakening (and sub awakening lol) wasn't easy, but it wasn't full of meaningless drama either.
I adored Ethan as a lead: the depression rep was fantastic and yes, again, believable and it felt like something the author had probably witnessed up close, so it felt even more charged. I keep saying this but: please, my lovely MM romance writers, please please please include more mental health rep in your romances. ALSO, @friends, if you have recs: I WANT THEM.
I'm docking half a star because I would have loved to see a bit more of role reversal between the two leads. I was wholly weak for Hayden, so maybe that's the reason, but I wanted to see a smidge more of his past (especially that whole situation with his ex) and maybe see Ethan react to it, or even have a talk between them about it. Okay, yes, screw it: I loved Ethan's possessive/protective streak (if you read the book: yes, I'm talking about the bar scene), and I would have loved to see him use it a bit more for Hayden's sake. This book felt very much like Ethan's story, and that's completely fine and expected, considering the topic, but I really adored Hayden too, and I would have loved seeing him centred a biiiit more.
That aside; I loved this book. I loved this book so much that if Taylor McNiff were to kindly gift us Jules' story, I'd probably worship her capable, storytelling mind FOREVER. I loved Jules SOOOO much. SO SO MUCH. I want to see him get his own HEA *stomps feet* pretty please?
I think I'll probably re-read this book in the near future; I already can't wait. I'll definitely check out more books in this multi-author series too!
I wholly recommend this one: it was a delightful, meaningful, steamy as hell, gut-punch in book form, and it was totally worth all the sleep I lost.
TWs/CWs: depression, suicide (past), suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, hospitalization (past), death of a parent.
This was a really fantastic read. It's my first book by Taylor McNiff, but I KNOW it won't be my last, because I WHEW, I devoured this gem in two nights. No sleep was had, but it was totally worth it.
SEE, now this is how I like my contemporary/sports romances. I'll have half a dozen like this one please! "Breakaway" is the perfect example of how a romance can be steamy and funny and heartfelt, without it feeling shallow, without all that forced light-heartedness and, god forbid, forced banter that always make me want to gouge my eyes out. This is how you write two leads, and this is you write an emotional, believable connection between them.
I adored it, needless to say. I loved Ethan and Hayden SO FREAKING MUCH. I loved their dynamic, I loved how skittish and grumpy Ethan was towards Hayden and I loved seeing their relationship slowly morph into respect and care and affection and love. Everything about their relationship felt emotionally charged and believable, and it had me in a chokehold IMMEDIATELY.
I loved the D/s undertones to their dynamic, and I adored Hayden's care-taking side so so so much.
I loved how Ethan's bi-awakening (and sub awakening lol) wasn't easy, but it wasn't full of meaningless drama either.
I adored Ethan as a lead: the depression rep was fantastic and yes, again, believable and it felt like something the author had probably witnessed up close, so it felt even more charged. I keep saying this but: please, my lovely MM romance writers, please please please include more mental health rep in your romances. ALSO, @friends, if you have recs: I WANT THEM.
I'm docking half a star because I would have loved to see a bit more of role reversal between the two leads. I was wholly weak for Hayden, so maybe that's the reason, but I wanted to see a smidge more of his past (especially that whole situation with his ex) and maybe see Ethan react to it, or even have a talk between them about it. Okay, yes, screw it: I loved Ethan's possessive/protective streak (if you read the book: yes, I'm talking about the bar scene), and I would have loved to see him use it a bit more for Hayden's sake. This book felt very much like Ethan's story, and that's completely fine and expected, considering the topic, but I really adored Hayden too, and I would have loved seeing him centred a biiiit more.
That aside; I loved this book. I loved this book so much that if Taylor McNiff were to kindly gift us Jules' story, I'd probably worship her capable, storytelling mind FOREVER. I loved Jules SOOOO much. SO SO MUCH. I want to see him get his own HEA *stomps feet* pretty please?
I think I'll probably re-read this book in the near future; I already can't wait. I'll definitely check out more books in this multi-author series too!
I wholly recommend this one: it was a delightful, meaningful, steamy as hell, gut-punch in book form, and it was totally worth all the sleep I lost.
TWs/CWs: depression, suicide (past), suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, hospitalization (past), death of a parent.
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December 12, 2024I think I’m forever ruined by Taylor Fitzpatrick and Catherine Cloud when it comes to reading mm hockey romances. I wanted to give this book a fair chance but all I’m thinking is how much I miss the writing of former mentioned authors when it comes to characters and the game of hockey. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can continue this book knowing there is still 70% to read. So it’s a dnf at 30% so no rating. I might pick this up again some time as it is not bad, just…different.
July 25, 2024
When I saw that Taylor was releasing a hockey book, I was worried that it wouldn't pack the same emotional punch as her books with more serious topics. I could not have been more wrong. Ethan Pope has struggled with depression for many years, and is quickly falling apart because he hasn'tt been able to tell anyone, or receive any support. Ethan's reason for not wanting anyone to know is truly heartbreaking, and so well written that it feels really believable. As a person who has struggled with depression myself, I feel that the representation was really well written. The emotions that this book invoked me were intense, and I had to put my kindle down several times to regroup.
“I never asked you to love me” I cry, whipping around to glare at him. The glare doesn't work all that well though because I fucking love him and he's crying too and everything is awful.
Even though the book is emotionally intense, it never felt unbearably painful to me. Hayden is so sweet and supportive, and the way he showed up soothed my soul right alongside Ethan's because I never doubted for a minute that he loved Ethan and that they would get through this together.
The relationship between Ethan and Hayden is a slow burn, but paced out really well so it feels natural and exciting. I absolutely loved that by the time they hooked up for the first time, they were both already in love with each other. This order of relationship development is surprisingly unusual in a romance book, and it worked so well. The intensity of the their feelings for each other, and the extremely well written pining/jealousy scenes, led to a getting together scene that was completely electric.
“Fuck” I whisper, my arms going around him in return just so I have something to cling to. “Fuck, Hay. I...fuck”.
“I know.”. He kisses the top of my head. “I know, baby. I feel it too”.
In addition to Ethan and Hayden, the side characters in this book really own my heart. Jules as well as Ethan's family were all just perfect. That said, I'll be honest that it took me a little while to get really hooked into this book. If you are like me and you abandon books quickly, I really suggest that you don't. At 20% I was still only liking it, but by 30% I was absolutely obsessed and couldn't put it down for even a moment . This book was beautiful and moving and I highly recommend it!
“I never asked you to love me” I cry, whipping around to glare at him. The glare doesn't work all that well though because I fucking love him and he's crying too and everything is awful.
Even though the book is emotionally intense, it never felt unbearably painful to me. Hayden is so sweet and supportive, and the way he showed up soothed my soul right alongside Ethan's because I never doubted for a minute that he loved Ethan and that they would get through this together.
The relationship between Ethan and Hayden is a slow burn, but paced out really well so it feels natural and exciting. I absolutely loved that by the time they hooked up for the first time, they were both already in love with each other. This order of relationship development is surprisingly unusual in a romance book, and it worked so well. The intensity of the their feelings for each other, and the extremely well written pining/jealousy scenes, led to a getting together scene that was completely electric.
“Fuck” I whisper, my arms going around him in return just so I have something to cling to. “Fuck, Hay. I...fuck”.
“I know.”. He kisses the top of my head. “I know, baby. I feel it too”.
In addition to Ethan and Hayden, the side characters in this book really own my heart. Jules as well as Ethan's family were all just perfect. That said, I'll be honest that it took me a little while to get really hooked into this book. If you are like me and you abandon books quickly, I really suggest that you don't. At 20% I was still only liking it, but by 30% I was absolutely obsessed and couldn't put it down for even a moment . This book was beautiful and moving and I highly recommend it!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 7, 2025
This was a fantastic story from cover to cover! I recently attended a book convention that this author attended and this book was recommended to me by a friend and within 5% I knew I needed to have a signed copy and would love it! And I was right. If you’re a fan of hockey romance, player/staff member and mental health rep then I highly recommend!
I really loved both Ethan and Hayden as characters. What Ethan was going through with his depression and trying to hide it was just so heartbreaking. I’m so glad that he had Hayden in his corner and helped get him the help he so desperately needed. I loved that Hayden saw through Ethan’s mask!
Their HEA was great and I really hope that we get to see more stories about some side characters as they were great! Can’t wait to read more by this author!
I really loved both Ethan and Hayden as characters. What Ethan was going through with his depression and trying to hide it was just so heartbreaking. I’m so glad that he had Hayden in his corner and helped get him the help he so desperately needed. I loved that Hayden saw through Ethan’s mask!
Their HEA was great and I really hope that we get to see more stories about some side characters as they were great! Can’t wait to read more by this author!
January 19, 2025
I think this is the most accurate depiction I have ever read of depression - if you are susceptible to those feelings then I would say be cautious reading this, because it definitely affected my emotional state and I could feel what the character was feeling e.g. the heaviness, the not having the energy to do anything... so if you're not in the best head space, maybe skip this one.
I honestly loved Ethan so much and it makes me sad that there is still such a stigma around mental health, to the point where people who need to ask for the help feel ashamed that they're in that position. So many lives could be saved/made that much better if people understood that mental health is just as important as physical health.
Please be aware that this book could be very triggering, the depression is very heavy and dominates the MCs life in the most realistic way that I've ever read. There is also mention of a parent's death from suicide as a result of depression and post-partum when the MC was a young child, and there are suicidal thoughts from the MC in a few instances throughout the book.
I honestly loved Ethan so much and it makes me sad that there is still such a stigma around mental health, to the point where people who need to ask for the help feel ashamed that they're in that position. So many lives could be saved/made that much better if people understood that mental health is just as important as physical health.
Please be aware that this book could be very triggering, the depression is very heavy and dominates the MCs life in the most realistic way that I've ever read. There is also mention of a parent's death from suicide as a result of depression and post-partum when the MC was a young child, and there are suicidal thoughts from the MC in a few instances throughout the book.
July 24, 2024
The fact that I binged read in one sitting until 4 in the morning this book should tell you already everything about it.
I’ve loved every single book from Taylor since discovering her and once again I’m not disappointed, definitely the best one in the multi-author hockey series.
Ethan Pope is such a vulnerable soul to protect at all cost and watching him grow and finally acknowledge his need to be seen and understood and helped meeting Hayden was both heartbreaking and healing to see.
It was an amazing read and I loved how the mental health themes were treated.
I giggled, I swooned, I cried my eyes out for most of the book.
The sub jock and dom nerd trope is without doubt MY NEW JAM 🌶️
I LOVED IT and cannot recommend it enough! Definitely cannot wait for the next installements on this series, beginning from Jules, Ethan’s BFF.
I’ve loved every single book from Taylor since discovering her and once again I’m not disappointed, definitely the best one in the multi-author hockey series.
Ethan Pope is such a vulnerable soul to protect at all cost and watching him grow and finally acknowledge his need to be seen and understood and helped meeting Hayden was both heartbreaking and healing to see.
It was an amazing read and I loved how the mental health themes were treated.
I giggled, I swooned, I cried my eyes out for most of the book.
The sub jock and dom nerd trope is without doubt MY NEW JAM 🌶️
I LOVED IT and cannot recommend it enough! Definitely cannot wait for the next installements on this series, beginning from Jules, Ethan’s BFF.
January 22, 2025
Oh my goodness, what an incredible, heartbreaking story! I've been working through a bunch of hockey romances this month, and if you are looking for angsty age gap with mental illness rep, Breakaway is IT. It's sweet, it's spicy, and it will make you SOB - highly underrated and I HIGHLY recommend it!
Y'all, sweet Ethan broke my heart. A young and incredibly talented player with a ton of potential, team athletic trainer Hayden cannot figure out why he's been sent down to a farm team. It's pretty clear from early in the story that something is very wrong with Ethan, and he's DESPERATELY trying to hide what it is. It was really hard reading Ethan's POV chapters as he describes what he's going through, and I SOBBED as he revealed his secret to Hayden and his family, but I really did appreciate the sensitive portrayal of mental illness in this book overall.
Despite all the tough stuff in Breakaway, there are definitely moments of levity too. Ethan's bi-awakening is honestly kind of funny, and the secondary characters in this book are AMAZING (kind of wondering if there's a Jules story out there somewhere because I WANT IT). And OMG, I LOVED how bossy Hayden goes full protective/possessive boyfriend over Ethan as SOON as they realize they have feelings for each other. There's some pretty incredible spice in this book that I wasn't expecting - helps to balance out all the angsty for sure!
I don't see people talking about this book nearly enough - it's incredible, and anyone who's read it can tell you that. One of the highlights of my hockey month, and I'll definitely be looking into more of Taylor McNiff's backlist because I NEED MORE. Get this on your TBR right now!
Y'all, sweet Ethan broke my heart. A young and incredibly talented player with a ton of potential, team athletic trainer Hayden cannot figure out why he's been sent down to a farm team. It's pretty clear from early in the story that something is very wrong with Ethan, and he's DESPERATELY trying to hide what it is. It was really hard reading Ethan's POV chapters as he describes what he's going through, and I SOBBED as he revealed his secret to Hayden and his family, but I really did appreciate the sensitive portrayal of mental illness in this book overall.
Despite all the tough stuff in Breakaway, there are definitely moments of levity too. Ethan's bi-awakening is honestly kind of funny, and the secondary characters in this book are AMAZING (kind of wondering if there's a Jules story out there somewhere because I WANT IT). And OMG, I LOVED how bossy Hayden goes full protective/possessive boyfriend over Ethan as SOON as they realize they have feelings for each other. There's some pretty incredible spice in this book that I wasn't expecting - helps to balance out all the angsty for sure!
I don't see people talking about this book nearly enough - it's incredible, and anyone who's read it can tell you that. One of the highlights of my hockey month, and I'll definitely be looking into more of Taylor McNiff's backlist because I NEED MORE. Get this on your TBR right now!
August 12, 2025
3.5 stars rounded up.
I quite enjoyed this one, although the romance is a bit insta and the pacing in the second half drags.
I give the author props, however, for one of the most accurate representations of depression I've ever read, and I loved the way Ethan's parents and his bestie, Jules, are so incredibly supportive.
(But seriously, whoever edited or proof-read this should have pointed out that the word is "lewd" not "lude".)
If you want to read a far better and more detailed review, check out the one by Kaje Harper HERE, which is what encouraged me to give this one a try in the first place.
I quite enjoyed this one, although the romance is a bit insta and the pacing in the second half drags.
I give the author props, however, for one of the most accurate representations of depression I've ever read, and I loved the way Ethan's parents and his bestie, Jules, are so incredibly supportive.
(But seriously, whoever edited or proof-read this should have pointed out that the word is "lewd" not "lude".)
If you want to read a far better and more detailed review, check out the one by Kaje Harper HERE, which is what encouraged me to give this one a try in the first place.
Read
December 5, 2024A new to me author - the blurbs of their back catalogue look a bit dark for my tastes – but I thoroughly enjoyed this one. The writing and editing is excellent and the characters well rounded, especially Ethan. His depressive episodes felt real and relatable. And the sex was hot.
October 26, 2024
“I thought it’d be easier,” I admit eventually, my body drained and my eyes finally dry. “I thought I’d ask for help and I’d get it and boom, you know? It’s—it’s not fair. It shouldn’t be this hard.” He hugs me then. I think he cries with me this time. p. 348
I'm not going to lie, I was a tad worried at first that the book would focus too much on sex what with it being a fauxnemies to lovers bisexual awakening romance. That it would focus on being out in the league and not take mental health seriously enough... common problems in romances.
I was worried about how the MC talked about his depression at first ("depression on pause" "reporter gave my depression a turbo boost" etc.) but since he hadn't had anyone to talk to about it with it made sense further along the line and seeing him open up was fantastic and cathartic.
There was a slight tonal shift half way through and the pacing worked out beautifully to give these men the space to evolve. I ended up loving Hayden and Ethan. The prickly porcupine Ethan worried the hawk-eyed Hayden would discover his secret - that he suffers from depression - warming up, falling in love and into a safe space was beautiful to read. Understanding why it was a secret to him. The honesty, the emotional caretaking, the scene .
Some quotes
"It’s a fucking orgasm in your mouth.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. Squeeze the towel in my hands too. Orgasm in your mouth? Is he trying to fucking kill me?
“Maybe we should move on to a less controversial topic,” I say, hoping my voice is only strained to my own ears.
“You’re completely right.” He moves up behind me. I can feel his height. Can feel the weight of his existence, so damn close to mine. Can feel him breathing on my neck. “How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?” p. 98
"You’re not good or fine, brosy. Haven’t been since you moved into my apartment.”
I don’t know what it is. If it’s the talk from Coach or the exhaustion or the lingering panic or maybe even the realization that I have no hope of surviving this day if I do it alone and he’s my safest ally, but whatever it is, I drop my guard and tell my roommate—my friend, maybe even my best friend—
“ No. I haven’t been.” p. 254
Tags:
NSFW infos:
- MC with black curly hair and brown skin (p. 10), out and gay, likes being dominant
- MC with green eyes, blond hair, dimples and white skin; young hockey player, realises he is bisexual (realisation about 1/3 through the book)
- submissive awakening ("I like this, like him being in charge of me. It makes me feel jittery, yet weightless. It makes me feel small, but in a safe, controlled way. It makes me feel fucking good." p. 227)
- frotting
- bareback sex (baby bi bottoms)
- look at you
- coming from first penetration
- strict top/bottom
Nicknames:
Hayden -> Hay
sweetheart, good boy, baby
August 9, 2024
My best read of the year so far.
I've read plenty of books I've loved this year, and some I've given 5 stars to easily. This book, though, this was outstanding in every way.
Taylor has written Pope's battle with depression so amazingly, so tastefully, so respectfully, and so, so truthfully. It was as tragic as it was beautiful.
The care to detail of the struggles Pope faced each day, the description of how he made it through his days, will resonate on many levels in many forms with so many readers, I'm sure. It did with me.
We read so much for enjoyment and relaxation that I think it's easy to want a nice simple book to read. This book is not that, and I would advise to be wary going in if any form of depression is a trigger for you. That said, I also think this book is so tenderly written that it could help some people realise there is help, if only they reach out for it and trust those around them
I've read plenty of books I've loved this year, and some I've given 5 stars to easily. This book, though, this was outstanding in every way.
Taylor has written Pope's battle with depression so amazingly, so tastefully, so respectfully, and so, so truthfully. It was as tragic as it was beautiful.
The care to detail of the struggles Pope faced each day, the description of how he made it through his days, will resonate on many levels in many forms with so many readers, I'm sure. It did with me.
We read so much for enjoyment and relaxation that I think it's easy to want a nice simple book to read. This book is not that, and I would advise to be wary going in if any form of depression is a trigger for you. That said, I also think this book is so tenderly written that it could help some people realise there is help, if only they reach out for it and trust those around them
July 25, 2024
First of all, please make sure you check for trigger warnings closely. This book delves deeply into mental health, and if you struggle with depression and anxiety please make sure you can handle intense looks into, and discussions about, the dark places the mind can go when you're dealing with an episode. It's so good, it's so very on point, and part of me feels it should be mandatory reading material for anyone who has never dealt with depression because holy sh*t does Taylor nail the emotions, the struggles, the physical side effects, and the consequences that ripple into literally every aspect of your life. However, saying the deep dive in this book is INTENSE is an understatement, so please make sure you are in a place mentally to handle the material.
Ok, now with that out of the way... I LOVED this book so much. Which, let's be honest, shouldn't surprise anyone who's read literally anything Taylor has written. I've been known, on more than one occasion, to describe Taylor's writing talents as "magic with a pen". Breakaway is no exception. The relationship between Ethan and Hayden was just beautiful. From their friendship, to Ethan's awakening and easy acceptance of his sexuality, to their move into a romantic relationship. Taylor doesn't just bring her characters to life between the pages, she drops you straight into their heads and hearts for the entire experience. It's impossible not to empathize with what they both go through, experience their emotions, laugh and cry right along with them. Make no mistake, Breakaway will break your heart, but the mending of it is so damn sweet.
Ok, now with that out of the way... I LOVED this book so much. Which, let's be honest, shouldn't surprise anyone who's read literally anything Taylor has written. I've been known, on more than one occasion, to describe Taylor's writing talents as "magic with a pen". Breakaway is no exception. The relationship between Ethan and Hayden was just beautiful. From their friendship, to Ethan's awakening and easy acceptance of his sexuality, to their move into a romantic relationship. Taylor doesn't just bring her characters to life between the pages, she drops you straight into their heads and hearts for the entire experience. It's impossible not to empathize with what they both go through, experience their emotions, laugh and cry right along with them. Make no mistake, Breakaway will break your heart, but the mending of it is so damn sweet.
December 4, 2024
Hayden • Ethan (Pope)
….
“Okay, baby… Okay. I’ve got you.”
….
<3.
….
“He’s going to be the thing that takes me down.” // “I hate him for looking like he’s not going to give up until he discovers it all.” // “I’ll tell you my secrets when you start telling me yours.” // “I wish I could bottle up that pretty laugh of his.” // “You drank the last one like a good boy, did you not?” // “I couldn’t stay because it wasn’t just one light bulb moment that was happening. It was a series of them. So many light bulbs I was lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree.” // “And I find myself wondering if he’d leave that scent in my sheets after he was through with me.” // “There’s no reining myself in after that. I’m lost, drowning in a sea of a hundred little moments…” // “Yeah, I am.” // “It’s kind of ridiculous how much easier it is to breathe after the simple touch.” // “It was an easy answer—same thing as it’s always been. A breakaway.” …
….
….
“Okay, baby… Okay. I’ve got you.”
….
<3.
….
“He’s going to be the thing that takes me down.” // “I hate him for looking like he’s not going to give up until he discovers it all.” // “I’ll tell you my secrets when you start telling me yours.” // “I wish I could bottle up that pretty laugh of his.” // “You drank the last one like a good boy, did you not?” // “I couldn’t stay because it wasn’t just one light bulb moment that was happening. It was a series of them. So many light bulbs I was lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree.” // “And I find myself wondering if he’d leave that scent in my sheets after he was through with me.” // “There’s no reining myself in after that. I’m lost, drowning in a sea of a hundred little moments…” // “Yeah, I am.” // “It’s kind of ridiculous how much easier it is to breathe after the simple touch.” // “It was an easy answer—same thing as it’s always been. A breakaway.” …
….
July 28, 2024
All.The.Stars
I loved this story. It had everything and it was so hopeful at the he end. A new beloved book, a new to me author.
This is important. The timing of my reading this book is on point having just lost a fellow townsperson to suicide. Anything that will help and urge someone battling mental health to seek and receive help is important. Helping those worrying for, or careing for someone with mental health issues is important.
The love story dressing this book is beautiful.
Hello Taylor McNiff, I'm a fan.
I loved this story. It had everything and it was so hopeful at the he end. A new beloved book, a new to me author.
This is important. The timing of my reading this book is on point having just lost a fellow townsperson to suicide. Anything that will help and urge someone battling mental health to seek and receive help is important. Helping those worrying for, or careing for someone with mental health issues is important.
The love story dressing this book is beautiful.
Hello Taylor McNiff, I'm a fan.
December 16, 2025
Ethan Pope has secrets that the doesn't share with anyone...most recently what happened at training camp that caused him to be relegated down to the PHL.
Enter Hayden Wallace. Hayden is the new athletic trainer for the PHL team and is immediately drawn to Pope...and Pope to Hayden.
They fall in love, duh.
This is a bit heavier than most of the rest of the books in this series but I really enjoyed it quite a bit.
Enter Hayden Wallace. Hayden is the new athletic trainer for the PHL team and is immediately drawn to Pope...and Pope to Hayden.
They fall in love, duh.
This is a bit heavier than most of the rest of the books in this series but I really enjoyed it quite a bit.
September 3, 2024
I should preface this review with if Taylor writes it, I'm reading it. Taylor has a way of weaving characters into your heart, and good luck getting them out once they take up residence (not that I want to).
While reading this all I could think was that I want to wrap Ethan Pope in a blanket burrito and give Hayden all the blue moon ice cream he can stomach.
Pope is hiding what he believes to be a career-ending secret and Hayden is the new athletic trainer for Pope's hockey team. Pope is weary of Hayden from the start - not only because he is best friends with coach, but because he is very observant. Too observant for Pope's liking.
My heart broke for Pope as he slowly unravels and finally reveals the source of his pain. Through the heartbreak Hayden is always at his side - a steady, calming presence whenever Pope collapses. In between the hurt there is plenty of wonderful banter between these two, which made for an absolutely delightful, don't-want-to-put-down story.
“Did you look at all the expiration dates?” he asks. Sh*t. “No. One sec. Milk is good. Eggs. Yogurt. Yeah, good.” “Bread? Did you check your bread?” I force a laugh as I pick up the bread, pretending like I hadn’t forgotten that bread could expire. “Of course I checked the bread.” There’s a brief pause. Then, “You’re checking it now, aren’t you?” “Yes.” I sigh. “What would I do without you?” He laughs softly, but his voice is surprisingly earnest when he says, “You won’t ever have to find out.”
While reading this all I could think was that I want to wrap Ethan Pope in a blanket burrito and give Hayden all the blue moon ice cream he can stomach.
Pope is hiding what he believes to be a career-ending secret and Hayden is the new athletic trainer for Pope's hockey team. Pope is weary of Hayden from the start - not only because he is best friends with coach, but because he is very observant. Too observant for Pope's liking.
My heart broke for Pope as he slowly unravels and finally reveals the source of his pain. Through the heartbreak Hayden is always at his side - a steady, calming presence whenever Pope collapses. In between the hurt there is plenty of wonderful banter between these two, which made for an absolutely delightful, don't-want-to-put-down story.
“Did you look at all the expiration dates?” he asks. Sh*t. “No. One sec. Milk is good. Eggs. Yogurt. Yeah, good.” “Bread? Did you check your bread?” I force a laugh as I pick up the bread, pretending like I hadn’t forgotten that bread could expire. “Of course I checked the bread.” There’s a brief pause. Then, “You’re checking it now, aren’t you?” “Yes.” I sigh. “What would I do without you?” He laughs softly, but his voice is surprisingly earnest when he says, “You won’t ever have to find out.”
Read
December 9, 2025It kept me interested. The light power dynamics were too light for me and not intertwined enough with their personalities or the overall conflict. But it was a good read. Almost a 3.9
July 17, 2025
4.5 Stars
What a fantastic book! I loved everything about it, even the hard parts. Ethan and Hayden were so wonderful together, and whenever I reluctantly had to set it down, I was always thinking about when I’d be able to get back to it. This was my first book from this author, and I had never heard of this series before, but saw the book recommended somewhere and thought I’d give it a try. I’m so glad I did because it was just so wonderfully written and pulled so many emotions out of me. It was heartbreaking at times, but it was also sweet, funny, and had amazing spice. I’d love to see this book get on more people’s radar!
Athletic trainer, Hayden Wallace, has moved to Upper Michigan as a favor for his friend, Ian, to be the AT for a year for the minor league hockey team that Ian coaches. It’s here he meets Ethan Pope, a young hockey phenom who was supposed to be playing in the major league until a mysterious incident at training camp blew it all up. Ethan is a little cagey and full of secrets, but Hayden can’t stop trying to figure him out, and he also can’t stop the growing attraction. Especially as a friendship forms between them, and he learns the attraction he feels isn’t one-sided. Ethan’s determined to keep his secrets, though, but Hayden may be the one person to get through to him and show him that he’s got a team of people behind him who love him and want to help.
I loved the slow burn in this one. Ethan was very skittish at first, understandably, given everything he’s dealing with and given how desperately he’s trying to keep his secrets. The way Hayden saw through a lot of his defenses would be unsettling for anyone. But I’m glad he couldn’t stay away. The friendship they formed was the sweetest, such great banter, and I loved the mutual pining (even if Ethan wasn’t fully aware it was pining at the time). Ethan’s awakening was done really well, too. He was a little unsure but all-in and very eager. It was adorable, and the chemistry these two had was incredible. I loved the light D/s thing they had going on, too. The spice was both endearing and scorching hot.
This book also dealt with some heavy topics. Ethan had spent many years and a lot of effort hiding away his mental illness. I understood his motivations, but it was heartbreaking. The chapters from his POV where he was trying to hold it all together, but oftentimes struggling to do so, were so sad. The scenes toward the end, where he finally comes clean absolutely broke my heart. You’ll want to keep some tissues handy. They were so well written, they were raw and completely realistic. Seeing the way everyone rallied around him, though, was just beautiful. He had so many people who loved him: Hayden, his parents, and his teammates. I’m getting a little misty-eyed now just thinking back on those chapters.
There were a lot of great secondary characters in this book, too. Special shout out to Jules, though, he was the best friend and teammate, and was pivotal in getting Ethan to finally let people in and help. I’m so glad Ethan found him, and I loved the way Hayden and Jules teamed up to support Ethan in his journey. And, just saying, I wouldn’t be opposed to Jules getting his own book someday. He was a great character!
I hope more people discover this book because I really do feel like it deserves more hype. I’m glad I came across it and won’t soon forget it!
He’s going to be the thing that takes me down. He’s going to be the one to figure out my secret. I can feel it.
What a fantastic book! I loved everything about it, even the hard parts. Ethan and Hayden were so wonderful together, and whenever I reluctantly had to set it down, I was always thinking about when I’d be able to get back to it. This was my first book from this author, and I had never heard of this series before, but saw the book recommended somewhere and thought I’d give it a try. I’m so glad I did because it was just so wonderfully written and pulled so many emotions out of me. It was heartbreaking at times, but it was also sweet, funny, and had amazing spice. I’d love to see this book get on more people’s radar!
He makes me laugh. The kind of laugh that makes my cheeks hurt and my stomach sore and my chest light. Not a lot does that these days. Ice baths and cherry juice are worth that.
Athletic trainer, Hayden Wallace, has moved to Upper Michigan as a favor for his friend, Ian, to be the AT for a year for the minor league hockey team that Ian coaches. It’s here he meets Ethan Pope, a young hockey phenom who was supposed to be playing in the major league until a mysterious incident at training camp blew it all up. Ethan is a little cagey and full of secrets, but Hayden can’t stop trying to figure him out, and he also can’t stop the growing attraction. Especially as a friendship forms between them, and he learns the attraction he feels isn’t one-sided. Ethan’s determined to keep his secrets, though, but Hayden may be the one person to get through to him and show him that he’s got a team of people behind him who love him and want to help.
"I was drowning and then I looked up and you were there and now I can breathe again.”
“Anytime you need a shot of oxygen, I’m here, baby.” He smiles, lifting a hand to wipe my tears away. “I’ll always be right here.”
I loved the slow burn in this one. Ethan was very skittish at first, understandably, given everything he’s dealing with and given how desperately he’s trying to keep his secrets. The way Hayden saw through a lot of his defenses would be unsettling for anyone. But I’m glad he couldn’t stay away. The friendship they formed was the sweetest, such great banter, and I loved the mutual pining (even if Ethan wasn’t fully aware it was pining at the time). Ethan’s awakening was done really well, too. He was a little unsure but all-in and very eager. It was adorable, and the chemistry these two had was incredible. I loved the light D/s thing they had going on, too. The spice was both endearing and scorching hot.
This book also dealt with some heavy topics. Ethan had spent many years and a lot of effort hiding away his mental illness. I understood his motivations, but it was heartbreaking. The chapters from his POV where he was trying to hold it all together, but oftentimes struggling to do so, were so sad. The scenes toward the end, where he finally comes clean absolutely broke my heart. You’ll want to keep some tissues handy. They were so well written, they were raw and completely realistic. Seeing the way everyone rallied around him, though, was just beautiful. He had so many people who loved him: Hayden, his parents, and his teammates. I’m getting a little misty-eyed now just thinking back on those chapters.
There were a lot of great secondary characters in this book, too. Special shout out to Jules, though, he was the best friend and teammate, and was pivotal in getting Ethan to finally let people in and help. I’m so glad Ethan found him, and I loved the way Hayden and Jules teamed up to support Ethan in his journey. And, just saying, I wouldn’t be opposed to Jules getting his own book someday. He was a great character!
I hope more people discover this book because I really do feel like it deserves more hype. I’m glad I came across it and won’t soon forget it!
"It’s all skates on ice and wind on my face, just you and me, the world falling away.” He tilts his head down, forehead pressing to mine. “You’re my breakaway, Hayden Wallace.”
September 12, 2024
Final Rating: 5 / 5
Notable Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, Hockey Romance, Player x Trainer, Slow Burn, Mental Health Rep, No Third Act Break Up, Bi-Awakening, Age Gap
Content Warnings:
This is my first book by Taylor Mcniff (aka T.J. Hamel) and honestly it will not be my last. As someone with a MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), I think this is probably one of the most realistic depictions I’ve read in a long while. Depression has, over the years, become super common in various forms of media but is often either vastly oversimplified or heavily dramaticized. Often getting depicted by:characters that are in a constant state of sadness, super insecure, erratic and unpredictable (constantly a harm to themselves) OR by characters that are portrayed as sad/broody until some other character comes along and “fixes” them. And while I am not trying to in any way disregard the people that have similar experiences to the aforementioned depictions. My point is that these depictions often neglect to show how depression impacts a person in their day to day life as well as how complex and fluid the disorder is. Which in the end has the potential to negatively impact how people view depression. Mcniff’s book manages to find a really impressive balance between those dramatic elements that I think will always be somewhat present in the media as well as those more nuanced elements of the disorder and people who have it. McNiff also touches on the trials and tribulations that go into treatment for the disorder such as finding a good therapist, telling people about, finding the right medication while also highlighting there is no quick fix.
The book is primarily centered around Ethan, a young up and coming hockey player and his relationship with Hayden, our slightly older athletic trainer that is newly employed under Ethan’s hockey team and friends with Ethan’s coach. While their relationship isn’t perfect it was incredibly endearing watching them fall in love. And though for Hayden there was definitely a little bit of insta-attraction, their feelings for each other develop slowly overall. Over the span of the book we see them go from strangers, to not necessarily enemies but two people who aren’t quite fond of each other, to building a tentative friendship that is strained at times, and then eventually becoming involved romantically. McNiff puts a lot of emphasis on the building of mutual trust and understanding between Ethan and Hayden and showcases as such through their interactions. Every conversation, glance, touch they share adds to the complexity of their feelings for each other. And I really came to admire Hayden’s patience and Ethan’s vulnerability; by the end you can really see how they have grown as people (especially Ethan). I swear it brought me to tears.
The supporting cast is also really great but can we please just give a round of applause for Jules. I wish we could get a book for him, there were a few eggs dropped about him and I quote “getting dicked down” by another hockey player and I was like I must know everything haha But he really was an amazing friend to Ethan and overall just such a lovable guy.
My only real critique is that I wish we could’ve seen Ethan and his Dad really talk about everything. Ethan's family was such a big factor in why things played out the way they did, I craved a more heart to heart scene. Don’t get me wrong I still cried during the scene where Ethan finally tells his dad everything but it felt over too fast like I blinked and the story was just like “now with that done” onto the next point.
Overall though I will be singing this book's praise well into the future. I can’t recommend it enough, please check it out.
Notable Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, Hockey Romance, Player x Trainer, Slow Burn, Mental Health Rep, No Third Act Break Up, Bi-Awakening, Age Gap
Content Warnings:
This is my first book by Taylor Mcniff (aka T.J. Hamel) and honestly it will not be my last. As someone with a MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), I think this is probably one of the most realistic depictions I’ve read in a long while. Depression has, over the years, become super common in various forms of media but is often either vastly oversimplified or heavily dramaticized. Often getting depicted by:characters that are in a constant state of sadness, super insecure, erratic and unpredictable (constantly a harm to themselves) OR by characters that are portrayed as sad/broody until some other character comes along and “fixes” them. And while I am not trying to in any way disregard the people that have similar experiences to the aforementioned depictions. My point is that these depictions often neglect to show how depression impacts a person in their day to day life as well as how complex and fluid the disorder is. Which in the end has the potential to negatively impact how people view depression. Mcniff’s book manages to find a really impressive balance between those dramatic elements that I think will always be somewhat present in the media as well as those more nuanced elements of the disorder and people who have it. McNiff also touches on the trials and tribulations that go into treatment for the disorder such as finding a good therapist, telling people about, finding the right medication while also highlighting there is no quick fix.
The book is primarily centered around Ethan, a young up and coming hockey player and his relationship with Hayden, our slightly older athletic trainer that is newly employed under Ethan’s hockey team and friends with Ethan’s coach. While their relationship isn’t perfect it was incredibly endearing watching them fall in love. And though for Hayden there was definitely a little bit of insta-attraction, their feelings for each other develop slowly overall. Over the span of the book we see them go from strangers, to not necessarily enemies but two people who aren’t quite fond of each other, to building a tentative friendship that is strained at times, and then eventually becoming involved romantically. McNiff puts a lot of emphasis on the building of mutual trust and understanding between Ethan and Hayden and showcases as such through their interactions. Every conversation, glance, touch they share adds to the complexity of their feelings for each other. And I really came to admire Hayden’s patience and Ethan’s vulnerability; by the end you can really see how they have grown as people (especially Ethan). I swear it brought me to tears.
The supporting cast is also really great but can we please just give a round of applause for Jules. I wish we could get a book for him, there were a few eggs dropped about him and I quote “getting dicked down” by another hockey player and I was like I must know everything haha But he really was an amazing friend to Ethan and overall just such a lovable guy.
My only real critique is that I wish we could’ve seen Ethan and his Dad really talk about everything. Ethan's family was such a big factor in why things played out the way they did, I craved a more heart to heart scene. Don’t get me wrong I still cried during the scene where Ethan finally tells his dad everything but it felt over too fast like I blinked and the story was just like “now with that done” onto the next point.
Overall though I will be singing this book's praise well into the future. I can’t recommend it enough, please check it out.
May 25, 2025
This book gives us an MC with major depression and it's very well done. Ethan Pope technically has it all - a supportive dad and step mom, and the talent to make it to the NHL (or the similar top league in this alternate hockey world); But he also had a mom who lost her fight against depression when he was a young boy, and his genetics meant that, as a teen, there began to be bad days when the world felt too heavy to cope with.
Ethan hides his dark times from everyone, especially his father. Losing his bio mom wrecked his dad, and although his dad's now happy in his second marriage, Ethan remembers his strong dad crying in the night and uttering his fears that Ethan might go the same way. So to protect his dad, and out of a degree of shame over being helpless against his own brain, Ethan pretends everything is fine. Even when his life seems to be happening on the other side of a pane of smoked glass, dim and untouchable. Even when getting out of bed to pee feels like too big of an effort to make.
He's already lost his shot at the top hockey league, being send down to the minors in Michigan during training camp, despite his talent, for missing practice for reasons he won't explain. He's trying to do well, play hockey, impress his coaches, and claw his way back up. But "trying" can't win this fight, and he's having bad days, and bad weeks.
Hayden Wallace agreed to help his friend the Michigan coach out by serving as athletic trainer for the team. He's the one responsible for the players' physical health, for icing muscle strains, and checking cuts, and watching for signs a player's hurt. And that careful attention to the players does two things. It gives him a reason to keep an eye on Ethan Pope, which is dangerous because Pope ticks all of Hayden's "I want that" boxes. And it also worries him, because Pope is clearly not doing as well as he pretends.
Pope's smiles are sometimes fake, his eyes glazed, his reactions off. Something's wrong, and Hayden's protective instincts are engaged. The mix of wanting to take care of Pope, and wanting Pope is challenging. Hayden has to walk a difficult path with a young man whose future should be stellar and who should be off limits, but who needs things Hayden may be able to give him.
This is an excellent (IMO) portrayal of depression, of how it's not sadness, but a blanketing nothingness where even being sad may be too much effort. There is therapy and medication in the mix, and it dodges the "love fixes your mental health" bullet very well. Pope's efforts to pretend he's fine, even when he's close to the end of the rope, ring true.
In this hockey universe, being gay is not a huge deal, so the fact that two men are falling for each other doesn't require the extreme secrecy that is no doubt still the rule in real life. There is some nod to homophobia in pro sports, but in a muted way where it's a minor thread, relevant to their choices, but not a major one.
This book could be triggering to someone with depression, as it holds up that accurate mirror. For the fortunate among us, it was an engaging journey with these two men, and although the power balance is a bit one-sided, it works for them emotionally and ethically. The ending is solid and hopeful HFN/HEA.
Ethan hides his dark times from everyone, especially his father. Losing his bio mom wrecked his dad, and although his dad's now happy in his second marriage, Ethan remembers his strong dad crying in the night and uttering his fears that Ethan might go the same way. So to protect his dad, and out of a degree of shame over being helpless against his own brain, Ethan pretends everything is fine. Even when his life seems to be happening on the other side of a pane of smoked glass, dim and untouchable. Even when getting out of bed to pee feels like too big of an effort to make.
He's already lost his shot at the top hockey league, being send down to the minors in Michigan during training camp, despite his talent, for missing practice for reasons he won't explain. He's trying to do well, play hockey, impress his coaches, and claw his way back up. But "trying" can't win this fight, and he's having bad days, and bad weeks.
Hayden Wallace agreed to help his friend the Michigan coach out by serving as athletic trainer for the team. He's the one responsible for the players' physical health, for icing muscle strains, and checking cuts, and watching for signs a player's hurt. And that careful attention to the players does two things. It gives him a reason to keep an eye on Ethan Pope, which is dangerous because Pope ticks all of Hayden's "I want that" boxes. And it also worries him, because Pope is clearly not doing as well as he pretends.
Pope's smiles are sometimes fake, his eyes glazed, his reactions off. Something's wrong, and Hayden's protective instincts are engaged. The mix of wanting to take care of Pope, and wanting Pope is challenging. Hayden has to walk a difficult path with a young man whose future should be stellar and who should be off limits, but who needs things Hayden may be able to give him.
This is an excellent (IMO) portrayal of depression, of how it's not sadness, but a blanketing nothingness where even being sad may be too much effort. There is therapy and medication in the mix, and it dodges the "love fixes your mental health" bullet very well. Pope's efforts to pretend he's fine, even when he's close to the end of the rope, ring true.
In this hockey universe, being gay is not a huge deal, so the fact that two men are falling for each other doesn't require the extreme secrecy that is no doubt still the rule in real life. There is some nod to homophobia in pro sports, but in a muted way where it's a minor thread, relevant to their choices, but not a major one.
This book could be triggering to someone with depression, as it holds up that accurate mirror. For the fortunate among us, it was an engaging journey with these two men, and although the power balance is a bit one-sided, it works for them emotionally and ethically. The ending is solid and hopeful HFN/HEA.
July 27, 2024
Definitely one of my favorites from this series so far! Hayden does his best friend a really big favor by coming up north to be the athletic trainer for his minor league hockey team. He’ll help the team the best he can after their last trainer was completely awful and then he’ll be on his way. But he can’t help but like the guys on the team and being near his friend. But the biggest thing he can’t resist? Ethan Pope. It is clear since day one that Ethan is hiding something. And the fact that he was supposed to be playing on the major hockey team but mysteriously disappeared during training camp and came back to be booted down is just the tip of the iceberg. Every time he tries to get to know Ethan a bit more and help him, he pulls away. But when the two of them find themselves spending more time together, the more feelings develop. Ethan has been hiding something for a long time. His depression. He feels like he can’t get help and he won’t reveal it. He’ll ride it out the best he can. But Hayden sees too much. And when Ethan figures out the feelings he has been having toward Hayden are attraction and even love? How can he fall for someone but keep such a thing away from them? But it’s getting harder and harder every day and it’s only a matter of time until all is revealed. I adored these two. My heart went to Ethan and everything he has been through and what he has been struggling with. And I love that Hayden just cares for him and wants to the best for him and he wants to help in any way he can. It’s clear how much these two love one another and it’s because of that they’ll get through all the hard stuff that is coming. Absolutely loved their story and their journey as they fight Ethan’s illness together. This had such a great set of characters and I wish there was more with all these guys!
October 1, 2024
DNF @ 46%
Pope's character was a hot mess. He felt like two separate characters that was shoved into one person just to justify a romance. We start off with a very depressed and introspective guy who's paranoid about people finding out to the point that he distrusts every interaction with people to suddenly being buddy buddy with Hayden for seemingly no reason?
Like he literally ends one of the chapters saying that Hayden was the enemy, and with no action from Hayden or clear turning point, he suddenly shows up randomly one night then they start texting? I think we're supposed to believe that his underlying attraction was the reason, but it's not nearly enough to counteract the immense amount of resistance he showed in the first few chapters.
Then we don't get any of his depression issues at all from like 10% -> 45% of the novel, except for hims sleeping for eighteen hours one day and an offhand mention in another chapter, and the story just kind of ends up as this basic bisexual awakening story with pining that becomes unjustified instalove. Like Pope had only known Hayden for a short time (like a month the story says?) and that's including the time he supposedly started avoiding him because he was uncomfortable with his own feelings. How the hell did he suddenly fall in love?
This story feels like it should've split into two. Pope could've focused on his depression and have had Hayden help him through that OR have him deal with the sexual awakening because the way the author's written it, they were not blended well enough.
Pope's character was a hot mess. He felt like two separate characters that was shoved into one person just to justify a romance. We start off with a very depressed and introspective guy who's paranoid about people finding out to the point that he distrusts every interaction with people to suddenly being buddy buddy with Hayden for seemingly no reason?
Like he literally ends one of the chapters saying that Hayden was the enemy, and with no action from Hayden or clear turning point, he suddenly shows up randomly one night then they start texting? I think we're supposed to believe that his underlying attraction was the reason, but it's not nearly enough to counteract the immense amount of resistance he showed in the first few chapters.
Then we don't get any of his depression issues at all from like 10% -> 45% of the novel, except for hims sleeping for eighteen hours one day and an offhand mention in another chapter, and the story just kind of ends up as this basic bisexual awakening story with pining that becomes unjustified instalove. Like Pope had only known Hayden for a short time (like a month the story says?) and that's including the time he supposedly started avoiding him because he was uncomfortable with his own feelings. How the hell did he suddenly fall in love?
This story feels like it should've split into two. Pope could've focused on his depression and have had Hayden help him through that OR have him deal with the sexual awakening because the way the author's written it, they were not blended well enough.
April 23, 2025
This was my first time reading anything by Taylor McNiff, but it definitely won’t be my last. I came across this book through a recommendation in a reader’s group while prepping for an upcoming signing event, and I’m so glad I picked it up. Taylor’s writing is thoughtful and emotionally rich, and she handles delicate topics with care and realism.
Ethan “Pope” is a character who immediately pulls at your heartstrings. His quiet struggle with depression was written with such authenticity it was painful, but necessary to witness. You can’t help but fall in love with him and root for his healing. What stood out most was how long Pope carried his burden in silence, and the impact it had on him. When his mental health finally came to light, it felt like a realistic turning point and not overly dramatic, but deeply personal.
Hayden, his partner, was a beautiful counterpart to Pope’s turmoil. He was supportive, patient, and never forceful. He didn’t try to fix Ethan, and that’s what made their relationship so compelling. He offered steady encouragement without expecting Ethan to share more than he was ready for, and he stood beside him through every difficult moment.
One of the things I truly appreciated about this book was how the author portrayed the mental health journey. It wasn’t a “magic fix” story where the character realizes they need help and everything is suddenly better. Instead, it showed the real work: trying different therapists, experimenting with medications, learning what worked and what didn’t. There were no big hero moments, no romanticized cure, just a raw, honest look at what healing can actually look like. And that realism made this story even more powerful.
This book was heartbreaking, tender, and ultimately hopeful. Taylor McNiff has gained a new fan in me, and I’m looking forward to exploring more of her work.
Ethan “Pope” is a character who immediately pulls at your heartstrings. His quiet struggle with depression was written with such authenticity it was painful, but necessary to witness. You can’t help but fall in love with him and root for his healing. What stood out most was how long Pope carried his burden in silence, and the impact it had on him. When his mental health finally came to light, it felt like a realistic turning point and not overly dramatic, but deeply personal.
Hayden, his partner, was a beautiful counterpart to Pope’s turmoil. He was supportive, patient, and never forceful. He didn’t try to fix Ethan, and that’s what made their relationship so compelling. He offered steady encouragement without expecting Ethan to share more than he was ready for, and he stood beside him through every difficult moment.
One of the things I truly appreciated about this book was how the author portrayed the mental health journey. It wasn’t a “magic fix” story where the character realizes they need help and everything is suddenly better. Instead, it showed the real work: trying different therapists, experimenting with medications, learning what worked and what didn’t. There were no big hero moments, no romanticized cure, just a raw, honest look at what healing can actually look like. And that realism made this story even more powerful.
This book was heartbreaking, tender, and ultimately hopeful. Taylor McNiff has gained a new fan in me, and I’m looking forward to exploring more of her work.
October 23, 2024
“You’re my breakaway.” 🥹🥰
I loved this book!!!! This is one of the best representations of depression I’ve read yet. It gives glimpses into all the good, the bad, and the ugly. Very well done.
Hayden and Pope, ugh be still my beating heart! 😭 I love them! They’re so perfect together. They match each other’s stubbornness in just the right ways. Pope tugged at my heartstrings with the way he fought so hard to control his mental illness. When he finally let himself get the help he needed, his support system brought tears to my eyes. Hayden was a rockstar supporting Pope first from afar then fiercely up close, and he never wavered no matter how rough it got. And the communication! I just LOVE mature characters!!!! They not only communicated together, but also addressed their own personal issues and feelings. There was really no internal relationship drama. Pope’s depression was a major obstacle, but the way they fought for each other made all the struggles worth it. The side characters were WONDERFUL. I love Pope’s parents. I love Jules. I love Ian. I am dying for books for Jules and Ian, they both deserve their own HEAs! 🥺
There were some continuity issues. But overall, fantastic read! I swooned, I cried, I laughed. What an amazing book!
I loved this book!!!! This is one of the best representations of depression I’ve read yet. It gives glimpses into all the good, the bad, and the ugly. Very well done.
Hayden and Pope, ugh be still my beating heart! 😭 I love them! They’re so perfect together. They match each other’s stubbornness in just the right ways. Pope tugged at my heartstrings with the way he fought so hard to control his mental illness. When he finally let himself get the help he needed, his support system brought tears to my eyes. Hayden was a rockstar supporting Pope first from afar then fiercely up close, and he never wavered no matter how rough it got. And the communication! I just LOVE mature characters!!!! They not only communicated together, but also addressed their own personal issues and feelings. There was really no internal relationship drama. Pope’s depression was a major obstacle, but the way they fought for each other made all the struggles worth it. The side characters were WONDERFUL. I love Pope’s parents. I love Jules. I love Ian. I am dying for books for Jules and Ian, they both deserve their own HEAs! 🥺
There were some continuity issues. But overall, fantastic read! I swooned, I cried, I laughed. What an amazing book!
March 25, 2025
4.5 ⭐️ 4 🌶️
I saw this one recced by @julietfoxreads and it sounded so good I had to add it to the TBR. I was not disappointed.
Breakaway is part of a multi-author collab, but it’s not necessary to have read any of the other offerings. This one stands alone.
Hayden’s best friend, Ian, has coaxed him into moving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to be the athletic trainer for the team he coaches. Hayden’s determined to make it a short stay and then move on. Then he meets Ethan.
Ethan’s life has taken a detour. Sometime during training camp his career was derailed and he’s been sent back down to the development team. The reasoning is a complete mystery. Hayden can see that all is not right with Ethan, and he’s determined to help in any way Ethan will let him.
I so often find myself drawn in by these sad boys that just seem to really need a hug, this time is no different. The secrecy surrounding Ethan is really intriguing, and kept me on the hook most of the way through.
There’s some really good mental health representation here, along with a really satisfying ending.
On a side note. Jules is an excellent friend, and I would love to read a book written about him if the author could be tempted to write one. Wanna help me start a campaign?
I saw this one recced by @julietfoxreads and it sounded so good I had to add it to the TBR. I was not disappointed.
Breakaway is part of a multi-author collab, but it’s not necessary to have read any of the other offerings. This one stands alone.
Hayden’s best friend, Ian, has coaxed him into moving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to be the athletic trainer for the team he coaches. Hayden’s determined to make it a short stay and then move on. Then he meets Ethan.
Ethan’s life has taken a detour. Sometime during training camp his career was derailed and he’s been sent back down to the development team. The reasoning is a complete mystery. Hayden can see that all is not right with Ethan, and he’s determined to help in any way Ethan will let him.
I so often find myself drawn in by these sad boys that just seem to really need a hug, this time is no different. The secrecy surrounding Ethan is really intriguing, and kept me on the hook most of the way through.
There’s some really good mental health representation here, along with a really satisfying ending.
On a side note. Jules is an excellent friend, and I would love to read a book written about him if the author could be tempted to write one. Wanna help me start a campaign?
March 22, 2025
This had a lot of potential but it just didn't deliver. The build up to the MMCs getting together was good, but things fell apart after that. I understand where the author was going with depression storyline and some parts of it were well done especially the depiction of what it's actually like to have depression. However, the timeline was incredibly compressed in a way that felt performative rather than authentic. And while I'm all for big burly men being vulnerable and expressing their emotions, Ethan spends the entire second half of the book in tears, which just got old.
The bisexual awakening was not very believable but I figured that could be explained away by Ethan's depression clouding his sexuality. I hate insta-love, so I didn't like that aspect of Hayden and Ethan's relationship. It wasn't believable.
There were also several grammar and spelling errors, mis-used words, and times when the wrong character was referred to. It really took me out of the book. If you're a hockey fan, you will also notice that the author doesn't know hockey but compared to some other authors, the hockey mistakes aren't that bad.
The bisexual awakening was not very believable but I figured that could be explained away by Ethan's depression clouding his sexuality. I hate insta-love, so I didn't like that aspect of Hayden and Ethan's relationship. It wasn't believable.
There were also several grammar and spelling errors, mis-used words, and times when the wrong character was referred to. It really took me out of the book. If you're a hockey fan, you will also notice that the author doesn't know hockey but compared to some other authors, the hockey mistakes aren't that bad.
October 18, 2024
5🌟, to be honest it deserves even more.
I fall in love with those characters since the beginning. I can't even let the book down but I did it because Shool call 🤧. Whatever.
It's my first book with this author and like her style already. I like how she makes me fall for her character even cry a little bit with them. I'm looking forward to discover more of her.
MC's >>>>>
They're perfect for each other not gonna lie. I love how they need each other to function.
I also like others characters like Pope's parents, the hockey team but more important Jules. He just put my friendships standard so high it's not funny. I want to know more about him, about the secret Devil's hockey player who had him.. Please let me red their story, I deserve to know 😭.. I'm not gonna lie when he say it I was already shipping him with the devil's captain idk why lmao.
I also want to know about Ian's secret lover.
I'm gonna miss them because I don't know if this author is gonna right more about them. Fingers crossed she do it 🤞.
I fall in love with those characters since the beginning. I can't even let the book down but I did it because Shool call 🤧. Whatever.
It's my first book with this author and like her style already. I like how she makes me fall for her character even cry a little bit with them. I'm looking forward to discover more of her.
MC's >>>>>
They're perfect for each other not gonna lie. I love how they need each other to function.
I also like others characters like Pope's parents, the hockey team but more important Jules. He just put my friendships standard so high it's not funny. I want to know more about him, about the secret Devil's hockey player who had him.. Please let me red their story, I deserve to know 😭.. I'm not gonna lie when he say it I was already shipping him with the devil's captain idk why lmao.
I also want to know about Ian's secret lover.
I'm gonna miss them because I don't know if this author is gonna right more about them. Fingers crossed she do it 🤞.
November 2, 2025
4.5/5. This was a great book. I love Pope. He's so strong, selfless, and kind, except when he's an asshole, of course. He's awkward and funny. And he has a secret. I love Hayden, too. He's in control, he cares (about his job, his players, his friends, Ethan...), and he's a natural caretaker. Plus, he really sees what's going on and he's determined to find out Ethan's secret. I love how this relationship blooms and I think Ethan's bi awakening feels real. I enjoy that there's a slight forbidden aspect to it, but it's not against the rules. I also love the mental health rep. It feels so realistic. I love how love isn't the answer, but instead we see a real, true answer into managing depression. And the families, especially Ethan's, are wonderful. And Jules is a great best friend. I truly enjoyed this book and would highly recommend it.
Notes: 2/5 spice levels, bi awakening, hockey, player/athletic trainer, age gap, mental health rep, panic attacks, depression, mental health medication rep
Notes: 2/5 spice levels, bi awakening, hockey, player/athletic trainer, age gap, mental health rep, panic attacks, depression, mental health medication rep
August 12, 2024
“All aboard the emotional rollercoaster everyone—next stop, a fucking restaurant.”
Wow. I’m at a loss for words with how incredibly written this was. I felt like I was feeling every single thing Pope was through this story. The retelling of someone struggling with depression felt so real and accurate. This book was heavy but with so many light funny moments. I absolutely could not put it down.
I was completely enraptured by Pope and Hayden. The way they were so drawn to eachother and Pope’s little bi-epiphany was perfectly done. The dynamics between these two were so special.
“Whatever’s going on in that head of yours right now, it’s going to be okay. I promise. Just breathe.”
I felt every moment of this book so deeply.
I would love an audiobook for this. Definitely one of my favourite reads this year and not what I was expecting at all! This author is new to me, but I’ll now be going to read everything they have written!
Wow. I’m at a loss for words with how incredibly written this was. I felt like I was feeling every single thing Pope was through this story. The retelling of someone struggling with depression felt so real and accurate. This book was heavy but with so many light funny moments. I absolutely could not put it down.
I was completely enraptured by Pope and Hayden. The way they were so drawn to eachother and Pope’s little bi-epiphany was perfectly done. The dynamics between these two were so special.
“Whatever’s going on in that head of yours right now, it’s going to be okay. I promise. Just breathe.”
I felt every moment of this book so deeply.
I would love an audiobook for this. Definitely one of my favourite reads this year and not what I was expecting at all! This author is new to me, but I’ll now be going to read everything they have written!
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