The Order of Things: A Memoir About Chasing Joy

by Sarah Gormley

Sometimes the most unexpected thing is joy.

At forty-five, Sarah Gormley left her corporate career in San Francisco to care for her dying mother on their Ohio family farm. She expected grief. What she didn’t expect was transformation.

Haunted by a lifetime of self-doubt and convinced that self-worth had to be earned, Gormley arrived at Salt Creek Farm unsure of who she was without the trappings of success. But in the messiness of home—therapy sessions, mother-daughter complexity amid the demands of caregiving—Sarah begins to untangle old patterns and discover a deeper, wilder kind of healing.

Told with unflinching honesty and wry humor, The Order of Things is a memoir about letting go, showing up, and choosing a future you never imagined.

Perfect for readers who

– Memoirs of personal transformation and healing
– Complicated mother-daughter relationships
– Honest, introspective writing with emotional payoff
– Authors like Cheryl Strayed, Glennon Doyle, and Lori Gottlieb

If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s too late to change, this book is your hopeful, heartfelt answer.

“A beautifully written testament to doing the hard work of changing your circumstances and opening your heart to a more meaningful life filled with hope and love. . . . Gormley’s a towering talent and a writer to watch!” —Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author of Group and B.F.F.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Book Club

284 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 10, 2024

About the author

Sarah Gormley is a writer and art gallery owner living in Columbus, Ohio. Her undergraduate degree from DePauw University reinforced an early love for literature and writing, while the heavy sprinkling of liberal-arts fairy dust taught her how to analyze and articulate a clear point of view. She rounded out this foundation with concentrations in marketing and operations from the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business.

Her marketing career included work with several global brands, including IMAX, Martha Stewart, Girl Scouts of the USA, and Adobe. Gormley was honored as one of 2015’s Forty Women to Watch over 40, and she has been featured in Forbes and the CMO Club. In June 2019, she was invited to deliver the class address at her DePauw University class reunion.

Today, Gormley owns a contemporary art gallery, https://sarahgormleygallery.com/, in downtown Columbus, Ohio. The gallery operates from the belief that original art can be a source of joy for everyone and actively eschews pretense of any kind. She opened the gallery in 2019, twenty-five years after Grandma Cameron gifted her with her first piece of art.

Reviews

[Julie Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five “gold stars” (IYKYK) for Sarah Gormley’s The Order of Things! It’s rare that I devour a book in almost one sitting, but that’s what happened with The Order of Things. I neglected my family. Missed phone calls. Didn’t return emails. All so I could finish this eminently readable, powerfully life-altering memoir. It spoke to my soul! While the plot shares similarities with a Hallmark movie—big-city careerwoman moves home to her family farm in rural Ohio to care for her dying mother only to fall in love with a local boy—this feels like a story made for an AppleTV or HBO Max mini-series (and I’m not just talking about which network would approve of the plethora of F*bombs). Option those movie rights now!

Told with “radical candor,” Gormley connects with the reader from page one and doesn’t let us out of her grip. From her internal monologue of constant self-loathing to her descriptions of growing up on Salt Creek Farm to her loving, yet complicated relationship with her mother, Gormley shares her path to finally figuring out how to love herself (while also falling in love with hometown boy, Camillus). She has a knack for bringing life to every scene, whether it’s buggy rides through the hills of southeastern Ohio (eat your heart out, JD Vance!), or sitting on her mother’s bed discussing when she might die (cue the tears). This book is for anyone who has ever sought external approval through achievement, anyone who appreciates the work of therapy, anyone who is in the DPC (Dead Parents Club), anyone who wants to laugh—and cry. Really, The Order of Things is for anyone. It’s extraordinary.

[Nancy Benincasa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Order of Things appears to be about self doubt and perseverance. But, as the story unfolds, the reader understands the true pain and sorrow of losing a parent, shares in the joy of new love and relates to the helplessness of self doubt. It’s an emotional ride, but it’s Sarah’s humor and beautiful writing that keeps the reader hanging on her words. This book and its story is one that we all have experienced in some way. A moving memoir and a beautiful story. Get reading and thank me later.

[Kristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a brilliant memoir! Somehow the author manages to write about the most difficult subjects—loss of a parent, grief, self-loathing, career transition and yet manages it with humor, wit and grace. I can’t tell you how many times I busted out laughing at some of the most serious parts of the story! I loved this so much that I would rank as my top read of 2024 so far. Get yourself a copy asap!

[Elaine Kinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a therapist and a daughter I highly recommend The Order of Things.
Sarah's generous and vulnerable journey will inspire anyone thinking of seeking help finding their authentic self with all its pain and joy. She invites the reader to feel with her as she maneuvers her mother's passing and falling in love. A beautiful story of a persons's ability to start over.

As a daughter who recently lost my on mother, Sarah's words and emotions were often echoing my own.

This kind of writing is what unites us all in both grief and joy.

[Leroy Richey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gold stars all around for Sarah’s heartfelt and emotional memoir on chasing joy. The Order of Things is a truly beautifully written book that will make you laugh and cry within the first few pages. Everyone who reads will be able to relate with many points striking a personal chord to her story of loss and making a change when you know it’s time. We all experience heart break and loss, and are so lucky to be able to read about how we can choose to move forward.

[Maurine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a poignant journey through a web of grief, relationships and self-acceptance. Sarah made me laugh out loud one moment and grab a tissue the next. Her descriptive narrative brought me along with a visceral feeling of being where she was, physically and emotionally. Sarah’s memoir about chasing joy left me feeling like I witnessed the metamorphosis of an incredible woman who will inspire readers to look in the mirror and do the work to find joy in their own lives!

[Dan Seifried · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I liked most about this memoir, is how relatable it is to readers of any and all backgrounds. It is written in a way that invites you to a table with the author telling her story to a group of friends. It is that engagement that drew me in and will allow readers to reflect and take lesson from Gormley’s poignant, well-written memoir.

[Lindsay Bartels · Rating 5 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed this one! A unique voice, very vulnerable and forthcoming and real. It was a pleasure to go on this journey with the author. Lots of great asides and shares, making it fun and rich and lovely. Highly recommended! 🥰

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did the audio version and the readers voice was not my favorite & distracted me from the story

[Christie Bane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book screamed at me, "Read me!" It's the memoir of a middle-aged woman who decides that duty is calling her to leave her prestigious, high-paying job in San Francisco and come back home to the farm country of Ohio to take care of her mother, who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is shocked to find herself finding happiness there. Remove the "prestigious, high-paying job" and the mother with terminal cancer, and replace Ohio with California, and that's basically what I want to do! I would say I want to find the happiness too, but I'm already pretty happy. (So why change anything? Because no one is ever PERFECTLY happy. Some things you want are mutually exclusive. You can have one or the other, but not both. You can't live in San Francisco AND Ohio. So you just have to take educated guesses on which choices will make you the most happy.) This is a great book especially for women of a certain age wondering which path to take in midlife. It won't give you the answers, but it will make you think.

[Meagan Bellan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the best memoir I have read. It is a raw and authentic look into the life of a complex main character who you feel like you have known your whole life. Someone who is both you and is also your best friend. The book is filled with complex emotions taking you through sadness and leaving you with the understanding that joy should be savored. The author's description of her self-loathing is so private and infinitely comforting. Her transcendence into a state of self acceptance provides the reader enlightenment that the future will bring lighter days if you commit to the work.
During the most complicated times, love and laughter can be found. Every woman will read this book connecting with the author in the most intimate of ways that will leave you both vulnerable and deeply reassured.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever read a book that you hoped would never end? One that you felt the author was sitting across from you telling you their story and throughout the time together you kept interrupting by saying things like..."I know exactly what you mean"..."Oh my gosh, yes, that happened to me"..."are you kidding? That's hilarious!" And sometimes you cried and sometimes they cried and you comforted each other?
This is that book! It's absolutely fabulous!

[Shawna Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Gormley's "The Order of Things" is a wonderfully compelling memoir that is so touching and relatable, I read it in a single day. In a disarming and vulnerable style, Gormley shows us how core memories shape us in profound ways both good and bad, and that we are inevitably the work-in-progress product of each of our most important relationships and experiences. Her honesty about those relationships in her life, finding hard-fought self-acceptance through therapy and constant work, and the beautiful and complicated relationship between she and her mom is something we can all find ourselves in and learn from.

[Amy Tucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a rare gift to discovery a book with such a pure and honest voice that doesn’t come across as aggrandizing or self-serving. Gormley’s raw accounts of her grief, joy, self-doubt, and love will resonate with anyone who has chastised themselves for not being happy when They Have Every Reason to Be or has found themselves swimming in complicated love and grief. Grateful Sarah Gormley shared her story.

[Carolyn Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautifully written story filled with vulnerability and rawness. I loved the short chapters/segments and wanted to give the author a huge hug at many moments. Shoutout THERAPY for being a huge factor in Gormley’s life. This book will stick with me and I couldn’t recommend enough. Trigger warning: aging and dying parents

[Regan Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a brilliant and soul-filled read. The author didn't hold back on delivering with this memoir, it was so relatable and so stunningly beautiful that I actually just started reading it a second time. I laughed, I sobbed, and I softened because of this book.

[Sarah Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much and couldn’t put it down. Gormley’s voice and writing style is so easy, even though some of the subject matter is super challenging. I can’t wait for her next book and will be buying TOOT for everyone I know this fall.

[Tiffany Dyba · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah delivers this debut memoir with acerbic wit and reflection. She plays with style and structure and keeps things interesting on the page. I enjoyed every minute of this book!

[Chloe Christensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Gormley earned these five (gold stars!)

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story of love, strength and endurance. Couldn’t put it down. Thank you Sarah for the early opportunity to read your book.

[Amy Pleasant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished the book. . . and a lot of reflecting over the last few days as the miles rolled on through the emptiness of the west and plains.

The Order of Things structure and beautifully rich reflections grabbed my mind and heart immediately and I was in tears within the first five pages. In many ways, it hit me as a midwestern woman’s coming of age, getting past our primal self loathing, firmly rooted in the teen years, followed by life choices dictated by a strong predisposition towards people pleasing. This memoir summons the ghosts of angst, dismay and doubt in this journey towards joy in a way that likely resonates with most women. I found myself saying, “Yes, it felt like that.”

At first, I found myself reading it as a fascinating “page turner”, but slowed down chapter by chapter and started journaling as it brought up things in my own past, prompting me to ask questions, make connections and bring closure.

The frame from which the story takes place is within the context of saying goodbye to her mother.
Gormley has shared one of those experiences that we all face, the death of a parent, and takes the reader along with her to the time and place of uncertainty, vulnerability and heartbreak, helping us all to make peace with the inevitable loss and grief in our own lives.

I would recommend this lovely, thought provoking memoir to anyone who loves to read about another’s journey and perhaps be surprised at seeing themselves in the pages.

[Jenn C · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an honest and heartfelt memoir. The author's writing style is engaging and her story takes the reader on a journey through pain into transformation. Highly reccommend!

[Beverly Carrigan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well I noticed in the reviews that this book had like a million 5 star reviews. Well at least 10. I’m not sure why nobody mentioned the prolonged ending. It was too much and it totally changed my star rating. Epilogue plus more story following. Yes the book had a lot of very moving parts , it brought tears at one point. To be honest I didn’t need the love interest part but ok. Why couldn’t she just end it when it ended ?

[Jennifer Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book, and found it to be inspirational. Her story is very relatable, and I enjoyed her witty, conversational writing style.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It celebrates the setting and community of the author’s childhood in Ohio and unlike certain other memoirists from Ohio (who may or may not be running for a major office), Gormley seems to have used her experience to become a better, more enlightened person. On top of it her, "Martha-Stewart-Fired-Me" cookie recipe is out of this world.

[Cassidy Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I physically could not put this book down. Sarah’s words, coupled with her sobering and truthful explanations of her experiences as a woman, a daughter, and a “perfectionist” such as myself — mirrored my own experiences. The added humor and blunt honesty felt as though I was reading a conversation with a friend. I’d recommend this book to anyone who has ever struggled with self-loathing, wondering if they’re “enough,” or honestly, any woman in general! Beyond lucky this book fell onto my lap — words like these make me feel less alone and more understood!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Order of Things is a poignant, vulnerable, and intimate journey through loss, grief, and self acceptance. Gormley draws the reader in through her witty, engaging candor in this beautifully crafted memoir. Highly recommended!

[Stephanie Ranallo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Writing is magic. Look at me: I have ideas, and I put words down on paper in a rhythm that can make you laugh or cry, and sometimes both." Yes, Sarah, writing is magic. Yours especially. The Order of Things made me both laugh and cry and back and forth and so on. If this were fiction, there would have been a stereotypical 'happy' ending for the MC, but we didn't see much of it. I would criticize fiction for this, because I'd want to see what happened at the end-but this is not fiction, and I had the pleasure to meet Sarah at an event at a local bookstore. She was and is the happy ending! It was so wonderful to meet her and then read her memoir-although a bit of a spoiler. One of my favorite parts of the book was the concept of the Russian dolls, how when we read about actively becoming an adult orphan she was the smaller Russian doll, but how the current Sarah is "like four entire dolls ago in the order of things, and the set keeps getting bigger because [her] life keeps getting bigger."

I loved it! So, so much. I saw a few other reviews say this, how they ignored phone calls to finish the book-I have too. I think I started this only a few days ago, but was reading it every chance that I had. I cannot wait to see what Sarah does in the future, and I cannot wait to visit her gallery-and make those cookies!

[Christina Vuleta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those rare books that can make you laugh and cry… sometimes at the same time. The Order of Things shares the story of a woman navigating the heartache of losing a parent while unexpectedly falling in love. Along the way, she discovers a different version of success than the one her past had programmed in her head. It’s a journey filled with humor, even in moments of sadness, and written in a refreshing format that makes the book a pleasure to read.

While the memoir revolves around the care and passing of the author's mother, it also re-examines the mother-daughter relationship and the childhood stories we hold in our memories. Ultimately, it leads the author to confront her self-loathing and conviction that grabbing the next brass ring will be the key to happiness.

For anyone who struggles with inner voices that say, “You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, [fill in the blank] enough,” this book offers more than just advice to ignore them. It provides a glimpse into the author’s journey with therapy, showing how she reached a place where she no longer felt the need to listen to those voices.

[Lisa Durant · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Order of Things is a book that I couldn’t stop reading and at times, had to put down as it was too much to process. There is an intimacy that feels like you are peeking into spaces that aren’t for you but have been left open to invite you in…a secret that vibrates in each of us, but we are afraid to listen to or admit.

I read this right after losing my own mother and it felt sharp and raw. The process of sharing in the same space of sorrow and grief while also facing the pragmatic truth that there are things we can’t control, helped me to process my own experience. It also highlighted that throughout our lives, there are places where we think we should go, where we think others want us to go, where we want to go and places where we just need to be…choosing a different path and reinventing the narrative is possible.

Dead parents. Adult orphans. Self-loathing. Joy through grief. Love in familiar and unplanned places. Laughter erupting in the same space as tears. Sarah pulls you down into the vulnerable world that is hers and brings you back up with her wit, charm and humor in a relatable way that leaves you fulfilled and hopeful.