Beached and Breached

by Vera Valentine

(This story is available for free as a signup bonus for Vera Valentine's newsletter via her website)

Hello, intrepid reader, and welcome! This batshit paranormal romance short story was inspired (aka protected by satire, don’t come for me!) by a real-life, overly-emphatic tweet by the Myrtle Beach Police Department about a real-life beached ship.

Content Notes: This is an explicit story is intended for readers 18+ only, and contains mature themes, including significant magical dub-con/coercion, oral sex, anal penetration by objects (there’s a flared base, I’m not a monster), choking, gagging, unprotected sex, magical spit-as-lube, mockery/degradation, slight BDSM dynamics, hair-grasping, allusions to murder by drowning, a police officer MC, and…well, I don’t really know what a boat fucking someone would be. But, yanno, that’s in here. Obviously. We both know it’s why you’re here.

As always, if I left anything out, please let me know! I’m here to give you the best stories I can, and that means properly informing my beloved readers. Just a reminder - please do not share, spread, or upload this story anywhere else. Thanks!

Finally, while no combination of partners, sexualities, or gender identities ever needs a warning, consider this your official notice that this story is an M/M/NBi (non-binary) menage. Hope you enjoy it. ;)

18 pages, ebook

Published October 1, 2022

Reviews

[Poppy || Monster Lover · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars
This was kinda confusing tbh. Like…. what happened? I’m still not sure.

Spice: 1 scene

Triggers: dubcon/noncon, death, references to drowning

[Sherry Moyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The mythology tried to make this literature and I wanted more semen. (Sea men?)

Extra star for the use of the helm, also known as the ship’s wheel.

[Izzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will always eat her silly little books up

[BookitoCat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted a book with a boat and i read a book with a boat and i'm not even dissapointed.
It was good and weird! I liked that

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

No matter what kind of a day I'm having, Vera Valetnine always makes me smile. I never thought I'd find myself reading paranormal sentient boat smut, but Beached and Breached was a blast!

I love the rules of siren combat 😂 even though Fortune seemed to get the short end of the stick (the long end?) from them. They were a great way to give a reason for the sentience, and it was something new that I've never read before!

Holden and Fortune were cute together, too! I did kind of miss his arrogance and confidence, though, but he'd have probably ate Holden alive in the not fun way. And can we talk about how adorable that ship was? What the heck....why am I charmed by a ship???

Beached and Breached was a short read, but a whole lot of fun!

[Sauieh Noushin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not gonna lie.. I FUCKING LOVE THESE!!!! The stories are so outrageous and crazy, but so HOT at the same time.. and it makes you think...I bet people have done some of this crazy shit lol!!!

[Lisa Deborah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vera Valentine’s Beached and Breached is a delightful, genre-defying romp that proves romance can be found in the most unexpected places, in this case, a sentient shrimp boat entangled with a mythical sea creature. This short story is a masterclass in creative, inclusive, and unabashedly steamy storytelling, delivering a complete and satisfying narrative that is as bizarre as it is charming.

The premise is gloriously absurd and executed with a straight-faced sincerity that makes it work perfectly. When the Fortunate Winds is transformed by a “freak accident” into a sentient being in a supernatural ménage, the stage is set for a truly unique exploration of sexuality and connection. Valentine navigates this unconventional setup with a deft hand, focusing on the curious, lust-dazed exploration of the newly sentient boat and its mythical partner, with the added, unwitting assistance of a captivated first responder.

The story is proudly and explicitly M/M/NBi, featuring a non-binary character and exploring themes of consent, discovery, and polyamorous attraction with warmth and respect. The intimate scenes are creative, passionate, and integral to the plot’s exploration of newfound consciousness and desire.

Despite its fantastical elements and erotic core, the story maintains a surprising amount of heart. There’s a tender curiosity to the sentient boat’s awakening, and the dynamics between the three entities (for lack of a better word) evolve with a genuine sense of wonder and mutual fascination.

Beached and Breached is a perfect read for anyone looking for something completely outside the box, a short, smart, and wonderfully weird escape that celebrates queer love in all its forms, even the most fantastical. Vera Valentine has crafted a gem that is as thoughtful as it is titillating. A truly unique and enjoyable find.

[Mickey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen, I will preface this review with the simple fact that I have yet to find any flaws in the Sentient Object Author/Goddess, Vera Valentine’s story writing! That being said, Beached and Breached is no exception to that rule. While I sleepily started the story last night, I had to go back and completely reread what I “read” today, which only added to the story's clarity. Do not skip the prologue or epilogue! Both add so much to the novella and are much-needed explanations. Her twist on mythology as the Siren and Ship are joined was fascinating, and our heroic officer pulled in by the siren’s lust was spicy! The book summary notes that the story was inspired by a tweet from the Myrtle Beach Police Department, and now that I’ve finished this novella, I’m dying to find out what that tweet was! Thank you, Queen Vera, for another personal favorite! PS, please bring Red back! I need to know how he and his good little cup are doing!

[Hailey Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wheel of good fortune 🔮

Holy crap let’s just talk about how this is about a Siren-Ship! The m/m aspect of it and knowing that it’s actually pretty good. I liked the spicy time. How the sentient object what a ship and he loved his wheel of fortune 🔮 hahaha it was such a fun little read for sure! I give it 4/5⭐️

[Miranda Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

oh my dear God what did I just drown my eyes in??? I LOVE IT.
This is a short little fun palette cleanser, just enough to wash away any stresses from the day and dive into something unique.
Always love a Vera story. Light, fun, hot, and weird and I would never have it any other way.

[My Life As Sky · Rating 1 out of 5]

So I read Vera Valentine’s book Unhinged and noticed the other books she wrote and decided I needed to read them. 🙃 This one was more or less straight-up porn. 😂 Interesting, weird for sure. To sum it up: Siren, man, and boat. Three way. In that order. 🫠

[APB · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely wild and equally sweet story.

[hadasko · Rating 5 out of 5]

What am I doing with my life

[Hannah H.]

I needed this level of absurd right now

[Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent ride

For a 28 page book, an entire life was packed into this story. God it was an emotional rollercoaster. Highly recommend.

[Kayla Witt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one didn’t do it for me like her other novellas

[randa · Rating 1 out of 5]

*sigh*

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

1 ⭐️ || 3 🌶️ || ⚠️
Inappropriate Use of Ship’s Steering Wheel

This should have stayed a draft.